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MsG:::::
December 5, 2008
10:21 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Seriously, Sailing with the the uncle is an special thing. Those guys not only the first in imagination, but were great . WOW, sailing I am sure is good too.....I've done it twice . once on the ocean ...kinda.....but on a lake .. Love, horse*&^^%$

December 8, 2008
12:59 pm
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MsGuided
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Gawd. I had a horrible weekend. But we had plans for a dinner out Sat night with IL's ( which was mostly pain and fatigue for me) I didn't want to cancel since it was B-day dinner for MrD.

The horrible was not due to people but my "health"..freakin awful "woman stuff". I don't even want to discribe it. I'm just so sick and tired of it.
I figured out these horrible bouts of bloody hell happen twice a year, and this weekend was my , entering_ winter_solstice "present' from mother nature. Tylenol didn't work so i took Ibuprofen and that caused the floodgates to rupture. I guess i can't take that....and i didn't get into the cannabis at all either ( maybe that's why it was so bad?)

Anyway. I couldn't go out after Sat., couldn't move around much. Had to skip Curling, and I had a dinner Birthday party planned for Sunday. Luckilly it was Crock Pot stuff, and simple.
The guys went Curling and my friend Dee and I hung at home prepairing the food. It was nice to have her here at least, with thier big Shepperd ( Labweiler had a friend by too)...regardless I barely made it through and not good today still. Our friends and 3 teenage boys togehter ( their kids and my son), were just great and we had some laughs, but i just was a mess, trying to hide it.

Har_RUMPH

I'll be back when I feel better.

December 8, 2008
1:29 pm
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sdesigns
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Ewww, owie, MsG!!

Its sucks being a chick sometimes, it really does. The periods where you feel like your whole insides are hemorraging out are almost unbearable. I think guys should have to have at least one during their life just so they know what its like- they would turn into balling babies I think. And having to be sociable and cook and eat- Bleh!! Hope you get some time to lay down and sleep til it goes away.

I didn't do much over the weekend, barely left the house, stayed in my PJ's all day Saturday, worked on my last and only job.

But funny, I had a very social weekend at the same time- HA! didn't hear from Sarge all day Saturday- first time in 18 days but I tried not to think about it.

GQ started emailing, and I'm going to go to his house Wed night (first time) to help him decorate his Xmas tree and he's going to cook dinner for me. Gave me a choice of 4 dif entrees, I picked one- and orange roughy it will be! We also made tentative plans for me to take him out to dinner too- I have some gift cards to use up and he's game. He has paid every time we've gone out so I'm glad he accepted.

Emailed with Sarge and talked to him yesterday. He's all excited about me meeting him for lunch on Wed, is going to take a 2 hour lunch and show me around. I am really looking forward to that!! He is an absolute doll, I tell ya!

So, I have 2 dates on Wednesday.

And THAT cracks me up.

sd

December 8, 2008
9:11 pm
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alien
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Hello Miss Well Guided

I think about you often and am in alignment with much of what you offer...

Just popping by to offer my cheers for you.

I have had a lot of success with my delightful banquet of psychological struggles with orthomolecular medicine and cbt. And i love the series you posted, The brain that heals. That's the stuff i gobble up.

Whether you believe you can or you can't, you will be right...:)

Peace to you

lOvE, aLiEn

December 10, 2008
2:59 pm
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MsGuided
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Hi (((alien)))

awwww.... I'm so glad you popped by to my spaceship!

Ye, I had a really bad weekend, but I feel much better now.

sdesigns has this "place" all decked out inside with some tropical plants, and a solarium!HA! I insisted it be somewhat sustainable, having rain barrels, and Earth friendly hardware to power this it. The propellers on the roof aren't for lift off!

She built this damn thing ya know!But it's hard to get it off the ground since she used landscape materials! HA!

JOkes aside. It's nice to hang out here in AAC, but sharing the info that helps us cope with life, and get better is really the focus....even though we get attached.

Aw well. Can't beat around the bushes, looking for escape, forever!

Gobble gobble! ;0)
Be well!

December 12, 2008
12:16 am
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glittered when he walked
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So how were the dates SD?

December 12, 2008
1:22 am
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Hi Glittered:

The dates were just marvelous.

But Sarge is the one I am LUVIN'.

OMG, yesterday was such a blast, I am still smiling.

He picked me up on a corner downtown by one of the metro stations, and then took me to his office bldg which is right across the street from Little Tokyo. We walked around there, ate a Japanese lunch outside, then went to his office. I wasn't sure if he would do that or not but he showed me his ofc and then all around the bldg where he works and teaches. I am glad I was dressed fairly nicely since he's the boss and his people were checking me out. Then he took me to an area in LA that has all these really old but restored Victorian houses, apparently that section is on TV alot. Then he insisted on walking me inside the train station when time to leave, and I got some hugs and little kisses. Not bad for a 2 1/2 hour lunch!

