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Prayer Request from Ma Strong...
September 27, 2008
7:11 pm
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bevdee
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Destiny?

Same old same old. You know?

September 27, 2008
7:38 pm
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Shaney
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Wow... just for the sake of pointing out the same old type of inconsistencies... Destiny, haven't you only lived in the house on your new horse property by the beach, for less than two months? If that's so, then how can you already be 7 months behind on your mortgage? And in another thread, you mentioned that you own two houses in the desert ... so why would you have to rent? I don't know... just seems like the dots aren't really connecting again.

MaryP - you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Especially someone who will take that information and throw it back in your face at the most opportune moment. Not cool. But don't feel bad about giving it back. If I've learned anything from this site, it's how to fight and defend myself just like them. I'm not proud of it, but I've come to think of it more of a defense mechanism that anything else. We know it's not what you're about. No matter what, you're still respected.

September 27, 2008
7:49 pm
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Bitchslap
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((((MaryP)))) Much love and respect my friend!

September 27, 2008
7:56 pm
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Eternally Shamed
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Destiny,

Must suck to be caught in all of your lies.

MaryP, much respect. Destiny makes me want to vomit.

September 27, 2008
11:26 pm
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marypoppins
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Thanks to everyone.

(((((((all of us)))))))

September 28, 2008
6:28 am
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sleepless in uk
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From the 'Is age a deterrent' thread.

Destinystar
4-Sep-08

'My issues with not getting along with others is long standing. I have lived in isolation for so long that I can hardly tolerate others.'

Wow, you don't say.!!

Destiny you are alienating people here who have no previous quarrel with you. Your responses to many have seemed harsh and very judgemental but your attacks on Mary are outrageous and way way out of line.

I don't know if you do want to be less isolated or if you are happy with things as they are, but your continued presence on this site would suggest to me that, like most of us, you do feel in need of support sometimes. Were you to respond to people in a courteous, sensitive manner, you might find it easier to elicit support in return.

This is not my particular business, but the forum is an open one and the threads are available to anyone who wishes to comment. Your recent behaviour is hard to defend and comes across to others as a form of bullying. Please be aware of this.

September 28, 2008
12:32 pm
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marypoppins
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Destiny,

I don't feel right about calling you a crazy bitch. And to say that I don't care about you is wrong, too. You are right. I have spent a lot of energy on you. Very codependent of me.

You have written about how you cannot live without your alcoholic abusive husband. How you fall into deep depression when he's not around and cannot function. You've described situations in which you lock him out, leave him stranded, sit in the car for hours, visit him in a dirty shack. Many of your threads describe how he stays in bed and drinks, doesn't speak to you.

The very few times you went to counseling, you found some reason to discontinue. You pushed your husband to go, you watched a video together. You ended counseling after a few sessions.

Your alcoholic husband has been in jail, your daughter is a drug addict, and she has a baby. Your sons have asked you to leave your husband, to not have him in the house, yet you continue to have him in your life and go through chaos with him.

You try to work, but you can't get along with people. There's always a complaint of some kind. Your work history is not stable.

I'm not sure where you live, where you have lived. You move often. Your life is chaotic.

You come and post here and give people advice that you don't take yourself. You scold people for doing exactly what you're doing.

In the year or so that I've read your posts, I see SO MUCH PAIN. However, you lash out at people in such a cruel way, it's difficult to have sympathy for you.

My childhood issues have affected how I react to you. I've tried to "expose" you, help you, encourage you, push you. All very, very codependent.

You will not change unless you want to. Still, I feel bad for your children. I'm not mother of the year by far, but I realize I have a responsibility to my daughter to not repeat what was done to me. I'm still learning and still growing.

Perhaps one day, you will stay with counseling long enough to really heal. I know you lash out because you feel bad about yourself. I know this from personal experience.

I hope you find real peace.

Mary

September 28, 2008
12:39 pm
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marypoppins
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Destiny,

One more thing. What I also know from personal experience is that once you begin to feel better about yourself, life improves in every area. It is worth staying with counseling. It's worth learning how to love and care for yourself. You deserve that. We all do.

Mary

September 28, 2008
1:58 pm
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StronginHim77
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I figured something was brewing because there was smoke coiling out of my computer monitor when I booted up today. Sheesh...

This has happened on the threads before (and I'm sure it will happen again). That said, here are my only comments:

Mary -

When you wrote "I feel so sorry for the children involved. Is there no protection for them?"...you struck a nerve. Yes, I totally understand the inconsistencies and the frustration those inconsistencies generate within us posters, but that was a trigger-pushing posting. So much for any "negative" side. However, no apologies are due me. I'm just sorry to see the explosive exchanges that (inevitably) followed. I found truth and a genuine effort to "connect" in your final posting to Destiny.

Destiny -

I am sorry to see that a trigger got struck in your emotions. And you came up, "swinging," as the expression goes. Alot of your intense reaction is probably due to the issues which you are struggling to overcome, specifically the BPD.

