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MsG:::::
December 1, 2008
10:45 am
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I met Sarge last night...........

December 1, 2008
11:53 am
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MsGuided
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So what happened?

December 1, 2008
12:35 pm
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MsGuided
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Glittered....this time of year is kindof hard to deal with numbers anyway right?

I was wary about Xmas season dates when i was doing the internet stuff...just too many expectations and intensity.

Not a good time to invest all those emotions, needs, into a new person.Gotta be in a clamer, less emotionally charged time to keep the signals clear. That's how i felt.

sd, if the arab guy was a jerk in the beginning then why continue.....just sounds like he's a manipualtor, and it's about winning, having control.
Too bad..You control your life.
and T-day?
I know these type of guys.they insinuate when they think your vulnerable.
You are isolated from family and he could be the kind of man, who is trouble. I've written about it before and have seen it many times with other friends.

They look for women who are isolated from family and have no strong male role models around to protect them, and use it as oportunity to insinuate into your life and fill the void.

December 1, 2008
12:55 pm
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Yeah, I know the Arab is a jerk and I can't even believe he kept writing after I told him off. He was really making me squrim by continuing to write. And I sure didn't want to spend a holiday with him even tho he was offering a seafod dinner at the beach, movies, etc. When I declined that, he was trying to get together to just watch movies at either his house or mine, which made me squirm even more. So when I said no to everything he quit trying.

OK, about the sarge............

He is absolutely A D O R A B L E.

I hadn't heard from him yesterday. He was sending me emails everyday from Las Vegas. So I thought hmmmph and boo hoo. I went to the gym and had a message from him when I got back- that he was driving home and wanted to see if I was available to meet that night. Whoa! so I called him back and said yes. I was surprised that he would want to do that after all that driving all day, but he was anxious to meet me ( and likewise!)

He drove to where I live- I offered to go there since he already had been driving all day- but he wanted to come here.

We met for coffee and talked for 3 hours. He is so damned cute! easy to talk to, can talk about almost anything, funny, smart, slim and trim from bike racing. Bald, tall, and has the nicest smile and warm eyes.

When he decided it was time to leave he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, we talked some more, then he gave me a nice long hug, and said we'd have to get together for dinner soon.

I sent him a little email last night and I have one back this a.m. that he must see me again this week- he he he. Nothing I would like better.

My, my my.......

I am grinning from ear to ear.........

sd

December 1, 2008
1:00 pm
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Oh yeah....he seems like such an innocent. He asked me what the 3 date rule is. I didn't really want to tell him, and he said one of his dates had mentioned the 6 date rule. I told him I hadn't heard of that one but told him what the 3 date rule was. I was cracking up.

And that is the closest we got to talking about sex.

I did get to feel his legs though (heeeeeeee) since he shaves them for biking. It was really fun doing some major flirting but keeping it clean, laughing alot.

December 1, 2008
1:19 pm
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MsGuided
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Wow....I'm so happy for you!

He didn't even try to get to second base..and YOU. DO NOT GO THERE..take some time ok?

Even if your burning desire is just screaming to let go...make him wait a while.

So there! ;0P ahahaa

He sounds like the kind of man that knows whats important, has a lot to protect, is quality, and he is also testing.

Always being tested damnit!hehe

..and 3 date rule? clarify?( think I know but don't want to be presumptuous) I have been out of the dating woods a long time ya know!

We had a good weekend here, spent most of Sunday reconnecting. Before Curling....after.
I have no sex drive, but forced myself to get into it.It's forced natural medication, and it does rebalance.

My Mom called MrD yesterday on his cell. He said she seemed upset, asked him to get me to come by and talk to them..bring the dog.
I'm just not ready, and i am struggling with this.

Guilt, lonliness,..the withdrawls...I don't know how to continue.
But what screams loudly is my sister must know what happened and she hasn't contacted me. So nothing has changed. The same dynamic. Marsha is just too damn comfy in her Martyr role, being adored and elevated. She just doesn't accept or realize her contribution to this. She can't reach out to me in a normal way, and treat me with resapect. It's always her little handouts.

She still hasn't come to our home.

I'm trying to keep my head up, but unfortunately this stuff is really getting to me.

December 1, 2008
2:06 pm
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BTW Ya'll..typing in this forum can be so hard.all the details just aren't out there.
Do you ever feel you write something here, that is a reaction to mounting stuff, all the evidence isn't posted...maybe some of it, but the history is lacking?
You hope for the understanding, the reading public, to not lump you into the negative aspects of personal conduct. It's so easy to do......to think "that person deserves what they get, when they behave that way".I do it too occasionally. Sometimes I'm right ( the person is toxic) sometimes I'm wrong.

