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Mamacinnamon - Smarterone is looking for you
January 20, 2007
10:56 am
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garfield9547
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on Brownies thread

"So where is everyone else. Has anybody seen MamaC, whats up with her? Send my regards anad let herknow i am asking. Love to all D "

January 20, 2007
12:38 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I'm still here.

January 20, 2007
2:26 pm
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garfield9547
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Mama

Glad to see you are here.

Thanks for you honest response in seeing a resemblance between me and your sister.

It had me thinking the whole day.

I realised I still have allot of anger that I was not aware of.

Thinking of my house or family in childhood it would be very dangerous to express anger. My dad would of exploded and my mother would not have the maturity to stand up for what right and wrong.

I fear my own anger. I keap myself in control. This is not the way to go.

I realised this today. My aim is to let go of the anger bit without it affecting my children.

This is my problem. I keep up a perfect image for them. If me and my husband have a little fight my children think we are getting divorced.

We are trying to be so perfect that they do not know what healthy confrontations is or how to deal with it.

GOSH

I can never win

Thanks agian

Garfield

January 20, 2007
3:47 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Garfield:

Yes, honey, you can win.

I had my eyes opened when my daughter's friend said to my daughter that her mom and dad (hubby and me) were gonna get divorced coz of the fighting. (We don't fight in front of the kids, but voices carry.) During that time we were fighting a lot.

After that my daughter started coming in whenever we had our voices raised in the least and said "you are fighting, don't get divorced". Hubby and I just looked at each other for a bit and I said "it's what she is perceiving and her friend's are perceiving", to which he went off on. Truth hurts.

Now, yes, we do have our fights at times, but it is quieter and still not in front of our daughter.

I don't think a child should see her parents fight, but I think a child needs to know that parents do fight just like kids and everyone else does. If they grow up never seeing it then what do they do the first time they have a fight w/ their spouse? I have a dear friend that will not cry in front of her son, never has. I asked her what do you think his reaction is gonna be first time his wife cries in front of him. Afterall, his mom never cried. Kids, in my opinion, need to know what life is and how to deal w/ it or they don't. Kinda like my sister. She had her fantasy world, but when it didn't go her way she cracked and has never made a comeback. Doesn't want to I don't think.

I want to say to you what I say to my dear friend. You are human. Humans cry, fight, make mistakes. Let your kids see that you are human so they will learn it is ok to be human. I'm not saying put them in the middle of your fights, but it's ok for them to know that grownups have disagreements, and that they cry, and that they can say I'm sorry. Two biggest words I know.. I"M SORRY.

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