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Racing Minds and Sort Purrrring Engines...
February 14, 2005
4:50 pm
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sewunique
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Tez,

You addressed a post to me on the prayer thread back about January 13 or 23 and I chose not to reply then. I did look that post up last nite, but the exact date doesn't matter, at least to me. I have learned I don't have to be so perfect anymore. That is another topic I will address for my self quest in another thread.

So I thought after all the interesting things going on here, I am ready to post to you. There is much I have to say, as your postings have triggered much in me. Perhaps you say, this is a good thing. This was your intent all along. Perhaps it was your intention, but what it has triggered in me, is not to self analyze my philosophies of my belief system of a higher power. That I am doing well enough on my own right now. So I want to claer that up for you. What it has triggered are other things, instead.

I am going to open here for you. Remember that being vulnerable allows many pains and hurts in, so I ask that your reply to me is with that in mind.

So here goes; when you posted back to me questioning religious beliefs, when I did not even ask for it, I felt intimidated. Part of that is because I have been reading your posts up here since November. You can be quite opiniated in your beliefs, questioning others with jaded laughter and bantering. I think what Twinks posted to you yesterday in the prayer thread pretty much sums it up for me, and I couldn't have said it any better than she did. So there you have it.

Hence, one of the reasons I moved your reply over to this new thread, so we continue with this subject. Also, you had mentioned that you would address my question to you in another thread you thought more befitting than where I had posted to you.

But, I take being here at ACC very seriously. It is a learning tool for me. I come here with baggage, and with deep wounds. I am trying to learn how to become strong within myself again. But your posts to others have not only intimidated me, I have been fearful what your other responses might be IF and WHEN I do post back to you. It has triggered emotional fear, headaches, chest pains and tears in the knowing that I need to sort out these fears and post back to you. So here I am now doing so.

I have no idea why you are here or how you got here. I never see you post below. Maybe everyone is on a lower intellectual level than you and it is not worth your time to be there. That is your business. Are you with emotional baggage? Are you codependent or whatever term you choose? Are you here to learn and share, or just to grandstand your views?

Then I came upon a beautiful sensitive, mind stirring poem you wrote. Is this the Tez I have read about? The angry Tez? The Tez who can be so challenging and helpful to those who post in Lib's? Is this poem a reflection of part of his belief and value system? I want to know who this person is; this beautiful person who sings words of emotion and love.

So there I have said my peace for now. Maybe some day I will share what I have to say about my religious experiences and beliefs. Don't be too sure it is as simple as reading a Bible or Torah blindly. I do believe we are a part of everything and everything a part of us; you are a part of who I am and I to you. Heaven and Hell may be what we are living in or just a taste of what is beyond. That is enough for now.

But Tez, I believe I have never told you what I completely believe. To assume you understand where I am coming from or what I believe just from reading my posts about prayer, scriptures or believing in God, does not qualify you to judge otherwise.

Here is the post moved to here:

"sewunique

On the Openmindedness thread you said:

"So may I ask, Tez, what is your purpose in bantering around all these ideas everyone posts about prayer and their beliefs?

My purpose is what seems to me to be a futile attempt to prize open minds that are blinkered by the blind faith that the bible is the word of a Christian God of the three prerequisite characteristics; characteristics that have been defined by Christian 'authorities' over the ages. It is like cracking a walnut with bare hands - not impossible but certainly challenging.

And you asked:

"Do you STILL believe in God? or, a god?"

No, not the God or god of your understanding that is defined and described in the Book of Job and in so many other places in the bible.

I do not believe in the separate and independent existence of any God, person, animal, vegetable, mineral, place or 'thing' of any kind.

Please note and focus upon the words "separate and independent existence". From my perspective all 'separation' is a construct of preconditioned mind and a delusion. That is my belief - all is 'interdependent' no matter how slight and obscured that interdependency might seem;"A butterfly flaps his wings in Australia and an earthquake erupts in Japan." Unrelated? I think not. Is the connection measurable and definable? I also think not.