I've had to discipline my son the best i could recently, being that he is 17.

He has missed the bus, and needed rides from me over 10 times, and his marks went way down, has failed every subject he's taking now. He broken some promises he made which was working harder at school after we move ( he does keep up with his chores but he needs the money, I see it as doing the minimal to survive)....etc.so since he hasn';t kept his side of the bargain, I haven't paid to get his tests for his G license.

I'm not going to raise an entitled kid...he doesn't get privileges or "things" if he doesn't do his bit.
He's not going to take advantage of my good nature anymore.

These are Grow UP lessons, and it's the time where he needs them.

Maybe having D home earlier will help. I will have another adult to police around here. A presence.

glittered.I was wondering about your kids. Since you mentioned your x has substance abuse issues, maybe she's a bit neglectfull?

How do you deal with that? Are you seeing them more now like you said?

Being that i am the custodial parent. I was able to protect my son a bit from his Dads behaviour. I 'm not perfect, had a lot to deal with while raising him, but i was the better choice.People tell me that without my asking.

I couldn't imagine how he'ld be if he lived with Dad.

December 1, 2008
2:30 pm
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Well, in your case, MsG, it would be known as the 6 month rule- haaaaaaaaa! thats some sort of dating guideline as to how long to wait for sex.

He DOES seem very respectful, didn't even try to kiss me. Not even a little peck.

And you're right, he does have a lot to protect. He's made it clear he's not looking for marriage right this very minute but would be open to it with the right person. He mentioned how many women are looking for marriage, especially women with kids. I think he just wants to relax and enjoy life right now and is not in a hurry to get hitched again. Plus he isn't free as a bird, he has an 18 y/o and 10 y/o at home.

But having said that, he is in hot pursuit and being more engaging and open than I am. He's very romantic and says very sweet things. Can he possibly be an emotionally available man??? Sure feels different.

He said he rarely contacts a woman first but he did with me. He admitted being intimidated by all of my travelling but I told him its just something I've done and I enjoy it but I am not all about travel. He's interested in travelling and may do that soon with his bike club- go to Spain or Italy, and I've been encouraging him to take advantage of that opportunity.

I heard from my friend in Paris on T day- house is not finished yet but will be soon, so still wants me to go over and work on the landscaping. Sarge sounded like he'd be interested in doing something like that- I haven't invited him- but the fact he is open to it is encouraging.

Talking about tests- I asked him if he does dishes since we were talking about cooking together. He's never done that w/ a woman and really wants to. So last night he was talking about doing dishes and I told him that was a test just to see if he was willing to do it. I think he was relieved that it wasn't a requirement.

Ohhhh, MsG, that gives me a stomach ache hearing about your mom calling MrD. Its probably too soon and too raw to talk to them yet but maybe its a good sign that they at least want to. You think they're reaching out finally? That was probably new for them too, having been confronted with all of that.

I got a note from my Dad on Friday along w/ a pic of my niece. All he said was that they were doing OK, and for me to enjoy the holidays. So I was unsettled about that and don't know what to do about it. It would have been nice if he at least asked how I've been doing, ya know? He still doesn't know anything about what happened with the FK's, my shoulder, nothing.

I was reading how you described your dad on the other thread and thats how I feel about mine too. I am angry with him but feel sorry for him at the same time. And I feel guilty that he's almost 81 and we have no relationship. I don't know how to fix it, and know in my heart that he is what he is and I can't expect him to be a loving father. And that still hurts.

((((MsG))))

sd

December 1, 2008
4:38 pm
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Hi Sd.They already have reached out.But it's under the same dynamic.

We all see them seperate, there's barely any communication between me and my sis, that is considered normal ( just hi how are ya, touching base stuff, none of that.)

I don't want a relationship with my oldest bro because he is an N.

I can tell you are conflicted too, with your father, and having a niece involved, but you are at least resolved to stay away for now.

For me, rather than point a finger, continuously at them, I am focused on not doing the same to my son what they did to me.

I don't want to leave him destitute, with no family heritage, or a place to call home.

One important step i took is buying this house. It's location is very special, and when it is paid off, it will be my sons inheritance.I want him to feel proud and anchored to something!

His father hasn't done this lives day to day, my family the same.

MrD and I have agreed this is sons inheritance.

I think it's important for parents to not squander the family income. To provide for their kids and grandkids the best they can.If they have the means to do so.

Sometimes the pain drives us to make better decisions, and learn from their mistakes.

