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mama, free, anyone i need help
November 25, 2006
1:13 am
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kasie919
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mama are you here?

November 25, 2006
1:51 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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kasie, are you ok? What is going on sweetheart? Did you talk to anyone?

November 25, 2006
2:09 am
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free
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Hi Kassie

I just saw this.

What is happening right now?

free

November 25, 2006
2:30 am
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Zinnie
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Kasie,

I have kept my laptop on, moved in here to the bedroom. I will get up and check periodically.

Were you able to call the police?

Z.

November 25, 2006
2:43 am
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free
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Yeah this is kinda gutwrenching. I sooooooo remember this.

Hiya Z!

free

November 25, 2006
3:10 am
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free
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Little man was gonna be with his dad until Sunday night. So I'm hoping that the dad came to the house to get clothes and was a jerk so as to give the impression of kidnapping. They do that. It's a game.

versus, kid gone.

Hoping to hear from you Kassie.

((Kassie))

free

November 25, 2006
4:02 am
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Zinnie
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Hey Free!

Good to "see" you - but, hating that it is under these circumstances.

I am hoping Kasie was able to call the police and get the little guy back - or that the jerk had a change of heart (yeah, right) and brought this boy back to his Mama where he belongs.

I hate people like this - I really do. They love playing with others.

Z.

November 25, 2006
5:59 am
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Kasie:

I'm sorry I missed you. Had gone to bed. Please let us know what happened and what is goin on now. We are all here behind you and will help as we can. Now tho is the time for you to be strong.

I see Free said he has little man till Sunday. I agree w/ Free about the stupid and hurtful tricks they play. He has moved this to the next level so you must also. If you have not filed for custody then do so NOW. I used to have to get the sheriff dept. to go get my kids coz he'd refuse to bring them home. When they got there to pick up my kids he'd tell them he'd taken them home and I hadn't been there and he just couldn't leave them home alone. He was trying to build a case of abandonment and neglect. LOG Kasie. You do not owe him knowing where you are when little man is w/ him. Specially nowadays when cell phones are here. But log what time you are where when little man is gone. Do not give a copy to weenie. Just keep it in case he tries to take little man away. File paperwork now so that you are a mom trying to protect her child.

Let's talk more in the AM. I have to get some sleep so I'll check back soon as I'm up.

w/love,
mamaC

November 25, 2006
4:22 pm
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mamacinnamon
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KASIE... WHERE R U?

November 25, 2006
5:44 pm
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lollipop3
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(((kasie))),

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Please let us know what's going on when you can okay?

My thoughts are with you.

Love,
Lolli

November 25, 2006
10:05 pm
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kasie919
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HI everyone, Thank You from the bottome of my heart.......

The worst has come, and he took my son, I lost it so bad last night i didnt know what to do, I walked to the nearest phone,as my cell phone broke and my home phone was turned off... he knew this by the way...

I didnt want to drive in case he wanted to bring my son home, I called the police, they came, picked me up and we went to his house, ,

He again told them i was unstable,a horrible mom, and incapapble of taking care of my son, then they called DSS....the worst of worst i thought.......

DSS has explained to lucifer that if he wants to have custody of my son, he needs to get a bed for him, get clothes for him, and STOP ABUSING HIM.. I cried so freakin hard the cop thought i wouldnt make it, they gave me my son and told me i needed to get to a lawyer asap...

Again, i explained how i cant afford it and that he trapped me in this state as i really wanted to go home to seek help from my family, they called my dad....

get this..

he tells them ...
"she is 40 years old, she cant keep her life straight, i have sent her money, thats all i can offer, no more....she cannot come live here with us....

was i suprised??? Nope....

the social worker just looked at me and i could see the tears she was holding back, this all felt so unreal........

so I now have my son, Im at home, callin the DSS people on monday, and having a home inspection, cause he says i dont keep a clean house, bullshit...

and now i know im in for a fight, he claims he has all the money, to bcak him up, and i cannot support both me and my son, WRONG....

IM sorry if i have upset you all, i didnt know what to do......

I called the 211, line here, and talked to somone for about 2 hours today, i called my therapist and left a message for her....

IM scaired, to death, im sick, i havent slept, and cant let my son out of my sight.....

lucifer called my daughter and told her i was unstable and could die at any time..what the hell was that al about??

I have never written in my journal as much as i have these last few months, ,even stuff i write here i print out........

