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June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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For what it's

I've said I am
concentrating on home. the last 2 1/2 months has been intense with
work ( rarely time to sit on the computer and come here to READ
EVERYTHING) building our social life, fixing stuff around the
house, My partner, IL's, my son.

I just go to a few
threads to follow up.

I just posted
recently that I am having trouble listening here. AAC is pretty
much on the back burner, and i only come due to loyalty and i do
appreciate what goes on here . ( well it was wasted obviously on
you sd, you bail, and frankly, i figured it would happen, saw it
brewing under neath and YOU didn't have the decency to address
these issues and LED ME ON. Due to your issues not mine)

Know what I don't
appreciate? People who post under multiple nics, manipulate and
play games with others who stay honest. But that's a sidebar and
I'm not getting into it.

SO during all this
shitstorm on Meltdown, I didn't read ALL of BFG's posts to
caraway, or everyone elses, scrolled down to see if he ( cary)
responded, and saw him repeat my quotes a few times, i just
responded to his posting MY quotes, without MY nic attached and i
see that as being elusive AND he was going after me, withotu making
it too obvious . I responded to cary mainly then just offered
some support to BFG who is really struggling. I'm not going to beat
her up cause i see she's just too vulnerable. I am tearing down to
the core of this site.Support, and just let people spew their
emotions at times cause, well , this place a mental health

Well. I get a lot
of pats on my back at home for being brave enough to face conflict
and speak my truth, without getting personnal.

D told me " you
are brave and strong to stand up for your beleifs when under attack
or to point out the injustiv=ces of the world. Most people cower
away, fence sit, avoid, and haven't the guts to take control. They
just complain and back bite. Can't rely on people like

Yea. I'm so
thankful for D. He is solid and true. That's what i want in my

I draw parrallels
to others views so that they may understand " you may not get why i
beleive this but it's pretty much the same reason why you beleive

If people take
the time to explain themselves, and commit to DIALOG THEY STARTED (
which cary did and YOU did sd) then it shows good character and
respect. YOU two bail and that tells me a lot.

This weekend
everything seemed to come to a head at home and here. We had a good
friends father die, had a funeral On Sunday AND another friends
50th the same day. My Aunt contacted me on Friday night, replying
to my response about my Dads 85th B-Day, and it was pretty
emotional. It was the anniversay of my Mothers death ( June 12th,
when she died first then was revived, and then she slowly faded
away until her end on June 18th, My sisters B_day). I'm not posting
the movie that remains in my head with the interactions of my whole
family. It is My Moms death anniversary and my family is rustling
about in a bit of a storm right now. They're trying to draw me back

I obviously let a
lot of emotion, spew on here and didn't mention ANY of

After my friends
50th, we went to the funeral and the friends who we had a falling
out with were there, and THAT was very emotional.

The whole week end
was communication overload ( while i was recovering from an
exhausting week). Dealing with conflict, positive events, negative
ones, offering gifts, sharing some time, remembering some sad
events and juggling what I'll do about family B-Days, and standing
my ground against those who wish to see me as a

Tho I was tested
to the limit, and everything came from ALL sides, the result was
open armed kindness, healing, realizing WHO my real friends ARE,
and acceptance. the negative emotions that seeped out during all
of this were understood, accepted and ignored by my ral freinds,
and they offered support and stuck by me.

I realized
arguments can happen with friends, and i have to fight my instinct
to cut and run. I need to change a little more. I learned i didn't
have to argue with others who already hurt me so badly, cause they
felt shame and responsibility for accusing me of something i
never did Peace was the result.

I have changed
a bit for the better. I also still have anger issues. Good things
have come my way, and I'm so gratefull.

I'm foscuing on

Caraway may
have touched a nerve, and i rose like a warrior, but he was right
about one thing. Thought is creative.

So one of my
most creative friends from BC called me last night with his
stories, adventures and creative endeavors. He injected some
inspiration and gave me a psuh in that direction.

It's amazing
what came my wqay, withotu asking, when so much pain and hurt was
all around me and in my heart.

