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Optimistic all the time, but some go out of their way to discourage me....
June 4, 2007
12:11 pm
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starra
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I am new at this but I am glad to be able to possibly see if this happens alot to other people.. I am trying to put my life together and focus just on myself and my 3 children.. I am in a domestic abuse shelter, which is an awesome place--the staff is awesome. But I need support and felt that others were or in the same situation and would be supportive.. I am very optimistic--I trust in my Father, my Comforter, and I pray..But it really feels like people purposely try to bring me down. I am supportive of others and I have compassion--but alot of times I feel discouraged because I can't trust anyone. I hope counseling will help.. I chose this because if they have the Lord as well as myself then they know what page I am on

June 4, 2007
12:38 pm
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mj
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Welcome to this site Starra! I am glad that you are posting and reaching out for support!

Your optimism is contagious! Glad you are on board!

June 4, 2007
2:11 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Miss Starra

Hi. I'm glad you found this site. You will get alot of support here. I left an abusive man about 11 years ago, and I understand you when you say "but alot of times I feel discouraged because I can't trust anyone." I felt that way, too. It's difficult after your trust has been betrayed by the one who was "supposed" to love you, isn't it?

June 4, 2007
4:55 pm
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free
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Hi Starra

I know how you feel. don't let it stop you. Focus on positives only. Trust only a small handful of people, at most, with your situation. your therapist and your lawyer- trust. Everybody else- they need to earn it. nobody has a right to expect your trust. Remember that.

I went through this ten years ago. The strangest thing happened to me regarding people around me- I was bewildered by it. The very people, it seemed, who continuously preached to me about abuse and domestic violence etc., weren't there for me when I finally left the marriage- they wouldn't testify for me, they didn't want to be involved. They wanted to be friends with both my ex and myself, as if THAT can happen. It can't when divorce involves domestic violence. The abuser uses people to hurt ya.

I'd been going to a local church for years- taught Sunday school there. My ex would never step foot through the door. I file for divorce and he decides to go. Befriends my churchmates. Gets them to feel sorry for him. Starry, my entire congregation turned against me. Said I was a liar. They used to beg me to come back to God. I never left God, I told them, I left my husband. And if it wasn't FOR God, I would have never had the strength to do it!

My ex husband left this church once he had created the chaos in my life and went to another one. Even admitted to one of my former churchmates that the only reason he started going to church was to use it against me. But, he told her, he really believes God is working in his life NOW. So, think she told anybody in the church this? Of course not. I am, to this day, a liar in that church. My husband was never abusive (yeah, right), I was having a lesbian love affair with my best friend (not) etc etc.

Today, my ex husband is "God's right hand man" in his church. sings on the praise team, etc. Pastor even testifies in his behalf at nearly every court hearing. Lend/give him money. They think I'm possessed. They think he is only in his second marriage. He's in his fourth. They think he is innocent of all I ever accused him of. he is a wife beater, a child abuser, and a stalker. he was convicted of stalking me, yet this congregation believes I set him up. As if I spent 5 years setting this man up, kuz that's how far back the evidence at the trial went. Nobody from the church ever came to the trial to watch, to hear the other side. Nobody has ever asked for my side.

So starry, while God can indeed give you courage and strength, my point is, be very, very careful about people. People would actually tell me "God spoke to me and told me " blah blah blah. I'd say "yeah? well God speaks to me, too, and he told me something quite different in regards to myself. Maybe, when he was speaking to YOU, he was speaking ABOUT you."

This is gonna be a tough road starry. It's lonely. You have to make things happen. You can't expect others to do so. There will be a bundred cheerleaders for every one person that can/will do one small thing for you.

This road, YOU must pave.

It's a journey. A healing journey.

Trust yourself, your therapist, and your attorney until you are well on your way down this road. Well on your way means independent. Working, paying bills, living in a home with your three kids, and raising them.

people in the shelter- other women- they don't mean to bring you down. They are learning, too. part of the reason we stayed in these abusive relationships is kuz we trained ourselves to focus on other people's problems versus our own. It's a coping strategy. They're gonna do that. They don't know how NOT to.

Yet.

I could write forever but I'll probably just put ya to sleep.

You can do this starry. Imagine a life free of violence, drugs, dependence, police, mental/emotional abuse.

And then.

Make it happen.

free

June 4, 2007
8:53 pm
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Rasputin
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Sorry Star for what had happened to you. When you are an upbeat, many people won't like you. Please forgive them and move on to someone who shares your joy and optimism. There are always folks who are similar to us and feel a click with them more than others.

Here you will find lots of love and support.

Welcome Hon! (((Star)))

June 5, 2007
7:31 pm
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Darth Seder
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Ah the power of Private Logic...

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