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Peace - Letting go doesn't mean we don't love them
May 21, 2009
1:49 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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(((Peace4all)))

I missed the meeting today online, I pulled a Grammie and slept later then normal for me, then forgot about it... LOL

Your so right about God's infinite wisdom, and it always seems to work out this way and just at the right time too. I understand about how you must feel about your daughter and trying to let the past go, and yet at the same time as a MOM we still sometimes want to fix they're problems.... kind of like a momma bear at times, but we both know we can't fix their problems, nor anyone elses as you know so well.

Recently seeing my sister and all her drinking, I've had to close my mouth many times when she starts in about not having any money. Her boyfriend has a car, so often lately she will stop in and slowly but surely everytime she starts asking or should I say begging for money.

I don't and won't give her any money at all, I've taken her to the grocery store and purchased the basic's for her a couple times now, but I refuse to give her money. They seem to have money for their alchol so there is just no way I will give in to her pleads.

I feel relaxed about it though, I know I can love, and have let go of all that she has done in the past, and at the same time not allow her to pull me into her present addictions or the problems that her addictions/drinking cause her in her life.

However, I really do think it is easier then when it is your own son or daughter, but hang in there I know you are strong, and I know you want a loving relationship with her, you know your boundry's and I think your daughter probably does too by now, and the rest will come to both of you... I've found that we can still love deeply and not be caught up in their addictions or drinking.

Learning that lettng go of someone's addiction and their problems, and at the same time being able to still love them was one of the hardest steps and lessons I've learned in recovery as a co-dependant. A long time ago I kind of felt like letting go, and letting them fall or fail was not loving them, but I've since learned that isn't the case at all.

My prayers are for you and your daughter to have a loving relationship, I know how loving you are, and I pray that your daughter is able to feel your love, and you both can heal from the past. Living in the now as you said is a gift, and you of all people really do know this, so maybe your daughter will learn from your love, and both of you will be able to let go, live, and love in the present one day at a time.

Lot's of love to you, Healing and Peace

May 21, 2009
9:14 pm
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peace4all
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(((Healing)))
Thanks so much for those very kind words, I can always take encouragement when it comes to setting boundries with my grown children...you are such a dear lady..
This morning the meeting topic was....
Live and Let Live...lol..and one girl who shared said she had what she called ..Savior behavior...I had not ever heard it put that way and it really put a smile on my face..I knew you would enjoy it also..I think as mothers we tend to think we know whats best for our children when in fact, after a certain age, it is so much healthier to let them make their own choices. So, I begin a new thought process with my children and that is...It is there lives and I can not live it for them. nor keep offering advice, I am here if they want to talk and if they ask for a suggestion then thats another story.
As for you and your sister..I am so proud of you for handling it the way you are...way to go.. Feed her but no money, thats so growth changing for her. I have never given my kids money, however I do remember when my sister was still alive, we all did. So all I can say about that is you have really listened and grown from your meetings and your program..Bless you and again, thanks for all the kind words and for becoming a friend to me.. It has always been in my nature to want to "fix it" and thats why I tripped on that "Savior Behavior" statement this morning...
Peace and blessings to you today..hope to see you soon at a meeting..

Love in recovery, grammie

May 21, 2009
9:39 pm
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(((Healing)))

I'm back..lol..because I am still learning how to copy and paste, duh grammie, I would like to suggest you find this story yourself..Just type in.....Benefits of Struggling.....
and I found that the 1st and 3rd ones were beautifully put....Hope you enjoy 🙂
Love, grammie

May 22, 2009
12:13 pm
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(((Grammie))))

Ok so we are missing each other in the meetings, I was there this morning but this time you weren't... lol

Thank you so much for sending me the Benefits of Struggling.

Talk to you again soon, Love ya lot's Healing and peace

May 22, 2009
2:16 pm
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Shaney
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Hi there Healing and peace4all :o)

Sorry to barge in, but I was wondering what type of on-line meetings that you are attending, and if you're willing to post the web address? Did you two know each other before you came to AAC, or did you meet here and make contact through these online meetings that you attend?