I have allowed
the darkness of the world to seep in too much, have spoken about it
TOO much here, and frankly, this place doesn't have the fortitude
to hold that without great resentments, and denial building up.
Theres alwys someone coming in , telling you to SHUDDUP, then
you're to blame for saying NO!

I want reality
and i want to see people when we talk. I want to know WHO they are
and WHO i am really dealing with.

I want
recovery. Did You know over 90% of communication is non

This place
isn't somewhere to call home. It has no roof, or

Gotta go
elsewhere for that. Short visits then GO HOME! No more hiding. I
don't hide here and I get flak for that. I made a

Those are my
thoughts. I want solid and i think I will just invest with

I feel for
peoples suffering and help but I beleive ya gotta help yourself.
Rescuing functioning adults ain't my MO and i won't take on other
peoples responsibilities. I don't need to invest in strangers and
be hurt by them. A lot of people here are like

Anonymous. It
triggers my attachment and abandonemnt issues. It keeps me

I'm not saying
the people behind these nic names are worhtless, NO I am NOT!. I
know most are real. But growth can only go so far. They gotta work
on HOME and not hide here.

This site is
about improving our lives. And my life has changed, improved, and i
have people around me who I can rely on. People I really

Thanks for
starting this thread sd and bailing.

disappointed but hey! I read what you wrote a few days ago ( about
your state of mind) I listened to THAT very deeply. I'm not going
to take this too personal.

I wish you
healing, and wellness. I truly want the best for you, and hope that
life brings good things your way. I want you to get back what you
lost and feel happy again. I leave you with that.

Be well! Be

June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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MsGuided, sorry for butting in. I just wanted to tell you that you
have my positive thoughts and good earth energy directed at you.
Too much!! Too much death, ritual, etc. Funerals are f- in hard,
man. The work you do is hard manual labor!! Exhausting in this
heat. Take care of yourself. Take a long bath at home, if nothing

Relax under the
stars tonight, breathe in the night air. Slowly and


June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Thanx for
understanding and giving some healing words. The same back at ya!

I did a flip

I said i need to
back away. Well, i am sensing some revenge, and THAT bothers me. I
don't deserve the projection or rejection. Ces't LA VIE! Won't
knock me down. I'm saddened and not really surprised. She's done
with "all "THAT""??!!.....and , well, I am NOT going to mudsling. I
had my say above.

I wish sd healing
and wellness is all.

I've had a lot of
good energy come my way amidst all the upheaval and it feels good.
Unrelated to here ( perhaps). Just some magical, loving stuff has
made it's way to me without request. The universe is sending small

and i watched the Dutch team win 2-0. He is just fixated on the
Word Cup and took some time off for the next few weeks starting
next Friday.

Relatives are here
from Holland ( my favourite uncle and aunt) and I want to see them.
Have to work that out. (*gulp* it means enmeshment with those i
have NC with) I'll need deep breaths to navigate this one. Get
around my sister. ;0/

Due to
'everything" at home, ( I have a weekend emotional hangover) and a
backlog of paperwork, I decide to make this an office day, to catch
up on what i haven't had time for, or avoided.

( Multiple browser
windows *wink wink*)

I have to file my
taxes, sort out last years files, and collect my HST, GST checks. (
new tax breaks ) Those installments will help through the

I also have a HUGE
maturely landscaped property that I'm starting on I need to draw up
plans for and submit to the client. It needs some renovation and
additions. Possible remodeling of front walkway with flagstone, and
new bed with rockery in the front. Get that OK'd before I begin
tomorrow. I got the whole maintenance and construction contract!

Yes I will take
your advice about breathing and taking in the outdoors> the
peace of the evening sky. You do that too where you are

Know what? Our
Owls have disappeared. HA! Putting the symbolic mystical part
aside. I haven't heard them at all this year.

Last fall a
"murder" of Crows was harrassing them. A whole noisy ruckus went on
for a while. That's when we finally saw the owls ( they got flushed
out by those Crows)I think they got bullied away out of this

But we have a
family of Pileated Woodpeckers nesting nearby now. They came closer
than last yr. I hear their wacky calls all the time.


