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Nice guy
March 25, 2006
9:36 am
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Erica, one last thing till I visit with you again. Writing you has helped me in my life to know how to treat a woman. I am going to treat this woman that I am dating with kindness and try not to be such a guy.
Men are programed to reproduce and even I have some problems with how to deal with women on an acceptable level. We all fall short once in a while. With your help on knowing how NOT to treat a woman, I think that I will be a better man for that. You are a special person and I respect your opinions. Keep in touch with me. I am not going out of town for awhile now so I can get back to you sooner than before. You are a good friend.
Dave

March 25, 2006
11:17 pm
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Hey there, Mr. Nice Guy!!!

(((Dave)))

So....How Was The Date???? 😉

I hope it went well and that you enjoyed yourself!

I'm at work, so I'll be on here off and on all night, depending on how busy I am.

Let me know how it went. 🙂

Talk to you soon,
Erica

March 25, 2006
11:45 pm
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Hi Erica!!!
Nice to hear back from you. My date went good. The first time I met her was a week ago at Walmart. She worked there as a cashier but just quit. It was her second job. I saw her for only 10 minutes and gave her a hug. Her face was beat red because we were by some of her coworkers and they were making fun. I just told her not to pay attention to them and I had a filter for my furnace in my hand and put it up to block them out for her. I thought that was cute that she got embarrassed. Today I just went to a Perkins for brunch with her and it went really good. I like her. My first impression at Walmart was the wrong one. After talking to her and laughing and joking I realized that she is really cute and funny. I also like her hair. She has blonde hair and I have always liked blonde hair. I mentioned before that I wasn't knocked out by her looks but now she is starting to grow on me. I think that I am attracted to her and really like her. We are going to a movie next weekend. Larry the cable Guy. It is a goofy movie and I like goofy movies. She is the one who suggested that movie. I like her sense of humor. I am glad that you told me to see what happens with her. When you said that you liked your girlfriends hair to start I started picking out things that I liked about her. I also like her smile. Thank you Erica for supporting me and giving me good advice. It was good that I didn't blow her off. I like her and can be attracted to her very easily. If you write back soon I can talk some more.
Hugs back to you Erica. You are such a nice woman.
Your friend,
Dave

March 25, 2006
11:59 pm
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Wow, well I'm glad it went well...well enough for a second date...WooHoo...YOU Go BOY!!!! LOL!!!

That's great that you are willing to give her a chance, look at what it is you DO like, instead of what you aren't to sure about. I know the more time I spent with J the more beautifull she became, and now it's like...OMG, she is the most beautifull creature in the world!!! Her smile brightens up my world!!

Cheesy and sentimental, I know but it's true.

Guess what!

J and I have decided to plad our "wedding"!!! (It's not legal, but it matters to us, especially since we are planning to start trying to concieve the baby in August. Marriage comes before children, right? LOL, J said, you know, for lesbians, we are REALLY conservative about some things!!! LOL!)

Anyway, we are planning it for May. Like in 2 months, MAY!!! WOW. It's gonna happen so fast. April 25th will be our four year anniversary, so really it's been in the "planning stage" for a while, but we never had the money. Now we've just decided to go ahead and DO IT. I'm so excited.

I know it's not legal, but it is REAL and Important to me. Marriage is very special to me. My parents just celebrated 30 years! J's parents are close to 40 years!! Marriage is important and special to both of us, and Right Wing Conservatives be damned, we're Getting Hitched!!!!!

I'm giddy with excitement! LOL. There is so much to do, so much to PLAN!!!!

March 26, 2006
12:12 am
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Erica, I am so happy for you. You have good morals. I don't care what society thinks about you getting married. You both deserve it and I am so happy for you. I hope I can be that happy some day. I want to get married also in the future. I think that is so nice that you are starting a family. A baby. Wow. That will be so nice to have some little feet around the house. It is fun when they get old enough to walk and talk. I am so happy that you are happy. Hugs back to you again.
Dave

March 26, 2006
12:18 am
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Erica, I forgot to ask. Who is going to concieve? You or J?
Friend Dave

March 26, 2006
12:23 am
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Well, she is a few years older than me (she is 29, I am 26) so we have decided that she will be the first to concieve. Her clock has been ticking longer, LOL!