Sorry if my stuff is reminding you and it hurts. Yea.lessons get put out there every day eh!?hehe

((((sdesigns))))

December 1, 2008
5:27 pm
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Oh thats no big deal, MsG. We just have some of the same sort of stuff, and I always learn from what you say, and especially how you handle things. Besides, aren't we here to talk about this stuff? Do NOT worry about that.

I think its great you and MrD are considering the house as your son's inheritance. I think its wonderful that you are thinking in those terms, making him feel secure and part of family. And even more points to MrD for thinking that way too about your son.

The reason I did not have children is because I didn't want to chance that I would raise them as I was raised. I DO understand what you're talking about. That scared the crap out of me.

I've talked about how my parents have used the inheritance as a carrot and have lied about the carrot. And that I think is sickening, another means of control. Part of the reason I keep my distance- its not about the fricking money for me- but to them it is.

My parents didn't squander the family income but they hoarded it. My father is an honest to god miser and the money is more impt than anything else. So in the end, he withheld from us his entire life to provide at the end? To always make us feel less than and not worthy of gifts etc, not good enough? It was always the cheapest of whatever even though they could afford more. Of course I didn't know that growing up. But when I see/ hear of people wanting to buy something for someone else purely becuase they want to give someone else something to make them happy- I get that my parents couldn't do that.

I don't have a relationship with my sister either. As far as I know, she's still working as a caregiver, or she could be homeless again, I have no idea. When I had to be around her during my moms death and illness, it was obvious that she and I were too far apart to ever have any sort of relationship. She's been damaged much more than I have and I do feel sorry for her. At least now if I were to see her I would talk to her. I understand her more and I don't put all of the blame on her as my parents do. They don't accept their part.

So I don't have any words of wisdom for you there either. Sure wish I did.

(((MsG)))

December 1, 2008
6:06 pm
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Just doing some thinking about your son and my sister.

My sister got caught smoking pot at 7 a.m. on the third floor balcony of her high school in her freshman year with some other band members and they all got expelled.

Now this wasn't something I never did- only she got caught. She was no different than I.

And my father rejected her then and there for the rest of her life. He was furious. She went to another school, lived with some other people, it was not a good crowd she ended up with. And her life continued like that.

Because she got caught. It could have been me and the story would have been the same for me.

My father has countless times said she stopped being their daughter when that happened.

Was there any caring or concern for her? No. Was there counseling, any discussions, etc- no. Just instant pure and final rejection.

One of the other kids that got expelled, he has turned out to be a great husband and father, all around good guy. But his parents are loving people, generous in spirit, church going folks. They were very helpful and kind to us when my mom died. The difference in the equation- obviously my parents and their hatred of their children and their inability to love us.

So, what you are doing with your son, keeping the door open, communicating with him, letting you know you care about him, is bound to pay off in the long run, although its not easy. He's at a tough age.

sd

December 1, 2008
11:42 pm
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Ack! SD...

your sister wound up homeless..and your dad cut her loose in high school becaise she got caught smoking pot?...oh for F's sake!

Christ SD...I'm surprised you are as 'with it" and well adjusted as you are given the wack job that your dad musta been. sorry..my judgment screaming out there..but holy balls..what an ahole..i can see coming down on a kid, but you can't sever from them for something like that. did he ever stop to think...everyone makes mistakes?..why was she smoking pot in the first place? etc etc. It just REEKS of soooo much control. Is he happy now? has he ever thought..gee..maybe if i reached out to the kid instead of removing all contact ...?

I'm sorry that your parents didn't love you right SD. That really really blows..that's something every kid not only should get, but MUST have.

MsG...I'm glad that you want to have the house for your son as his inheritance...i wonder does he know it? I think he may actually be better off NOT knowing it for now. He mightn't appreciate it as much if he can take it for granted.

December 2, 2008
7:52 pm
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Hey Glittered:

I can't imagine that my father is happy now, but then again I don't think he gives it much thought. I think he is just in la la land most of the time. Even when my mom was dying he showed very little emotion. Its like there's nothing in there.

Things are moving along swimmingly w/ Sarge, and I am scared to death. Yikes. I like him very much, pretty sure he feels the same. I am letting him guide all of this.

So, Thursday night he's coming here for dinner. I'm looking forward to it but VERY nervous.

He has also asked me to meet him for lunch in downtown LA near his work, and wants to ride his bike on the peninsula to train.

We have a lot of contact, either by phone or email. He says lots of very nice things too, makes me feel very comfortable.

I'm afraid of liking him too much, haven't liked someone this much right off the bat for a long time- probably PD was the last one. But Sarge is the whole package. I am going to try and take it slow but emotions are pretty charged up right now, and this is when I get scared.