Oh man.

Let your
imagination fly with that one. ;0)

I lost my Owls and
got Woody WOODPECKER! I guess that restores balance?


Hey! I'm starting
to write again! Some metaphoric prose about this weekends events at
home. LOL

So glad to see ya
around again.hehe


June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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congrats on the
contract!! I'm working more too, this year, actually turning hours
down each week. I also also sell some crafts now, and stay busy
with that when I'm not working. That's good side money.

Do you think it is
the release of emotion that is allowing you to flow enough to
write? Or the creativity that you are expressing with your craft-
landsaping? I ask for my own reasons, of course... all abut me me
me. :~)

I keep an ear out
for owls because they swoop on and mangle small animals. I have my
little 4# wawa, so I'm careful about letting him out at night. I
watch and listen for them all the time. I haven't heard any owls
this spring and early summer around my place, either.. My guy has
though. He lives a little ne of me, and he's lost a bunch of
newborn chicks this year, either to owls or snakes.

Bullied by
woodpeckers. funny.

June 14, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Glad you got more
work and making $$ from creative too?

Gotta love the
"side money". ;0)

What else is new
if ya got time? If not i understand. U must be busy with the extra

U know I don't
mind wild predators. LOVE EM! I'm not fearful at all of Bears,
Cougars, or Coyotes. Had a few very close encounters with em and
tho My adrenaline raced, they left me alone. Mutual respect. Small
animals and vermin are meant for swoopin' on. I like the squirrel
population to be controlled. Once watched a hawk plunge onto one
out front, then it's family share the meal. Little disgusting but i
want those hawks around more than the squirrels.

But gotta protect
our little pets!

I always love your
wacky sense of humour cause it doesn't make me feel so wacky. ME ME

still doing sock

Yea. Had a HUGE
purge this weekend. I think you're right.Now all i gotta do is
start creating art again. Sculpture, drawing and

I have a whole
hillside of grey Clay so at least that material is FREE and
plentiful. Maybe in July when i have some time off. :0)

Ok. My aunt
contacted me, I called my Dad on Sunday. It didn't go THAT well.
Lots of my emotions poured out and it almost went down the toilet.
but he kept saying he loved me, missed us, wanted to see Chris. He
said he was sorry.

I hung up and
talked to D. D siad he will support any decision i make. I
considered everything. My childhood up to today, and i came to the
conclusion he is worth giving support to until he dies.

My sister dieing,
then my Mother welled up so much grief, anger and family
dysfunction I have to take responsibility for my state of mind at
the time. I had my own problems that made it unbearable with them (
the accident , insurance and what that caused) so i had to have

He didn't beat me,
sexually abuse me, or totally abandon me. He worked hard to put a
roof over our heads, provided extras ( club memberships, my summer
Horse riding camps) and he was a good grandfather to my son when he
was a child. He's just a simple plumber. That's what i got for a
Dad. My Mom was in control. Called him today and we talked about
Hollands victory in soccer and my son spoke to him. My son just lit
up. Nothing emotional just smalltalk.

When i lived with
them, he started to treat me better, and we worked together on
projects before his diabetis hindered his eyesight, then i had to
do the niggly things like electrical and repairing the roof. My
oldest brother did nothing. It was my brother who caused a lot of
trouble. My dad didn't protect me from him much or my Mother. It's
like he shut down.

He just isn't
perfect or have the tools to be more. I'm not going to be a selfish
heartless bitch. It's time to make a move.

My sister emailed
after the Sunday call and invited us to his 85th on the condition I
never do what i did again ( walk away) OR bring up family problems.
She wants it all to remain the way it is. WORKS for her!