I am trying, very very hard..

mama, i didnt have to tell the police about that listing you wrote, he knew that had happened, lucifer told them he had sex with me, they askled if it was consensuial, he replied with "" shes my wife still and i can take what ever i want from her""

I cant tell you what the officer said, he just looked at me and shook his head... he knew... they could see the fear of god in me.......

Im going to a new laywer monday, the police referred her to me,,,

Free, your right ,i know he does this to scare me, it works, my thing is I just dont know how much more ai can take, i cant cry any more, ive never had my heart ache so damned much, and he justr enjoys this doesnt he?????????

Again , Im so very gratefull for all of you, Thank you so very much for being here...

You have no idea how much you all mean to me....

love Kasie

November 25, 2006
10:25 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kasiegirl:

You still here?

I am so sorry this happened. BUT this is a good thing coz now DSS and the police have seen and they are on your side. yes?? Did I read that right?

November 26, 2006
12:56 am
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free
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Hi Kassie! 🙂 ((Kassie))

I'm sorry this has happened. It's very difficult to explain to anybody what an abuser can and will do. Until it's done.

This isn't the end, so you're gonna have to decide if you can tough this out or not. There's no gray area. It's black and white. You'll be the primary custodian of your son, or you won't. You'll rise above this, or you won't. You will defeat him, or you won't.

I'm assuming you will. to all of it.

Here's how.

First of all, set aside a time each night for a hot shower. I used 10 p.m. when the kids were asleep and house squared away. Cry there. As long and as hard as you want. It is sooooooooo relieving, and sets your body up for bed. That's the cry spot kassie. Get Tylenol p.m. and take it before your shower. You must get sleep.

This man will do everything possible to exhaust you physically, financially, and emotionally. It's how he will win, kuz if you are indeed these things, then you are indeed not capable of taking care of your son. Even though everybody will know he's the cause, being like that makes you not capable of taking care of little man, and consequently the courts or DSS will have no other choice but to place him elsewhere. That's the reality of it. So you have to rise above it. There's no "I can't do this anymore" if you want to keep your son. There just isn't Kassie. You have to, and you will. this is not a fight about you anymore. It's a fight for your child, so call on mamma bear inside of you.

The way to "beat" this man is to NOT let him beat you. the way to annihilate this man and bury him, is to free yourself from his grip. Really. It is. Sounds so small to us, but I'll tell ya, his grip on you is his grip on existence. Yeah, he loves this and is having a wonderful time. so be it. don't dwell on that. Dwell on you and your little man.

You're journaling. That's huge, kuz the next things will come easily for you.

make a list of things that need to be done the following day before you go to bed. here's an example of a workday list I used. 1) Get up, shower, dressed, makeup, straighten room. 2) Get kids up, dressed, breakfast, brush teeth, get to school. 3) Go to work. 4) Pick up kids 5) Tend to pets 6) Homework 7) Dinner 8) Cleanup 9) bedtime routine 10) Reading time 11) My time 12) List for tomorrow 13) bedtime

The following things must be tended to so make a list like this and look at it daily. 1) Groceries in the house. Don't fall behind, kuz Murphy's law says that's the day DSS will come. 2) the house must be kept up. 3) Bills must be paid. 4) Homework must be done, checked. Read with your son nightly for at least 15 minutes. Every night. Make it a routine. Unplug the phone at a set hour and don't plug it in until the following morning. 5) Laundry must be kept up. 6) Keep the yard up.

You mustn't be overwhelmed by all of this. It's daily living. have lists like this, a daily, and a general, to look at during the day. Each day is a new beginning, and each day a day to work with, live in, and work through. One day at a time.

Your journal MUST go asap. Give it to your therapist if you wish to keep it. kassie, listen to me. he's gonna get it if you don't get it out. when he does, he will tear out pages that he doesn't want read and will use what he chooses against you. If he doesn't get it, he's gonna subpoena it. He can't get it from your therapist without your permission.

If he tries to rape you again, scratch the shit out of him. Then call the cops and prosecute. the cops knew, but can't do anything without a complaining witness. So Kassie, COMPLAIN. don't tie their hands.

I'm getting winded here.

right now is survival mode.

First order of business: you must sleep, eat, and take care of little man. Clean the house tomorrow, make sure there are groceries for Monday's inspection, and get some Tyelenol p.m. to get sleep tomorrow night.

One day at a time.

free

November 26, 2006
1:05 am
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Zinnie
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Kasie,

One other thing to do on your list - perhaps ahead of the others?

