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Mom insists that we pull the plug
January 4, 2006
10:46 pm
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Worried_Dad
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My Mom has been in kidney failure, congestive heart failure and getting hemodialysis twice a week for about 4 years now.

On Christmas Eve, she went into the hospital with pneumonia. They had to put a breathing tube down her throat and heavily tranqilzer her, and give her paralytic drugs to keep her from trying to tear out her ventilator tube.

They finally took the tube out, and let her wake up. She feels awful, and is having chest pain. They are having a hard time dialyzing her. She needs heart valve surgery, but is too sick for it.

She says she is tired of struggling to stay alive and wants us to discontinue dialysis and take her home to die. Her husband and my younger sister are inclined to do as she asks. I just don't know if she is lucid enough to make that decision.

My mom just turned 66 years old. She is too young for this too be happening. Wow, is this ever painful and scary. My head is spinning.

Despite my previous arguments regarding intelligent design, I would sure appreciate any prayers for us.

Thanks.

January 4, 2006
11:12 pm
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Philmore Bowles
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My heart goes out to you WD. I'll include you and your family in my prayers.

January 4, 2006
11:17 pm
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lost and found
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wd-i am soooo sorry for u and your family. i will pray that an answer comes to u. god bless

January 4, 2006
11:26 pm
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Juanita
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WD,

I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's news...

Has she ever mentioned prior to this what her wishes would be in the event something like this happened? I know it is difficult and painful to watch someone you love suffer. Knowing what their wishes are prior to illness helps greatly. Not knowing what they want to do can cause much soul searching in loved ones around who care for her. Do you recall any conversations with her as to what she'd like to have done in the event of such sickness? Even conversations that may have been years ago? Not knowing how often you talk or get to see your Mom - perhaps talking with her husband and your younger sister may aid into further insite for you.

My heart goes out to you in this time, and I will say a prayer for you and your Mom.... for peace of mind and soul, clarity of though, and for ease from suffering.

Perhaps, though hard for you, she is ready to let go of her life if she has suffered much for a long time. Tez wrote a very moving and touching response on Zinnie's Prayer Request thread about having aided, I believe, his own Mom depart this world. No one wants to see our loves ones suffer, but we also do not want to be without their presence either.

Talk to your (I'm assuming) step-father and younger sister... you all love your Mom and the communications may help, especially when everyone wants what is best for her, and what she wants. Mom may not be totally lucid right now, but sharing the knowledge from the people who are around her day to day may help. Also, is it possible to talk with Mom some more?

My cyber arms go out to embrace you in loving care dear friend. My heart feels your torment. Please know though, that if this is what Mom wants, she will be at peace and suffer no more once her spirit leaves her mortal shell... Her spirit though will live on forever as love never dies, and she will be with you always.

Much love,
Juanita

January 5, 2006
12:37 am
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Shaney
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Hello WD -

I'm so sorry that you're faced with such a difficult decision - I'll be praying that the answers come to you, and that you find peace in whatever decision you and your family make. Your mother is in my thoughts as well. It's tough to know what is right. And the timing is always an issue - but having experienced first hand, your kindness and sound advice... I know that whatever you feel is right, will be just that. My heart goes out to you, my friend.

Take care and please let us know how you are. Love - Shaney

January 5, 2006
1:03 am
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mamacinnamon
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WD:

I am so sorry about your mom.

Listen, your mom has been sick now for 4 years and I'm sure she wasn't well before that too. She wants to go home. May I ask you if she believes in Jesus? in his being the savior? Not preaching. Just wanted to ask because if so she knows she will be going to a better place. No more sickness, no more hurting. I would listen to her wishes. She is 66 years young I know. but has she not had a full life? Her kids are raised. If you put yourself in her shoes, what would you want?

Big big hugs to you and definitely prayers for your mom and for you and the rest of your family. Have you and dad and sis sat down and discussed her wishes? Might be a good idea to do so now if possible.

Be there w/ her and take good care of her. Respect her wishes unless she is not mentally capable of making such decisions. Ya know, she might just be looking for each of you to say it's ok to go. Just want validated per se.