I emailed back and
said we have to sort our issues before then. I apologized for my
part and said she needs to examine hers and do the same for me. I
explained how i felt as the youngest up to recently. She replied
"You're obviously not ready and I didn't read your

NOTE? it was a
LONG letter. LOL

I wrote back. No.
You're not ready and obviously don't give a damn for me or "my

There it

My son wants to go
to Dads B-Day, so it's still up in the air for D and I. I asked son
today how he feels about all this. My not seeing family and if he
feels abandoned. He said "no, I don't care" (I cared way less when
i was his age). I asked if i failed him by stopping contact. he
said "no it's ok." I asked if he misses Oma and Opa, He said
yes...so he is a little shut down, and maybe unaware. I don't let
him know and tried to shield him from all this drama. I think he
needs to make contact now and possibly it will help him. I don't
want him broken and isolated from family support. Ok Smart lady. U
know what that will mean if he goes and D and I don't. Everyone
will see us as jerks. I mean so many people will be there that i
have no issues with. Relatives from Holland ( favourite aunt and
uncle)longtime family friends.

Maybe I shouldn't
let my sibs get in the way. Ignore them and have a good time? Maybe
I gotta finally get rid of my isolating fault?

I have had friends
coem back into my life, 2 new ones the last week. I am getting so
much good energy coming my way lately. I am filled up a bit more
and feel better.

Woody Woodpecker
in the backyard is telling me something? Lighten UP!???

I saw my first
hummingbird in the feeder today. I gotta get a little sugar,
sweeten things and flit over to Dad before he dies!?

Fathers Day. His
B-day. Oh MAN! I'm kindof happy excited and terrified sad. Totally
bipolar. LOL

I know you love
your "Daddy" dearly: the preacher man. I so long for a Daddy. Maybe
mines not like yours or others but he's all I got. Mine never laid
a hand on me in an inappropriate way but My Mom did.

My dad lacks
communication skills and is a bit of a coward.

It could be a LOT

I gotta be strong
with this and take the step. It isn't just about me. I think I'm
ready and have to take this test.

what ya

and CC,
Canadian CLUB!!! I want you to know I miss you. I read your
stuff on "Meltdown" thread, and know your busy. I just couldn't
answer in time. U just rock buddy!


June 15, 2010
12:00 am
Forum Posts: 259
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September 30, 2010
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Your mom sounds
like she was a strong force to contend with. Mine sure was. Is. My
dad never said boo when he was married to her, just kept his head
down, and after the divorce, was afraid to say anything that would
make her angry. He was afraid she would take it out on us, and not
let us see him.

His mom was very
controlling and crtitical, too. So was her mom. He was groomed well
to marry a woman like my mom. Now, he does the best he can with his
raisin' , and what he has learned in his life. In his late 60s, he
finally came to a point where he could express his needs. I've
noticed in the last couple of years, he says when something hurts
him. That was my stepmother's influence, her lesson to him. There
are things I can't talk to him about. I mean, I could tell him, but
he wouldn't know what to say. He would offer some platitudes,
scripture, cause that's all he knows to say. It's the way he
expresses himself, his love for me. I have to remind myself that he
is a man, and men don't effuse the way women do about their
emotions. He doesn't, but he's there.

My daddy let me
down in some ways. I imagine he feels I have let him down, too. But
I love him, and I will be there for him as he ages. I'm glad to
read that you have some forgiveness and resolve about

Nothing makes
Daddy happier than for me to call him to "holler at him" . I tell
him what's going on with me, make him laugh a little. He lets me
talk and talk and talk. The weather is a popular topic, the
difference in temp. How hot is it down there? You gettin any rain?
And the all- time favorite - how's that car doing? How are the
tires holding up? Then the car advice. Same conversation I used to
have with both my grampas.

Have you ever
noticed that at family gatherings, the older people don't say much,
but love to get the family together? They do all the cleaning,
cooking, planning, then don't say much, but you can see their joy,
listening to their family? That's how both sides of my family are

I still work
weekend nights. Daddy calls me every Monday evening, to see how I
am. ( I think he worries about me driving home on the highway
sleepy). Anyway - The big story I told him tonight was this