Whew. Big pitter pats.

sd

December 2, 2008
10:26 pm
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Hi you guys.

Nothing much going on here. Just trying to sort out what to do about Parents...and the usual domestic stuff. I'm cooking more again since i'm not working yet....not enough snow. Just light dustings.

I'm still not ready to see them but Mom is a total histrionic. Just no respect that I need space right now.Still trying to run and control things in her sick way. The usual N vampire shyte.

glittered.Well i did tell him. Why not? It's pretty common for parents to let their kids know these things if they are kind or less militant? It's not like I spoil him rotten anyway.So far he doesn't take it for granted. He cuts the grass, helps around the house, cleans his room. He is just struggling at school, having some teenage angst directed at the world right now.

I wonder where he gets that from?LOL

So what's up with your fishies? or kids?

Sd..You must be just going nuts with excitement. Sarg sounds so normal and healthy! YEAY!!But having him over so soon? You know exactly what I'm thinking....Don't give him any "amo". Yea..I'm the born again prude......Born again virgin is a good line for single girls. Something communicating restraint ya know?

You can throw that all away if he gets through the obstacle course successfully!HA!

Seduce him with a gourmet dinner, your decorating skills, and travel photos!ahaha....non contact foreplay, hehe. Get him to a fevered pitch and invested a bit.

Ye, make him suffer.

I wonder what he's bringing over to impress you ( besides himself)?

Can you cycle with him? That would be cool.

I dunno, people are weird..they can seem invested, but in a moment they will turn coat and run. The dating world especially.

December 2, 2008
11:40 pm
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So you just hanging out too, MsG?

Its kinda nice, isn't it? Whatcha been cooking? Soups? .

Yeah, I know its early for him to be coming over and I thought we were going to go out to dinner first, but he is interested in learning to cook- he has to cook for his kids and they don't like what he makes- so I'm going to make something easy that he could (hopefully) make for them, nothing fancy.

He's coming straight from work and will have to battle the freeway so I told him not to bring anything. He's very interested in seeing my portfolio (etchings???) ha ha, and my drawings. He's also an artist, likes to sketch people.

I have a feeling he won't push for sex- he seems more respectful than that, but we'll see. I DO want to kiss him though- gotta see how he does there first!

And meeting him for lunch downtown I think would be really fun- take the metro to Union Station and go to Little Tokyo for Japanese food. All his idea so I'm liking his ideas.

I got something in the mail from my dad today. Sheesh. Its a stupid (and cheap) Xmas light necklace that lights up. I think he's working on me.

I know its hard to not think about whats going on with your mom. Just do it when you are ready on your timeline and feel comfortable. But having to think about it creates anxiety too, and there's no guarantee that when you do talk to her that all will be well.

((((MsG))))

sd

December 2, 2008
11:55 pm
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ahahaha..now yer funny!

I made double decker tacos tonight.

Etchings eh!? That is totally up my gallery!

I still have to hang some of my art in the house. Have a few things i want to frame still.

Us artsy fartsy's have to hang together! ;0)
Sarg is sounding better all the time.

Your Dad is trying in a good way at least. There's no notes attached with dialog that is insulting, accusatory, guilt trips, nothin! Just a fun necklace!
No calling and crying non stop with pity me .....grrrrrrr.

He's a man who has a hard time expressing himself....maybe he's figuring out some things?
Oh man! This is so hard!

Xmas is in a few weeks and you have time to think.

Nevermind your Dad, he's the engineer of all this dysfunction. I still hold hope with my sister.....we were all victims of bad parenting. I think your sister and neice would benefit you being around.

It's hard to be the "bigger" more humble, magnanimous person when we hurt so bad.

Besides the holidays, wouldn't it be nice if we could talk, straighten out a few things with sibs, and get beyond the parental influence? Ya never know!

((((sdesigns))))

December 5, 2008
11:59 am
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MsG: Just in case you've been holding your breath (ha ha ), thought I'd let you know Sarge was a complete gentleman last night.

He is so damned cute, I can't stand it. He's almost bashful, and is not smooth with the moves at all. We did a little (and I mean little!) hand holding, some hugs amd only pecks of kisses. I'm letting him set the pace even tho I could easily jump his bones!

Anyway, he's a sweetie pie. Going to meet him next Wed for lunch. A man that makes a plan?? I'm loving it.

How's things up yonder?

SD

December 5, 2008
12:24 pm
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aw ((sdesigns))

I'm kindof all overtheplace, can't ya tell?LOL

But it's good. Mega stimulus everywhere.