I am not trying to step on your toes. Just speaking to you as a dear friend that cares and well, kinda knows what it's like to be ill and a burden (spoken or not). Even our little Jigs asked for validation awhile back and then decided to fight. Ya just never know Dad.

w/ love,
mamaC

January 5, 2006
10:09 am
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jastypes
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Dearest WD,

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your mom. I almost lost my mother last year to cancer. She was refusing all treatment, saying she had done all that she wanted to do in life. I would have been the one to acquiesce to her wishes, but my older sister came and held mom's hand through it all, and encouraged her to take one step at a time. My mom had surgery, but refused further treatments. Today she is doing well, as they believe her cancer was contained.

That said, there is no easy answer, nor any precisely correct one. You can offer her an ear, support, kindness and time.

Perhaps another answer will come along -- a kidney transplant? Please know that I will be praying to the Great Physician for healing for your mother. I will also be praying for peace of mind and heart, and that both you and she will find the strength to cope with whatever lies ahead. I also pray that through this time you would come to know the One who loves you with an endless, unfathomable love.

In Him,
jill

January 5, 2006
11:46 am
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bel
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WD Im so sorry to hear about your mom, and no matter what decision is made things will be hard for you and the family.

My mother has discussed this with all her kids and she has let us know that in no uncertain terms she does not want her life prolonged if she is in a bad way. She says that is no life but just feeling miserable and suffering. Se we know and Im sorry you never had that discussion with your mom but maybe your sis and dad have? Its up to you and its a very hard decision.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Bel

January 5, 2006
12:18 pm
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miss_tater_head
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Dad,

I've come to love your posts on this site and have such respect for you. I know that this is so painful for you and I am sorry that you're suffering. I am praying for you to find peace in this difficult time.

It's times like these, though, when we put our wishes aside and honor the wishes of another. There is a time in life when we must let it go and have faith that everything will be as it should be.

Please honor her wishes with love and respect. Let her know that we are praying for a miracle recovery or a peaceful passing. No more pain or suffering.

All my love,
Tater

January 5, 2006
2:57 pm
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kasie919
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Worried:

I am so sorry for this, I had no idea, gosh my heart and prayers truly go out to you..

I personally dont think i could pull the plug, but then i would never forgive myself if she just stayed in that state..

Hard for any one to give you advice this has got to be heart wrenching for you..

You are truly a God send to me so i sure hope he is over your shoulders right now..

All my love...

Kasie

January 5, 2006
4:20 pm
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mamabear
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WD,

You have had so much good advice on here from people who love and respect you that it is hard to add to it.

What does your heart of hearts tell you to do?

You will be in my prayers, I know what a hard situation you are going through. Not with my own mother, but with my grandfather (who was much worse than your mother as he was brain dead, so it was an easier decision but still heart wrenching nonetheless) and with one of my best friend's mothers. She was very adamant about no more tubes, no more life prolonging treatment. He respected her wishes, but it was still so very hard for him. Even now over two years later, he still carries this burden around. So be sure you follow your heart, and I will certainly be praying for you that your heart will come to peace in whatever you decide.

Also, back to what MamaC said, does your mother feel at peace and secure in her beliefs? Is she truly ready to go?

Sometimes the people we love suffer more than they should because they think they need to hold on for us that will be left behind. I have witnessed this firsthand on more than one occasion when I worked at the nursing home, and it is heartbreaking. On one certain occasion that stands out in my mind, a lady waited to die until her son came and told her, mom, I love you, I will always love you, it's okay for you to go now. Almost instantly she was gone...and I witnessed what a powerful thing closure can be.

((((WorriedDad)))))

January 5, 2006
4:44 pm
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Rasputin
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WD,

I will keep your dear mom in my daily prayers. Please keep us posted!

God bless, Ras~

January 5, 2006
5:15 pm
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dear WD, best wishes and good luck, I hope everything turns out good for you, your mom and your family!

January 5, 2006
5:37 pm
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kasie919
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Guest::

You need to read this from the beggining, you are not getting the point..

