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Potential 3some
April 13, 2005
2:15 pm
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cuthul
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Ok, back in the day, I did the whole sports-fuck thang, and did the 3somes/4somes in that mode. All well and good.

Here is the deal. As many of ya know due to my incessant whineing, the love of my life left me in December. Shes done with her toy and her and I are hanging out as friends again. The sexual connection we had was immense, and there is a great deal of tension, but we are managing.

Since the break up, I have taken up with a new gal. She is cute, very tall, and just as cool as can be. She even has a kinky side that I am catching up to, which is rare for me.

Hers the rub. Both, independantly, have brought up the 3some concept. I know the delicacies of the emotional tightrope even in the sports arena, and I would have strong emotional ties to both. Further, I wouldnt want to burn the relationship with one or both of them.

On the flip side, I couldnt think of anything I would want more, and I could see it developing into a long term arrangement.

Thoughts, comments, insults? Im feeling overwhelmed.

April 13, 2005
2:48 pm
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sewunique
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Cuthul,

I am glad you found someone you can share things with, but this threesome thing I am sorry to hear about. But if that is your way, then so be it. I can accept many lifestyles, but my dear, this is just too dangerous for emotions and why share such a lovely gift like that? Keep her for yourself and find what things you can explore in THAT arena!!! Just Sew's opinion, archaic as it may be in today's world, I still remain a one man woman and romantic.

April 13, 2005
2:54 pm
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sewunique
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Oh!!!! and don't forget about safe sex!!!!!

Just had to add that, especially with promiscuity, is that the right/wrong word? Just take precautions. Heck, I am actually thinking about requiring a testing for STDS before actually engaging into intimacy. It is a wild world out there, can't be too safe. Heck after I filed, I even went to get tested myself. I KNEW where I had been, just wasn't sureI knew where HE had been. He got mad about the lab work, but tough canoodles on that score!!!

April 13, 2005
3:12 pm
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cuthul
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Oh yeah on the safety issue. Its something I require too prior to non latex sex.

As far as the emotional factor, If I didnt care about them both I wouldnt hesitate, but I do, and thus the delima. Truth be told, I am very fond of the new one, but I am still in love with the ex very much.

April 13, 2005
5:01 pm
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on my way
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Ok. going to be a little harsh here.

Where is your head??? Cuthul, have you thought about the long-term results of all of this? WHAT do you want to see come out of all of this?

If it is to eventually end up with one of them...someone is going to be hurt...WHO, which one of them would you like that to be??

I have gained so much respect for your wisdom, and your ways, and your intution on these threads... this is an "emotional", excuse me..but I also see it as being purely "horny"...not that what you want to do is bad...but also irresponsible...for a bit 'o pleasure...is it all worth it?

April 13, 2005
5:23 pm
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Anonymous
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Cuthal, do you think it might be better to do it with each girl in a different 3 some, I think it might get sticky if you have a 3some with two people you care about.

I think 3somes are effective because one person isn't really in it.

BUT LET US know how it goes.

April 13, 2005
6:25 pm
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GullyFoyle
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Just something that popped into my head due to Aces' post.

Did you ever see the Freinds episode where the archeologist married guy is involved in a threesome with his wife and a friend? I believe he was kind of left out!

Fantasy is good. But there is a reason it is fantasy. Because a lot of the "kinky" sex stuff just may not work. 2 girls 1 guy. or viceversa. It really ends up just taking turns, doesn't it? THen there are the emotions. Oooh boy! Just too much shit to worry about.

But that is just my opinion. Others may not share it. I just feel that for me, that baggage may not be worth it.

Gully "Are we not men?" Foyle

April 13, 2005
7:00 pm
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sewunique
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Yikes, cuthul,

I just read all the posts here and see I really missed the whole thing here! (as usual) So you want to have sexual intimacy with both girls you like together????? Yeeeeowwww, no. My opinion. You asked, there it is and how could you do that? I mean, do the girls you know even respect themselves? Craziest idea I ever heard. Sorry, I was trying to be liberal in the largest sense for you, but, I can't go there.

As a fantasy, just dream on, sweetie, and leave it to that. I think you got some pretty good respoinses here from OMW and Gully.

And remember about the safe sex part, Aids kills a slow death and never is worth the risk. The numbers keep rising.

I did try not to be too harsh.

Sew

April 13, 2005
7:03 pm
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sewunique
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You know, I really have to start watching Friends as everyone keeps refering to that show. Must be something to it.

