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Reactions to abuse from an victims point of view...
November 20, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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chinadoll maybe the church needs to screen people to make sure
they are really in need.

November 21, 2010
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chinadoll
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puptent, the church said that they screened people who were
asking for financial donations. I think that they had them bring in
a utility bill or some proof of income--people who were asking for
help to pay for rent, bills, things like that, so they wouldn't be
out in the streets.

As for the food, I
am not sure that they screened for that, but every week, they would
have a list in the bulletin of all the foods that they needed to
fill the pantry...low on dry pasta and cereal, out of peanut
butter, etc. And then during the announcements, one of the elders
would talk about how it was "so important and necessary" to provide
for others in need.

But you are right,
they were never totally clear about who they were providing
for.

November 21, 2010
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puptent
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chinadoll, I think that the church and the volunteers
intentions are pure. It is a shame that there are people out there
who drive fancy cars, who have money to buy alcohol, cigarettes and
drugs that want to take advantage of this. I know for a fact that
if people meet the income requirements they are eligible for food
stamps. People who get food stamps get way more money than I do to
buy their family food with.

November 21, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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yes,
puptent, I know what you mean. It used to really unnerve me to no
end, when I was a foster care worker, to go to the homes to either
check on the kids or to the birth parents homes to discuss the case
about their children and what efforts they are making to get their
children returned, and they would complain about how they were
broke and did not have the money for basic essentials that their
kids needed...all the time chain smoking cigarettes right in front
of me, and I could see the beer cans stacked on top of the kitchen
counter.

I once had a Mom
show up to my office for an interview. She was high, so I could not
interview her. Then we had to set her up for a court-ordered
psychological eval, high again, and they could not do
it.

When my ex was
going thru his gambling and shopping addictions, we were always
broke. He was always quitting a job or getting fired. I could not
rely on him. He spent money before I even got paid. Thousands. We
could not qualify for assistance for food, even from the church,
because they looked at my salary and said I made too much money. We
could not get food stamps because we did not have children. I went
to work many times with nothing to pack for a lunch and no money to
buy a lunch. I drank water, and tried to get by until I got home,
just to eat some rice and beans, or a peanut butter sandwich. Or
just peanut butter if we did not have any bread. I had one
co-worker, who became a dear friend, who caught on. Our offices
were right next to each other. I would sit in my office during
lunch "doing work." Others would ask if I wanted to join them for a
bite to eat, and I would say I couldn't, "too busy. Gotta catch
up."

He would pick
something up, enough for the two of us, and tell me he "ordered
more food than he could eat" and would offer me half of it.
Stubborn me did not want to accept it, saying I was not hungry. I
did not want it to seem like I "needed" it, but I am sure he could
hear my tummy grumbling a mile away. So, he would leave the
take-out box on the corner of my desk, and say, "I'll just leave it
here in case you change your mind."

My ex did not care
enough to go out to look for a job to help. He left it to me to
make all the decisions. This way the blame would fall on me if
something went wrong.

November 22, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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So
much sexual abuse goes on in the church, I been a victim of it on
many occassions, do not trust people in any church setting or any
kind of organized setting where people are suppose to be open,
giving and etc...too many psyopaths operate out of those
places...my experience for what it is worth here.

November 22, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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chinadoll, I have noticed to that people with addictions, put
them on the top of their priority list neglecting their kids,
spouses and responsibilities. This makes it impossible for them to
be parents, spouses, etc. They are attracted to people and
situations who will support them financially so they can spend
their time and money on their addictions.

November 22, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL, I personally know someone who was molested by a
priest when he was 9. Sociopaths are attracted to positions of
authority and trust so they can lure their victims.

November 22, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Bf
girl,

I don't think it's
just church. I think in any organized setting where one has the
power and authority over other people, any abuse can
happen.

Church is where it
seems that they can get away with it more, they can use "guilt" and
"sin" to hang over other people's heads to make them feel
trapped.

puptent, I agree
with you. My ex-husband's addictions did not surface in full force
until our 5th or 6th year of marriage. At that point, you have so
much time and joint assets invested that it's all you can do to
hang on and try to ride it out. At least that's what most people
try to do in the beginning, make an effort to get the person some
help. When it comes to the point where they are taking you down
with them, that's when you have to let it go.

November 23, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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chinadoll, there does come a time when most people reach their
breaking point, where they either have to get counseling or end
things. In my life I have noticed that whenever I need to learn a
lesson a teacher will appear.