Over the long stretch of time that I have known you on these threads, I have seen you give some very sound advice to others. In all honesty, I have also seen you post alot of inconsistent data about your personal life/choices. And you have had some "breakthrough" moments in which you have faced and acknowledged those inconsistencies and/or bad choices. I -- for one -- am rooting for you and your full recovery. I am hoping for the day when you don't have to "come up swinging," if you feel personally questioned or challenged. That reaction comes from deep-seated shame and fear. I want to see your heart and mind healed of both.

My best to you, two...

In peace,

- Ma Strong

September 28, 2008
5:24 pm
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Isis
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Hello Chickie's,

Ma- thinking of you and hoping things will turn around for the better.

Mary P- You're an inspiration. I so admire you girl.

Bev- miss you, how are you doing?

Shaney- same to you.

And all the rest- my very best.

And B-Slap! You little pisser you!

Later, got lots of studying to do.

Isis

September 28, 2008
11:10 pm
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marypoppins
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(((((Ma, Isis, and all)))))

September 29, 2008
10:18 am
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Eurogrill
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Destinystar,

Your multitude of inconsistencies have me question your integrity and genuineness at this site. You make a mockery of this site and the good intentions of other posters by your stories that constantly change. Do you lie to your husband the way you lie on this site?

September 30, 2008
5:01 pm
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lovesangels28
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Wow-
I thought someone monitored this site- this thread is making me question why I came on this site for help and support -
"your a bitch"
"what you said makes me want to vomit"
I don't know you guys well but how can people who have said such intelligent things to my questions and threads act like such children- remember your serenity and that people who need love and support in times of crisis will be afriad to post when they read such garbage. You guys are better then this- stop putting each other down and remember your hearts. thanks for letting me share.

September 30, 2008
5:09 pm
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lovesangels28
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September 30, 2008
5:23 pm
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marypoppins
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Lovesangels28,

If you read all of the posts carefully, you'll catch references made to previous posts. There's a history here. I've been lashed out at by Destiny on more than one occasion, and this was the first time I gave back as I was given.

Again, if you'll read all of the posts carefully, you'll see that this kind of response is not characteristic of me. And I also remarked that I didn't feel good about my choice of words.

I remember coming to this site over a year ago and reading some threads in which there was clearly a lot going on. Conflicts do occur.

You can bring things to the attention of the SC if you send him/her an email. Sometimes, issues get triggered, and people get very emotional and lose composure. Sometimes it's resolved, and there's some healing.

This IS the Internet, and people are free to post and free to read.

Good luck to you.

Mary

September 30, 2008
6:32 pm
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bevdee
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lovesangels28,

what were your threads?

September 30, 2008
9:16 pm
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catdaddy
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I haven't posted here more than a couple times, but, to me, it seems manipulation to call people childish for expressign their true feelings. You can not have been here long if you arnt aware of the history between Destinystare and Marypoppins. Marypoppins has shown the patience of a saint I am surprised that she didn't use even more language! One thing that I learned is that sometimes resolution can come from conflict. growth can come from it. That doesn't seem to be the case with Destinystare, however it does with Marypoppins. In my opinion. while I might not have used the same language used here, usually disagreements are to be brought to the Libs side and that's what happened.

On one hand I can see why you would say the things you do, but on the other hand who needs to be called names? A display of anger may seem childish to you, but also it might feel necessary to them who are expressing it. It sounds condescending to call people names and call their expression of a human emotion (anger) garbage. that might make them afraid to post it the next time. What is your motivation in trying to stop the flow here?

September 30, 2008
10:46 pm
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soofoo
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Hi Lovesangels,
I have stayed out of this fight, but I wanted to let you know that the nicknames "bitchslap", "eternally shamed" and also many names that look and sound like "eurogrill", "eurogirl", "eurogal" etc, only post when there is a fight. Particularly when the fight is peaking or starting to simmer down. I have seen a few fights on these boards and it's always the same. These posters with funny and bizarre nicknames chime in with a sentence or two when things get hot.

What does it mean? I don't really know. I have a few ideas. I have heard vague references to conspiracy theories; like that these boards are used as a social experiment.

I've decided that if it is an experiment, it's probably an amateur one, not highly funded or respected and not likely to come up with anything of value. It's little more than a party game. 😛 At any rate, I am not frightened or bothered much by that prospect anymore, even if it's true.

I have also thought ( and this was my first assumption) that these "fight chimers" or whatever name we could give them, the bitchslaps, eternally shamed, eurogirls, are probably just somebody's avatar. Someone wants to say something mean and not take credit for it. So they use a laptop, or do whatever you need to do to post under another nickname. This theory is losing my faith because I really cannot connect any of the fight chimers with the real people I "know" here.

I have also seen the nickname "breadthumper" used for the sole purpose of bumping a thread. ???

But I digress ...

