Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
need advice about marraige
July 11, 2008
6:27 pm
Avatar
luvnlife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Five years ago I was on a "rebound." The break up that caused me to rebound also sent me through a dark depression. 8 months after the breakup, I met and dated a co-worker. I never really felt "in-love" with him but dated him anyway in hopes of finding new love and getting over the breakup. Well, I never did fall in love but married him anyway.It has been 5 years now and I'm bored with this marraige, I don't like his children, hate supporting them(child support), and realize that I may have made a big mistake. I believe in being loyal, but wonder if I should leave this marraige. There are times when I could have because he cheated on me with several diffrent women but I returned the favor. We have made ammends since then and he has shown no signs of repeating that behavior. Since the reconciliation of our affairs, he's been wonderful. Goes out of his way to show me love and affection, treats me great...the whole nine. But I'm still not in love with him or his children. I feel stuck, bored, and wish I would have left when I had the chance. When I tell him how I feel and let him know that I've considered leaving, he acts so distraught as if he want survive without me. I can't stand the guilt from that because it makes me think about how I felt with my last break up. I hate to be so brutally honest his children but is the truth. What do I do now?

July 11, 2008
9:54 pm
Avatar
thewall
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Two wrongs dont make a right so please dont cheat on him again. Cheating isnt the only way to get out of a marriage. Its the chicken way out. Sounds like you did it in hopes that he would get mad and leave. He didnt do it. So now what? He cheated on you. Sounds like there isnt a whole lot holding this marriage together. Without trust, there isnt a foundation.

From your post it sounds like you are asking for permission to leave him. Noone can make that decision but you. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

July 12, 2008
3:25 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I sure as hell wish I had the answer to this one.

I'm just....

in a similar boat paddling down a parallel river.

What the heck DO ya do when you're not happy in a marriage?

Counseling?

At some point that becomes pretty "yesterday"

If ya know what I mean.

I'm trying to find happiness in other things. But it's not really working.

I'll be watchin' this thread for sure, hoping things work for ya.

hugs

free

July 12, 2008
2:11 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Luvinlife: ((((& Free)))):

I think most of us have had the same feelings of boredom and of "did I do the wrong thing". Too many yesterdays; I do understand.

One thing that has come to my mind that I wanted to touch on is that marriages are not always in the honeymoon stage. A few lucky folks keep it but not many. It becomes the mundane concerns of day-to-day life. Happens regarding everything from marriage to jobs to kids to chilc support to anything that requires responsibility. But how to get past it? I think Free hit it well w/ finding happiness, but maybe contentment is a better word? When you learn to be content in your situation then things fall into place I think. Now I am not saying this when things are involved such as cheating or abuse. Those are things to not be tolerated; ever. Marriage is 110% giving by each party. If he is not giving then it's not gonna work. If you are not giving it is not gonna work.

My hubby and I have been in counseling now for almost 3 months I think (I'm terrible w/ time). He is now trying to be a good hubby and father to his daughter. He is spending time w/ us and lets me know he loves me. I'm not saying every marriage that goes thru counseling will work, but it's doing us wonders. My hubby is learning what it takes to be a good hubby. I don't think he had a clue, but I can say I am also learning things that make our marriage better. Finding a good counselor also was key coz we had been thru counseling many years ago and were never talked to about what specifically needs to be done of both sides to make it work.

Anyway, I'm not saying counseling is the only answer. Just wanted to share it worked for us. I do think that Free had a very good point there tho on finding what makes you happy, or shall I say content. My hubby used to tell me to get a life. I did and now he's concerned??? lol.

July 13, 2008
11:34 am
Avatar
WizardofAus
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There are a few problems that we are going to take with us when we leave a situation and move elsewhere. We certainly take all our character defects with us. So it's important to our future happiness that we make sure we are clean before we leave or else we are just going to recreate the same old problems in the next relationship.

So where does cheating fit into your future? Do you understand how you made cheating an ok thing for you to do within a relationship. Are you going to do it differently from now on, either in this relationship or in another one?

Boredom is one of those things that we ultimately create for ourselves, from the inside out. Sure our partner may be boring but we have a choice as to whether we are going to be bored or find stimulation in other aspects in our life.

What is your honest relationship with those kids? It is your choice about what happens between you and them in the future. Get clear on what you really want in that area of your life and then start to create it with integrity.

It might be an idea to ask a slightly different question about the relationship you are in. You are currently exploring how bad it is. Given that you have already invested in it, you could ask yourself, "how good could this relationship be?"

This looks to me like it is a prime opportunity to do the fourth step; the fearlessly honest inventory of how you are going about creating things in your life and the outcomes you are creating for yourself. It is not a guilt step, it is a sincere attempt to understand yourself and your relationship to others.

In my experience it reaps huge and surprising rewards; often in some utterly unexpected ways.

July 15, 2008
7:35 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well folks? someone jump in here.

July 16, 2008
3:15 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Be true to yourself, luvnlife.

But I believe you have already made your decision.

July 16, 2008
7:03 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Look at yourself and look at the other and how does it all balance out? There are worse things than leaving a marriage, like staying in one ... especially when there are children. What are we setting them up for? Let's be the best we can be and sometimes that means leaving someone behind and being by ourselves. As a single mother for twenty four years I know the best thing I ever did for my children was leaving their father.

I simply look at what they have become as adults.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
32
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111162
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen, eyeconcepts, junwork52, whitedental
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information