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Prayers, good vibes, chants to the goddesses, ommms, what have you, please? EF
January 25, 2006
12:16 am
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exoticflower
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I have a very difficult time with ex coming up, a lot of boundary pushing and using my daughter as a means of control and power over me, but in a subtle way I can't really fight without playing into some unhealthy dysfunction myself. Going to Court on the 31st about soem technical matters and officializing and stuff, and am having a hard time not falling prey to crazymaking and manipulation. I just think I need soem outside help from HPs and paul and buddah and the whole bunch collectively right now, this feeling is just bigger than me and I'm not able to do it on my own. Thank you all so much. I just really do need more here than I am able to give myself to get through this, I really need to turn it over and accept that somet hings are just beyond my power no matter how maddening and unjust they feel to me. Emotionally, I'm just too exausted to keep fighting the good fight right now, and am not even sure that is the best thing anyway. Looking for some peace here, I guess, from all corners of the spiritual world.

January 25, 2006
12:23 am
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exoticflower
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I could also go for any words of HP wisdom I can lean on while I am trying to let go of my own control right now where...well, where frankly I just don't have any anyway!

January 25, 2006
1:59 am
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mamacinnamon
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EF:

I know you are getting nervous the closer the date comes. Remember tho, the closer the day of court comes the crazier they are gonna get. You keep your head about you and please open your eyes and see the crap they are pulling on you. Do you want them teaching this to exoticbaby?

Here is the verse that spoke to me the most the night before my evil x took me back to court to try to take my kids away.....

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Here are also a few other verses for your comfort....

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, Romans 8:28

You keep your chin up and don't be falling into their snares or traps. You hold your head up and walk into that court room w/ confidence. Also, before then.... you are not obligated to talk to any of them if they are gonna be manipulative.

Hang in there; you'll do fine. 🙂

January 25, 2006
2:14 am
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Anonymous
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exoticflower,

My prayers will be with you, that you will prevail in court. I can't think of any verses besides what mamac has already posted for you.

Seeker

January 25, 2006
9:04 am
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gazelle
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Stop fighting, dear ef. Just rest in Love, which is the opposite of fear. A fighting mentality will only separate you from your true heart, which is loving. Fear (expressed in anger, fighting & strife) is the opposite of Love.

You love your darling baby girl so much! Is it just possible that in their own, immature, weird way, her father & his parents might love her (or at least the idea of her) too??
Try to focus on her - not on the so-called 'adult' personalities - and this will shine through.

May HER best interests triumph. Let go and let God/dess. Rest in Love.

Saul of Tarsus (aka 'St. Paul') said:
"Nothing can separate us from the Love of God."

Jesus (my greatest inspiration, though I'm not a "Christian") said:

"Lo, I AM with you always - even unto the end of time."

My prayers & strengthening 'vibes' are beaming over to you.

Love & blessings - gazelle.

January 25, 2006
9:48 am
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exoticflower
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Thank you all so much, this is exactly what I am needing right now, exactly the kind of attitude and grace I need to hang onto for myself and baby girl.

Gazzelle, your words here help me very much to isolate what place I need to try to be in with myself for my daughter and my peace of mind. You are right, too, I do think that this sort of behavior I am dealing with is meant to be of love, their family only knows how to love by controling and ownership. I don't understand it or agree with it, but I don't have to , just set her another example to look to as well and try to forgive them when their ways of showing their love for her are destructive. They don't know any other way. It helps me to remember that while I am trying to remain unruffled for myself. Furthermore, I cannot teach them any other way or force their hand in any other direction, I can only lead from example and try to bend with the harder winds so I don't snap in two by being to rigid.

Oh, Mamma, this is so comforting and helpful to me right now "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34". And it's true, they have gotten crazier and more pushy, manipulative, paranoid and dramatic as it gets closer. I think I need to seet hat as their stuff, not mine, and not let them make it mine. Exoticbaby and keeping the peace while maintaining my dignanty is my stuff. And i have to remember that I deserve that as much as I need it right now, I deserve to let myself remain unruffled and relaxed, I do good and have earned the right to let myself feel ok no matter what others want me to feel.

Seeker, thank you for the prayers and confidence in me. Keep them coming, please.

January 25, 2006
5:45 pm
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Exoticflower.

Still your 'racing' mind, by concentrating on your breath as it comes in through your nose and goes out your mouth. Do not trying to control your breathing in any way. Just sit comfortably with your eyes closed and count the breaths as they go in and out, in and out, in and out ... ... ...