I walked into work
last night, and the tech area was filled with balloons!!! Party
horns started blaring, and people yelled SUPRPRISE!!! A party for
me. My b-day is next week. Oh my gosh... all the night techs were
there, and some of the prns that I work with had come in on a
Sunday night to give me a little party. Even the dept skeleton that
we have to practice positioning on had a seat at the table, with a
party hat on, and a horn stuck in his mandible bone. (Xray techs
are macabre). There was a little buffet of my favorite carry-outs.
Every tech showed me what they brought. "I know you love pizza" "I
got you some shrimp fried rice" "Hot wings with hell fire hot
sauce" "Here's your Walmart brand white queso and tortilla chips"
"Sugar free candy" "7layer mexican dip"

I said, "Oh
someone baked me a little cake?!?!" .... "No that's for us, it's a
real one, has sugar in it" I can't believe they went to all that
trouble. It's been about 16 years since anyone at work did a party
for me. I was really really surprised, I almost bawled. And
thankful - no one called me a old bat. One tech said, "You look so
good for your age" Now - THAT'S politically correct. They gave me a
gift cert for a pedicure.

I just love scary
movies, and get them in the bargain bin from Walmart to watch at
work. Not gory, but shocking scary. They get my adrenaline going
after 1 in the morning, seeing dead cats falling out of closets,
and ghosts springing up. The sono tech groans when she sees me pull
new ones out. I replay the scary parts just to torture her. She had
taken an image of the little dead boy from The Grudge movies,
printed it, magged it and taped it on the back wall of my locker.
So... when I opened my locker to put my purse up, there was that
white face with the big O for a mouth. Good one. I nibbled all
night!! I had to take the food home, so I had leftover pizza and
hotwings for supper tonight. I didnt have to cook!! Now for my
actual b-day, I'm off!! I have worked my b-day for the last 9
years. SO - I am going to get the pedicure in the morning, a body
massage in the afternoon, and dinner will be cooked for me by my
guy that evening.

Did you breathe in
some night air? I did, after it cooled off. Take care of

June 15, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
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September 24, 2010
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I am like an old
person listening. I love your stories. You writing about your

It takes a story
teller to get me to SHUT UP! aaaahahahaHA! ( not likely)

Your Dad is more
communicative. My dad doesn't tell happy stories, or give much
advice. That's why i broke off from him. Not the strongest

I said he was

I don't remember
many intimate times with him. In fact i don't remember a lot of my
childhood WITH family. I remember my own adventures mostly, when i
was off wandering, or at some event or place. It's bothersome to me
cause my childhood, before 11 is when we spent most time together.
In my teens i was barely home. Not much to come home to but a good
homecooked meal and a house with my room. Mainly ate and slept
there. My parents worked or were at the tennis club, ( so was i but
i played with my age group) My Sibs were teens and were hardly

When i moved in
with them in my 30's I remember going up on the roof to repair a
leak, and him guiding me to where it was. And doing some
landscaping in the backyard. He was a doer not a talker. I had my
own fully furnished apt ( duplex) so we just ate meals together.
They were gone half the year.

There was WAY more
communication and interaction in your family life that's for

I can see you
gushing about this Surprise party. That must've made you so happy.
All those years with nuthin much then WHAMMO, totally overboard. I
remeber you posting on AAC about the problems with coworkers and
how you felt disconnected at times. Probabaly wasnt the whole story
"cause we do come here to COMPLAIN about problems. They had years
of you entertaining them and this is what you get!?hehe. Looks like
they took it all in and really appreciate your presence.went all

Gee i would

Horror movies at
work? Your facetted personality?

The pedicure and
massage sound great!

I'm meeting an old
friend Friday Night. She is a massage therapist, and needs some
landscaping. maybe we can barter if she hasn't hired a crew yet.
We're not meeting for that, it's about reconnecting with another
friend from 18 yrs ago for me, 9 for her. If i got a massage from
her TALK about reconnecting! LOL Maybe i should jsut see what
she'll charge me. Somehow it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
Maybe it's something i need to test.

D works in a large
W.H. and it's kindof the same. He gets' to know people, visa versa
and they find the odd thing about him. He IS odd. Looks like a long
haired rocker. Guys are always teasing and pulling pranks. I like
my work but working alone SUCKS!

