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not able to forget the past
June 19, 2005
8:28 am
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munnu
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September 30, 2010
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i ve a very bad past. i was in love with a boy. . my parents and his parents came to knw abt our affair. they decided to get us married. i was so happy then. my boy friend look me for outing and we that day we has sexual relationship. but i am repending abt it so much. after that day my parents and me came to knw that my boy fried had relation with may girls and he is a alcohol adict. he never had a job. but he told t me and to my parents that he is having business and his own house in his working place. whn my father came to knw everythin he said was lies, he disagreed for our marriage. but still i was ready t accept him. but he started speakin bad abt my family to everyone and he said he will spoil my life. that day i started hati him. i thought i will never marry ayone. but after two years from the above incident for my parent's sake i had to marry a man. he is very lovin to me. he loves me so much. but still i am nt able to tell abt my past to him. i am sure if i say abt it he will leave me. that will amke him very sad also. i too love him so much now. but i am scared now.i am repent do much abt my past. i am nt able even to go out with him coz of rependence. i knw i am hiding my past from my husband. but i am sure if i say abt it he will leave me and that will make him sad also. pls advice.

June 19, 2005
9:41 pm
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Juanita
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I am sorry you are so sad about this... What do you feel you did wrong? Most everyone goes thru the dating of others, and perhaps having sex with someone, before deciding on who is the love of their life. It sounds like you two were engaged before having sex & planning to get married. Did your husband not also do the same? (date, possibly have sex with different women before marrying you?)

Also, remember, Love can conquer many things. If your husband truly loves you, he should have forgiveness in his heart. Yes, he will be hurt you did not tell him all prior to the marriage vows, but you also should have faith in the one you love. I would think he would be able to see the pain and sorrow this is causing you. Is your husband not an understanding man? Are you afraid of him?

You said you "had" to marry him for your parents sake. I am not sure what this implies, but you DO say he loves you very much, and you love him.

Is your hesitation or shame about your prior relationship due to culture or religion? What are the reasons you have not told him? How old are you? How old were you when you met BF #1? How long have you been married?

You keep mentioning repenting. If you have repented, don't you believe God knows your sorrow and has forgiven you? If you believe He has forgiven you, wouldn't this thought of His forgiveness help you now?

If you are just being very shy about this, and has nothing to do about culture or religion, please remember that your spouse loves you, and the time you have spent together should mean a whole lot of something.

I do not know if my words have helped any, but also, if you really worry about this, it will surely eat at you until the truth comes out. That would be an awful way to live. How much have you told him (if anything) about this other boyfriend? Has HE told you everything about his past relationships? Has he shared if he's 'been' with any other women? (not that tit for tat would make anything right - just trying to see if he's experienced the same kind of life experiences)

I'm sorry you are in pain, but don't know all the in's and out's about it... But, if you love one another and have trust in one another, I would hope that all you two have shared together over the past years(?) that caused you both to fall in love would be able to stand the 'test' - so to speak.

If this secret bothers you, you will need to unburden yourself for your own mental health & well being. Perhaps seek counsel or advice from any trusted friend, elder, religious leader, or marriage counsellor. You cannot keep this secret if it bothers you. The truth will have to come out for your own peace of mind, heart, and soul.

best wishes to you ~
J

June 19, 2005
10:57 pm
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mamacinnamon
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munnu,

Nice to meet you.

I had my husband lie to me about himself before we married because he knew if he told me the truth then I would not have married him. I understand the reason he lied, but that lie has caused a lack of trust, resentment and a whole bunch of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. We have been married 13 years now. I forgave him when he finally after 12 years said he was sorry.

What I am trying to say is that I love my husband very much, and I know he loves me; no doubts. But, had he told the truth, no, we would not have married I don't think. But, had he told me the truth right after and if he had stopped his addiction we could have had a most glorious marriage.

I understand repenting. Honey, once you repent, if you truly meant it, you are forgiven. There is nothing for you to repent of any more coz you have already taken care of it.

I encourage you to talk to your husband. I know how I felt being lied to for all those years. My husband apologized and we are making our marriage a good one. You to can do the same. And honey, if he leaves you for telling him the truth about your past then he was not worth having in the first place.

Do keep coming and posting. We are here for you.

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