So, he wants me to do that again, and also come down later in the day so we can take the metro up to Universal City for dinner.

Things are heating up quite nicely and he talks lots of things to do in the future. We talk and email every day, lots of contact. He's very romantic too (grin). He's so dang shy though- still haven't got a decent kiss but I'm giving him huge nudges and we're finally talking about "doing it"- its been an hilarious day today. Nothing like talking about sex when caller ID says City Police Dept.

Anyhow, I am liking him to pieces and I think Sarge is liking me too- a lot!. Tonight he said he's not sure what he's getting himself into- ha ha ha. We are having lots of fun with each other right now.

Date #2 was OK, but GQ's mom was there and had dinner with us which was a bit odd. Then we ended up not decorating the tree because the lights didn't work. We have plans to go to dinner soon and he wants to come over and help me bake cookies.

And so does Sarge. I've never had guys WANT to bake cookies.

And........I ran into Tut today. He said "Hi Gorgeous" and we talked for awhile and then I had to go. Hope thats all that happens with that one, but at least we're on friendly terms now it seems, hadn't talked to him since August.

So, for being unemployed, I sure am busy. With fun stuff.

How's your dating going? I saw that you had another romp with the ex?

sd

December 12, 2008
12:17 pm
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Zebra
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wow this site is great and I am laughing at my desk...guess I should be working, but can't seem to let go of you all.

I have high hopes for me on healing and growing and possibly even dating.

December 12, 2008
12:23 pm
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MsGuided
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(((sd)))

WOW! Sarg is letting you into his personal space pretty quick..going to his work and having his peers size you up?
This really is postive! It's reality! not all geared to sex. He definatley isn't trying o use you.

I wonder though. He has had a pretty conventional life, and had a long marriage. Is he also close with his family? ( Parents, sibs, etc.)

I would fear being judged as having a very dysfunctional family, and numerous relationships, of which hardly any were successful. I'm talking about myself here also( I'm with MrD now but before him nothing really worked out)

Have you opened up about any of that? if not when? He will want to know the real you, and can he accept that?

You know i think you're an amazing catch.

Since it's the holidays is he going to spend time with his family? Does he ask you about yours, and how your holiday schedule is. Does he question your past romances?

I'm really not trying to be a Killjoy here, but Sarg seems like a real catch, so it gets scary when we have a such an f'd up family background, and don't have contact with them.

Some people say family is #1, but that's easy to say when you aren't raised by a really messed up one.

The last thing ya want is for him to feel pity....compassion, fine.

You guys are having a great time now, but some of this must weigh on your mind in the background.

Are you going to stay "mum" about your family, just say positive things, or the realities ( your mother passing, not her Mommy Dearest features? or confide in him a bit?)

I remember when i was with this spanish guy, who was using me from the start anyway. Meeting my family was the final nail in the coffin for me with him. He saw he couldn't get much more out of me.

Sometimes it's better to just keep all that shit as far away as possible, so someone your interested in doesn't jump to conclusions and write you off.

That was always my biggest fear. Letting a potential mate see my flawed family dynamic, and juging me for it.

December 12, 2008
1:53 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi MsG!!

Yeah, I've thought about all of that.

He doesn't talk much of his family but I did ask some questions at lunch and he asked some of me. I listen for the most part and pick up on what he says. It doesn't seem impt to him so far.

He is an only child, parents divorced when he was 14. Mother remarried and had 2 more sons- which still live with her- in the late 30's, early 40's, and Sarge isn't close to them and doesn't like them. I did tell him about my sister and that my dad is raising my neice.

He seems very accepting of everything so far and I suspect there's more in his background that he's uncomfortable with, so we are slowly sharing. Right now though, we are having a blast just interacting and we have terrific chemistry.

He asked me if I was a loner and said he is for the most part a loner too. I think part of that would be from being an only child, or at least that what Tut said as he was an only child.

He doesn't speak at all of his father but he is still alive. He mentioned an uncle that he was close to and that he was like a father to him, so maybe his father has been out of the picture for a long time. Apparently his aunt and mother help him with the kids and are around quite often.

He asked if my family was close and I said no, and he said his isn't either. He asked about how our Christmas's were, I said a little bit and he said it wasn't ever a big deal in his family.

When we first started talking he asked me if I had ever met anyone that I didn't think I could live without, and that he would like to feel love like an ache when he's not with that person. His other marriages he just sort of describes as its just something people do. Hasn't spoken at all of the ex's (or at least not much) and seems like they are way out of the picture. As far as my never being married or having kids, he said I was lucky. (Tut had said the same thing). He said his last marriage wasn't happy for the last 10 years and I think its interesting that 2 men have said that, both sort of out of the same circumstances. Its a viewpoint that I didn't expect. He's definitely into enjoying life and making the most of it.

