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Mich is getting divorced....
May 22, 2009
10:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Well, so as the story goes...it never really gets better forever. Surely you could have all told me that, and surely all tried. Right now, my heart is SO heavy that there are not words.

He literally beat the shit out of me on Wednesday night. The worst part is that my children all saw it. My oldest one called 911 and they came and took a statement from her, a statement from me, and a statement from him. They then shared with me that they were arresting him for domestic assault. They took pictures of all the places that I was bleeding from, and whatever. He was bailed out by daddy yesterday after he was arraigned.

He came home to an empty house though. The kids and I had already moved out. 10 days in our new house...really, quite devastating to all of us.

Please don't say you all knew it would come to this. I hurt enough right now. I just went for mental treatment because I "trusted" him enough to do that finally. It makes me sick.

I think that he filed for divorce today, but I am still going to legal aid on Tuesday. There was nothing I could do before then.

When he was arraigned yesterday, there was a no contact order put in place, so he can have NOTHING to do with talking to me or the kids. It just all makes me sad.

Please keep me in your thoughts. We are safe for now, and doing alright. But the kids and I could really use some love and prayers...

Thank you!!

May 22, 2009
10:28 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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It is sad, Mich, and I am sure you are hurting. Please stay strong.

May 22, 2009
10:31 pm
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lollipop3
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((((((Mich)))))

I'm so sorry this happened. I can't post much now but know there will be no told you so's coming from me. My thoughts are with you. I'll check back as soon as I can. Stay strong sweetie.

Love,
Lolli

May 22, 2009
11:11 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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No woman deserves to be beaten and especially not in front of her children. All the best to you....

Bitsy

May 22, 2009
11:29 pm
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red blonde
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(((((Mich)))))

You are all right, though? No 'permanent' damages?

I am so sorry to hear what had happened. There is no excuse for what he did...even if times are really tough and scary for now.

You are stronger than you realize you are. You will overcome all of this. No one here is judging you. So don't go judging yourself! okay?

(((((Mich)))))

May 23, 2009
12:55 am
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Randomwomen2
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I am so so sorry sweetheart. I can not imagine the pain that you are going through. Please know that your in my thoughts and prayers and we are here for you always (((Michy)))

May 23, 2009
1:39 am
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((((MICH))))

I'm so sorry to hear that happened. It broke my heart to read your post. Glad to hear you and the kids are safe, at least for now.

Hang in there, my thoughts are with you.

Hep

May 23, 2009
2:54 am
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Shaney
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Anyone who did the "I told you so bit" would be a complete asshole. Just get out Mandy. It seems that it's time. From what little I know of ths whole situation, it seems that it's time to move on... with your precious kids. There is always going to be something that you miss, but the something that you GAIN will MEAN FAR MORE IN THE LONG RUN. The way that you've been doing things has taken you this far. But to grow and exceed, you'll need to change your game. Take this chance... as scary as it may seem, and move forward. I guarantee that your babies will benefit. YOU WIL BE OKAY... without the house, without the steady paycheck.... you will be okay. And your babies will eventually thank you for it. We'll be here for you and you'll be OKay. Love you sister - Shaney

May 23, 2009
9:16 am
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Bitsy
23-May-09

Happiness

MY HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON ME

Today I react positively to my environment, and to the people around me. I look at life with a ew understanding of what is important. My happiness depends on ME- and only I can make a hell or heaven on earth for myself. My happiness does not depend on other people or outer circumstances.

My happiness does not depend upon another's feelings toward me- it depends on how well I like myself. My happiness does not depend upon my income, or where I live or what I own. My happines depends upon how clearly I can see the spiritual reality behind all appearances.

I take responsibility for my happiness today, and I let cheerfulness and good will pervade all that I do.

Mich...I posted this on the other side but thought you could use it this morning as well.

Bitsy

May 23, 2009
1:11 pm
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soofoo
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(((((((Mich)))))))

I am so sorry this has happened to you. But I'm really glad that you were able to move out and that you and your kids are safe right now.

Of course you are sad, and it hurts. Even though you are better off, it still hurts and feels sad and you have a lot to grieve.

I think you are a very strong woman and a great mama and I know you are going to put a wonderful life together for yourself and your kids.