But we plan on having more than just one, at least two, maybe three, so I will have my chance too, at some point.

I had only one sister, and have always yearned for a BIG family, but this day and age, kids are so dang expensive! So we'll probly only have two, but if I could I'd have like 6!!!

March 26, 2006
12:29 am
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My cousin has 8 kids. He is 40, I think. Where there is a will there is a way. You have already proven that. I am so proud of you. I really am. You deserve the happiness that you have now. It will be so much better having a family to grow with and watch grow up. I want that some day. Even if I have to adopt. I am 44 and my new friend will be turning 40. This is a weird question but can a woman still have children at 40?
Here is another Hug for you.
Dave

March 26, 2006
12:47 am
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If she is still menstrating, she can still have children.

However...the older the mother the harder it is to concieve, and also the greater the risk of complications.

My mom's mother had her when she was 41 and everything worked out fine! 😉

I hope you get everything you wish for!!!

Adoption is a fabulous thing. I have always wanted to adopt, and still do. however, I live in Louisiana, and gay people are not allowed to adopt here. We could do it as a "single parent", but there is so many rules, and they are very very tough if they are suspicious of you being gay!! It'll actually be easier and cheaper for us to just go ahead and try to concieve "naturally", or as naturally as possilble with frozen sperm!! LOL!!

It really sucks, because there are SO MANY kids out there who REALLY need love!!!

If you adopted, I'm sure you would love it just as much, and think how gratefull the kid would be, what you could offer him/her.

March 26, 2006
12:57 am
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I think that our society is screwed up. You are a human. You should be able to marry, adopt, have children. I am so glad that you are just doing all the things that you are entitled to. Children, marriage, family. I support you completly. Maybe we need a woman for president?
I am not trying to get you fired up just agreeing with you on what you are entitled to.
I read your other thread. I think that your case is much more different than someone having 3 wives. You have the love thing going. 3 wives might be a little more of a guy thing. I don't remember any women having 3 men to marry, have you heard of that happening?

March 26, 2006
1:26 am
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Good night Erica. It is 12:18 in Minnesota and I need to hit the hay. Congratulations on your wedding and your new baby or babies.

You have made a big difference in my life. They say Knowledge is Power. You have educated me and have become my friend.

Big Hug from Dave
Good night

March 26, 2006
12:30 pm
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Erica, I have another question for you and I hope it doesn't make me sound stupid.

Can you get legally married?
Is there a state that you can get married in the United States?

I didn't know that you couldn't adopt. If you really wanted to could you just say you are single and adopt?

Have you listened to the Delilah radio show or do you get it? I think that she has adopted and she is single. Maybe she did that when she was still married. I don't know.

I guess that is more than one question.

I hope that I am not too nice of a guy that you don't want to visit. I feel like I can be a little too nice sometimes.

I like your friendship.

Dave

March 26, 2006
4:44 pm
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I guess you answered the adoption question already. It it possible to get married anywhere in the US? Can you get married in Hawaii? I am a little uneducated in this area yet. You have to bear with me.
Dave

March 26, 2006
10:46 pm
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Hi Erica.

I don't have to ask you any more questions. I just like to keep up on things in your life for now. You have opened up to me like no one has ever before and I don't want to abuse my friendship with you. I am done with questions and just want to be your friend now. You are special to me. That might sound a little strange since I don't know you but you have given me the chance to find out what your life is like and you are no different than me. You have the same feelings of love and happiness that I cherish in a partner.