His oldest son (also a cop) is married, and Sarge said he wished he didn't marry the gal but since he did 3 tours in Iraq (Marine) he felt the urgency. They have a kid and all Sarge has said is that he guesses that means he's a grandpa. And thats all he's said- so I think they aren't particulary close either. He has pics in his ofc of his 2 kids that live with him but none of the other son and family.

You know, I thought the same thing about him taking me to his office and showing me around. I didn't know he was going to do that but wanted to be prepared. I thought it was pretty special that he did that.

He does things he doesn't even know that impress the hell out of me, and that was one of them. Plus the way he conducts himself like doing what he says he's going to, planning things ahead, confirming, etc. His actions match his words.

He's awesomely romantic, stays in contact. If he doesn't understand something I say or write, he'll ask more. He did that in the beginning and that just let me know he's paying attention and interested in digging deeper.

He acts and talks as if we'll continue seeing each other, always mentioning that we'll do this and that, or next time we'lll blah blah blah, so I am glad he's talking that way. He has no problem expressing himself and his feelings, it just hasn't been physical yet although he's saying things in a round about way. I think he's just very respectful and we've both said that we will when we will- no pressure or timeline. So its very comfortable. He's much more forthcoming about his feelings than I am, I am probably more scared than he is. (UNDERSTATEMENT!!)

He was apologizing on Wed for being so busy and not being able to spend more time with me (I have NOT said anything even close to having a problem with that) so just lets me know he wants to spend more time with me. I try to assure him that I'm OK with it and just glad to see him when I do. I have told him to relax and that there's no pressure.

He said that most of his major life decisions have revolved around women. I think he likes having a woman in his life and he's also said he's not a womanizer. He seems very sincere and I haven't detected anything that doesn't sound or feel right. He's not judgemental at all, and so far I feel pretty safe and secure with him. BUT I am still not going to make assumptions. This is new and I sure hope it continues, I have every indication from him that it will.

Its funny, but in the beginning I asked him what he was looking for and I said it sounded like he was looking for casual dating, which was fine with me. But the way he is behaving is sure unlike any casual dating I've ever done.

MsG, thanks for saying I'm a good catch. Sometimes I think I am and then when I think of all the other BS it makes me want to not even try. But here I am with a pretty terrific guy- maybe the impossible CAN happen?

((((MsG))))

sd

December 12, 2008
6:19 pm
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MsGuided
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(((sd)))
You are a great catch! You've risen above some hard circumstances: don't play victim.

From what i read, you don't try to use men as a means to identify yourself like a lot of women do.

Plus I understand the difficulties in the profession we are in, and we are just a rarity. Well maybe I'm just crazy still getting my hands dirty, but I think when i hit 50 that will change,hehe.

You rely on your own talents and provide for yourself. You're also quite generous, but now tend to only give to those who deserve it.

You must be quite good looking, because ......well I really don't know, but the clues are there.

A strong man would appreciate, handle and want all that.

Someone like you would just threaten or turn off a controlling weak guy.
It's good to be the way you are because it helps to weed out all the troublesome types.

You have every reason to be guarded because most people are trouble.

I'm kindof glad Sarg has had a few bumps in the road family wise. He can realte more to your situation. It seems he has risen above it and managed to remain a decent person. Doesn't look like he's repeating history.

He's older and has learned from his mistakes like we have? Imagine that!

Also he is close to the Matriarchs in the family and THAT is a very good sign for you! Looks like the men have let him down a bit. He doesn't talk badly, in the onset, about his last wives....also a good sign.

Wow.....this could just be IT!

;0)

BTW, we got a property assessment in the mail and our property value has risen almost 90 grand! What a 2 month return! I knew this would be a good investment! It sure takes the edge off of my Mid life crisis. Thats for sure!

At least our taxes isn't going up with it, hehe.

Have a great Weekend GF!

December 12, 2008
9:01 pm
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sdesigns
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MsG: Thats quite a windfall. Dang. I hope you did a happy dance over that one. Good job! And considering the economy, wait til things get booming again and the value goes up even more. Awesome.

I hadn't thought about the matriarchal aspect of his life but the signs are there. And yes, that would be a good thing. He's already said that he gets rather compliant and avoids conflict in relationships, maybe thats part of the reason why he seems a little submissive/ shy. I don't consider myself overly domineering but I am used to speaking for myself and I think that comes out. He jokingly asked if I am used to getting my way, and of course I said no. He gave me a compliment once (one of many) and I unintentionally didn't address it and he said I was probably used to hearing "that", and I said that no I wasn't used to it, but it was hard sometimes to accept a compliment. Since I don't have any pets, he suggested I need a "man pet". He he, doesn't every gal?? So I think he has a different image of me than I do of myself.

