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MamaC- This is for you
December 22, 2005
5:46 am
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Regret
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Dear Mama C,

I am writing this at home where I do not have access to internet and so please forgive me if the things I am about to say here have already been said especially as I have to run a lot tomorrow and may not have time to read a lot of the threads to know what was said tonight. Secondly, please forgive me if some of the things I write are too idealistic as I have never been married and as such, only speak of how I saw it work in other peoples’ lives.

You mentioned a number of things in your post to Ras yesterday. In summary, you mentioned that hubby’s behaviour may be

a) due to his work schedule
b) a possibility of resentment cos you don’t work and get to stay at home
c) his perception of your life in cyber world

I am so happy that you added the good parts of him even during his “jerky” periods and I agree with you that twelve years cannot be poured out the drain just like that.
So, these are my suggestions.

1. Prayer: Tonite, before I sleep, I will pray for you. I do not by this mean that things will change overnite (although that can happen). But I will pray for the direction of God for you in this situation. If there are any underlying hidden issues, that you will be able to uncover and address them. I can understand when you say you have not been doing a lot of that lately but Mama, (I know you love the Lord) the devil finds ways of invading our camps if we slip just a bit. So, I encourage you to “pray without ceasing”. Do you pray together? And if you do, have you been praying together lately- with him being a jerk and all?

2. Have a Talk: Have you talked about this? Have you asked Hubby why he is grumpy and jerky lately? And if yes, were his answers satisfactory? Has he even noticed that he has changed somewhat?

3. There is not very much I can say abt your being home and he at work because it is not of your doing and there is nothing you can do about it per sey. On that, I suggest the serenity prayer – “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”. My only suggestion is that you try hard to go a little extra to show him some more sweetness. My Dad said men are like big babies and a little pampering goes a long way to soothe them. I don’t know if he was right or wrong but if it helps, why not?

4. Your life in cyber world: Mama, you have helped me on more times than I can count and I have seen you helping others here. However, if I may suggest so, may I say that perhaps, especially when hubby is at home, that you spend less time here? Maybe his resentment stems a little from jealousy of your bonds in this “other world” where he is not even allowed. So, less time with us and more time with him during his difficult periods and after he gets better, then you can resume your “normal schedule” here.

Mama, these are my humble opinions and I hope that they help somewhat. I do apologise once again if they do not make much sense or if they are just a repetition. I just want you to be happy as before.

Love,

Reg.

December 22, 2005
10:13 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Reg:

Thank you for the advice. You have reminded me of some things I had forgotten.

Yes, I have tried to talk to him about it. I think when I told him that his daughter wants to know why he is angry and mean to me made a big difference. Anyway, he does seem more calm tonight. Or could be because he doesn't have to return to work till Monday.

We have tried to pray together off and on in our years together, but it never lasts. He just has no interest w/ anything to do w/ Christ. He's even told me to work harder coz I have to cover his part also. Now we know better than that.

As for my cyberworld.... He knows all he has to do is say he wants me to spend time w/ him and I'm off here in the middle of a sentence. He doesn't; and what am I to do... stare at the wall? He wants to watch tv, play his guitar, or sleep. Not much interaction there. And like tonight. We have the evening alone and neither of us can think of a thing to do together that we both like. So, I'll listen to him play the guitar, which I love to listen to him, but it's not my idea of interacting.

I thank you Reg for your input. I truly appreciate it. I know I need to get closer to God. Don't have any clue as to why I am not lately other than just to sad. So sad I don't want to talk to anybody. Maybe the hormones are kicking in. The doc said eventually they would and I'd have to have meds, but for now he wanted to not put me on any. Hubby says he doesn't see that we have a problem. (sigh).

Well, I've just been informed I have a real life family that needs attention so I'm gonna go. Again thank you for your input. It's greatly appreciated.

December 23, 2005
6:27 am
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Mama,

I truly appreciate all you are going through. All I can say is that He who has called us is faithful. I feel sad too but all we can do is to rely on the promise which we know to be true.

I will be off here for the rest of the holidays but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Merry Christmas and a blessed new year!

December 23, 2005
4:58 pm
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on my way
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Regret...Merry Christmas, and hugs.

MamaC...
Merry Christmas, hugs, prayers and much love to you.
omw/S

December 27, 2005
2:36 am
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mamacinnamon
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Regret & Ras:

Well the truth came out last night....

He resents me coz he has to carry to much of the load of working and working overtime and he has to help me w/ things here.

He resents me because I am disabled and I cannot go do the things he wants to do like ... I don't know what.... I really think it's that he's embarrassed to be seen w/ me. Does he not think that I miss skiing, play pool, playin the piano, etc. Does he really think I like bein this way?

Anyway... I thank you both for the help. There just is no help for this. I cannot make myself well. So, I either get used to bein left behind and left out or ... or I don't know.

I sat at his mom's Christmas Eve and heard his doped out bro scream and threaten his wife to the point if I had been able to drive I'd have taken my child and his and left. I mentioned it to hubby later and his comment was that he was damned mad at bro, but it's not his place to step into his marriage. I felt so ashamed for her. But I also told him after 2 hours of yellin that I was not his sis-in-law and no matter how damn ill I am I will not be treated in the manner I saw her treated in. That I will not back down and take his treating me like crap (i'm not to be on here, or sew, or do anything i guess, coz when I do I am causing our marriage to not work.) I am smart, I have my senses about me, and I have most of my ducks in a row according to 2 counselors. Damn I am such a bitch.
And I still feel like crap and worthless. Go figure that one.

Anyway... thanks guys for your help. Much appreciated.

OMW: keep the prayers goin please.

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