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Needing Someones Perspective
December 20, 2013
12:16 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
December 19, 2013
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Hello everyone my name is Janine,

So I am currently having issues with a friend of almost 6 years, and I would like to hear from others and see weither what i am doing in this situation is right or wrong.

Well about 6 months ago i had found out my boyfriend of 3 years was cheating on me with a another woman who i knew but wasint really considered a friend to me but we definetly knew of eachother. Well when i found out we broke up and i have no longer spoke to him since. Well after this situation happened i ofcoarse leaned on my friends to comfort me and help me throught it and one of my friends i cannot say her name but i will use her initial which is M. she helped me she was always there she would tell me how much she disliked this girl he cheated on me with and how disrespectful it was and i knew it was. Mind you the girl knew that me and him were together when he cheate don me and neither him or she cared. Well my friend M apparently has a coarse with the girl in our local college and apparently since M had noone else to speak with she started to speak with this grl that ruined my relationship , M went along and started talking to this girl even after knowing what she had done. I found ut about this and was a bit upset but i knew i couldint tell my friends who they can and cannot be friends with but i would think  my friend M would put herself in my shoes and maybe see how non conventional it is to become friends with this girl after how much she hurt me. My friend M said im not going to become best friends with the girl we just have class and we talk and that was fine with me i didint mind i am a very understanding person. But just to let you all know that out of almost everyone i know i might be the most understanding because my friends always are fighting about very ridiculous things and i never fight that i why i didint start a fight over that situation but If i were to do this exact situation to M she would never speak to me again because she is always about respect and principal. But as i was saying so lets fast forward to the end of the semester, It is almost M's birthday and she seds out an invite to her birthday dinner at a resturant which means its a small dinner between close friends. i went to lunch with her and a few friends before and i asked her who was invited and she looking across the table and laughed a bit i was so confused as to why she was laughing because i knew what she was going to say but i coukdint believe she was laughing, well she said it she said the girls name the girl my boyfriend chetaed on me with. I began to cry because i couldint believ ethat such a good friend would do something like thta to me considering the fact that i would never to that to her and if i did i would never be her friend again. As i was crying i sai to her how could u invite her and her exuse was well our families are friends. 1. her families went on a cruise together probably 10 years ago and they dont even talkk any more adn M did not say one word to her the past maybe 2 years so now you are using that card? She just kept trying to justify why she was inviting the girl. I was so upset and just left. The main reason i am hurt by her an dthis situation is because she did something i know for a fact100 percent if i did to her she would no longer speak to me and loose all respect and she expects me to be okay with what she did? she is gonna choose some girl she just started becoming semi close with over a friend of almost 6 years. And the idea of me actually going to the dinner and just ignoring the girl and acting like i am better is absolutly ridiculous because even thinking baout the girl makes me sick it makes me hypervenalate, cry and freak out, and sitting at the same table as her would me psychotic. Also when i asked her how could she invite her M's responce was " well isint it kinda old now?" ( referreing to the whole cheating situation) This isint just a little thing that happened that man and woman ruined my life its not something you can just get over and i just feel like my friends are not on my side on this. Can someone please help me and let me know what you think about the whole situation and what i should do.

December 20, 2013
5:41 am
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
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thank you for sharing.  This must have been very difficult for you to put into words.  I imagine your head is an ocean of fear, betrayal and real emotional pain.  I am so sorry that this happened to you.  I do not know how old you are, but I am going to assume over 18, yet under 30.  Not that your age really matters in this situation.  I feel from your post just how many people you really admired and counted on as friends have betrayed your trust & your love and even though I do not know them, from your perspective it must be brutal to have to juggle all of these occurances and troubles alone in your mind.

If I was in your position, I would keep my mouth shut to everyone involved and respect yourself fully & move on with your life.  Friendships that last for over 6 years should not be tested this way by new friends, but it happens.  It is very disrespectful to you, and your girlfriend M has no right to put this other girl into your world knowing how you feel about her.  People can be very hurtful without noticing at all.  Being cheated on by the boyfriend I think is enough pain for you to deal with right now.

Is there any way in which you can make a very huge decision to just move on and let go of all these so called "friends"?  You sound like a girl/woman who has great values, likely makes a terrific best friend, & people like you are so very special that others know that they can hurt them easily.

If you can, walk away Janine.  You deserve to be around people who will honour your person and treasure you for the beauty that is within you.

I am very sorry for what happened to you.  I am wishing for you a New Year filled with new people who will never play with your emotions again & see you for the righteous person you are.

No matter what, don't change.  Just keep your eyes open, be aware of what people do & remember that not everyone is going to understand what loyalty & true respect means to you.


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