Anywho.........just trying to stay calm about this, not get too excited because as you said he could disappear in a flash. So I don't want to get too invested yet. Easier said than done though!

Have a good weekend, my Friend!

Hope you're feeling better.

sd

December 12, 2008
10:47 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Zebra: Somehow I missed your post- please feel free to join in. The more the merrier.

sd

December 15, 2008
10:17 am
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I missed Zebra too..Welcome oh striped one.

Gallop through any time!

:0)

December 15, 2008
1:32 pm
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Hi Sd.
That assessment? The house was assessed about 25 grand higher in 2005, than what we paid for it.

I already knew our purchase price was the beginning of something good.

It does feel great! and here i am feeling like I'm bragging?

I don't think this comes from my inner stuff totally.

Why should I feel that way?

All i have is what most people want and is normal. It's nothing extraordinary to own a home that embodies what you enjoy.
Now, things have gotten better, yet i don't feel i can voice it here?

My life has been littered with mistakes, failures, health scares, being used and ripped off.Yea I certainly put my energies toward the wrong people and was close to throwing in the towel with MrD.

The thing that leaves me somewhat uncomfortable with him is the questions: Did he change out of fear of losing his lifeline(me)? or is he really looking within and doing it for himself?

When a person thinks they are treated badly is it because they are treated badly, or they expect and take too much from others, and "others" start saying "no" quite a bit. They start to withdraw.

When he is in denial he tells me I don't treat him well. Usually when i have found out about one of his screw ups. He tries to hide things, but that only works for so long.

I just reply he expects too much and should be doing what he expects from me, for himself. He needs to learn to be more proactive in his life, all aspects of it and stop expecting others to pick up the slack. Take control and that comes from dealing with the fears he has.

He has gotten a lot of "no's" from me, and constant boundery setting.

We still have these struggles but I don't think it's codependence..It all stems from actual disorders : avoidance, dependence, depression....

He has more anger issues than I. He is very impatient and quick to react in anger in public with strangers, whereas I am not.

The balance comes in the weighing of his good qualities against the bad.

It seems the anger issues don't keep us in balance.

He is at least admitting that he has anger issues now, and is working on them.

How did he come to this? WORK! Nevermind me, letting him know ( for years now) but he's had recent stuff at work where he was forced to look at that by management.
Always with him it comes to the threat of losing something, an ultimatum, "intervention".

I have the discomforting sense that he functions like an addict on an emotional level, without the substances. He is just living on the line.

In the meantime i do all i can trying to stay "balanced", just the self care stuff that everyone who strives to be healthy does...and i have to remind him to take care of himself. Simple things like eat breakfast, not go to work on an empty stomach (instead of going for about 4 hours on coffee alone, then he gets easily irritated. The stress and busy tempo at work isn't the kind of environment to walk into on an empty stomach)and to put more effort into living life, and not let work take up all of his thoughts and energy. Even me..I take up all his energy and thoughts. Sports, the dog, Sex!....ok, am I expecting too much? Men are much more single minded than us. ( less scattered is the more flattering discription,hehe)

Sometimes i do the basics for him, but I am very carefull to not take the role of his mother.

I could just turn this into a long extended rant.

He put up the outdoor Xmas lights today...finally.

Ok, there's my second attempt at something positive, HA!

December 15, 2008
11:17 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi MsG: You know, it would seem to me that MrD would be dying to put Xmas lights up on your first house- isn't he excited about it? I mean, what a kick, your own house, your first Christmas there, the whole nine yards! Probably trees in the front yard to decorate, Christmas rocks? Maybe its too cold outside? Can you cut down a tree in your yard for your Christmas tree? Or dig one up? Your own home grown boughs and holly? I think I'm excited for you!! Enough snow for a snow man??

All you can do is give him nudges and hope he goes in the right direction. At least you know how he is and what to expect and to not hope for too much (I KNOW thats hard!!).

I've been baking for 2 days now, 2 more to go. I put together baskets of cookies and cakes for all the contractors I work with- its alot of work! Hope to be done with all of it by Thursday and deliver them. Sarge has not come over to help but he wants to come over and eat them- well, I guess I'll let him (don't really need my arm twisted on that- he he).

Going to go to the movies on Xmas w/ my Jewish friend- we did that last year too. She said thats what Jewish people do on Xmas- works for me. I'm baking her some Jewish cookies too, first time, I hope they turn out.

Can you tell I am being a hermit? My world is pretty small these days, hardly come out of the kitchen.

sd

December 16, 2008
1:16 pm
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Hi Sd.