You just need time, support and love. I am praying for you and I hope that you have received some comfort.

May 23, 2009
5:45 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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mich....my heart hurts for you.

you won't get any I told you so's from me either....sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and your heart wanted to see things thru.

and tho the ending wasn't what you hoped for, perhaps it's what you needed to see....I am sorry it caused so much pain, mentally and physically....and that it had to come to this.

you will be in my thoughts and prayers....stay safe and get plenty of hugs and kisses from those angels of yours...they need you as much as you need them....keep on keeping on...if only for them.

thinking of you.....ali

May 23, 2009
7:01 pm
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needtoheal
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(((((((( MICH))))))))

Thinking of YOU and YOUR safety... and Those precious CHILDREN !!

Just like our dear friend Shaney said, "Anyone who did the "I told you so bit" would be a complete asshole. "... I agree..

Just know I am here for you ALWAYS !

(((((((( MiCh + kids ))))))

Love you--

Need

May 23, 2009
8:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Today has been a really emotional day for me. I know deep down that I will be alright...I do. I know that my babies will be alright... It just simply hurts.

I feel lost. I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't really feel lonely, and in some aspects I almost feel a sense of relief.

I am so done. I always held some reservation after what we went through a while back. But, I honestly believed that this would not happen. Not to me...and not to my kids.

I have gone over and over the events of that night in my head and tried to make it make sense to me. I can't. I was arguing with my daughter...and honestly, I without question said some things that were very wrong. I don't deny that in the slightest. BUT...I never touched her, and she never thought that I was going to. In fact, I had walked outside to calm down. When I went to walk back in, he told me to "get the fuck out". He told me that I needed to leave. I refused to leave, and he just snapped. COMPLETELY snapped. But, he has admitted to not remembering what he did to me exactly, and is doing his best to change what happened. That thought scares me more than anything to be honest. The idea of him not remembering what it was that he has done to the kids, and his brother, and now me.

I am so done. I gave him more chances than he deserved already. To only be hurt again. I am sure that I am so worried about the "I told you so's" because of how I feel. Not because so much of what other people have said. I am very angry at myself for "allowing" any of us to be put in this position again. I feel stupid, and I feel very guilty for the sake of my kids.

I don't know. A little painful to me at the moment. Hoping the pain will ease sometime soon. I am tired of crying, and tired of fighting. I just want to be ok!!

Ughhh....

Again, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers, encouragement and support. It means the world. (Guess I got my rights back at a good time, as support is crucial for me at this point)

Love and appreciate you all...

Mich

(((((My AAC Friends)))))

May 23, 2009
9:21 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.....go easy on you okay?....we all make mistakes...that's what makes us human.

May 24, 2009
12:16 pm
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soofoo
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I can really relate to the feelings of guilt. But you would probably also be feeling guilty if you had left him before you were ready. You would have been wondering whether you should have given it another chance. The bottom line is that his violence is not something you could have predicted or controlled. You handled it the best you could and you are still handling it the best you can.

I do not believe him that he doesn't remember what he did exactly. This is a very common way people avoid facing what they did. He knows what he did. He doesn't want to own up.

((((Mich)))))

May 25, 2009
9:47 pm
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red blonde
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(((((Mich)))))

Giving the relationship, him, another chance is not to be ashamed of or feel guilty or stupid. I am sure that there are many of us who have done the same.

Now is the time to focus on yourself and your kids. Everything will turn out okay.

(((((Mich)))))

Red!

May 25, 2009
9:48 pm
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red blonde
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(((((RISING!!!)))))

Good to see you posting again!

Red!

May 26, 2009
9:24 am
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caraway
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((Mich))

Cary

May 26, 2009
2:04 pm
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CAMER
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(((mich))) hope you are doing the best that you can today.

(((camer)))

May 26, 2009
9:47 pm
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((((((((( Mich))))))))))))

Thinking of you ....

Many hugs go out to you and those wonderful kids ....

Love ya-
Need

May 26, 2009
10:09 pm
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"But you would probably also be feeling guilty if you had left him before you were ready. You would have been wondering whether you should have given it another chance." Well said, SooFoo!

