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Mich is getting divorced....
May 31, 2009
8:38 am
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Friendma
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((((((((((MITCH))))))))))

I truly believe that you will get through this.........some days will be harder than others.........the journey is full of ups and downs....highs and lows........One step at a time.........One moment at a time............One day at a time........As we go through......I believe we are learning and growing and becoming stronger and wiser..........I believe there will come a day that you will look back and be so proud and happy at how far you have come........

You don't have to walk this road alone.........I am walkin with ya........and so are many others.......

I'm sendin ya safe, love and hugs.......

June 3, 2009
1:21 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I meet with my attorney tomorrow. I am a little nervous. Then next week his pre-trial is on Tuesday. I am emotionally strung out. No matter how much peace I feel, there is still some pain that accompanies it. I feel guilty for allowing myself to be sad. Anger is still probably my most present emotion, but the sadness is coming. I am unsure of where this sadness comes from. The end? The last 12 years of my life? For my kids? For my future? I am not sure. What I know right now, is that the pain is there. I just want this all over with. I want to be able to pick up the pieces and move forward.

June 3, 2009
9:09 pm
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Isis
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Oh my Michy, I have been so busy with work and school that I haven't been checking in very much.

Try not to be nervous- just take it one day at a time- one step at a time.

That SOB better never lay another finger on you ever again. WTF!? Huh?
Jeeez... I hope you have a restraining order on him.

Are you still at home?

Hugs to you and you babies.

I'm thinking of you... wishing you the best honey.

Keep us posted. No matter how busy I am, I will check in.

Love,

Isis

June 4, 2009
8:17 am
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soofoo
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It makes sense that you feel sad. There is grief with a divorce, even when it is obviously the best thing. Everything you are feeling is normal and okay.

You are in the crazy time right now, when everything is upside down and nothing has been put into its new place yet.

There is a song about being in the middle of the ride, and everything will be alright. That is what I mean to tell you.

June 5, 2009
6:57 pm
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((((((((((MITCH))))))))))

Sending lots of love and hugs your way!! I'm holdin tight........I love ya babe....... :o)

June 8, 2009
8:00 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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So here I am again tonight....wondering how in the hell to get beyond all of this. I am so angry and so confused and so sad.

I know that I have to grieve this loss, but, I don't know how. Right now I am so many emotions. I don't feel wrong for having any of them...I just don't know how to deal with all of them at once.

I saw him last Thursday. He walked in to the gas station righr after I did. It was NOT pleasant in the slightest. I tried to walk away from him...but, he walked right up to me and started talking to me. He is still trying to justify what he did. It kills me. He isn't supposed to be talking to me at all. Does he care?? Nope. He just has NO regard for the law period. In addition to that....he had the balls to ask me if we could be ex's with benefits....ARE YOU SERIOUS?? I didn't want to have sex with him when we were married, and now he thinks that I may want that after he beat my ass. ARE YOU SERIOUS??

His pretrial is tomorrow. I am going because the prosecuting attorneys office wants me there. I am scared and feeling a little sick to be honest. I am not going alone though. SO...for that, I am thankful. I really do have support. At least emotionally. I am dying financially and otherwise...but, I do have emotional support.

Ahhh...well, that is a VERY brief update. Maybe a little more later. I would love to tell you all about him saying that it isn't that he doesn't want to pay for his kids...it is that he would rather raise them. HA....who fucked that up?? Wasn't me. AND...he said that even I knew that if they make him pay even $450 in child support a month...that, he couldn't pay that and keep his house. Now whose problem is that?? I didn't ask him to beat my ass. That was HIS choice.

Ughh....for the moment that was sad when I saw him....I am SO not sorry that I did. It only added to the anger which has been my driving emotion to this point.

Alright...I am off here for a little bit.

Thank you ALL for your love and support and encouragement. I am just really sorry that I didn't listen before and get the hell out when I had that chance. It took this??

June 9, 2009
12:12 am
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red blonde
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((((Michy))))

You will come through this A-okay! Don't be sorry for giving it a chance.. you tried your best.. and there was nothing wrong with your doing that.. No one is going to tell you 'we told you so' ... so don't go beating yourself up about that on top of everything else that is going on.