I miss the
comradery of coworkers. When i was temping last winter it was like
that. I hated the work so much I had to find the postive and
everyone else felt the same. If we had a wet blanket amongst us it
was like repellent.I managed to have some fun and work well with
those i was put with.

I got a LITTLE
night air, but today was my refueling. I was on one jobsite just
doing beds and weeding, doing site analysis for added landscaping
so that isn't as tiring as mowing.

tired today.My biorythmns are off, but I feel better now

Time to eat
somethin. I'm thinkin MEXICAN! wonder why?


June 15, 2010
12:00 am
Los Angeles, California
Forum Posts: 104
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September 29, 2010
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bevdee! Hi MG!

Just wanted to say
hi. I'm having fun reading your stories. Cause they are written so

I had to laugh; "I
replay the scary parts just to torture her." LOL

I could eat
Mexican EVERY night.

Happy Birthday



June 16, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Forum Posts: 104
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September 24, 2010
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Hep_erzzzzzz I always appreciate your "skills" too sistah! Thanx!

Gee I'm not ok
right now. It's mainly my family bringing to surface other stresses
i was managing just fine ( work and my efforts put toward building
a better support group at home). It's stirring up so many emotions
again. Mainly due to my issues with sibs.

My sisters
rejection has brought so much anger back to the surface and I'm
snapping at D. Poor guy. It ain't THAT bad but i haven't been short
wicked like this in a while.

After writing my
letter to sis, and getting a freeze out, i just have to adjust,
channel my emotions into indiffernce to shut down the anger. I got
my response so let it go and get back on track.

I am focusing on
my Dad and still having NC with them. NC after the party which is
at my sisters.

Of course this
involves so many OTHER people who are ALL flocking to my Dads

It isn't THAT bad.
I'll be glad to see many of them and I'm sure The event will be the
focus and there'll be no drama.

My sister is the
Queen of the phoneys.HA!

Please send me
some positive energy to help me through this.

We're having my
Dad and IL's over for Fathers Day and soccer viewing.

I have a really
strong feeling he'll pass away soon after his B-Day. You know how
people hold on til they see everyone for the last time?

It started
storming today, rain pouring down> I came back home. Still
sorting my admin issues. OH man!Hopefully by the end of June I'll
have my taxes done. Still tto much work and i need to offset with
real relaxation. Now i got another ptoential client for
landscaping. eesh! Hopefully the facsists don't audit these last 4
yrs. Not that there's somethin to hide , but the process is a

If only the Gov
were so accountable?! THey are wasting 1 BILLION dollars on the G8
summit in Toronto! U wouldn't beleive the security measures they
are taking. Obviosuly sealing the final plans for Total world
domination. ;0(

good news now?! (


I heard my Owls
last night! YEAY! they shifted their nesting ground westward of
their last spot. Little further up the valley and it's harder to
hear them.

I was correct they
got bullied out but not too far from the last spot. They obviously
aren't as vocal as last year. They are nervous? I dunno. THAT made
me happy hearing the male and female Hoot back 'n forth.

I'm always
wondering about how the effects of chemicals put stress on these
creatures and appreciate the diversity remaining. Predators, prey,
insects , and the native plants.

That's it for now.
Back to paperwork then i gotta head out this afternoon.

Visiting "Moments"
Not "Meltdown", for a read.

I need all the
inspiration i can get!LOL


June 16, 2010
12:00 am
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Hepburn thanks for the B-day wishes. Preciate it. I could eat
Mexican, mmm, maybe 3 nights a week. Chinese once or twice. Pizza
once a week. But I love hot sauce on almost everything!! HOt
peppers on the pizza!! This winter, I boiled peppers to put in my
own salsa. WHew - some of them are so strong, I sneeze while they
are simmering.

Msg you said sock
monkey a couple of times - you must be psychic!! The sono tech is a
girl after my own heart. She shops at thrift stores. My b-day gift
from her was a little book about friends, with pictures of sock
monkeys, doing friend things together. Hugging, getting their hair
done, watching movies. .I had told her I was going to learn to make
them, make some little scrubs to put on them, and sell them at
work. A couple of months ago, she found a miniature Singer sewing
machine, at the thrift shop, and gave it to me!! She's pushing me
in that direction, now you mention them, they're popular - so I
need to do it, huh?