You're new fellas sounds so, genuine, real, and together. You gots a keeper here! So no details about the visit? what ya had? did?...(bottom line is it went well, and your left feeling content and respected.)
I really hope things mesh with you guys in the compatibility dept.

Keep us posted.Maybe be brave enough to start your own thread? ( yea, I'm always pushin,hehe)

Here at home things are going ok. My son is doing better. His teachers have called, said he stopped skipping, and is handing in work. We communicate via email now, so that really helps.

I visited my parents and that was so-so....i picked up some groceries fro them, got a huge apology, but I am detaching my emotions a bit more. It's the usual Xmas confusion. I am having dinner here, first Winter Solstice in our new home....just don't know for sure about the rest. Doesn't really matter. My ILs are going to Ottawa and my son will be with Dad and his family for some of it.

No drama.yet!LOL

It's finally getting really cold outside!

MrD is adjusting to his shift. It's his Birthday next week, and a friends, so we're having a small gathering, Dinner party, here this Sunday.

Yea.the typical middle aged comfort zone and restraint.
No crazy carousing, dancing on tables, spouse swapping or glow sticks!HA!

December 5, 2008
12:44 pm
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Wow, sounds like you've been super busy.

Good news about your son, and good news MrD started his new shift. Thats got to be much better.

I'm impressed you've been to your parents house, and am glad there were apologies made. And?? you're having them to your place for Xmas?? I hope they behave now that things are sort of out in the open.

You know, you're always saying how isolated you think you are but yet you and MrD have lots of friends. And I know you say they're his friends mostly, but at least you are socail and do lots of different things with other s socially. I think you're kind of hard on yourself there, kiddo.

As for Sarge, sure sounds like we're going to keep seeing each other. He has no problem talking or writing about any of that, and I am sort of baffled he's so shy as to the rest of it.

I made a spaghetti pie (sort of like lasagne) salad and bread, nothing fancy. He didn't even ask what we were having, just sort of acted like a guy and with a "feed me" attitude.

So far, will see him next Wed downtown for lunch (I think thats so romantic to take the train to see him), if not sooner.

Me start my own thread? Nah, probably not. I'll probably just fade away at some point. I'm sort of persona non grata here now anyhow.

sd

December 5, 2008
6:07 pm
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Sd... I say I'm isolated because i let all my past friends go in my mid thirties and early 40's. I had to to heal a bit.

One i was close to died of cancer a few months ago. Yea..another thing to cry about here, but i figure i cry about enough, can't keep adding to the mess. Sometimes we have to deal with certain things on our own....

You're not persona non grata?

Just not in everyone's face, or very demanding here, LOL
That's a good thing!

It's been a year for me, so isn't the first year always intense?

If you leave, you're going to have to break some rules before you go.
I always wanted to go to the Sierras or Baha..aren't you on the way?hehe.

Besides, it's about getting well enough to not be here. Or you want to stay crazy forever?aaahahahaaa

I finally got my glasses today. Now if i get stopped by the cops, I won't lose my licence. I'm not supposed to drive without corrective lenses, and i lost 2 pair in peoples gardens in one year! ( now THAT's crazy!);0)

December 5, 2008
7:53 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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While I here on libs side for a moment.......Just wanted to say hugs to SD and MsG.........I appreciate you so much on this site.....I mean it too....I am just that way....Once in awhile we connect and one of you support me ( on the support side and I thank you) Same for Red ....Hugs to you all, horsefly

December 5, 2008
8:04 pm
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Hey (((Pegasus)))

How'd ya like that other nic I used?hehe

Yea it's hard to put somethin in everywhere I want to too! but I think you're awesome also, (you're not a phoney and i like that!)everything you've been through, and getting to where you are now.

I have to get off here NOW!
What a freakin crazy last few days on AAC.......it got really low, and really high....I'm drained.

Be Well!

December 5, 2008
8:32 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Of Course...Said the horse. I do like your names for me. Love, Peg

December 5, 2008
9:07 pm
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Wow, I heard the voice of Mr. Ed when you wrote that, horsefly!

I used to sail with a guy who's uncle did the voice for Mr Ed, isn't that funny?

Hey MsG, if you go to Baja, you HAVE to stop here on your way.

BUT be warned it is NOT safe to go there right now, not at all. I almost made a little trip to San Felipe in Nov for the shrimp festival. And I am glad I didn't, its really bad down there now.

((((MsG and Horsefly))))

sd

December 5, 2008
10:16 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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SD , That completely blew my mind. I forgot about Mr. Ed .....I was thinking of Dr. Suess. Dammit. I am cracking up. horse jokes are endless..................Love , horse&%^$#@&

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