This year we're a bit late with decorating.

We usually cut our own tree but this year I bought one. Got it today at the nursery down the road. Son and I will decorate it tonight.

We have a slope in the back that has a bunch of self seeded spruces, but they're pretty small, sparse and not good for Xmas trees. They shed their needles too quickly and make a mess.

Would be nice to do what you said, Use evergreen materials on our property but unfortunately we don't have Balsam Fir, Holly, etc. The cedars out back are wild, full grown, branching is pretty high up and sparse ( maybe they cut the lower ones for decorating in the past, who knows?!) The last owners didn't do much for landscaping, most of the trees are Deciduous. I planted some Red twig dogwood this fall, plan on Yellow dogwood, some holly next year for decorating purposes. It's a pretty bare slate around the house, mostly lawn, with all the woods in the back. One side is all slope and is filled with Blackberry brambles and wildflowers.

Looks like we're getting some snow tonight and a huge ammount on Friday so I'll be working. Glad for that! It's been raining the last week! I'm broke! (dipping into savings)

Snow is a mood staple for me up in these parts. Just have to see that white blanket covering the ground.

My baking will be this weekend and Monday.
Pretty awesome you're getting it done now. You have a new Man brightening up things,hehe.
Oh to feel that excitement again!

Whats worse? Wondering if the new "great guy" will work out, or having a 14 year "stable" relationship slump!?

I've been distracted and it's not good distraction, oh well! Had a few arguments with MrD about his short fuse, and bringing his work home too much. Sometimes i feel like telling him if he bothered to get a post graduate education life wouldn't be so hard. It's a low blow so just keep quiet. But if he doesn't put his work stuff into perspective I'm going to lose it! It's just a frikken job! He's surrounded by wharehouse mentality. He works in an office, half of it on a computer, but i never hear the end of what he is surrounded with. Gawd I couldn't survive in that environment.

Last Xmas was great. My oldest sister was just diagnosed and everyone got together at "Marshas" house..this year is anticlimactic (?) not a good word i suppose, but I'm just not up for my family this year at all. There's too much sadness tied to guilt and abuse and that just repels me.

My IL's are going to Ottawa, so they aren't around ;0(

I really don't want to experience a highly emotional Xmas eve or day.

My oldests sis's B-Day was Dec. 9th, and I took my Dad to her burial site. He got so upset, both M&D are still grieving. A lot is guilt.

I am pretty much over it, so it's hard to support where I've never really felt supported!??AGH! I was just treated different by her, not very well at all, and there isn't a big attachment with her kids because she kept us apart.

I know my BIL will be at my sisters this year and that bothers me.

My family is MrD, my son and my dog. My Mom isn't mobile so we may be going to her house and I'm taking our Dog damnit! ( my sis may object cause she has 2 small yappers that need training...)

I'm just starting to work through this, and I'm sure I'll feel better by next week. I haven't started taking my ornaments out yet, so once I break the boxes open, look at the shapes, colours and dates I should spark up a bit.

Had to cut some branches off the tree so i can make a few boughs to drape over the hall entrance.

Funny, If we didn't buy this house, we would've been far away at a resort somewhere. That's what we were planning, HA!

Yah.can ya tell I'm struggling?!

Have you decided if you're going to Dad's?

If you are being a hermit it's better to have quality not quantity right? I could opt for that bigtime right now!hehe

Be Well!

December 16, 2008
11:01 pm
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Oh, MsG, your angst is just jumping off the screen.

Of course this Xmas will be hard, if just the fact its the first Xmas w/out your sister. Even though she's gone, her presence (or lack of) will be felt. And having to go and be around those who you feel unsafe with- its just not what we picture Xmas should be like, is it?

I don't think if you said something to MrD what he ISN'T, namely a holder of a post grad degree, would help things. BUT are there any advancement opportunities in his job? Can he take classes that could possibly put him in a different position? Any possibility he would get motivated to do something like that? It doesn't sound like he would ever do something like that on his own, needs to have someone burn a fire under him.

One more day of baking and I'll be done I think. I found out most contractors are closing up next week since most workers go home to Mexico for Xmas, so I want to deliver cookies this week and be done with it.

I haven't decided what to do about my Dad. I feel like I HAVE to go, but I don't WANT to go. And if I don't go, I won't feel good either, would be full of guilt and regret. For WHAT?. So I guess the best thing would be to just drop by a day or two before Xmas, take cookies (no gifts), see how long I can stand him blathering on about himself and my neice, not asking one question about me, and then f'g run the hell out of there. GAWD, I don't want to go!! I swear I would rather just skip the holidays, go live in a cave or something til they're o v e r.