I also hear what
you are saying about the energy of co-workers. The sono techs
rotate weekend nights - sat one week, sun the next. Tthe sock
monkey friend is lively and laughs all the time. She has the same
sense of humor that I do, so we have a blast. And we can talk about
serious things, too. The other tech is so quiet, I just don't know
how to get to know her. Sweet as she can be, but so restrained. I
can't say I blame her. She trained on days. Keeping your nose down
and staying quiet is just self-preservation with that

When the sock
monkey friend is there, I am wide awake all night. I feed off her
energy, I guess. NOW - there is another tech that helps them cover
time off, and she is very negative. Mean. She makes disparaging
remarks about co-workers, tries to pump me for information about
what others say about her, what they are doing in their personal
lives, asks me questions about their husbands. A real nasty one,
she is. I can't stand it when she's there!! In fact, one night a
few weeks ago, it was supposed to be her, and the tech that works
with me (who is more than negative - I suspect he is evil, because
he works days and carries tales, repeats everything, gives a full
account of what we have talked about. He's a little busybody. He
watches everything, disapprovingly...... watches, waits....). So -
the thought of working with the two of them made me deathly ill, so
I called in sick. I'm kind of ashamed of myself for doing that. I
mean, they had no trouble getting coverage, but I think I should be
stronger, more able to withstand that energy, or combination
thereof. When those kinds of people are around, I don't talk much,
I don't even want to open the door to conversation with them. Oh
well. Hopefully they won't be on the schedule together again soon.
Oh haha. Here I am carrying tales about them.

June 16, 2010
12:00 am
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here. The rain just comes in sporadic downpours and i just can't
deal with DAT!

bevdee. I remember
you mentioning sock puppets from your childhood and posting about
it here in the past. I remember a lot of the wacky stuff along with
the serious painfull exerpts.

Yea. Cash in on
that if u have the time from your other knitting projects. There's
a few commercials out there, One with a GIANT sock Monkey.( I
forget the brand promo but I focus on images and creativity and try
to keep that LOGO crap out of my psyche) I always think of you, and
childhood toys when i see that.hehe

Ye. Cash in on the
TV zombies! It ain't like selling something harmfull.

You're last
paragraph? Don't that exist everywhere? Oh yea. NEXT week is yer
B-Day. Did your Birthing take over a week!??aahahaha!

Long painfull
labour? Nearly killed yer Mum? No wonder she was a royal N pain in
the privates. Payback.


Next week. U gotta
stick around ( is that mean? LOL) I was a difficult birth too. 4
months of bedrest and 11.6 lbs! My mother expressed a few times
that i was a real unwanted babe. The preganacy was difficult and
she felt doen after 4( I can relate to the stress pregancy takes on
a owmans body BUT she was in the money and wanted to just have fun,
take advantage of some frre time with my other sibs bein gmore
independent.....) After I was born, grew, I felt the seesaw of
guilt, gifts and resentment all my life.

My sister who's
still alive, was the second born. VERY wanted & favoured. u and
I discussed all that. It is what it is and i just have to deal with
it without beating myself up. It was never my fault.

Onward and

June 17, 2010
12:00 am
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June 17, 2010
12:00 am
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Quickly MsG, (since I can barely keep my eyes open) and I'll
say more when I've had some sleep. BUT.....You know you can't
change your sister. Try not to be nervous. You will take the high
road. Don't engage with her and just hang with the people you like.
You know it's HER not you. Be polite and stay away from her. That's
what I do with my obnoxious cousin, who can't wait to belittle me
in front of other people.

Deep breath MsG!
And if I may suggest a little bit of "woo woo" stuff for ya: Before
you go over, visualize your body covered in mirrors. You only have
to do it once. Whatever crap anyone throws at you will bounce off
and go right back at them!



Hep (big

June 17, 2010
12:00 am
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like the mirror idea...I will try that someday and see if it works
for me...thanks! Just butting in for a moment!

