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punch me in the face, i dare you.
September 3, 2004
12:10 pm
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Cici
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why is it that the more intellectual you sound, the more off-putting it is to people? I have always use this as a defense mechanism to keep people at arm's length. If I become offended my tone changes immediately, not sounding angry, but taking on a tone of bored ennui where I use multisyllabic words and complex sentence structures to obfuscate my point. And in some ways, perhaps, to make the other person feel inferior. My parents raised an intellectual elitist.

I'm an a$$ sometimes.

But I always thought it was an interesting commentary on our culture. THen you get around a gaggle of other intellectual elitists and none of them listen to each other and they all compete for more obscure references and historical tidbits of trivia. Welcome to the Theater of the ABSURD.

September 3, 2004
3:45 pm
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workinonit
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Ah but an entertaining theater it is!!

September 3, 2004
11:26 pm
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brendalee
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It really doesn't go anywhere...but around and around....trying to make each other dizzy....but for what? Just another creative way we find to try and validate ourselves maybe? Interesting commentary on a part of our culture to be sure....but you had the guts to tell it like it is...says lots about you - intellectual elitist and all!!!

September 4, 2004
10:47 am
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workinonit
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I hear that Cici. Sucks big time. I hate that men want these bobbing head no nothing types. I don't mean that the women are stupid in fact more likely the opposite yet, they feel they have to play the game to be loved. I am tired of that crap. I have decided I like me just the way I am and if it means I will live alone the rest of my life well...why not?

September 5, 2004
12:55 pm
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free
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awe, Cici, there are positives:

Such gave birth to our remarkably complex legal system! Within the realm of the absurd, this system contiues to thrive.

Off to law school you go, sweetie.

lol

free

September 5, 2004
6:45 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi All,

I'm stumbling in here, first time here so be patient! If I am reading this right, talking about people who are intellectual? My take Cici is that they feel threatened because they are nowhere near that realm. Twinks, I have had this happen to me and I find men to be very much more intimidated, with the occasional female whose only purpose in debating (if you will)with me is a power struggle. And workin, well you know me well enough to know I'm not playing the bobblehead game.Just my 2 cents.

Sunny

September 6, 2004
10:45 am
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Cici
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I have very few female friends to be honest. I have no clue why. I start talking and they get this expression of distaste because I don't obsess about hair care products and barely know anything about makeup. Everything I learned about makeup I learned in ballet and while I was bellydancing at parties and clubs for tips when I was younger, so when I put makeup on I look like a clown. I have no clue why all my friends are men.

I feel uncomfortable making social small talk. I had this chip on my shoulder growing up, and I felt like you should only speak if you had something worth saying. I make people uncomfortable because I'd rather sit in silence than make small talk. It's a waste of mental energy.

I had jury duty a few weeks ago and actually found the whole process to be quite fascinating. Everyone else there was falling asleep, but I even volunteered to be the foreperson and got to lead the discussion to find a verdict and got to read it to the money-grubbing lady who was trying to sleeze money out of a slip-and-fall case. I'm studying to take my GRE and LSAT now because I have no job and nothing else to do and my mom offered to pay for the tests, so what the hell. If I get a really good score I'll go ahead and force the federal government for me to become another repulsively blood-sucking tax attorney har har har har. Although medical liability is really interesting, too. I have a beef with the insurance industry in general.

But it is a gender thing, too. I got my car fixed recently and the guy looked offended when I walked in and said, I think that there's something wrong with the outer CV boots on my front axels. He spent like an hour under my car before he finally pulled me out of the waiting room to tell me the exact same thing I had just said. It was like he had just smiled and nodded and tuned out what I said. Jeebus.

September 6, 2004
12:35 pm
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luvlee
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Cici,
I have very few female friends for the same reason. It's hard to find the space and time where people like us exist.

I truly believe that if you keep pursing your interests then you will eventually find some female friends that enjoy relating on an intellectual level (and not because it's the hip thing to be at the time).