Today I talked to 2 dif people who I told that no one is allowed to F up my Xmas, they just aren't, its not allowed!

As far as Sarge, I think the rosy glow is fading and the honeymoon is over. He's changed his behavior and thats a big red flag for me. My radar is rapidly whizzing around in circles and I am inclined to just cut him lose. I do NOT need crap from ANY man, especially not now. I'm starting to think all his sweet nothings are just that- sweet NOTHINGS. I get the feeling he's starting to spread himself a little thin (too many women?). Maybe I'm just too suspicious, or maybe too guarded but I sure have been down this road before and can recognize when things aren't adding up, its starting to feel familiar.

My trainer at the gym is playing matchmaker and is very inquisitive about how things are going with Sarge, and he's got someone lined up for me. Its kind of funny but I met the guy briefly, he may be OK. So looks like I have a Plan B in the wings.

I think I'd trade a relationship slump than "the wondering" any day.

sd

December 17, 2008
5:47 pm
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glittered when he walked
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SD,

whoa..what behavior change? 'splain yerself Lucy.

what CRAP is he giving you?

speaking of crap..my life is in the shitter. My furnace died on friday...I had to take the girls back to their moms on staurday..she was gracious enough to let me take them, but she went over to stay at this guys house she's been seeing. Oh, did i mention he's done time...hard time? I met him and he doesn't give me the danger vibe, but he was intense and apparently he has had some history of violence that landed him in the slammer. and I don't think he played nice with others while he was in there. apparently he's nuts about the ex, I could give a shit what he does to/with her..but i hvae daughters to worry about. and this guy...he's probably not afarid of me..he's done hard time ya know? what he doesn't know is that if he were to hurt my kids and i snapped I wouldnt be looking to hurt him in a fair fight. It wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't be a fight..it'd be the worst kind of trouble.

anyway..I hope that never happens...so..she went to his place. The next evening..I noticed she was a little goofy so i asked and here she was drinking...now she's in recovery for narcotics and she's not supposed to do anything else either. so..anyway..she gets defensive and goes absolutely ape shit on me..calling me a liar and I'm 'up to something' and all sorts of ugliness..all in front of the kids. I left calling her 'crazy"

MissM has been my close close friend for these few months..she's been MIA, now i really need a friend and she's who i want to reach out to..and she's not there. two days later..she gets back to me that she's getting back with her exbf...yes..just like texter...what the bleeding hell? Not unlike miss texter, miss M's exbf apparently had sex issues too..only his were that he didn't like the spontaneous thing and he was obsessive about cleanliness regarding sex..to the point where he insisted on both of them showering beforehand especially if they were gonna do oral...Now i ask you, how would that make you feel as a woman? yeah, real desireable.."here honey, I know you want my tuna box - come and get it!"

I had to spend all my Christmas $ on the new furnace..I just got heat today. So..here i sit with heat at least, but broke in the wallet, broke of the heart, and with no lovin of any kind. and you knwo what..i tired of all of it..I'm even tired of whining about it for chrissake. It pisses me off that I'm even here bitching about it.

December 17, 2008
6:16 pm
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sdesigns
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Ohhhhhhhhh, glittered, none of that sounds good, my friend. But I'm right there with you- no lovers, no money, no nothing! At least you have work and jobs.

As for Sarge, he came on like gangbusters, couldn't wait to meet me, met me after driving home from Las Vegas. Then the constant emails and phone calls, all sugar and spice. Said he MUST see me again, blah blah blah. All mushy and gushy. Then, starting last weekend, nothing. Silence. He had been a little distant on Friday- first clue.

So, OK, I've been down this road before, right? All the future plans/ activities he was planning for us to do, he was going to come over to bake cookies, etc, take a sick day to play.

Monday I wrote an email to test the waters and it was back to usual, all the sweet nothings and flattery, and he wanted to know when he could come over. So I told him. And still- nothing.

So I am NOT going to play the game and feed his ego. He is constantly logged onto Match- and I have SOOOOOOOOOOO been there, done that with guys who can't get enough of that.

The first night we met he told me of a woman (a doctor, which he was thrilled about her job- an ego thing!) that became obsessive (this is HIS side of the story remember)with constant emails and phone calls at all hours, and then went to his house looking for him. Now, reflecting on that story, he probably went MIA on her after lots of sweet nothings and she went after him. So, now I know his MO, and I'm not gonna play anymore, ya know?

So, I'm feeling a bit sick about it but I am glad I didn't sleep with him- hell, I didn't even get a decent kiss from him. I don't understand why he paraded me around his work either. That seemed soon for him to want to do that, but I have a feeling he had something to prove to the guys that work for him, don't know. Maybe they think he's gay?????????

