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My boyfriend was sexually and physically abused..
July 23, 2007
3:06 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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When my boyfriend was 5 (he is now 22) he was sexually abused by a 16 year old male. This was while he lived with his dad (parents divorced) who is gay and could be involved in the occult. He says that he saw things there that he will never repeat. He was a drug user, but within the past year has stopped, although he has had a bunch of legal issues lately. He has a very bad temper, and tends to blow little things out of proportion. Although he has never been mean to me, he's never yelled at me or hit me or anything, I am still worried for his mental health, and worried that one day he will lose control of his rage and possibly direct it towards me. About a week ago, he and his brother got in an argument about money, and fist started to fly. His mother called the cops on him and he was taken to jail because of his previous record for possession of marijuana. He wants to join the marines once he gets out, he thinks it will help sort out his life and help him learn discipline. His mother thinks he should go to family counseling and a mental hospital. I just think he needs counseling, but none of us are experts at this.

I am going to college this year, and he and I both want him to get an apartment down there near me. But..he also wants to join the marines, Im afraid doing that before he goes to counseling might mess his head up more than it already is. I just don't know how to deal with this, i love him and he knows that I will support him through it all, we just don't know what he should do. Help me please!!!

July 23, 2007
3:38 pm
st regis falls, ny
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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my BF joined the marines out of high school, hoping to get his head on straight.

the risk of him fighting the war in Iraq is VERY high right now and that may mess his head up even more.

my BF did not get his head on straight and during some of his tours overseas, spent a good amount of time drunk and partying. He did not get the direction in life that he so desperately sought.

if your BF was abused by someone in authority, he may struggle with taking orders from someone barking at him and looming over him in a very domineering manner...it may make things worse.

I believe that his mom is right, rehab and counseling is the only way to heal those wounds to the point of living a healthy life.

I would warn you about risking your college education to live with him off campus...being a freshman is difficult enough without having to worry about a stressed out relationship and bills and playing house with someone who is hurting so badly. You will end up spending more time worrying about him and his mental health, then you will focused on your schooling.

you mention "WE just don't know what HE should do".

honey, it's not your job to fix this for him...it's his job. As an adult, only he can make the decisions. I applaud you for being so loyal to him, but I warn you that you risk being codependent by wanting to fix this and putting your own welfare at risk to be there for him.

you already acknowledged that you fear someday being hit. is it worth the risk?

This is his to fix. his mom can guide him, you can speak up about your preferences...but in the end, it's his decision and his job to take care of it.

please put more focus on your future and your own personal needs. no young lady heading to college should be walking on eggshells, afraid someday she may be hit.

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