You are just going through a grieving process at the moment because of what 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' have been...and not the way it really was. You are sad because 'dreams die hard', that is all... try and keep that anger going because he 'killed' the dream. And you tried very hard to keep that 'dream' alive and going... for you and for your kids.

And it is also sad that he is not willing to change or won't change... and make things better. That is not on you... that is on him.

June 9, 2009
10:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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He is such an asshole. Whatever...after a while, he was pretty forced into pleading guilty. I am just glad that it is over, and there will be no trial.

He told his fair share of lies though.

Whatever, I am just SO done. So angry...

UGHHHHH............

June 10, 2009
12:38 am
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red blonde
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((((Mich))))

Most men... that I know and have known... are. And that is really sad. Must be something in the water! Or maybe the (male) gene pool is just breaking down!

June 16, 2009
9:14 am
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((((((((((MITCH)))))))))) Thinkin of ya and holdin tight.........

June 16, 2009
10:25 am
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needtoheal
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(((((((((((( Mich))))))))))))

June 16, 2009
11:04 am
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caraway
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Red Blonde,

How sad for you that life has jaded you so that you could generalize the entire male population in that way; you said referring to a post that stated Mich's ex was an asshole, "Most men... that I know and have known... are."

You must really have a big chip on your shoulder.

Cary (not an asshole)

June 16, 2009
11:13 am
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StronginHim77
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Dear Caraway -

I think both genders tend to make generalizations regarding the opposite sex. Truth? With these generalizations, I believe we are actually voicing our own proclivity for gravitating toward the WRONG type of mate. Rather than taking responsibility for our own poor choices (and I am no exception to this!!), we blanket the entire, oppostie gender under a negative label.

In the past six years since being widowed, I have tried dating and remarrying...with disastrous results. Were these men "expletives deleted?" Undoubtedly. But was it my own lack of wisdom and choice to ignore "red flags" which resulted in my unhappiness? You bet.

Do I think all men are jerks? Nope...because I was married to a great guy for twenty years, till he died. So, they aren't ALL jerks. However, my codependency issues drew me to several toxic men. Thankfully, I am now free of them and in personal recovery from codependency. Do I believe there might be a good man out there somewhere for me? Maybe. If not, I am learning to be content on my own, rather than settle for someone who does NOT measure up.

- Ma Strong

June 16, 2009
11:22 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey guys and gals...

I haven't had internet since last week and surely I thought that I was going to die. That said...I am back.

It has been a very tough time. I have gone through a vast array of emotions. Somehow, I wish this were easier.

I am a bit nervous, as today is going to be the first time he gets the kids. I am dropping them off to his dad and then picking them up from his dads. I am very nervous. There are NO custody orders in place and that makes me a little nervous. I want to believe that he won't try anything really stupid. It just scares me.

The kids really seem to be missing their dad. That doesn't really surprise me....as he is their dad. The oldest one will not be going today as she is at Cedar Point with the youth group. I am not sure that she would go to be honest. She is really having a tough time. She saw the psychiatrist and they put her on an antipsychotic medication. She is seeing things and hearing things that aren't there. It makes me so sad for her. He fully believes that she is really suffering from PTSD. Not just from this incident but from an accumulation of events in her little life.

I am doing much better than many thought that I would. Yes, I have my emotional days, but it is amazing to me to see how much I can see from the outside looking back. So much that I couldn't see then. My mind was so warped. Cause the truth is, I am a good woman, and I deserve to be happy. And I will be. It may take a little while, but I will get there. I believe that I am on the right road to get there.

I hope for both of us that somehow it makes us better parents. I don't doubt for one minute that it will for me...but, I can't guarantee anything for him. That is going to have to be his choice. I can't make that for him. A part of me will always love him, but I will no longer allow myself to go through what I have been through in the last several years. More than that, I will no longer allow my kids to go through what they have suffered. Who he is, and who I allowed it to make me. It is time to pick up the pieces for the five of us and move forward. I will, because I can.

Anyway...I don't believe that ALL men are assholes any more than I believe that ALL women are bitches. There are definitely a lot of both out there. People are people and I hope and pray that I can keep myself away from either one...no matter which I choose for the rest of my life. Maybe being single forever would be good. Right now, that seems like the best answer to me. I can't even fathom the thought of another relationship at this point. Nor do I want to.