See some things overcome,and hbdude have written..

I cant beleive you allow someone to control you like this..

Kasie..

you can learn from this thread, please read the whole thing.

January 5, 2006
5:56 pm
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lost and found
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wd-please update this thread and let us all know how this situation is progressing with your mom. i know this is very hard on all of u. u have our support when ever u want to talk. lost

January 5, 2006
8:00 pm
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gingerleigh
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WD, when my grandfather was dying, the hospital gave us the choice of "care of comfort". Care involved staying in the hospital, being hooked up to tubes and wires, and suffering. Comfort meant moving him to hospice where he would be safe and warm and fed if he wanted it, and we could be with him until he died. He was conscious, but in great pain, and he was able to write two things in response to the doctors: "water" and "rest". So we chose Comfort. It was hard, but it was what he wanted, and I know it was the right decision for our family.

Saying a prayer for you and your family, WD.

January 5, 2006
11:25 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Continued prayers are going up for your family by me and a whole lot of others that think you are pretty special. Let us know you are ok, and how your mom is doin.

January 6, 2006
7:47 am
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kasie919
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wd:

was just seeing how you are doing?
hope things are a little calm for you..

i keep you in my prayers..

Love Kasie

January 6, 2006
8:28 am
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Juanita
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WD

You & your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things are revealing themself to you and guiding you / helping you thru this.

Warm support & caring sent your way in whatever decision you and your family make. I know whatever happens will be done with love and best interest at heart.

Keep us posted.

Much love to you,
Juanita

January 6, 2006
9:21 am
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addicts wife
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((((((((((((WD)))))))))))
So sorry you and your family are going through this all. Your Porr mom must just be soo exhausted, and uncomfortable.
I cant say I'd know what to think or do, But I am sendin up prayers for you, atis tough time.
My toughts are with you.
((((hugsWDHugs))))))))
~AW

January 6, 2006
10:33 am
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SoulSpirit
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Your Mom, your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers. My life's experiences have taught me that when I listen quietly to that still small voice, the answers to lifes difficult questions do truly come. They don't always come in the time frame I want them, or expect them, but they do come. I lost my own precious Mother 6 years ago to cancer. She too, said enough was enough, and chose comfort. He last days were filled with visits from loved ones, comforting them, instead of them comforting her, and her passing was peaceful. That still small voice insured me that her choice was the right thing to do.

God Bless you as you experience this most difficult time in your family.

January 6, 2006
10:43 am
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mj
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(((((((((((WD))))))))))))))))

So sorry that you are going through this experience with your mom. She is so young. Saying a prayer for all of you and sending love your way.

January 6, 2006
11:43 pm
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Lostrose
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Worried_Dad

This is really hard to write but I want you to know I understand exactly what your going through. My mom got sick in 1999 & had kidney failure, congestive heart failure, & a diabetic with gangreen on stomach & legs. She was in & out of the hospital & nursing homes & many times she wanted to quit & go home because of the pain. She stuck it out until everything shut down on her in the nursing home in 2004. The following year my dad got sick out of the blue & ended up in the hospital. He wasn't going to make it & I knew he didn't want to live on machines. Since he was not coherent I had to let the doctors know to take him off.

Anytime a loved one is this sick all you can do is what they ask of you. You may feel she isn't lucid enough to make the decision, but she is the one going through the pain & as hard as it is for you & your family my suggestion is too do what she wants & enjoy the rest of your time with her. I know it hurts, but you should remember she will finally be at peace. Oh & my mom was 58 & dad was 64.

Your family will be in my prayers.

((((HUGS)))))

January 7, 2006
4:10 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi all,

Mom has agreed to continue dialysis, at least for now. But she is quite sick--has had two heart attacks since Christmas eve, and is not a candidate for heart surgery. We continue to prepare for the end.

WD

January 7, 2006
7:11 pm
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mamabear
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WD,

Thanks for the update, you are in my continued thoughts and prayers.

A great big bear hug for you,
Mamabear

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