September 6, 2004
1:41 pm
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Anonymous
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Indeed! Who has either the time or the need to discuss hair care, makeup, shopping..Jeez! I can find so many more important things to talk about than the little things in life, like those things for instance. I'm not one to look at a person and go by looks alone, as long as they are clean who gives a damn? I would much rather delve into what makes them tick...Another one of those been there, done that issues with me. I used to be so very bad about that, like keeping up with the Jones's when I was in my twenties, it was expected of me and my so called standing in my former community. Well, I sure learned the hard way! I ran out of that marriage and out of that town and it was one of the best things I ever did!LOL Cici...Your post made me smile..Jeebus.Thats a good one.Also, I cannot tolerate someone who patronizes me....Jeebus!

Sunny

September 7, 2004
11:55 am
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silence
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How about a slap? I don't like to punch.

That is the one type of personality I've gotten good at ignoring. I've never made myself out to be smarter than anyone else. I don't tell people what they did is stupid. I try not to use the words moron, idiot or shithead. Well, I do use shithead, but for other reasons.

Most of that comes from a guy I went to school with. He was smart. 150 IQ he would often brag. But to him, everybody else was an idiot. He had his own way of doing things. If you did the same task a different way, he wouldn't see that as an alternate solution, he would call you stupid for not doing it the same way he did it.

I had 2 friends in high school. He had 1. I never felt sorry for him in the least.

Oddly enough, I am seeing a lot of these types of people at work these days. Some of the other supervisors have THEIR way of doing things. And I am the constant idiot that can't do it their way.

September 7, 2004
8:47 pm
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workinonit
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Ok, so you all have been ignoring anyone else on this thread who doesn't sound like you.

Are you aware that you all are just as prejudice as the people you profess to dislike?

My friend Sunny has been on this thread, trying to be a friend. Why did you not respond to her?

I don't get pissed very often but I will say right now. I AM !!!!

September 7, 2004
8:51 pm
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workinonit
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BTW, I guess that was a punch in the face.

September 8, 2004
11:14 am
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workinonit
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touche twinks!

September 8, 2004
12:37 pm
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Anonymous
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Not a problem at all! I'm just kinda in and out, but thought the current topic interesting and since I have felt that way myself, thought I might join in.

Sunny

September 8, 2004
5:55 pm
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cak
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Of course I have to comment here.
Why wouldn't I.

God, it is hard for me to make female friends for all the reasons above then some.

First of all I am some what secure in who I am.
I have some intelligence and love what I do for a living. I have no problems with the way I look,I like me.

If I met me I would like me!
lol
However I do find that some men have been very intimated. Mainly because I don't need one.

I have been single for a long time.
The male friends that I do have we talk about everything.
Sports, News, philosophy, they treat me as an equal.

However that does not hold true for the man at the gas station or someone who thinks because I like being alone there is something wrong with me.

Oh well, I think that it will always be this way.
Women on the other hand get intimated like how do you make it...or they want to mother me or something...hell I don't know it just bugs me.

I even had some suggest things WOW
your hair would be cute this way or that way. Wouldn't you like to get married again etc etc .

First all I like my hair the way it is! When you see me it's me.

Talk about philosophy of religion, When I say interfaith, I mean interfaith.

I really have gone to ashrams, mosks,
met with Guru's and seen some saints.
Love buddhism and Jesus at the same time.
Find Eckhart Tolle fasinating.

Just finish a book on Buddhisum and Jesus.
I stopped a long time ago explaining who I am.
I just am.
But it can be exhausting sometimes just to listen to the bullshit.
CAK
Flying Solo and Loving it!

September 8, 2004
7:02 pm
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luvlee
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CAK,
What was the book you just finished on Buddhism and Jesus? Did you like it?

(Cici sorry for the momentary high-jacking of your thread)

September 8, 2004
9:01 pm
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cak
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Luvlee:
The book is called Jesus and Buddha.
I think it's by Marc Borg.
I read all the time.

God in all worlds is pretty good too.
A little long and wordy but worth it.

I try to read different perspectives,
and have an open mind.

I hope we are not hijacking CiCi thread.
However if we are... she will let us know.

She sounds like a very intelligent woman. Who speaks how she feels.

Check out Eckhart Tolle.
Very interesting and enlightning.

