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NEED HELP,HUSBAND ISSUES
March 25, 2008
10:06 pm
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lovehurt
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i've been with my husband for 4 years, we have 3 beautiful kids. i recently found out that he was cheating and the other woman is 6 months pregnant. he admits to it and is sorry it happened, but i can't trust him. i am sooooo hurt i don't know what to do. i haven't ate for 1 week and can't stop crying. will i ever get over this? will i ever be happy again? can anyone give me some advice. He said he ended it but i just don't believe him. HELP!! What do i do?

March 25, 2008
10:33 pm
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red blonde
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lovehurt -

If she is pregnant by him, this is not over by any means.

March 25, 2008
11:16 pm
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lovehurt
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red blonde,

what should i do? how should i handle it. i want to hurt his heart just like he hurt mine, but thats not going to solve or make anything better. plus i love him to much and thats not my style. i told him that i don't want him to have any relationship with her or her child. Honestly, i can't live with that, that child would be a constant reminder of his infidelity. it would just make things harder to work out. I'm ok with him paying childsupport, as long as he doesn't have any contact with them. that way , he will still be taking care of his responsibilities. I truly don't want them in our lives.

March 26, 2008
12:24 am
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Anonymous
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Are you asking him to have no contact with his child??

March 26, 2008
12:34 am
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Anonymous
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I understand that you were cheated on and such. I can understand your anger and your frustration...but, it isn't fair to ask that child to be without a dad for your security. It isn't that childs fault that you are hurt. That baby deserves a daddy. You don't have to like her, and she can stop being around him, but please don't punish the baby.

March 26, 2008
12:08 pm
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red blonde
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((((lovehurts))))

Both of you should go to couples counseling and perhaps you should go for counseling for yourself. You are very hurt now.

And I do agree with Sweet Peas, you would be punishing the baby. If the circumstances were on the other foot, would you want your baby to grow up feeling abandoned and unwanted by the father? Would you want your child to feel unloved because your child was a 'mistake'?

There are a lot of things that you are going to have to search your own soul for the right answers to make this marriage work.

Things like: Would you be able to forgive him? Would you be able to trust him again? Would you be able to not become bitter and/or resentful? Would you be able to resist throwing this back in his face or holding this over his head when things get rough? Would you be able to resist not punishing him?

If things are not worked out between the two of you and you stay together 'for the children', because is that really the 'best' for them?

March 31, 2008
2:08 am
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lovehurt
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i love my husband and i want to be with him. I'm afraid i won't ever be able to trust him or forgive him. If i can't find it i my heart to forgive him, how can i stay with him and make it work? i can't turn back time whats done is done, but i can't learn to "just deal with it".

March 31, 2008
2:39 am
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Worried_Dad
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Hi lovehurt,

Holy crap.

That's a tough one to get over. Does your husband still want to be with you? I think you pretty much have to have professional help here.

Just a detail, but it is worth finding out if the woman's baby was really fathered by your husband.

March 31, 2008
5:55 pm
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Loralei
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I agree that a paternity test will be in order.

lovehurt, I totally understand your not wanting your husband to have anything to do with the child he is having with another woman. Granted, he will surely be stuck with child support, but he does not have to have anything to do with raising the child. Maybe he can sign away his parental rights in case the woman finds a husband who wants to adopt it.

If you want to keep your marriage together, then I think you have every right to make this a condition of taking him back if this is what you want. If your husband stays involved with the other woman by co-parenting with her, I can see how this could destroy your marriage. You top priority is you and YOUR family. Don't let anyone put a guilt trip on you about how you have to ruin your life for the sake of his lover's child. You just worry about your own children and yourself.

March 31, 2008
8:03 pm
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red blonde
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Either way ....professional helf for the two of you or for each of you individually is a must...

April 1, 2008
2:01 am
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free
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I know a couple who survived this very thing as married. I wish I knew how they did it, I'm sharing this kuz I think you need to know it can happen. the mom is raising the child single- the child is 16 now I believe, dad and his wife have visitation. And this is a small town. Dad was the principal of one of the two high schools, his wife a well respected teacher in the elementary school, the lover was another much younger, new teacher in an elementary school.

Truthfully, I don't know if I could handle this.

I'd head to a marriage counselor.

hugs

free

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