In the context of my beliefs as expressed above, the word 'God' is meaningless. I believe that the concept of the Christian God as being a 'separate supreme being' of the attributes ascribed to by Christian theologions is nonsensical and irrational. That's what my 'crap detector' tells me.

However, I do believe in the existence of a 'higher' 'Self' that both permeates and is indivisible from any part of 'All that is', with the quality of a boundarilessness that makes all references to a self or Self other than something else as meaningless. "

Thank you, Tez for taking your time to post back to me and to clarify my question. I thought you did believe in some form of Higher Power, just wasn't certain how you viewed it.

Sew

February 14, 2005
5:00 pm
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sewunique
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darn need glasses....I wanted this to be; Racing Minds and Soft Purrring Engines.

February 14, 2005
8:30 pm
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GullyFoyle
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Oh. You know, I have been looking back and forth from the title and your last post since you put it up and only now do I see what the heck you are talking about.

You might need glasses. I think I need a new brain.

February 15, 2005
1:08 am
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SweetAmanda
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Sew,

I want you to know that you are a wonderful person. You really are. I honestly (and I am not BS-ing!) consider you a kindred Spirit to me. A lot of the things that you are able to be so open about, I am still so afraid of. I won’t even let MYSELF realize them. I'm afraid to let myself think too much on something, because then I start to think "Oh no Amanda, don't start with that, because then you're gonna have to DO something about it!"

A lot of times on this website my feelings have been very hurt. And I’ve only been coming here since October. I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Yet I’ve also been told that I’m an uncaring bitch (my own words). Hmmm, which is it?

There are things that I do not feel at liberty to tell anyone about myself. I get scared because I don't want anyone to get angry with me. I want people to love me. So I stay quiet. A few times I even pouted and was going to stay away and never come back here again. (I think I'm addicted though)

Every time I stuff what I am thinking or feeling because I am afraid of what the consequences might be, I am snuffing out a part of my soul.

I am young, yet I feel so old. Maybe that's why...

Love you to growth and life,
~Amanda~

February 15, 2005
3:52 am
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sewunique
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Help!!!! Twinks, no, not 'tis I but 'twas Amanda! lol

But yes, I am the fearful one like many here are. Fearful of my feelings to find out where they are, what they are. Fearful of facing the past deamons inside for the injustices cited upon our minds and bodies in an earlier life causing us to go deeper within our own souls to protect ourselves from further harm.

Then emerging into the beauty of growth and living a fuller, richer life......here I am!

I shall have to review that thread. In the past I did not read it very thoroughly thinking it was private. I may learn even more about Tez, this confusing person.

February 15, 2005
3:57 am
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sewunique
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Twinks, you mean all that work I put forth and now to have to wait for a response? Ah, yes, I recall...the days of not being here. I am here, reading....

February 15, 2005
8:56 am
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Juanita
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Sew, Amanda, Twinks...

I think women (for I won't speak for the men) have a wonderful capability for a full spectrum of emotions, compassion, and understanding. I think women worry vastly about what others will say or think, and we try not to hurt others & sacrafice ourselves in that endeavor.

Coming here over a year ago, I was deeply and devastatingly hurt, confused, and felt almost self destroyed.

I found support, nuturing, and the occassional 'you digust me'/'you're sick' for my marital problems may not have been of the 'norm'. Perhaps people faced similar situations and just didn't want to come forth, as it did hurt me much to do so myself. I felt dirty and disgusting, bruised, and lost. Now I am better... but what a roller coaster experience! Listening to what others had to offer - such a variety of advice launched a very multi-directional self explore. No ONE particular person was right. I had to find my own path & what was right for me to mend. You will undoubtedly do the same. Listen to the advice, but use it as GUIDANCE - not the exact answer.

In opening our hearts here, we are vunerable - to a point. We are anonymous, that is our safety net. Post your troubles, compassion will find you and support too. You will learn which responders have what personalities - just like your friends at home. AND, just like listening to your friends at home, you will learn what to listen to, and what to tune out. But here, there are (I think) a great many people who will read and respond.