April 13, 2005
7:41 pm
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cuthul
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Oh yah, its risky business emotionally. Guess that is why I was aksing for a reality check. I wouldnt want to hurt either one.

Yes, I am emotionally into both of them. Still in love with the ex. Really like the new one, but I dont smile so much my cheeks cramp up with her. Its new, but I dont know if it will ever touch the deepness of what we had.

Yes, its a bit unconventional, but frankly, I have always thought that a good poly relationship would be a good way to beat our commercial system.

And really, I think this is more intriguing to me on a emotional level. Pyhsically I have been there and done that. It can be a great experience, nothing demeaning about it.

Im just kinda reeling since they both brought it up. I had nothing to do with it. 😛

But still, the overwhelming warnings are going to be taken under heavy consideration.

April 13, 2005
9:36 pm
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Rasputin
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Cuthul,

You sound perplexed and confused. I would give it some time. Let your emotions settle and cool down. I do not know how long have you been separated from your ex, but I wouldn't think it's wise to embark so soon on a new romantic venture, if the break was not very far.

You sound like a romantic passionate man. Funny, I always thought that this notion of loving too much is only applicable on women. But here we are with an emotional man.

Take your time! "Rome was not built in one day."

God bless!

Rasputin

April 14, 2005
8:46 am
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shyshy
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In my opinion, if the new chic brought up the three some conversation then she obviously doesn't care enough about you to try and develope the relationship to a more intimate level. Cause I think that if she wanted to get serious she wouldn't be thinking about a threesome because she wouldn't want to share you. But that's just me.

My point is, if she really doesn't care about you all that much then why waste your time trying to do the right thing? Have your fun and then move on.

Like someone else said though, you may want to do the threesome thing with someone other than your ex though cause you may confuse yourself.

April 14, 2005
12:57 pm
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cuthul
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Yes, I am extreemely expressive, emotionally, physically, etc. 😛

Keep in mind, some couples can be a lot more experimental and expressive in the relationship and it still be good and building. Does the new girl care about me? Yes, very much, I dont doubt that at all.

But ya, the potential is very emotinally confusing for me, and I think I am going to just avoid the concept, unless they both corner me at the same time.

As far as timelines go. Like I said, my gf told me she was with another person around Christmass, hence my arrival at these boards. I have had a few relationships in that time, but nothing really emotional untill the recent one, who I have been seeing for two months.

Problem is, I am still very much in love with the first. Not sure how to get around that. I want to move on, and in ways I am, but my heart is hers. Luckily, my new gal understands where I am. We talk about it. She sees that I am happier now that me and my ex are friends, but worries we might get back together.

Perhaps her suggesting the 3some is a way for her to feel in control of any reunion of that sort.

Hmmm.. good thought processes here. I knew there is a reason I post this stuff.

April 14, 2005
1:03 pm
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sewunique
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Just a thought here about this part:

"She sees that I am happier now that me and my ex are friends, but worries we might get back together."

She could be testing you, especially if she is worried about you going back to the ex. She may just ask you to see how you respond or what you say. Remember, we females are like that, coy.

She may ask what your opinion is about something before she says she does not like it or whatever. So maybe she really is not interested in a threesome and just testing the waters with you? Not sure, but it could be.

April 14, 2005
1:42 pm
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cuthul
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Could be, although she mentioned she was curious about girls in the past before she brought this up.

She may be testing me, but not in a coy way. She knows my feelings run deep for my ex. She is actually supportive of it, IE not trying to get in the middle of that.

I worry a bit. She knows I dont have any intention of getting back with my ex, and truely I dont, but I do still love her, so its a difficult line. The real thing is, I am not sure if I dont expect it because I think there is no possibility or if because I feel too much hurt has happened.

Im nothing if not honest tho. She actually started asking about my ex last night.. while we were... um.. anyway. It sort of spoiled the mood. Still, it was important enough to talk about, to reassure her that I am and will be honest with her.

She asked me if we had slept together again. The answer was no. She asked me if I wanted to. I told her yes, but thas is different than saying I would. She felt very comfortable with my answers, and most importantly the truthfullness of my responses.

Yeah, Im not really sure what is happening here. Unfortunately, the GF tells me she has a history of people getting back with thier ex's. Perhaps its a life lesson she is working. Still think its a long shot in hell, and not a road I would go down.

A little wierd that both are bringing up the concept. I think, emotionally, I was very excited about having one I love deeply and one that is new and exciting.

