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my husband keeps lying to me
May 10, 2008
1:53 pm
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lovehurt
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i found some receipts of a restaraunt that i never been to. there were 2guests and one of them wasn't me. my husband cheated and the girl is prgnant. he says he was only seeing her for 1month, but the receipts date back to last summer07. according to his mistress the've been together for 2yrs. i asked him about the receipts and he keeps denying it. because of him, i am damaged. i can't stand to see babies or pregnant women. it's been almost 2months since i found out. i want to leave because i will never forgive him or trust him and i don't want him to be in the chlds life, just pay her child support. i asked him to sign away his rights and he says he need to think about it. i told him if he doesn't do it then him and i are through. i want to leave but i have nowhere to go and no job. we have 3 kids together, and they don't have a clue as to whats going on. i don't want them to know, but they are gonna ask questions "why don't we live with daddy anymore?" their ages are 1,5,6 years old,and the two older ones are very smart i'm afraid they might figure out whats going on. i live to far from family and i don't want them to know anything because i am too embarassed.he tells me it's over between them but i don't believe him.i can't get a job because of personal reasons, i don't know what to do. HELP!!!!!

May 10, 2008
5:18 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im so sorry sweetheart this does sound like a very tough situation. you are right you cant trust him. I have no words of wisdom sweetheart. Have you go sought counseling? Maybe some personal and marriage counseling could help in this situation. (((Lovehurt))) I so feel for you hunny. Please write more.

May 11, 2008
12:35 am
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free
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September 27, 2010
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dude this really bites. I can't imagine what you must be going through. okay lets look at options.

You stay and try to work it out.In that case you're gonna have to take things one day at a time. Maybe try to get into counseling. But by all means not look at the whole picture as that would surely be completely overwhelming.

You leave and don't tell family. Credit cards maybe? Apply for welfare assistance- housing, food, medical/dental insurance. And of course child support- boy would he pay up the gazoo with you not working. Would he call your family and tell them you left?

You stay and plan to leave. That means living one day at a time with short-term, mid-term, and the long-term goal of leaving. You find your happiness despite living with his misery. That's hard to do but can be done- your happiness can't be tied to his behavior to do it. Meaning you resist caring what he does and focus on yourself and your kids.

You tell your family and ask for help. What would happen? Would they want you to leave? lovehurt, you've nothing to be ashamed of, he does. You've been betrayed, lied to, cheated, you are a victim and so he is the one who shoulders all the shame. Don't shoulder it for him, he doesn't deserve it.

I'm not seeing other options are you?

I read this quite awhile ago and my heart broke for you and during the day today I was thinking "gosh what to say?"

I wish I knew.

I just want you to know people care and maybe us peoples here can help you to make some decisions. Or not.

free

May 12, 2008
11:38 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Lovehurt,

First of all (((((LOVEHURT))))) - I am SO sorry that you are having to go through this.

I am sorry that your husband has put not only your children in the middle of this - but now even bringing another child into this entire situation.

I agree with Free, I think if I were in your shoes, I would sit down (maybe once you get the kids to bed and you have some time to think), and write it out. Can you talk to your family for help? Will they give you assistance? Contact your local social services office and see what you would qualify for. Contact an attorney and see where you would stand as far as child support and alimony. If you don't have the means to pack up and leave now, and you know deep in your heart you will not be able to forgive him and move on - then you know at some point in your life you will be leaving this man; then start making the plans to do so.

I know you say you are embarassed to tell your family what is going on - but, you have NOTHING to be embarassed about - he is the one that has done the wrong doing, NOT you. He has damaged how many lives? Yours, your three children, and let's face facts - I'm sure there has been some emotional damage done to the other woman, and now because of their combined stupidity and carelessness (let's face it, there is an entire aisle in the store that sells preventative measures) another innocent child is now going to be thrust into an emotional hurricane. Because of his selfishness, he has damaged six lives - yours, hers, and four children.

Find out what your options are, and begin to act on them.

All the best,

Z.

April 20, 2013
9:46 am
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cristie37
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April 20, 2013
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i found some receipts of a restaraunt that i never been to. there were 2guests and one of them wasn't me. my husband cheated and the girl is prgnant. he says he was only seeing her for 1month, but the receipts date back to last summer07. according to his mistress the've been together for 2yrs. i asked him about the receipts and he keeps denying it. because of him, i am damaged. i can't stand to see babies or pregnant women. it's been almost 2months since i found out. i want to leave because i will never forgive him or trust him and i don't want him to be in the chlds life, just pay her child support. i asked him to sign away his rights and he says he need to think about it. i told him if he doesn't do it then him and i are through. i want to leave but i have nowhere to go and no job. we have 3 kids together, and they don't have a clue as to whats going on. i don't want them to know, but they are gonna ask questions "why don't we live with daddy anymore?" their ages are 1,5,6 years old,and the two older ones are very smart i'm afraid they might figure out whats going on. i live to far from family and i don't want them to know anything because i am too embarassed.he tells me it's over between them but i don't believe him.i can't get a job because of personal reasons, i don't know what to do. HELP!!!!!

April 21, 2013
3:43 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Your situation is very sad & desparate.  Aside from your husband, everyone will have long term hurtful memories out of this indsicrection of your husband's.  You may think that the children do not know, but they probably know something is amiss.  Kids are super smart.  I guess if I was in your situation, I would ask for a separation & for full custody of the children & since he is the one who has the job, let him arrange to pay for the mess he made by having an affair and a child along with it.  You cannot decide for the mistress what to do with the baby, you cannot force your cheating husband to see the error of his ways, you can only try to protect yourself & your children & move on with them as a family unit.  I am sorry for the trouble you are having in your life.  I am sorry that your husband did something this outrageous without giving any thought to whom he would be hurting in the future.

Try to be strong and fight for yourself and your kids.

 

One Day

June 13, 2013
5:32 am
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aaronwebvizards
Costa Mesa, CA
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January 25, 2013
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I feel sorry for you my dear....i can understand the situation you are going through, but i feel you are strong person who can lead a better life then you are leading right now, i really feel pity your husband who is going to loose a gem of a person & a good mother of his kids. I don't find any reason that you can't work back again, it may be difficult for few days but things will change once you get into the habit, & also i don't find any reason for you to trust him back, since he cheated on you , he cannot be changed over nightly. Either you guys met a marriage counseller who can somewhat save your marraige, or let your in laws know about the current situation at your place. it may be difficult for you to arrange everything at end but the end result hopefully be fruitful for you.

September 2, 2013
5:41 am
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RehabForTeens
Orange, CA
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February 21, 2013
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I know it is a very difficult situation and you are hurt deeply.It is indeed a difficult to forgive him and then where is the guarantee that if you do forgive himi,then he will not repeat the same mistake.Life is going to be very tough if you stay with him and even more difficult if you walk out.i feel it is betteryou either talk to someone in the family,whom you can trust,and who can analyse the situation for you or go see a marriage counselor,who will be able to answer all your queries and put your mind at rest.I know stress is getting to you but you will have to stay calm and think rationally,even if it is only for your own self or your kids.

November 23, 2013
1:18 am
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Edward Fruitman
New York City, Manhattan, Long Island
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November 21, 2013
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Mostly, the couples breakdown when they have misunderstandings. If you think he is cheating you, it may be for he does not like you or recently had a quarrel with you. Otherwise, he cannot cheat you.

I would suggest you to engage a person who is not only a friend of you but also knows your husband or at least they both understand one another. It will be even better if this person is elder than the both of you. Then, sit with your husband and the person, to discuss the issues you recently had in the marital life. Hopefully, you will find a way to resolve the tensions that recently arouse between you.

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