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My safe place....the next chapter.....
July 9, 2007
11:23 am
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ggfred4
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STAY AWAY FROM THE VACUUM!!!

July 9, 2007
11:35 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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"STAY AWAY FROM THE VACUUM!!!"

Now seriously...Lil Shit...you are too funny...I think I recall a few choices YOU made where maybe taking the doctors orders wasn't really on your list of things to do either....right? I am just sick of laying around, and I am sick of being bored...and I need something to do..I can't stand this anymore...I just caaaaan't. (that is how I hear you saying that word....your cute little southern angelic accent...)

Love you gg...

July 9, 2007
11:36 am
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bevdee
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Umm Michigan- that would be cain't.

July 9, 2007
11:38 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks for the correction Bev...you are great....

July 9, 2007
11:42 am
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bevdee
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Well, I just don't want ya talkin wrong when you come down here! Especially at Graceland.

July 9, 2007
11:43 am
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ggfred4
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Hey, I don't have an accent!!!

July 9, 2007
11:45 am
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bevdee
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GG- everyone has an accent. My nieces came down here and were laughing at the little kids' accents, and I told them "No, y'all are the ones with accents now. If they visited Illinois, they would have the accent." They didn't get it.

Nite ladies.

July 10, 2007
12:16 am
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Friendma
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((((((((((MICH))))))))))

July 10, 2007
8:15 am
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bevdee
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Mich

I wanted to send you some positive stuff this morning. The thunder woke ma, and it's raining real hard. I usually lose I-net sporadically during the day when this happens.

Positive stuff going out to you.

July 10, 2007
8:37 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Bev,

Thanks. I need all the postitive "stuff" that I can get today. I slept about 9 hours last night...but it was relatively restless. Oh well....I will get there. I am VERY sore this morning. I don't know what is up with this, and I am tired of it. I just want to be ok. I want to feel like doing the things that I want to do. I know...I need to be patient....I was NOT born with that gift, and I haven't picked it up in this life either...

I hope that all is going ok for you as well. I have my post op appt. today. My FIL's girlfriend is taking me, as I cannot yet drive...it hurt me to even be in the van last night. I just don't get it. Oh well, I am thinking that it isn't meant for me to get. I WILL survive. I am a little nervous about going to the docs, but I am glad because I want some answers. Like why the hot flashes, and stuff like that. It all makes me a little nervous.

Anyway...Bev, I hope that you have a good day. I think about you often. I think about all that you have going on in your life too. I care about you, and I wish you NOTHING but the best. You are a great person, and you have been a wonderful friend. Thanks...from the bottom of my heart.

Mich

(((Bev)))

July 10, 2007
10:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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"Be sure to tell Michigan the rat way ta tawk!"

Oh good lord Bevdee, YOU crack me up....

July 10, 2007
7:34 pm
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bevdee
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Michigan

Then you would pee your pants if you met me, because that is how I talk most of the time. Actually if I called you on the phone, it would be like "ha (soft a like in half), this is bevday" Think is thank. And Miss Rouxlady might try to deny it, but I just know she talks like that too, down there in cajun country.

How did it go at the doctor today? I was thinking about you today. I was thinking about how difficult it is to have positive thoughts. Or not to have negative ones, in the most ideal situations. How difficult it is to hold on to that tenuous grasp I have - and when I don't feel great physically, all of the mental, emotional stuff tends to downward spiral, too.

Hang on, Mich. Your body is going to heal.

(((MIch)))

July 10, 2007
8:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Bev,

It isn't the physical it is my heart that I am worried about...

Mich

You going to be around?

July 10, 2007
8:45 pm
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bevdee
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I will if you need me to- I am ironing.

July 10, 2007
9:57 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Bev,

I walked out of there today with 5 prescriptions. Refills on both pain meds., an antibiotic because my incision is oozing, a pill to take to numb my bladder because it hurts to pee., and a small dose of a hormone replacement because I am having HORRIBLE night sweats and hot flashes. I just want to feel normal.

I haven't been sleeping good which I know does not play well on my emotions at all, but...what do I do. I guess, here is hoping that the hormone works at least for that. She wants me to take it for at least two months, and then ween me off of it to see if it is my body adjusting to the ovary and uterus being gone, or if I will go through menopause...maybe the one ovary isn't working?? She did tell me that I had something called andemetriosis...but I can't find ANYTHING on it. Plus, I did have a lot of fibroids and cysts...of which ALL were benign. So for that I am happy.

There are a lot of other things going on in my head too. It is tough when my h is trying to be so good. I want to believe that it is going to last...but I am not a real trusting person. I wish that he could stay like he is right now.

I know that it isn't my mom I want really, I just want a mom. Is that so wrong?? I am really struggling with some of what is going on here. I just want someone to hear me out. Someone to hold me, someone to let me cry. Does this mean that I haven't moved forward?? That scares me. I don't know. It is a tough time. I don't really feel like I have anywhere to turn right now. Things are really weird in a lot of the areas of my life, and some I don't feel at liberty to discuss....but it doesn't take away the pain, the
confusion and the hurt. I don't know. I just don't know. And I fear pushing people away with being honest about anything. I feel like I am backsliding and I don't like that at all. I really don't.

I don't know...I just feel lonely and I need something...

July 10, 2007
10:08 pm
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bevdee
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Ah Mich

I am sitting here expecting the Niceman. He's stopping by for a few minutes on his way home, for about an hour. I can talk to you after that, if you are still on.

Yes, your hormones are going to be all over the place, and then the replacements will wreak havoc too.

Try endometriosis- with an e.

July 10, 2007
10:13 pm
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bevdee
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July 10, 2007
10:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Bev....it isn't endometriosis. It is something different....

July 10, 2007
10:34 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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http://www.women-health-care.c.....myosis.htm

This is what it is...it just took me a little while. But there you have it.

July 10, 2007
11:49 pm
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bevdee
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Well, I had never heard of that. (Imagine that!) That link said "The best treatment of adenomyosis surgical removal of the entire uterus" Did you tell me that is what they did?

July 10, 2007
11:51 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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They took out my uterus, my cervix, my left ovary and tube.

I guess that is a good thing??

July 10, 2007
11:54 pm
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ggfred4
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Bev, I may live in cajun country, but I am not a cajun. My dad was from New Jersey and my mom was from Texas. Speaking of bev, how do you say pecan?!?

July 10, 2007
11:58 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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That is the question...and praline??

Is it pray-leen?

Or is it pra leen?? With a VERY short a?

It is pee-con, gg.

Hey ladies...I have spent the better part of a week, SERIOUSLY considering stopping seeing Jim. What is my malfunction? I know that part of me feels guilty....but I am not sure what the issue is on a whole...

July 10, 2007
11:59 pm
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bevdee
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Well, yeah. I guess so. It says the entire uterus. And the way I understood that definition was that adeno myosis (MYO is latin for muscle) is that the inflammation is in the uterine wall. That should be gone. Did she say you have adeno... or you had adeno....?

July 11, 2007
12:00 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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HAD

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