Anyhow, I am also glad I didn't tell him too much, didn't share much with him. I would have felt even worse. So at least I know I'm not rejected because of "my story" because he doesn't know much. Jerk!

((((Glittered))))

sd

December 18, 2008
12:36 pm
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Hi ((( glittered and sdesigns)))

I've been MIA here due to work and my son screwed my PC up. I did the diagnostics late last night since i need email to bill my contractor.

Feel like i got hit by a snowplow today! Had 12 properties to do, the adrenaline flows whilst at it, and I'm fine for half the day afterwards, then i get the , "WOE< that was a major workout blues".ha! We get almost 25 cms tomorrow and about 10 on Sunday, so looks like I'll feel more of the same. The holder we had our tree in was cracked, leaked water all over the carpet, so we had to switch the tree to another ( smaller) Yesterday our beautiful tree fell over, TWICE!. It was crooked, I told the guys, when i got home from work MrD was just getting up, and i mentioned it. I think the dog brushed against it ( cause he was all terrified afterward) I was in the kitchen getting a stew in the Crock Pot, and heard *smash*....only the older plain round ornaments broke at least, not any of my collectable ones..Whew!! MrD took the night off and we had to go search for another holder, and redo the whole thing. Took all the ornaments off and had to re-set it in the new holder.I did manage to pick up some new hand blown, large gold leafed balls to add to it at 1/5th the price, and lots of ribbon. Drama. The tree is a big thing for me, so i am trying not to attach too much JU_JU to this occurance. hehe. Nothing compaired to you guys. Glittered, that is really scary what your x is up to. For the life of me I don't see why any woman would want an x con who has addiction and/or violent tendencies. The ole rescue thing? The fact she went ape shit on you in front of the kids shows she's not following the plan, is using, and is in the throws of passion, with a potential loser. ( sorry, any woman with her act half together wouldn't even take a chance with a guy like that, especially if she has kids.MO)....The substances are talking. Your household repairs came at a bad time, but aren't the holidays about caring, sharing for those you love? That's what matters. I was watching a program "Til Debt Do us Part" and a couple was living way beyond their means. They had 2 kids. A pro financial planner gives them a strict budget. They had NO money for Xmas so the planner told them to make crafts ( coloured sand in bottles) and do a neighbourhood food drive for the poor. They also baked together, played lots of games. They had the kids involved, help box up the food and take it to the local food bank. It was all about helping others and eachother, not buying things. The kids were much happier and the bonding kindof woke them up. They didn't care that they didn't get their presents. I'm just illustrating that if plan A aint gonna happen, Plan B may be better. This may be an oportunity to do something "with" your kids at a time they really need some groundedness. It's all so Xmas Carolish! Are you going to take your kids over the holidays? She's probably sensing your wanting to have custody, and is freaking about child support stopping? She's in "getting her fix mode"...eesh. You know you can't play fair with an addict. They don't deliver on level ground. I would wonder what kind of imprinting she's putting on 2 girls! At least their father is a pretty stable giving, responsible person. Maybe it's time to not be scared of her reactions and just do the right thing? Maybe you have to fight a little harder for what you want, and whats right, instead of being the nice guy all the time? It isn't like these women you've been involved with are movign on to better things..they're settling. Sd....Since it's Xmas I don't think dating, meeting new people would be very "normal" now. Wouldn't some single online daters have an extra amount of desperation, candy coating ? He's a good catch so i would think the women are all over him. Give him a window ( when he can come by) and let him know you won't be available besides that...you have a life too. Somehow I don't think his behaviour is meant to indicate a lack of interest. I think other women are insinuating, distracting, he has other stuff ( family) that will pull him in many directions right now..Women can be more overtly aggresive, just as sneaky, as men when it comes to dating. Too many let it all hang out. Pretty hard for a guy to ignore. and It sounds like he is the type who overshcedules, has too many responsibilities, he doesn't complain too much, put's on the happy face? Being a single Dad, and havign a long maritol history, he's probbaly enjoying the attantion.....maybe not fully aware of whats happening to him. It sucks when too much intensity happens early...but eventually it has to stabalize. Xmas isn't a good time to meet prospective future mates I think. It's hard enough with family stuff, to let new people in ? With all the politics involved. He seems the type who has a hard time saying no or setting bounderies. Maybe let him know what you see, in his behaviour, and tell him if he can't deliver what he says, to take a time out over the holidays. Let him know he has "this day, or days" and that's it...decide..oh so nicely of course!HA!..or leave it for the New Year. I have to go pick up some stuff for my parents. I tell ya! I could just opt out of the whole Xmas thing this year. I haven't even started baking yet! I have to get the rest of my ingrediants tonight. I'm not as organized this year as last..family "event" stuff is bothering me. Yea..I just want peace. ( i should've, or may still do, a charity run instead this year.) Sd! I need help!~LOL I'm just glad i"ll be making money the next few days, working my body to exhaustion, and find some peace in our house ( looking out the back windows to the snow covered trees gives and AHhhhhhhhhhh factor) I hope you guys can sort through your stuff, and feel a little better despite it all. I'm wishing for (((all of us))) Be Well!

