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New Revelation...I am Codep. and searching for comfort....
April 22, 2006
1:20 am
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Organized Chaos
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I posted this on the other support thread, and have gotten several responses; but know that my spirituality cannot shine through there. I am searching for answers, in verses, friends, family, etc. Would like some comfort in scripture if you have some.

I can't believe what I read...the definition of codependency....it's me. I mean completely me. I have known that I have been repeating some non-productive patterns, and wasn't happy with that, but never knew it had a name.

My BF of 5 years and I split (again) almost 2 weeks ago. He is an addict, essentially untreated. He has been going to the methadone clinic for several years, but thinks he can "just have a couple pills" every once in a while and ends up right where he started. No counseling. I, as always, rescued him; financially, emotionally and sometimes physically. We have broken up before but have always reconciled after he has called on me to save him somehow. One time it was a motorcycle accident, the next time was to find his father, the next time jail; and so on and so on. He has cheated on me numerous times and accused me of the same. Historically I would explain how much I loved him, "why would I do that to you", etc. and then end up feeling guilty even when I did nothing wrong. But this time when I heard him say he thought I was cheating on him and then called me a liar (with expletives attached!), I left. Trust me, if we covered everytime he emotionally destroyed me during the entire 5 years here, this would take a week! This coupled with my "never talked about" adolescent events at home.....I told you I was the definition.

Here is my question, my BF owes me a very sizeable amount of money which he borrowed from me prior to the blow up. This loan was to be paid back to me 10 days ago, but so far no payment or attempt at payment. I am nervous to make contact for fear of being sucked back in....any suggestions?

And thanks for reading, just writing this is therapeutic!

April 22, 2006
1:37 am
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Anonymous
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Organized Chaos,

Hi. I'm glad to see you here. May you find the peace you deserve.

Have you ever read the book called "Men who Hate Women (and the Women who Love Them)"? It's tells of four or five couples in situations very much like what you describe, and this book might give you some tremendous insights into your situation.

But be prepared to run the entire gamut of emotions while reading it -- I know I did.

I'll post you more later. I have to run now.

Take good care, okay?

Seeker

April 22, 2006
2:51 am
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Organized Chaos
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Seeker,

Thank you for the reading suggestion, I have written it down and will locate tomorrow!

I have had the book "Getting The Love You Want" given to me by concerned friends. I have been so busy seeking comfort in other places, I haven't taken time to read it. I have been told by many that it will open my eyes to what I deserve! Perhaps this will help you as well.

I thank you for your post.

I have to admit, my daily prayers are for inner peace and wisdom. I would take either one, or simply a momentary lapse in daily reality!

I am doing the best I can on my own!

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