My point is that if you see some meanness going on, look at the nickname. Be careful not to credit the nastiness of bitchslap, eternally shamed, and eurogrill (or the 101 variations on that theme) with the real people that you know. Not to say that the real people don't also spew some nastiness sometimes, but just check it. Next time you see a fight break out, take a step back and read through it. See what you see. Watch for the agitators. Who are these people? Where did they come from? Have you ever seen them before? Why do they speak now?

October 1, 2008
12:09 am
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breadthumper
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Sorry about the funny name, soofoo. I couldn't think of anything better. I wasn't going to explain this because of anonymity, but for the record, I own a bakery. i knead bread. I love to pound bread dough to get my agressions out. I sincerely I hope I didn't offend any one. I don't understand, I didn't even post on this thread!!

October 1, 2008
1:08 am
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Eternally Shamed
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soofoo,

I will start with this, that is because you only pay attention to what you want to. I have posted many times, and not just in the middle of a brawl.

On another note, you know what they say,

You spot it, you got it.

October 1, 2008
1:27 pm
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sdesigns
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Back to Ma Strong.........

Ma, I've been watching this Wall St bail out crisis very closely (no work, so watching CNN all day long every day)and can't help thinking of you during all of this.

So many people in this country are in the same boat you are and FINALLY (maybe) something will be done to correct it.

I can only hope that this country turns around economically and we can all resume our pursuit of happiness.

((((Ma))))

sd

October 1, 2008
2:49 pm
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breadthumper
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This morning, I have been thinking some more about this. For several months I have been checking around this site, to see if there are any threads I can relate to, so i have stayed quiet, only posted a couple of times. Except for a few threads on Support and one of the threads on Liberations there is not much here for me. I have searched the archives and it seems to me, compared to before, there is a lot of unnecessary unpleasantness, lately. Accusations, name-calling. So I have stayed quiet, to see if this is the way it is now or if it is something that will blow over. Now, it seems, I was accused in something, I had nothing to do with, because soofoo got freaked out about my name.

Soofoo you said to step back when you saw nastiness. I see nastiness coming from Destinystar. Is she real I wonder. I see her hit and run with it , leaving only the hullaballoo she starts. I WILL step back but I must say this first. Soofoo, I think it was nasty of you to throw my name into something I didn't have anything to do with, and to accuse me of something I am not doing. You were completely wrong to slander me this way. Its no wonder people only read silently or leave this site.

October 1, 2008
8:12 pm
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soofoo
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breadthumper,
I didn't slander you. This is what I wrote:

"I have also seen the nickname "breadthumper" used for the sole purpose of bumping a thread. ???"

Breadthumper seemed like a play on threadbumper to me. Sorry to cause you hard feelings. I didn't mean to lump you in with the nasty category. I just found it kind of twilight zoney weird that I only saw your name when you were bumping a thread. (there is nothing wrong with bumping a thread, BTW.) But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes a breadthumper is just a baker!

At any rate, I never felt that you had anything to apologize for.

This fight, like all the others, will blow over. Some people will leave, and some will leave and come back, and some we will not hear from until the next fight.

It has been very hard for me to keep quiet during this fight, because it seems like one person is being ganged up on. To me, it doesn't matter whether that person is right or wrong. It's awful for me to watch one person get picked on by 20 or so others.

Why the sudden onslaught? Why doesn't each person fight their own battle? Why does one person, who already has 5 people backing her up need a few more folks to jump in on her side?

I have been thinking about these things instead of reacting.

I think that this is a "dysfunctional" dynamic. Instead of calling someone out right away, one waits for a good opportunity. One waits until one knows that 10 others feel the same way and then one strikes with the force of something that's been held back for a long time.

This is what I think has happened. And I'm also quite sure that destinystar is a real person who has a very hard time with identity and relationships and is suffering terribly.

October 1, 2008
8:35 pm
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marypoppins
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Soofoo,

You wrote:
"I think that this is a "dysfunctional" dynamic. Instead of calling someone out right away, one waits for a good opportunity. One waits until one knows that 10 others feel the same way and then one strikes with the force of something that's been held back for a long time."

That's ridiculous. So much for staying out of it.

I have no control over how people feel or what people post.

I replied when I'd finally had enough. You don't know me. You don't know what's inside my head.

Mary

October 1, 2008
11:27 pm
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soofoo
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Mary,
I don't claim to know you or what's inside your head.

"Ridiculous"? That's just not fair. Maybe you think I'm talking about you?

Of course you are not responsible for anyone else's behavior. Of course you have no control over how people feel or what they post. (???) I don't think that. What are you responding to?

One person was ganged up on. It was an unfair fight. It brought out the worst in the people involved.

Mary, I have nothing to do with whatever is upsetting you. I am going to think about why you would call my thoughts and reflections ridiculous. They most certainly are not ridiculous, even if you disagree. I doubt very much that you believe what went on here was a positive healthy dynamic.

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