December 18, 2008
11:16 pm
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sdesigns
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Ha ha, MsG, I'd love to help you but I'm afraid I'd be a whiney baby if I had to work in the snow. I really don't even like visiting snow very much. I tried living in it in Colorado, and the novelty wore off VERY quickly. Pain in the ass, that stuff is, besides the cold. It snowed in Malibu yesterday, its been so cold here.

Funny about your tree but if MrD took a day off work it IS serious business, hope this one stays up. Nice (Xmas) balls, chick ee poo! hahahaha.

Glittered, do your kids know the new bf is an ex con? I just wonder what goes thru their heads when they see their mom act like that.

Well, today I tried to give Sarge the old heave ho- but very nicely, and mostly to protect ME. I HATE when things are left open ended so I wrote him a short note wishing him well, etc. I DID hear back from him which I wasn't expecting and he said he was struggling with the concept of dating and he's realizing that he has little time to offer someone, doesn't want to lead anyone on, etc.

Well- I pointed that out to him before we even met and questioned what he was looking for. After a few conv's about it, we decided he was looking for casual dating which was fine with me. BUT then he started in with full on pursuit and it escalated as time went on. There was nothing casual about it.

He says he wants to continue our "extended relationship" whatever the hell that is, and I don't know if I am going to answer, at least right now.

I knew when I first met him by the convos we had had that I was going to be in trouble- I liked him and liked him more every time I talked to him. I KNEW he was busy and had doubts about his availability. He said he wanted casual but didn't act casual.

I KNOW the best thing would be to end it and I tried, because nothing will be changing in his life and I wouldn't want that anyhow. I shouldn't have agreed to meet him but there was a pretty strong draw.

So, I don't know, maybe take a break, see how things are after Xmas. I could probably be friends with him but I don't see us getting together just as friends- what would be the point?

I'm just trying to be responsible and sensible, and detach/ let go with affection, but its hard.

Plus I'm not sure I believe everything he says now. So there's that too.

sd

December 19, 2008
11:21 am
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Sarg has a veritable female candy store is what the truth is.....Yup.a single Dad is major bait, and the women swarm like sharks...a feeding frenzy.

This is why the whole internet dating thing i abhore. Most of it is just heartache if you want a serious commited relationship.

((SD)).wait and see, let him get through the growing pains, maybe he'll boomerang back (get burnt out and realize he had a good thing with you.)

There's a huge snow storm here now so I'm off into the wild white whalin wackyness.
HA!

December 19, 2008
2:16 pm
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Yikes, MsG. Its sunny here today and I may venture out and go to the gym. Tasted too many cookies, feeling like a blob of cookie dough.

I decided to write back to Sarge last night and end it definitively. I just don't need the aggravation. Yep, a candy store is right and I think he's doing some pretty serious candy shopping. So this fishy decided to take herself off of his stringer.

I now think he's pretty smooth, and full of c r a p. Has a way to keep women interested while at the same time saying he's doesn't have anything to offer. No wonder the doc got pissed at him.

sd

December 19, 2008
3:25 pm
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Sd.That bad eh! I guess all the nuances you see, that take too long to describe here, you're getting plane as day with Sarg.

If a man just wants to have fun, then why not just be open about it?If he's just taking his time why all the intensity, taking you to his workplace....UGH..he is a date dummy!
Lots of sites that offer "intimate" encounters", casual dating.POF is mainly that isn't it?

EHarmony is about the only serious commitment minded site, but you have to pay. Maybe paying would relieve all the aggravation?

It's a little more crazy and stressfull dating around xmas time anyway. I hope you're not too disappointed!

My Snow blower is giving me trouble again,> Never should of bought it. I went out to do our driveway and i don't think it will get through the 14 properties i have to do.Since i have to head out around 5, after the storm slows down, I went and bought a new one. A Toro.It has a better drive train, better all around.

I wanted an Ariens but couldn't get one on time. These damn machines aren't cheap!

Everyone's getting a lump of gravel from my driveway in their stockings for Xmas..or it may snow Xmas so I may not even show up!HA!

At least a "character flaw" wouldn't be the excuse, just had to work! YUP, this crazy broad is on call! argh.

I hope it snows!ahahahaha

There's about 20 cms on the ground now with up to 10 more coming. Not too bad, but it's a blizzard out there now. Good thing my son is working with me tonight.

;0/

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