Count ten breaths and start again. If you lose you count don't worry just start again. Watch the thoughts go flashing bye. Just let them go. Thoughts like "How is this going to make my life right?" and "This is bullshit" and "but, what if ......" will manifest. Just observe these thoughts and let them slip away. Don't try to grab them or stop them. Like an ocean wave let them all flow over you.

Practice this as long as you can as often as you can and watch your mind without interfering with the thoughts or having any expectations.

I can feel your peace of mind already as I re-read what is written above.

January 25, 2006
7:20 pm
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exoticflower
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Tez, wow. When I was younger I used to mediate, not in a structured way, just making a point to really sit down and focus on relaxing and centering and allowing myself some peace--but after school with finals and such, the baby and the bills and the dr's apointments, I don't make that time any more. I did let her spend some quality time with Big Bird and give this a shot, and I have to admit, I felt worlds better and am still feeling a lot lighter. I can see where more regualrly allowing stuff like this could be a big help. Thanks so so much for sharing it with me.

January 25, 2006
8:05 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Flower)))

My precious cyber friend, how sweet you are when you're scared. I know the feeling coz I am the scared type as well. I have seen lots and lots of evil people in my life and I still do.

Since this is lib which means we have the right to post biblical verses; I will take advantage and post some:

- Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (I recite this verse whenever there is someone evil in my surroundings).

- Cast all your burdens upon HIM, for HE cares for you.

- Fear is false evidence appearing real!

- Fear is one's perception of reality but not to the truth.

Flow - Write down these verses on piece of paper and put it in your bag on the day when you go to court and memorize them each time you get scared. This is what I do whenever I am scared. They really helped me a lot. Most abused people get scared and that is normal and understable and I sympathize with that coz I lived thru it.

Keep us posted honey!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

January 25, 2006
10:55 pm
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exoticflower
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(((ras))), thank you! I think it is so kind of you to refer to me as being "sweet" wehn I am scared, I feel more like a frantic nervous child that doesn't know what to do. Fear is definately what I am experiancing in soem ways, and it does help to remember that fear is so often rooted in things that are false.

I'm especially asking for all varieties of prayer on the 92th, 30th and 31st when ex will b ehere, with his lawyer father in tow--tho he is coming "just as a grandfather".

That is, as a grandfather that has never visited his grandaughter here in her nearly two years of life, with only four days notice. And her father was not even planning to come, did not even know his travel arangements before checking with his father, the loving lawyer grandfather. Ug.

I am getting back into a frustrated state just thinking about it and am looking back here to take comfort in this wisdom and these thoguths and verses alike. Thanks all so much. I'm going to go try to re-absorb what I am finding so helpful on this thread, I really need it.

January 25, 2006
11:16 pm
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Anonymous
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EF,

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

This verse really helps me in times of powerlessness and uncertainty.

You have my thoughts, prayers and support friend.

January 25, 2006
11:53 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hey EF:

How are ya holdin up chickie???

Remember to breath like Tez said. It does work.

You will be ok. Hold your head up and don't look at the floor. You are woman; hear you roar. (oh, and quietly please while exoticbaby sleeps.) 🙂

January 28, 2006
8:09 pm
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Mishy2sons
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EF,
You have been a great source of inspiration to so many here. I'll certainly pray for you! I love your universalistic attitude by the way.

January 29, 2006
1:37 pm
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exoticflower
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OK, Guys...without internet, writing this from a Kinkos--doing good, feeling the stress though. Off in one hour to drop daughter with him, please keep me in your prayers, thoughts, well wishes, etc. Thank you all so much, I just resent having to do any of this when all I want to do is raise my little girl happily. As Mama mentioned, ( For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20 ), please pray for me in the next three days however possible. II'm doing good so far, but all it takes is a moment of trying to force my own will to really drive myself nuts!

January 29, 2006
1:42 pm
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Anonymous
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ef,

I'll keep praying for you every day through the 31st. In fact, I"ll also pray for you on Feb 1st, just in case.

Seeker

February 1, 2006
9:31 am
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addicts wife
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((((EF))))
I'd been wondering how you are doing, esp. with little Flower!!
I've not bee nonline in a few days, as Im crazy busy, and under the weather. But I cmae and checked in here to read and look around for my cyber friends.
Hope youre doing well, adn I am praying for you and baby flower, sending good, comforting, strong healthy loving vibes your way!!
Just wanted you to know Im thinking of ya'
Hang in there Hunny!1
(((((((((Ladybug Hugs)))))))
Love,
AW

February 5, 2006
2:40 pm
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exoticflower
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@ a kinkos right now, but I am fine and Dandy, just soem pesky internet problems...lots to tell actually. Hopefully I iwll be up and Running Tommorow.

SO grateful for those thoughts ((((thank you!)))))

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