I am a little down tonight because the woman that I took out told me she had a blind date. She said that she didn't do anything but visit and go to the casino with him but it is someone that she has known before. I am a little bummed out. I don't know if I am jealous or just bummed out. I guess her friend set her up and she didn't know that he would be there and they all stayed in the same room together because they drank and didn't want to drive. She said nothing happened because the 4 of them were in the same room so I don't know. Just bummed I guess.
Dave

March 26, 2006
10:59 pm
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Hey, Dave...

How are you...well not so good, I guess.

Yeah, I can see where you would feel a little disapointed that she was out with another guy. But yall are just getting to know each other, right? Just dating, nothing serious. Give it time, let it develop. If it is right, she won't want any other guys. But you gotta give it time.

I don't think you are tooooo nice. If you want me to be honest, it is just unusual for a man to be so...what is the word??? Meek?? Is that the word?

Synonyms for Meek: humble, gentle, submissive, dicile, compliant, mild...

Yeah, meek.

Not just meek, but almost naive at times, not in a bad way, but in a sweet, gentle, innocent way.

It is just rare in a man. And honestly, at times, almost threatening, because it makes women doubt the sincerity of it, simply because it is so rare in a man.

PLEASE do not be offended. I am not trying to be mean or rude or hurt your feelings. I'm just being honest.

And I don't mean that it is a bad thing. I just want to explain. I mean, I really believe you are just a really sincere guy, just a really gentle, sweet man. But I have to be honest and tell you that at times, my little hairs have risen on the back of my neck out of instinct. It is natural to doubt that much gentle sincerety in a man, especially for me, because honestly, it is not something I am at all familiar with.

Oh, I hope you took all that the right way.

(((((DAVE)))))

Erica

March 26, 2006
11:15 pm
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Dave, I don't mind the questions. You're not bothering me. Honest! Please, ask away!

Here are the answers to the above ones:

It is only legal, as in marriage is LEGALLY recognized, for gays in the state of Massachusettes. This just happened a few years ago.

In Vermont, the state recognizes same sex couples in the form of what is called "Civil Unions", which is like marriage, but not.

California and Hawaii recognize "Domestic Partnerships" which for each state entail different rights and so forth, but not equal to marriage in that state.

I believe, but may be wrong, that New York will recognize a marriage from another state, but will not actually sanction the marriage within that state.

YET, the important thing is, that even if you live in a state where it is legal, IT is not RECOGNIZED federally, there for, legally married gay couples in Massachusettes do not recieve Federal benefits, only state benefits, AND, if they move to another state, more thn likely, there marriage will be viewed as illegal and void.

Singles can adopt in the state of Louisiana, however the office of child services are very hard on people they suspect to be homosexual. Let say me and my GF wants to adopt a baby. We have to try to prove that we are "roomates", and the adoption will only be in one of our names, not both. Also, we have to have seperate bedrooms. So If we wanted to adopt one kid, we have to have a house with three bedrooms, one for each adult, one for the kid!!

In some states, adoption by gays is legal. Some states offer second parent, or step parent adoption so that partners can adopt there partners biological children.

This is not allowed in Louisiana. When J has our baby, I will not be able to adopt her. I will have NO legal binding to the child, except for j putting me in the will as legal guardian, which can easily be challanged and over ruled. I J would die, I would have no more legal right to our child that any stranger on the street.

This is why equal rights are SO IMPORTANT!!

Yeah, I listen to Delilah. It's cool. She's a bit of a homophobe though, so I tend not to losten much. She won't do dedications for gay couples. I tend to boycott things I know are homophobic.

Great talking to you Dave. Really, please feel free to ask anything you want!! i like letting people know. the more people I educate, the more people may have on my side when election day rolls around.

I hope you feel better. Just give the relationship time. Don't rush it with her.

Also Dave, about you being to nice...I worry about your ability to be assertive and stand up for yourself. Sometimes meekness and gentleness allows us to be a doormat.

I don't want that for you, Dave. You deserve more. you deserve respect.