November 23, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Yes
Chinadoll, that was my point that I failed to make, sorry! Yes, it
is really anywhere where people put their guard down and are
suppose to try to use faith and to love one another, anything that
is wrapped into that that also wants money and time, look out! I
really cringe anymore when I see these movements for free labor or
volunteerism, I see people getting suckered into doing free things
to help others, not that is bad but there are always some at the
top who use peoples good nature to want to help, just ruines the
whole idea to me. If I am going to do "good" I rather just go help
individual people here and there who are not out to con me or to
give to an organization that will "always want more" they always
do, the more you give, the more youwant. According to my brother
Puptent, the church we grew up in was a pedophile ring, a small but
very organized ring of very dark souls who abused all the
children...I was one of them. I do not remember what he does, he
told me some and then tried to kill himself, thankfully he did not
succeed. For a long time I felt guitly cause the day after he told
me it all, it tried to cut his wrists... I know enough of other
stuff to know its all true...too much just fit together. After
that, I never went back to church or to the any religion, and I
keep my child far away from it all, I just can never trust another
church again, ever. If i go to hell for this, sobeit.

November 23, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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BAREFOOTGIRL, it is very wise of you to open up your eyes to
the truth and to take whatever action is necessary to keep you and
your child safe. Through my research I have discovered certain
traits that unsafe people possess, being attracted to religion is
deffinatly one of them. People who place them self in a position of
power and try to lure people are good people to avoid. I mean why
in the world would someone want to spend their time trying to draw
people into their belief system unless of course it benefited them
in some way.

November 23, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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puptent... I can remember back when we did attend church, the
only people who had us over for dinner where people who benefitted
by us going to church, the ministers, the lay people, were very
nice and no one else had the time of day for us, that happened in
every single church we ever went too and we visited ALOT of them,
years of years of doing this, I started to see that the only people
who wanted us there, were the ones who made money from
us.

November 23, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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BAREFOOTGIRL, good observation about the people who had you
over for dinner and benefiting by you going to church this piece of
information could explain why: "Today is the beginning of your new
life in Christ. To strengthen your relationship with Him you
should:

1. Read your Bible
everyday. 2. Talk to God in prayer everyday. 3. TELL OTHERS ABOUT
JESUS CHRIST 4. Find a church where Christ is preached and His Word
is the authority. 5. Be baptized as Christ commanded."

This stuff makes
it sound like Christens need to lure people into their life so they
can use them as step stools on their road towards salvation.
Another good pitfall to avoid. Be suspicious of strangers who try
to lure you into their homes and church. Time to practice what we
preach to our children "NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS".

November 23, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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puptent, any chance you were part of the "Church of
Christ"?

November 23, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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BAREFOOTGIRL, no I am not part of that church. I did some
research and copied some info. so you could better understand the
motives behind strangers inviting you into their home and to their
church. I do not associate with anyone who would like to harvest my
soul.

November 23, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Great
please post whatever you like! I did not realize but the other
thread is Hepburns thread for peaceful thoughts! So I can respond
here if thaT is ok with you!

November 24, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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BAREFOOTGIRL, I pulled up your special thread, thinking this
might make it easier.

November 24, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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i
think victims have a tendency to either react in two directions but
not so much in a middle ground...I have put up with so much family
shit that it literally made me physically ill...I can not do a
middle ground with the family, I just now stay far away, cause I
get sucked in and then things get murky, I get lied too, talked
bout and hurt and made to be the bad guy, just can not do that
anymore, the dysfunction is also handed down to the child, the new
generation, I want better for my child, I want her to have a non
dysfunctional family, we are not perfect but at least we do not
intentionally cause drama and hurt each other on purpose! So
thanksgiving will be the three of us, peaceful and
happy!

November 24, 2010
12:00 am
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puptent
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BFG,
You are correct with your observation about this stuff being passed
on from one generation to the next. You are doing a great job by
recognizing this and breaking the cycle.

November 24, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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puptent...thanks again:) It took me a long long time to see
this, I had the help of a very wise friend who told me what I neede
to know and for a long time I did not get it, finally after many
years, I see things as they are and not as I wish they were and I
do not try to make things the way I want them to me, people will be
who they are and they will not change if I wish it, they are who
they are and as sad as that is, I have to move on and have my own
life, one that is healthy and one that is mine and not full of
drama, it took me a very long time to see it, I am just glad I got
away before my child got entrapped into this and was force by
religion to be a doormat!

November 25, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
yes, it can be a monumental task removing all of the filters in
your life until you can see clearly and be comfortable with that.
You really do have your childs best interests at heart.

November 25, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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She
is my world...I never ever thought I would die for someone, Take
their place, till I had her, she is our world...:)

November 25, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
yes children do have a life altering transformation on the people
who raise them

November 26, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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China, Puptent, thank you for being my friends here on ACC...as
you see i have very few friends around here and I do appreicate the
ones who take the time out to post to
me....(((((THANKS!)))))))))))))))

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