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meant to be?
January 16, 2009
4:23 pm
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kellykan
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Ok... we couldnt hold our horses on first encounter... though he said he could wait another month, another year and slept in the LR. But I went to "check" on him in the morning and... zazazu! I know now I wasnt ready, he had most of the fun! I was a perfect codie thinking: you gotta do it for him, you started this. I was just a curious cat. After major depression and my divorce ten years ago, I was just dying to know I could "feel" something again and... well, you know, "do" it! Blame it to menopause insecurity. Im in the fifties. Yep, now I know, kelly kan. Even better than with first and only "x". Kelly can feel, kelly kan please. Now can Kelly wait? Im hoping its better next time when that comes around... only will it come around? Test drive was six days ago after he asked me to go steady. He´s about 14 years younger but very sure of what he wants. Maybe too sure... My therapist said that´s what I get for being anxious...

January 16, 2009
8:41 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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September 27, 2010
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Kelly. Are you talking about real horses ? Please post more. I am curious and concerned. Your Coda friend, horsefly

January 17, 2009
8:13 pm
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red blonde
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I don't think so, Pegasus! he he!

Red!

January 18, 2009
2:25 am
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red blonde
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(((Kelly)))

I am sorry if my comment to horsefly upset or offended you in any way.

I really didn't mean to do that. And I don't think your therapist should have said that to you, especially if you have not been in a relationship since your divorce.

I know how major depression is like when going through a divorce or a break up of a relationship. I have been through it many times. And I am in a major depression now, though caused by other things going on in my life.

You have a right to feel what you feel and I thought that perhaps horsefly was just kidding. So I will apologize to her as well.

How long have you known this man? I am only asking because the 'rules' of dating in this day and age have changed a lot since I was younger. I have dated, had relationships with and have been married to, men that
were much younger than me. And two years ago, ended a 9 year with my 'significant other', who was 20 years younger.

It is all right to want to feel something again. It is all right to want to feel wanted, desired, loved, etc. I don't think we can ever really stop 'being anxious' about that as we get older and I don't think menopause has that much to do with it.

I thought that the man that I called my 'significant other' was sure about what he wanted as well...and he did a very good job of convincing me of that as well.

If he is a man of his word, only time will tell. I am concerned about how you feel about yourself.

Again, I apologize if my comment upset or hurt you in any way.

January 23, 2009
1:30 am
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_anonymous
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Horsefly- since horses are our frame of reference that was what I first thought until I read it again.

January 27, 2009
7:05 pm
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kellykan
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Thank you ladies, for your thoughts and care, no offense taken whatsoever. Red Blonde, youre on to something about my concerns for this relationship. Ive known him for about two years.

Im back at the cyber café to report on my encounters... going on to the the 4th encounter this week. A real third kind encounter: not just friends, not just lovers, but going steady and exclusively. Hes a dreamer. And a truck driver. Im a divorcee free lance teacher who seems to have fallen in love for his adoration of me. Lets see where thats gonna take me... us... He talks about plans for a house, a city (beacg) to live, and a little girl daughter that takes something from each of us... me a mainly German descent blond and he, quite Latin. Im about 14 yrs older, as I said. Also taller than he is. Im sort of a polyglot, he prefers to stick to mother language. Affinities include living abroad, and quite outside of our main culture. Learning is an affinity. He started three college degrees, but would really prefer to do Art. Hes not attractive but really cute and seductive if need be. Sometimes shy, I like that about him. And very protective; cares a lot about me.

But hes having most of the fun sexually. Im terribly excited by him, something I didnt expect to happen again. He can touch my bare foot, and I´ll feel it on every thread of hair in my head! But I still have my barriers. One thing is he doesnt want sex with protection. Good thing is we are talking some, and I intend to ask for all the patience and consideration he promises. He says I wasnt well loved. Last time was my first sleeping soundly next to him on amy single bed. It felt sooooo gooooood! Crying good. But he was the one who did the crying later in front of the computer while showing me some music clips. He was to leave shortly so we didnt talk about that...

We´ll have to talk about some things, thats for sure. Hes growing on me as far as my feeling safe with him. I told family Im dating. Got different reactions, predictable. I first only said I “met someone who calls me love, speaks of God, is made of flesh and bone and on top of it is of the opposite sex!” Yep, I caved in real good.

Now I need to get back to work. I really mean it. But I got my house in order, literally, my home, my feelings and my thoughts. Hes got his toothbrush next to mine and a shelf with clothes, but I still rule over my space. Bad thing is I made xmas purchases for nieces and nephews, and now “boyfriend purchases” on installment. Its pretty much under control... but Im out of cash. It could be Im hipomanic, but I couldnt risk him leaving me to go get some clothes at grandma´s. So far I get Saturdays, his ten-year-old son gets Sundays. We´ll see...

Big hug to y´all!

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