Thanks so much - Shaney

May 22, 2009
2:27 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Shaney,

Not a problem, no we didn't know each other before we met here, and yes Peace4all gave me the online meeting information so we do speak there as well.... the online meeting is:

http://12stepforums.net/alanon.html

Within the online meetings you can use your real name or make up one.

Have a great day, Healing and peace

May 22, 2009
7:42 pm
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peace4all
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Shaney

Hi there, no your not barging in at all, I attend online alanon meetings and have for 4 years. When I first read Healing and Peace's post about a year ago I invited her to come to the alanon meeting. It's her story to tell, but I thought she might get some comfort from the meeting. I dont know if you want or need Alanon but it saved my sanity and my life. Alanon is a support group for friends and families of alcoholics...offering understanding, hope and encouragement to those of us affected by anothers drinking. I would love to invite you to come to a meeting if you think you might gain some insight...if you dont chose to attend the one I attend, all you need to do is type in...Alanon online meetings and you will find one.
Hope to talk to you soon.
Love in recovery, Peace4all/ grammie

May 22, 2009
7:54 pm
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(((Shaney))) ((( Peace4all )))

You see Shaney how Peace4all posted an answer to your questions, that's exactly why we became friends through AAC, she has a way with words that are so welcoming, and helpful without even trying!

Hope to see you at one of the meetings if you feel you would like to join in, they have helped me understand a lot.

Peace to you, healing and peace

May 22, 2009
8:00 pm
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peace4all
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(((Healing)))

Hey girl, so ur just sitting around today...I was pleased to see you respond so fast..I wasnt at the meeting this morning cause we go food shopping on fri mornings..remember thats when I get to ride around..lol..
Thanks once again for your kind words about be, they always put a smile on my face, kindda like, well...maybe I am doing something right..teehee..
Lets see if you are still here..
Love grammie

May 22, 2009
8:06 pm
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(((Peace4all)))

Oh yes, I do remember you telling me that you do that shopping thing on Friday mornings... LOL have you been riding in those carts lately? Just cousious to see it you've tried the basket ball game yet while shopping.

I have been doing not much at all today other then on the computer doing some paper work, then here, and doing the laundry... actually even got some running around down today too.

May 22, 2009
8:14 pm
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Peace4all,

A friend sent this you tube video to me after Jason died, wanted to share it with you because it's so pretty.

May 22, 2009
8:27 pm
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peace4all
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Healing

Thanks but I dont seem to get vidios on my dial up so tomorrow I will go to the the library and watch it...
And yes we have played basketball in the carts...lol. with TP and paper towels and anything else soft, we are a pair. hubby and I. Hope to finally catch up with you at a meeting, I'm going to the 6pm in a half hour.
Love, grammie

May 27, 2009
5:24 pm
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(((Grammie))))

I didn't know you had dial up...too bad you don't have broadband or cable.. I think it is as cheap as any other service now days, if it's available in your area check into it, you will love the differance... LOL

You could become the fastest Web Grammie out there... talk to you soon.

Love ya lot's Healing and Peace

May 29, 2009
12:15 pm
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peace4all
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(((Healing))))

LOL....fastest web grammie, how cute..here's the deal, we live out where there is no cable, we do however have Directv..for TV viewing but they want about 50 $ exrta a month for hi-speed for our PC. The fee's for the TV service is bad enough, keeps going up.Sooooooo. it's dial-up for now and I am grateful for that..smile...at least it gets me here and to meetings. Haven't been feeling so well the last week, something with my stomache, so I haven't even been on the internet, but, This too Shall Pass..and when it does, I will be back typing away...It's nice to hear from you, I hope your doing well....
Love in recovery, Peace4all/ grammie

May 29, 2009
2:51 pm
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((((Grammie)))))

I understand what your saying about being where you are with no cable...We used to live part time in NC, and we only got one channel on our tv... it was a shocker for us when we first got there, as that was a new way of living for us... LOL.. but it was good at the same time.

They only had one paper per week to read so I was at the newspaper stand first thing every week so I could at least read some of what was going on in the News... too funny though their paper was only about 10 pages altogether.

I hope your feeling better soon!!!! I forgot all about the meeting on Thursday evening with S-bob. I have to write a reminder post it and put it on my computer.

Well I'm off to the grocery store, hope you have a great weekend!

Love ya lot's Healing and Peace

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