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profound question surrounding
April 22, 2008
8:25 pm
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sunnysue
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I have been taught that to forgive someone means that we will give up our right to pay them back for whatever it is that they're done to hurt us. Sort of like taking our hands from off their throat. We do not forgive because they ask us too, they may not. But God tells us too, because he knows that it's better for us to forgive another and it does us more good than it does them. To forgive is not the same as forgetting, that's another choice we have to make.I've heard it said that to not forgive does more harm for the one its stored than for the one it's poured.

April 22, 2008
8:46 pm
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on my way
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sunnysue,

I know where you are coming from. This was a very difficult concept for me learn. I used to think that loving someone meant that I should love them in spite of whatever they did to me. I later learned that even though that person was difficult to love, I could love that person, but not actively love them.

Yes you forgive. But God never intended for you to be devoured in the process. God speaks about healthy relationships. To me, you are in a destructive one. I assume you are talking about your husband from your previous post. God tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church. He does not abuse the church, hit the church, lie to the church, scream at the church, abuse the church...He does nothing to hurt the church. And when someone puts themselves in a situation where it becomes increasingly difficult to forgive, that will hurt you....how can someone continually forgive someone whom they 'allow'to hurt them? That is a catch-22. God also says for you to love yourself and forgive yourself. Will you be able to forgive your husband if he keeps on being abusive? Will you be able to forgive yourself? And sure you don't 'pay back', but if you stay in a situation where it becomes increasingly difficult to not want to 'pay back', what good is that? No one can withstand constant abuse.

I love what Tiger Trainer said in the other post..."you don't deserve the cycle of abuse and forgiveness". These 2 words do not go together. Nowhere in scripture does it say you are to take this.

These are my thoughts for what they are worth. If you allow it to continue, say, if he keeps it up and does not get help, you will be in a constant cycle of abuse. You will be made to feel as if it is your fault, so you will try a little bit harder to be a 'better wife', and try a little bit harder, and harder. In the process you will lose your identity and your self esteem. I don't mean to be harsh, but you can forgive this person while removing yourself from his wrath. Better to be alone.

HUGS to you.

April 26, 2008
7:26 pm
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sunnysue
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on my way

Yes, I know everything that you said is true. I have left my abuser. I do feel guilty because I feel like I should have tried harder, but everyone says that it wouldn't have made any difference. I sure don't want to go back now just to find that out. I've heard the abuse only gets worse if a person goes back, even though he is promising that it will never happen again.

Thanks for answering.

April 26, 2008
7:59 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I thought I said "you were born to break the cycle of abuse."

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