June 17, 2010
12:00 am
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Thanks for the b-day happy wishes. It was yesterday. I had a
nice day, pampered myself in many ways, and had a nice dinner with
my guy. I'm very fortunate. I haven't had such a nice one in a
while. Hmm- I meant b-day, but that could apply to the guy, too.
Now, I have lots of preparation for my trip home. My hometown. We
are going to surprise my daddy for Father's Day. First by being
there, then by showing up in the church he pastors. It's kinda
mean, I haven't said a word about it. If I can't make it, I
apologise for not being able to get the time off. We always talk
every Monday, and this week, on my B-day. But this time, I said
nothing. I'll see everyone this time, and introduce them to the
guy. I need some kind of nickname for him. I actually call him
Wrangler Butt. It's a nice one. That's what I'll call him. Note
to self - don't say wrangler butt church.

June 17, 2010
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June 18, 2010
12:00 am
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Too pooped to even
muster a single syllable last nite. Hope you're feeling ok. I
admire your wit & fortitude. You're honest & forthright per
usual & that's what I luv about ya, but then you already know

'I' rock? Ah
shucks - Thx. Ya'll rock pretty good yer own self, I must


Bevdee - Happy
upcoming(?) B day to you. Good that you're still kickin.

Enjoy your
father's day escapade!

June 18, 2010
12:00 am
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Oh, I
see now. Happy belated one!

June 19, 2010
12:00 am
Golden Horseshoe.ca
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a short one

!!!!Happy B_Day

I'm so all

worked 12
yesterday then ran out to a reunion of sorts.

No long
expalanations but too much goin on at home on every front. Good
stuff....but yea, work IS tiring, and AAC has to fall by the

I know da worthy
folks understand. :o)

((CC)) thanx for
poppin in and the support.

Yea. I just come
out. I got no time for manipulations or Doublespeak.

2 U ((CC)) and ((G-Man)) and all the Dads on here.

Be Well!

June 19, 2010
12:00 am
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((((Msguided)))))thinking of you!

June 20, 2010
12:00 am
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Glad I wasn't the
only one who saw that whole Libs vs. Support. I mean, a person can
have it out with someone on the Support side just as well as here.
I've seen it!

Some people just
can't handle the honesty. Which reminds me of something "someone"
once said to me; "If you want to be molly coddled, go over to the
Support side." Yeah, ok. WTH. For some reason people think it's ok
to be unkind and ruthless over here. One of the reason's this side
even exists is so people can talk about religion and other topics
that don't pertain to a specific problem. And we all know what the
topic of religion can do!

I know you're
hurting MsG. In more areas then just one. Apologies are far and few
between here. I rarely see one. I never got an apology from sd. She
probably doesn't think she owes me one. I apologized to her. As did
you. But I know you were more vested then me. One day I'll tell you
about the dream I had when all of that was going on between her and

We all need to
take responsibility for OUR part.

Apart from all
that, I've noticed for a while that a lot of people live in denial,
don't want to take responsibility for themselves and do everything
they can to cut corners on taking care of their issues. They either
don't want to do the work or they want other people to do it for
them. Well, eventually they'll find out. Just venting a little.

I'm dying to find
out how the gathering went at your dad's. Hope it went well for



June 20, 2010
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meant at your sisters.

June 20, 2010
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((((MSG)))) Thinking of ya and sending support and appreciation
for/to you.



CC~ good to still
see ya poppin' in once in awhile. My best wishes to ya!

June 20, 2010
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never understood how the libs side was designated the bad place...I
am sure I have a part n that...I think the people here rock and
when I was down and kicked in the stomach...this was where I found
the most comfort:)

June 20, 2010
12:00 am
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MsGuided -

I posted to you on
the Gulf thread here. You have requested an apology from me. I'm
certainly willing to do that, but at a loss as to what I posted
that was offensive? Or to whom?

I know I'm getting
older and slower, but surely would like to clear up whatever I have
done wrong.

Please be patient
and explain it to me? I hope I would not be too proud to take
responsibility, if I have been rude or unkind to anyone.

- Ma

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