(((Dave)))

Erica

March 26, 2006
11:23 pm
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Hi Erica,
I did take it the right way. That is what I like about you. You tell it like it is.

You have good reason to doubt the way that I am with your hairs sticking up on the back of your neck. Most guys are not like me and I know that. I am a constructions worker (own my own business) with a friend, and I know how you must think of me. What am I up to? Well, I was raised by parents who brought out the honesty in me. I am so honest that when I got detention in school a couple of times, I confessed every time where I could get away with it if I didn't say anything. I am just that honest.

I am not going to get down on myself with this woman. If she is looking for someone with honesty and doesn't freak out because she hasn't seen it in a guy before, then I will keep looking for the woman who is looking for someone like me.
Thanks for visiting with me Erica. I always feel better when you talk to me.

Dave

March 26, 2006
11:27 pm
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That last sentence didn't make any sense but what I meant to say is if she can deal with an honest man then she is the right woman for me. If she can't handle an honest man then I will look for someone who can. I will give her time and see if she likes me.

March 26, 2006
11:43 pm
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Erica

I am not what you would call a door mat. I am just too honest for my own good sometimes. I have no problem going out and selling jobs to customers. The problem that I have is to communicate with the opposite sex. I can really get myself into trouble sometimes because an aggressive woman can take advantage of me sometimes and by the time I know what is going on it is too late. I don't have enough dating experience from the past to be able to distinguish between a woman who honestly likes me or someone who is trying to take advantage of me. I guess I will learn by my mistakes.

Dave

March 26, 2006
11:58 pm
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Must get to bed. Sweepy, very Sweepy. I will read anything that you send me tomorrow night Erica. Must go to Bed.

Good night.

Dave

March 27, 2006
12:10 am
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Night, hun. Sleep well.

What you said about the women taking advantage, that is what I meant.

I mean, there are some reall butthole guys out there, but REALLY, it goes both ways, there are some serious Butthole women too!!!!

Trust, I know, I've been involved with a few! LOL.

Hell, I've even been one once.

Night Dave and have a GREAT day.

HUGS,
Erica

March 27, 2006
12:22 pm
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free2choose,

I am very sorry you were sexually molested as a child. I'm sure that was very traumatic and strongly impacted you.

I think the most important thing is to be true to who you are, gay or not gay.

I am heterosexual and disagree about your view of men as jerks. I'm sure that is based on your experience. I have a different experience and I need to say that there are many, many good descent men in the world who treat women with love and respect.

March 27, 2006
11:57 pm
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Erica,

You are so funny. I think that I am going to just be a friend to this woman because I don't trust her. I have another women that I would like to get to know. She is my nurse. I might ask her out tomorrow when I see her to just see if she might be interested at all.

When voting comes around what do I vote for? If I support same sex marriage what will it be called on the ballot?

Talk to you tomorrow.

Dave

March 28, 2006
12:35 am
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free2choose...I just read your post at the top of the thread. Wow...it was so honest, and open, and I am just so amazed at your ability to dig so deep into your soul and share so much so that others might understand themselves. Thank you for that. I only hope that I can do that someday...or just be able to know myself as well as you know yourself.

anyway, sorry to interrupt this thread. I just had to say that.

March 28, 2006
4:29 am
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Kathy,

I am quite sure there are really great guys out there. See, I've met Dave here and I think he is great.

I self admittedly have a strong bias against men as predatory creatures. I believe this belief is validated by my experience, but I also believe it is unfair to group them all into one category and call them bad.

I also self admittedly know that, and admit I have ALOT of work to do and growing to do where men are concerned.

I still have work to do, but I have also come ALONG way. I am very aware of where I am, what I need to work on, and what I need to change.

I try hard to control my bias, predjudice, twords men, and make strides to deal with the men I come in contact with as ONLY themselves, and give them a chance.

I'm glad you checked in. Feel free to do so whenever.

Erica

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