I agree, Mich. You've done what you had to do. Yes, it will be lonely, but keep coming back to your support group...this, too, shall pass.

Aloha,

H-gal

May 28, 2009
12:10 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I filed for divorce this morning. It has been a hell of a couple of days of stress, tears and many other things...but, I did it. I filed for divorce. There is a great peace that comes with that.

He is being an asshole, but, I will explain all of that when I have a little time to do so.

Thank all of you for your support and encouragement.

Mich

May 28, 2009
10:33 am
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Friendma
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((((((((((MITCH))))))))))

Sweetheart........I'm holdin tight......and sendin ya lots of love and hugs.........

You will find no finger waggin from me........no I told ya so.........no guilt.........no shame.........

You will find my support..........My love..........My hugs.........

Has anyone told ya that you are special today?? Chica......you are so very special to me!!!!!!

May 28, 2009
5:54 pm
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StronginHim77
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Wow, Mandy. Have not been on the "Libs" side for awhile, so I did not know what you were going through. Wish I could just give you a giant hug, but these simple words will have to do: you are really cared about here on these threads. We are all solidly behind you and praying for your strength and peace.

I really commend you for your courage in leaving and in filing for divorce. That is huge. And had to be tough.

You are a true survivor who inspires alot of us. I thank you for that.

Bless you and your precious children..

- Ma Strong

May 29, 2009
7:09 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks again all...and good to see you Ma. Hope all is treating you well.

Well, this is just ugly. Though I have to admit that I feel a little empowered knowing that I have filed for divorce. Right now, such a part of me hates him.

That all said, he is trying to get me to play his game and I am not willing to do it. I have run from police stations to court houses to everywhere you can think of this week. Today was a little slower, which I almost think was worse though.

When he was arraigned he was given a court ordered "No Contact Order". However that said, it only specifically stated the oldest child and myself. It also stated that "and any other witnesses". Apparently he forgot who all witnessed that event. He admitted to the pastors wife that he asked the judge if he could see the other three kids even through a third party and they told him no. Yet, on Tuesday he went to where the two youngest were for daycare and saw them on his lunch. Then on Wednesday he picked up the 8 year old from school for his lunch. BUT..there is nothing that they can do to stop him until we specifically have something stating that he can not have contact with them by name. I talked to the assistant prosecutor who is TICKED. First of all, she wondered if he needed it spelled out who witnessed that event. THEN...the fact that he simply doesn't care.

When he picked the 8 year old up, my son asked him why he turned off my cell phone and his sisters. J's response was "to be mean". Isn't that nice. Then he specifically asked him if it made me mad that he went to see the two younger kids the day before. He is just trying to be an ass. He doesn't care about those kids in the slightest. He is only trying to do what he can to piss me off. He is hoping that I will give him something to use in a courtroom against me and I won't give him that satisfaction. I have not talked to him OR anyone in his family.

I am just angry. I want him to leave me alone, and my kids. The prosecutors office is working on getting the NCO to state the other kids names specifically. I just want it done. I don't trust him. Neither do the schools, but, there is nothing they can do. The only other option that I have is to keep them with me. Nobody really feels that it is best for them to be home from school for the last week of school though. I am at a loss.

Over all, I am doing alright. Most moments I am pretty angry...which right now I think is good, as it seems to be a VERY driving emotion for me at the time. I have kept going through all of this, and managed to get a lot done this week.

I do miss having someplace to call my own. But, to have happiness, I will give up that freedom until I can find something of my own. In all reality it is probably really good that we are where we are. The kids get a lot of attention where we are, and I think that is good from them. Pastor John gives them hugs and tucks them into bed (and his wife) and does lots of things with them. I also think that it has been helpful for me too. When I am feeling like I can't do anymore, they are there to pick me up and help me do what needs to be done next.

12 years of my life I gave to him and everything I had in me. That said, I was my mothers punching bag for 18 years, and I am not going to be his. He will never be who I so desperately want him to be...it is just a little tough at this time. I believed that he really had changed. That makes me so nervous about EVER getting into another relationship. Not that I am interested now at all, cause surely I am not. BUT....it just scares me. It makes me seriously question my own judgement on great levels.

I am just frustrated. I will get through this though!!! Right??

Mandy

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