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Radical idea to improve self-esteem
March 18, 2009
8:16 pm
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Here's my theory:
when we were little and we tried to be true to ourselves, we were punished and discouraged to be so in various ways. Our fearful brains learnt that in order to avoid pain, we must use any and all available means to avoid being true to ourselves. Solution? Reward behavior that reflects being true to ourselves. For example, you're hooked up to electronics and given multiple choice scenarios and you play in a virtual 3D computer environment with goggles. Every time you make a bad choice for yourself in a scenario, you get shocked a tiny bit. Pretty soon you learn that you better be true to yourself or you'll get fking SHOCKED.

How's my idea? Why do you think it wont work?

March 18, 2009
9:18 pm
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truthBtold
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g_g,

yeah - I think that you already said it..."in order to avoid pain."

See, I think, in the end - you really can't avoid it (the pain)....try as you may.

For there IS no substitute in avoiding one's pain.

Wish there were!!!!!!

But alas, sadly...NOT!

No way really, of getting around it.

Just something that each and every one of us must simply just GO THROUGH!!!!!

Hey - if I could somehow just plunk this crap on someone else who is really none the wiser - than all the more kudos to me.

But see, it just doesn't shake out like this.

Sadly.

No excuse.

No 'swapping-out.'

Wish I could....wish there were....another avenue.

But there ain't.

Bullet hitting the bone......

March 19, 2009
9:52 am
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hi TBT

>> See, I think, in the end - you really can't avoid it (the pain)....try as you may. For there IS no substitute in avoiding one's pain.

True that no one's life is free of pain but not everyone goes through the same amount of pain in life. We dont have to accept pain because its just there. The physical body avoids pain naturally by sending signals through nerves that something's wrong.

Still thinking about my idea, hmmmm but I dont know where to go from here.

March 19, 2009
10:07 am
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I mean there's got to be something that fixes people up. Psychotherapy does nothing except fill up the therapist's pockets - unless the patient is an extreme case where they're going crazy. In that case ofcourse therapy will help: in reducing the time they have to do crazy things.

So there's got to be *something* that does work!

I remember the pervasive fear I used to have for my mother. I have the same exact fear for people now. And this is one irrational belief that I cant seem to be able to fix. I've taken care of all the rest.

March 20, 2009
3:38 pm
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on my way
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For me, it is renewing my mind, but I am so caught up in those tapes from childhood that I need supernatural help, so for me I have to ask for that supernatural help, i.e. God....but you knew I would say that! 🙂

Since you don't believe in God, and since you are always trying to figure this stuff out, I don'tknow what to tell you except maybe do daily affirmations to change your mind? Reel in those horrible thoughts when they crop up? Pain is not always a bad thing, it's how we react to it. I stay stressed. My brain now responds to stress no matter what. I need to de-stress, go for massages, take more vacations, have more down time and fun time....it is me being pro-active and letting God do the work.

As children discipline meant that I was 'bad' because it never had affirmation to go with it. When I was growing up I was either 'good' or 'bad'...it affects us as adults. So you have to re-do your mind, and it takes time.

March 21, 2009
11:05 pm
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hi Omw, nice to hear from you! I've tried affirmations in a lot of ways. I customized my own with my own recordings, bought them from a hypnotherapist, bought them online, put them in my Mp3 player to listen at night - didnt help heh. Intersting stuff though. *Maybe* it helped a tiny bit. Its possible.

I did stress today or tried to - went on a hike and now I'm ready to sleep :d

I have a belief that these 'surface' acting things like affirmations or plain willpower or even therapy, dont work.

Going to bed now, dead tired from the hike! aaaaa

March 22, 2009
12:25 pm
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soofoo
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Guest,

I don't think that will work because it does not reward, it punishes.

I think if you are going to discipline yourself, you should use gentle and loving discipline.

My therapist told me that you get self-esteem from doing things well.

So, you find some things you are good at, and keep doing them. If you can't think of anything you are good at, do things you like to do, because it will become easy to get good at them.

Fear, I think, is different. What are you afraid of?

March 22, 2009
9:02 pm
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>> I don't think that will work because it does not reward, it punishes.

Hm, great point, how could I forget that? We can punish people for free by giving them electric shocks (what a great idea) but I couldnt think of a free way we can reward people.

>> Fear, I think, is different. What are you afraid of?

Me, I'm afraid of people, a LOT, sometimes to the point of paralysis. Sometimes I'm ok but its not often. I think solid self-esteem would mean that a person would not be afraid of people.

>> My therapist told me that you get self-esteem from doing things well.

True but its much harder to discipline ourselves and work for goals when we have low self-esteem.

March 23, 2009
8:47 am
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soofoo
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Guest,

Are there any people you aren't afraid of?

March 23, 2009
10:54 am
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In school I wasnt afraid of kids who had disabilities or who were mentally slow. Dont know why.

Currently I'm less afraid of people who are not in my workplace, or women I'm not attracted to etc. Dont know why.

March 24, 2009
1:36 pm
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Another idea I got is helping people to be assertive and practice saying "No". Saying no is a huge problem for co-dependents, those with low self-esteem and those who are not assertive enough. All of that applies to me somewhat. I have a problem in being assertive. Its hard!

Soo, situations would be played out for people where they would practice saying no. I feel so strongly that this is something that would work but this is all I got for now.

Really, I feel this is 20 times more effective than therapy because here we are actually DOING something than sitting and helping the therapist earn $100 an hour.

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