September 9, 2004
12:58 pm
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well, the point is to win the argument, isnt it? if they're not as intellectual as you and cant catch you with your tail, its their fault! keep using whatever skills you have. you're more clever than them if they cant catch your stuff. feel proud of the control you have, you're stronger.

>> why is it that the more intellectual you sound, the more off-putting it is to people? << becuse they know you're evading something but since they dont know how to respond or beat you down, they'll feel offended. also i think its a cultural thing over here. few people can filter crap talk and find out the important stuff and then deal with it.

September 9, 2004
8:51 pm
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workinonit
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guest-guest, I hear what you say but I agree with cak that if I am secure in who I am what difference does the crap make?

Personally, it's not worth my time to argue and debate. I'd rather paint or write or watch dragonflys play. But, truly, this is my choice just as debate is yours.

I do have female friends but hate that they always think there is something wrong with me or that I need advice for Gods sake!!! I guess I feel most comfortable with me and would like me anywhere!

I do numerology. The really strange thing is that all of my friends are 31/4. Now, to me. this is saying something but I haven't figured it out yet. I am a 37/10. The seven gives me the quirkiness and aloneness I love.

Does anyone here do numbers?

September 10, 2004
4:50 am
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silence
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hm?

sorry. I don't mean to ignore people. I just read the first post and had a little thing to add. I'm not much for full blown conversations these days.

September 11, 2004
7:59 pm
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Cici
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tru, silence. me too.

Cici, is it high intelligence combined with low self-esteem or even an inferiority complex despite the intelligence?

I dunno. I think in many respects, the guys I encountered when I was a math major who wanted to butt in on the professor's explanations were probably dealing with an inferiority complex.

I grew up in a house where we had to pretty much live by the rules of rhetoric and oral debate. Every family meal there was some topic from politics to ancient Greek philosophy, and I was expected to be able to cite my sources! It made me more appreciative of stimulating discourse. I wilt, mentally, when I cannot find that somewhere, from someone.

I have a small handful of female friends, but I can only hang out with them occassionally. Go out and get drunk or whatever, because that requires no thought.

I read some Eckhardt Tolle for massage school. Interesting stuff. Now all of a sudden positivism in psychology is blooming and all these researchers are studying mindfulness like it's some fascinating new trend. Har har har har. Snort.

September 12, 2004
12:18 am
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cak
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lol, Cici...how true it is. His CD's are really awesome also.

I always try to put a face with the voice. Watch a video of his and was surprized.

Debate was part of my family at dinner also.
Everyone had a different view.
I think that is were I really learned it was ok to disagree....and still be accepted.

At least it made me independent in my thinking.
CAK

September 12, 2004
6:44 am
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silence
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ugh. I can't do that. I'm horrible with names and quotes. I never remember who said what, and I usually mess up the quote somehow.

The only mental stimulation I exercise these days are logic puzzles. And I tend to hit the math ones more than the verbal puzzles.

September 12, 2004
2:36 pm
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Cici
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Wooo boy, express anger? I guess so, since I have the mouth of a sailor. I am very good at venting, but not very good at calming down, I guess. Sometimes it was more like I was cowed into submission by the terrifying rages of my mother. And heck, I was in middle school trying to debate about Plato's allegory of the cave while my older sisters pounded me.

In a sense, and I've heard this from many ex-lovers and friends - I learned how to be a fighter, but the fighter is so strong that she tears me apart sometimes and fights too much against everything. Like the tree that is so big, thick and strong that instead of bowing in the heavy gale force winds, it topples over, or snaps in half.

Not everything is a debate, but god knows I subjected many ex-lovers to arguments which were structered like a debate, which was not conducive to anything but strife.

So it is a defense mechanism in a way. I suppose it comes down to self-fulfilling prophecy.

September 13, 2004
6:08 pm
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Molly
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"In a sense, and I've heard this from many ex-lovers and friends - I learned how to be a fighter, but the fighter is so strong that she tears me apart sometimes and fights too much against everything. Like the tree that is so big, thick and strong that instead of bowing in the heavy gale force winds, it topples over, or snaps in half."
Have you ever heard Cici, that it is never good to spend to much time alone in your head ?

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