They say variety is the spice of life. Follow your beliefs true to your heart. Don't worry about someone who does not see eye to eye with you. Afterall, none of us are 100% sure who is right, and none of us will know until Judgement Day. We can only do what our heart & soul tell us to do. Personally, I think those who do not have deep religious beliefs envy those of us who do, for those who have Belief, have their own Peace. It may just be a small undying glimmer, it may be all encompassing - but we have it & it is ours to keep, possess, & nuture.

And, lastly, for women who are deeply hurting ~ I find you all express yourself very well and are well written. You've been hurt, but remain compassionate and caring of others. That is a wonderful trait. I believe you (we) are stronger than you (we) think. Have faith and courage in ourselves.

February 15, 2005
4:17 pm
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on my way
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""I think women worry vastly about what others will say or think""

and I think that the converse is true for men.....

they are much more concerned with what they think of themselves, which is much different, whether it is influenced by what others think of them or not.

VERY interesting concept..never thought of this one before.

February 15, 2005
8:30 pm
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sewunique
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That makes sense for basically any advice offered, here or elsewhere.

February 15, 2005
9:20 pm
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sewunique
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Tez,

Maybe next time around you'll answer my post?

Sew;)

February 17, 2005
2:08 am
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sewunique
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Amanda,

I finally found the post to me you wrote. Thanks for the compliment; I feel close to you as well.

I think that in time, you too will be able to become more open. That way we can learn more about ourselves, our problems that confront us (whether out in the open or whether we have them stuffed way down deep inside of us). But being open can be painful; painful in exposing ourselves to others, in facing ourselves and our fears and pain; and sometimes people can say or do things that hurt us when we are open and vulnerable.

But part of the beauty here at ACC, is the safety and security of people coming together for insight and support. There is no other site that I have found that offers that as AAC here has evolved into. And part of that is how the site is set up, and part of that is we are here together as a supporting group for each other. How cool is that?

So, it will eventually come for you. You already have been posting more and more here, and look, you have posted up in the Libs! You are growing!

Sew

February 17, 2005
2:48 am
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SweetAmanda
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Hi everyone.

I love this area of AAC... It makes me giddy! HeHe

Anyways, I am 20 years old. But only for another 3 months!

*Sigh* I am getting up there in years... I am very afraid of getting 'old'.

That is something that I need to work on within myself though. =) Another time, another thread perhaps.

Sew: After I wrote you that post, and then you responded first to some other posts, guess what? LOL Well, what would you have thought? I immediately thought that you hated me. I thought that I said something wrong, or that you thought I was weird. =) Old habits die hard I guess.

Twinks: So you and Tez have had words? The thing about the '9th grade reading level' is that I get caught up in trying to figure out what all these huge words mean, and then I forget what the hell I was reading about in the first place. (Blame it on my ADD!) 😉 The dictionary is my best friend. Seriously. I actually read it for fun sometimes. Not the big one, just Webster's.

So men are worried about themselves? I sat here just now and thought on this. And in a way, those two traits are kinda similar.

If this is what you meant that is:

(Take a first date scenario for instance)

The woman is thinking and worrying about what the guy is thinking of her.

While the guy is not concerned with that exactly... he’s more centered on trying to 'act cool' and not mess anything up.?

But what both people are doing is for the same desired outcome, right?

They want the other person to like them. Or at least not DISlike them.

~Amanda~

February 17, 2005
4:43 am
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SweetAmanda
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The sad thing is...

English was my best subject too!

LOL

(But obviously not sentence structure or thought completion)

February 17, 2005
8:32 am
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SweetAmanda
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Thanks

February 17, 2005
8:59 am
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Sweet Amanda ~

I must tease.... 20? OLD?? Heaven Forbid!!!

I am 37 and feel like 20. However, I have the maturity and other benefits of being 37. Mid-30's that's when "they" say women reach their "peak" .... true, true, true!

Don't fear the future. Embrace all the wonderful learning experiences you will encounter. You are very wise for your years, and express yourself well. Imagine the powerful woman you will be in the future!

Have confidence in yourself. There is nothing we can't do once we put our minds to it.

I'm a Hot Momma at 37! (though, as a teen I thought I'd be SOOOOO wicked old in my 30's - NOT) I had my belly button peirced last summer and have taken up belly dancing. I hope to learn the drums sometime in the future, and have a whole list of things I'd like to do now that I have more confidence in myself.