Im thinking the GF is bringing it up to test me. Not sure why the ex is. (Meh, im good in bed, thats probably why)

April 14, 2005
3:24 pm
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on my way
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Wow, Cuthul another thought..if you love your ex more than this girl, during the 3some...what would happen if feelings took over the physical act and you basically ended up with the ex, adn that might be all that you wanted...feelings run deep in sex...then the othe might be offended?
Just a thought.

April 14, 2005
3:51 pm
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cuthul
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Im a pretty attentive lover. It 3somes I do a pretty good job of making sure no one gets left out, but ya, it would be tricky to balance it.

Im thinking on moving away from the concept if I can avoid it. Id be hard pressed to trun it down, but.

Its kind of wierd. I am learning so much about myself and my self worth in all of this break up mess. Despite it all, I still want her, but at least I can see its due to real emotional bond and not insecurity or despiration.

Of course, your feedback is invaluable.

April 14, 2005
6:23 pm
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on my way
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I think it is positive that another girl has taken your attention for awhile after the break-up. This has probably given you a chance to step back and be somewhat more objective about your ex-girlfriend, maybe get in touch with the more rational feelings for her. Gee, the fact that she would even consider coming back in that way...wonder waht she is looking for, or even hoping for? She does not sound very communicative to me but I could be wrong.

I know you have shared your sexual preferences in the bedroom...it takes a special person to accomodate your DOM identity. So possibly could she be communicating, choose me again over the other girl...kind of a competitve thing with her, as maybe this is the only way she feels she can get your attention again?
Maybe I am way off base, as I do not know her or you, except for what you have shared, but I do know she was gone, done with the relationship, and now she wants to come back to connect sexually? Who is to say, she may back out at the last moment, and say hey, me only?

Far fetched, but we women are sometimes way out there when it comes to emotions.
Your ex is looking for an open dorr I think, but how to suggest you open it again...I don't know.

April 15, 2005
11:42 am
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cuthul
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Well, for the record, my BDSM play is more for the performance art of it. Its not something I usually mix with sex or a lover. Im actually pretty soft and sensual in bed.

I dont know. I hear myself saying the same things about my new gal as my ex has said about me. Im into her, but dont know about wanting to take it to the next level. (tho there is a big difference with being in a relationship for 2 months vs 4 years).

Could be, she is just realizing, that as beautiful as she is, she is on the downward slope turning 35, and she had a good thing in me.

She just may miss me as a lover.

The girlfiend and I had a long talk 2 nights ago. She is happy for me, that I am happier now, but also realizes, I am happier because I am getting closer to my ex. Thats hard for her in a way and makes her a little insecure.

Interesting road to be on here, but very true statement about being able to step back and look at things objectively. Heart is still really with the ex. I am fond of the new gal but dont see it as a till death do us part option. Maybe, just being single for another 10 years is the best way to go.

April 15, 2005
3:55 pm
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on my way
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Cuthul, everyone makes their choices, we just hope that the best ones are made for all concerned, but cannot always control the outcome...coming from a former control freak...me.

You are awesome, hope evrything works out for your ex and you. I know how it feels...and I too have split for awhile with an old boyfriend...and well one never knows. I am a firm beleiver that soemtimes, TIME is a friend, and shows all involved the truth.
Hang in there,
omw

April 15, 2005
4:01 pm
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Cici
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I am coming in late to this discussion.

I have had a couple of threesomes in the last few months. They are all universally terribly disappointing and ultimatley emotionally confusing. And I didn't even have a relationship with either of the parties, in a formal sense of the word (we were all just friends on the sauce, as it were).

Actually, both times, I ended up giving up and telling the other two to go at it because I was either bored or felt left out.

my 2 cents. A man can barely satisfy one woman, no matter what he says. He can't manage to do two to the satisfaction of all parties.

April 15, 2005
6:06 pm
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cuthul
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Well...

Speaking hypothetically on the art of a 3some... Ill be the first to say that is a HELL of a lot of work for a guy if he is trying to do it alone. Its a delicate balance to make sure everone is involved, emotionally and physically. It is nearly essential for the guy involved to have a lot of control and have his own enjoyment based off of the gals, his physical satisfaction comeing a very distant 2nd.

It helps, if the people involved have the mentality that pleasing the other 2 is the priority. If everyone has that, then it works very well.

Anyway.....

Ya, dont know about the ex. Looks like she will always have my heart. Sigh. I envy couples who feel the kind of love we had both ways. Shes already gone cold again in her typical roller coaster. Ah well. Its a shame, she is throwing away such a awesome bond.

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