The peace that I had is still there. I know in my heart AND in my head that I am doing the right thing. For me first, and then for my kids. And truly, I believe that it will be the best thing for him as well.

I hope that you are all doing well. I miss all of you.

Mich

June 16, 2009
1:51 pm
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caraway
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Mich,

I can imagine that you would be nervous about leaving the kids right now. I am guessing that he won't do anything to rock the boat. You sound so much stronger than post I've read lately.

I agree with MA that we ALL have a tendency to generalize about opposite sex, or groups of people; I've been guilty. Just don't like to see anyone put the walls up and become negative.

MA, I hope (and believe) that you have a lot of love and commitment to share with someone special and hope you find him soon.

Best to you today MICH,

Cary

June 22, 2009
11:28 pm
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red blonde
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Cary -

I was just generalizing... since 'most men that I know..and have known...are' I didn't say ALL men were. I know quite a few really good guys... In fact, I am currently in a relationship with a really wonderful good guy...

I am sorry that you think that I am 'jaded', I don't think I am...I could have been thinking that way because I recently had to deal with my xbf of the last 3 years... and, unfortunately, he is a ass and a jerk. And..... that is why he is an xbf! He is narcissistic from the word go... and he has been very sneaky and tricky in his interactions with me. He was trying to worm his way back to my good side... but had ulterior motives... so I was just biding my time until the worm turned... and he did do just that! So I was aggravated with him... though I knew he could not keep up the pretense... of being a nice guy... for very long.

Red!

And, no, I don't think ALL women are bitches either. Just know some that have been and some that are now.

June 22, 2009
11:43 pm
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red blonde
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I just believe any man who would use or abuse a woman or a child, physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally and/or sexually - deserves being called an ass or jerk... I do have alot worse things I could have called someone like that. And men are NOT the only users and abusers, either... there are plenty of women out there just as bad... or worse.

June 23, 2009
12:03 am
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red blonde
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((((Michy))))

June 23, 2009
1:20 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks Red...

Things are alright. This last weekend was a complete and total fiasco, but other than that...it is what it is.

I am finding myself weakening in some areas. I started out really going strong, but I am losing some of that strength. I think that there are many reasons for that...but, the truth is....it is only going to be what will be.

He is fighting for joint physical custody with him being primary and me paying child support. My attorney laughed to be honest. There were enough discrepincies in his paperwork to file a fraud suit. I am just frustrated.

I sat in church on Sunday and just cried. Some for my kids, some for my own losses. There is still 12 years of my life that are gone. That goodbye hasn't come really easy to me. Not as easy as I thought that it may. He did have some good qualities. I am not sorry for what I am doing, and nor do I think that it is the wrong choice...because it isn't. BUT...that doesn't seem to make it hurt any less some days.

In addition to that, there is a part of me that feels lonely too. I am struggling with being a single mom of four, and that is hard for me to admit. I think that once we find a place of our own that will help also. That said, it isn't just that easy when my life is what it is. It hasn't been an easy road for me to walk. He hasn't given me a dime to help me with the kids either. It just all hurts.

That all said, I am going to get through this, there isn't a doubt in my mind of that. Just today is a tough one. I am sick of being in court houses, and I am sick of worrying about things that are so painfully obvious to me...yet that still hurt.

I guess some of the truth is that it is still hard to think that I allowed myself to be treated this way. My self esteem is on such a roller coaster right now that there are not words to describe it.

Anyway...it is what it is, and I will get there.

Michy

((((Red))))

June 24, 2009
9:05 am
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caraway
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Red,

I hear ya, just pointing out how we ALL are guilty of generalizations.

It is so frustrating when confronted with someone from the past. All of those feelings that we thought were under control come right back to the surface.

Cary

June 24, 2009
3:17 pm
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soofoo
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(((((Mich))))))

June 25, 2009
12:03 am
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red blonde
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(((((Michy)))))

It is just that you had alot on your plate to begin with...and it doesn't seem fair that more has been added to it. And there is no way that I can take some of that away. I really wish that I could!

June 28, 2009
3:13 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((MITCH))))))))))
I'm sorry for all that you have gone thru and continue to go thru......I just wish I could give ya a big ole sqooshy hug.......I love ya chica.....and you are so very special to me!!

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