You will do & be just fine!!

February 17, 2005
9:25 am
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You know, that's kind of cool. I used to read encyclopedias and stuf for fun. Then, and this is the weird part, I started collecting them. I have several sets, plus older books on manners, Housemaid Craft (that's the title. It's cool) And how to book on human sexual relations and sex, written by doctors and teachers. It's most interesting. From the 50s or 60s. Other books as well. Unfortunately, when they were young, my boys discovered how to put crayons to paper. But that's okay. It's only irreplaceable books on Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders and some others!

When I was younger, I revered books so much that I didn't even dog-ear paperbacks. But I got over it.

I have a first edition nove of Star Wars that came out a year before the movie. Has a blurb on the back, says "soon to be a major motion picture."

I have a feeling I may talk everyone's ear off today.

Gully

February 17, 2005
10:04 am
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GullyFoyle
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I need to warm up my fingers. My Typing is atrocious. (I am so proud of myself. I spelled "atrocious" from memory)

February 18, 2005
12:58 am
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SweetAmanda
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I love you all!

I do that with books too. I treat them like a newborn baby capable of catching a fatal illness or something.

LOL But they are meant to be read.

Gully, did I ever mention that you and I are a lot alike?

Okay Okay, so it's getting old (no pun intended!)

I'll stop now. 😉

February 18, 2005
11:37 am
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sewunique
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Someone had posted once that the opposite of codependency was dependency. Wrong, it's independence. But interdependence, now that's the key word.

February 18, 2005
8:40 pm
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Sewunique

In your post of 15-Feb-05 you said:

"Tez,
Maybe next time around you'll answer my post?
Sew;)"

Kiddo, you must realize that I am a very busy person. I have been swamped by responses on quite a few threads. I don't even see many of them. Some others don't require or warrant an answer at all.

Please don't take it personaly if I miss responding to you. Many, many times people ignore my postings. Some lash out in anger at my challenging their beliefs. I am not the slightest bit affected by this. After all my feelings are not dependent on what others say, do or don't do. My feelings are dependent upon my own interpretations of what others say, do or don't do, nothing else.

If I feel emotional pain, generally I try to question my own thinking, not the external stimulus for my pain provoking thought. That way I profit. This technique is my way of accepting responsibility for my own feelings.

You expressed yourself very well in your opening post on this thread. Whilst I may not see eye to eye with you in much of what you say, I am delighted that you did have your say.

Would you kindly reiterate what particular point it was to which you wanted me to respond?

February 18, 2005
9:19 pm
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Tez,

You make me laugh, ah, and so am I. You are not exclusive in the amount of vast replies that bedkon our calling!

This thread was established with you in mind. The very first post is for your ears, my soul and heart I poured at at the risk of being open to my feelings about your encounter here. So read on and I shall put up my sheild to endure your response!

If you feel you have responded well enough at this time to this posting, then it shall remain as it is.

Sew

February 18, 2005
9:21 pm
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And my red hair hasn't turned with much grey at all, unlike yourself, but 'kiddo' was okay.

February 18, 2005
9:26 pm
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sewunique
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Oh, Tez

I did read the Zen thread and found your poem on the visitor site, so I do feel I do know you a bit more and perhaps why you are here. But, only you can speak for yourself, as I do.

February 19, 2005
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Gully:

FYI.... I think it is Mr. Clean? that puts out a sponge that will take marker, etc. off paper, walls, and almost anything. You might try that on your priceless books. I saw it at Price Chopper.

Just a thought

February 19, 2005
2:33 am
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mamacinnamon

Thanks for the suggestion. I might try that on some of the other books, but the TR one and a couple of others probably have to go to a museum or one of those professionals you see on Antiques Roadshow.

Speaking of which, I saw this lasy bring a broken clock on a dirty wooden stand that looked like a lighthouse on the show. It was missing parts and she had bought it for $8.00. They looked it over and the said it was worth $75,000.00 to $100,000.00!

That's why I don't watch that show anymore.

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