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punch me in the face, i dare you.
September 14, 2004
3:33 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi everyone,

I'm very surprised that there hasn't been a discussion of different types of intellect touched on here, based on the subject matter.

I believe that when we hear the word "intellect" we tend to associate it with IQ. Rightfully so, I guess, since that's usually what is being referred to.

I also believe that there is intellect connected to spirituality, emotions, life-lessons, common sense, social skills, etc. I mean, I can think of many "MENSA" level intellects who don't have any tact or consideration at all whatsoever when it comes to being kind or considerate, simply because they think they are so "above it".

There are a lot of people without high IQ's who can tell you a lot more about how to make friends, or solve an emotional problem than some rocket scientist.

It also saddens me to read so much negativity toward women who want to talk about hair or make-up or whatever. So what? Does this make them unworthy of our valuable time, love, caring, compassion, input? Are they automatically "stupid" because they have some knowledge about such things? I know a lot of very interesting and intelligent women who know a lot about hair, make-up, and the like. Maybe there are a lot of women out there who use these subjects as "ice-breakers" into conversations, but who also have plenty of valuable things to say about politics and philosophy.

I think women, in general, have a hard time of it in Western society (well, most societies, if you think about it!) I think we have overcome a lot of obstacles, and we have many more to face. It saddens me to think that we, ourselves, full of our own prejudices, could so easily become an obstacle unto ourselves.

Ren'ai

September 14, 2004
6:07 pm
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luvlee
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Ren'ai,
You are right, maybe those women are using those subjects about ice breakers but if I meet a woman at a poetry slam and all she can talk about it her new cute hair-do then I probably wouldn't want to continue talking with her.

I appreiciate that there are all kinds of women in this world. I am just more interested in forming bonds with the ones that enjoy conversing about the same things I do.

September 16, 2004
1:36 pm
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Cici
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Self-fulfilling prophecy, that I expect to have to fight about everything so I end up fighting. Or debating or whatever. It always gets keyed up and more aggressive than I initially intended, then I end up shutting up and just soothing and smoothing over, like I did when I was a child at home. It's just how I come off, I suppose. I don't mind it so much, but sometimes it can be aggravating.

Oh Molly I don't know where else to spend my time. I used to put so much effort into trying to force myself to be all zen and calm. I realize now that it's more than likely just a process of maturation, and to get frustrated because I'm operating on a 25-year-old level isn't a big deal being that I'm 25, ha ha ha. I just keep trying to be older than I am. I wish I could just not think about things too much. But that's what I use the pot for, har har har. It has definately made me much less intense over the years, and honestly - that was a good thing.

Ren'ai -

the thing is, i simply can't relate to women who talk about hair and makeup. i don't value them less as people, i just have absolutely no basis to relate to them. if i were trapped in an elevator our conversation would dry up within a matter of minutes, and i would most likely sit there, content to be silent, while they assumed I was being rude or judging them or whatever. I just don't like talking about that kind of stuff. Never have. Does that make me less compassionate? No. Do they want or need my input? No, probably not. Do I still respect their humanity? Most certainly.

Most of the time I feel like I must not really be a woman or something. I must be like a gay man trapped in a woman's body. I have almost exclusively male friends and can barely relate to any female who is not related to me. It's slightly socially crippling.

September 16, 2004
2:32 pm
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eve
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Cici,

I can relate, and you put eloquently in words what I often experienced. Thanks!

I think the problem ist not, that I don't value women who are into make up and hair. The problem is that not being interested is sometimes interpreted as a hosile act. At the hairdessers I can participate in a short chat about the local gossip, but as soon as the talk turns to clothes, skin conditioners and nail polish - I'm off. I'd rather talk about the best way to repair my bike, or gardening, or even cooking (NOT dieting, please). Trouble is: the complimentary magazins at the hairdressers contain nothing that interests me, either. I tried to bring a scientific magazin for myself to read. But only once - I attracted sooo many hostile stares, and aggressive gossip (try gossiping in a low voice, when one person sits under the hair dryer :). Nnow I opt for the local newspaper, that seems safe enough.

September 17, 2004
5:07 pm
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I guess I'm a kind of laid back person who can listen to some of the more "junk food" type of conversation for a bit, and then turn the tables. I think there is a lot of validity in going elsewhere for conversation when it isn't flowing comfortably for both parties.

What I'm saying, and maybe this makes more sense, is that a conversation that starts out about hair and make-up doesn't have to stay there. For me, in most cases it doesn't, unless I'm standing at the counter of a department store paying for some kind of cosmetic something-or-other. I think it is possible to move a conversation in another direction and see where it takes you.

The other day, when the Olympics were on TV, I was noticing lots of women athletes who were dressed to the hilt (even in their team uniforms)...hair done, make-up perfect, looking nice, very feminine. I'm talking about track runners, softball players, volleyball players and the like. I was glad to see these kind of women represented in strong competition. I think society perceives such women as weak and ditzy. To see a woman, being a woman as she is comfortable, in a strong competitive situation seemed very refreshing to me. I would love to see more strong women who don't have to live in fear of judgment if their hair is done and they have make-up and nail polish on.

I think all kinds of women can be strong, interesting, and have valuable contributions to make.

Ren'ai

September 19, 2004
1:24 pm
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Molly
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Some of us old souls need to learn to turn off the chatter in our heads, and learn to have some fun. Work the pot, don't let the pot work you. I believe it is a medicine, and if it can help you far be it from me to tell you to just say no due to some one's perception of the chemical. However, how has it been working for you so far? Maturity is a key element in the process. We aren't that little kid any more that finds excitment in the little things any more, but we can try to key into it, with awareness. Learning that we don't have to be so deep, we don't have to have the solution, we don't have to have it all, unless we are willing to reach for it, and deal with the exhaustion. We can stay in bed till 10 some days, we can just take a walk for the hell of it, with out weight loss goals, we can eat what won't give us heart burn, or eat it and accept the fact that we will. We can work at low paying jobs because it pays the bills and we can sleep at night. Acceptance, Cici, love you for the crazed, confused person that you are. What do you really have to loose, but happiness ? One seminar that I took taught me that if I did things to get some where I never would, and surprisingly it was true. Let go of expectations , my greatest lesson, it is what it is and I can only effect so much. That older thing, well waking up with out aches and pains, and like all the movies show you realize how important a bowel movement is. Go play, get in the sand box with kids, run through the beach fully dressed, play with the make up at the counter,just try to make fun, and laugh. Accept you, and screw your mom, sis, ex's yada yada.

September 20, 2004
3:29 pm
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Cici
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well I got off my butt and got a real job at an annuities and securities company that does estate planning. I was in this weird mental place where I demanded to have gainful employment that was completely and utterly satisfying. Some people can get it, others can't. I have to accept that fact. Work is work is work, doesn't have to be the path to enlightenment.

I have really changed my smoking habits lately, too. I don't just get up and smoke and stay mildly high all day any more. Although that might be because I got some hash and smoking that stuff lay me out so much that I end up just smoking in the evenings or with friends. But I've been able to successfully taper down on the depakote to a merely 250mg a day (down from 2000 mg), and I am completely off the klonopin. I haven't had any of that in about 2 months. I feel better every day. Cleaner. The pot never made me feel as wacked out and crazy as the tranquilizers did.

I always felt like I was on the verge of completely losing it when I was taking those tranquilizers. And they were prescribed to me. Stepford wife syndrome. That's what the psychiatrist should have told me I had. har har har har.

now that i have things to do...like a class to get licensed in securities and annuities, and training at work next week....it feels so much better. Yik!

September 27, 2004
12:19 pm
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Glad to hear that you are feeling and doing better.

I do believe that marijuana has medicinal uses.

If I could relax and live off a trust fund, I probably would do it. I hope you have not been made to feel "bad" by others in your life while you did this. You did what you needed to do.

Why "securities and annuities"? That sounds HARD!

Ren'ai

September 28, 2004
11:18 am
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Cici
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Estate planning. I suppose I must admit a relativley mercenary attitude in that i realize that all the baby boomers are aging now and approahing late-middle age and since I live in Florida (where everyone goes to retire), I want to take advantage of the next 20 years and prey on the boomers. What can I say. Dad always told me to look for the next leap in the labor market. It's going to be all about geriatrics in about 10-20 years.

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