Pick up your land line and dial 911. Even if your phone is turned off (by the way is this temporary? You need to have a working phone line with a child in the house - and with a nut job like him on the loose) - anyway, even if the phone is turned off, if you have a dial tone you should still be able to connect to 911.

I am assuming some form of the phone line is still working as you are able to post here - so try it.

Everything that Free has listed above - do it... and do not ever let him in the house again. If he says he needs clothes - tell him to wait in his car while you gather them for him - and keep you boy with you.

Z.

November 26, 2006
1:07 am
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And Kassie:

You're gonna make it.

It's what us mommies do!

free

November 26, 2006
3:17 am
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mamacinnamon
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Kasie:

ALL great tips. I wish I'd had them when I was goin thru this. Now the dark side of the coin. I am sorry, but I must bring this up and you must be protected. If this weenie is anything like my evil x then you have concern.

When he is not allowed in your home he is gonna be pissed and he is gonna prove he can come in if he wants. Kasie are you in an apt or a house? Are you in the city or the country? DO YOU HAVE CLOSE NEIGHBORS??

1. DO NOT put a gun in your home. Not w/ a child in there. More than not a gun is taken from the victim and used on them. NO GUNS.

2. Keep the windows LOCKED at night and when you are gone. IF you need air use only 1 or 2 windows and keep check on them so you don't forget they are opened.

3. When you leave the home put a small piece of paper in the door. DO NOT let little man see this. When you return ALWAYS check before opening the door to be certain the little piece of paper is still there. IF it is not then you DO NOT go into the house. I cannot tell you how many times my evil x was sitting in my house just waiting to scare me senseless. Just to prove he could access my house if he wanted to.

4. Have as many neighbors on standby to watch your house as they go thru their day and if they see him or his vehicle then they are to immediately call you. Get the cell phone working. Give your neighbors a copy of his photo, vehicle w/ the license plate showing. Tell the neighbors your son is in danger of him coz he took him and all you want is your son protected and leave it at that. Most folks don't want to get involved in domestic affairs but for a child will watch.

5. Get a little Radio Shack alarm to put on each door. They are inexpensive and loud. That way if he were to try to come in at night you'd be alerted and so would the neighbors.

6. Little man DOES NOT play outside without you. I know this is a hinderance to getting the housework done, but he must be kept safe. Tell little man if he unloads the dishwasher then you'll have 10 minutes to spend outside w/ him. He'll love to help. But your yes is yes and your no is no. If he doesn't do his part then no outside. DO NOT tell little man that his dad is gonna hurt him or use him to hurt you. Tell him that you are his mom and you are gonna be taking great care of him and you must know if dad comes by.

7. Daycare... how is that situation? Unless you have a restraining order or court ordered documents they cannot keep him from coming in and taking little man. Let your attorney know he took little man; make her understand he took him and you fear for him. Tell her EVERYTHING. Your attorney cannot repeat what you say so if you say something wrong you are ok; other than plans to hurt someone or yourself.

This is gonna be the hardest time to get thru but you will and can do it. Get the mamabear anger and don't let it go. My girl here is finally starting to get it - bought danged time too.

Listen, the more you stand up the harder weenie is gonna fight you. The harder you stand to him the stupider he will get. When he screws up you call the police and you WILL press charges. IF You do not then the police will tire of coming out.

You DON"T talk to weenie except to say "call my attorney". You don't let him in your house EVER. You don't tell him what you have implimented. Surprise is on your side. Kasie let me say this very bluntly.... Kasie tonight you become a cold, NOT a bitch, but a cold matter of fact type person w/ him. He is the enemy.

Honey one last thing now that I know I have terrorized you. YOU WILL get thro this. He WILL back down. and mostly honey if things get really bad you can still go into a shelter and you can disappear thru the proper channels. Your daughter, believe this or not, will understand to the fullest.

DO THIS Kasie for little man and DO THIS for you. PLEASE. You have something most don't get and that's us that have been there and learned. What better strategy to have on your side.

I posted some information from a Domestic Violence Handbook awhile back for Armyangel. I am gonna post it here in libs for you. Please read it. Become familiar specially as to what a stalker is and watch for any little nitch you can to put him away. You are fighting for your life and little man's life now.

YOU WILL PERSEVERE.

November 26, 2006
3:29 am
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mamacinnamon
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wanna hear a funny? I posted on support again by accident. So, had to post here too on Libs. Kasie feel free to read either or both, lol coz I guess in my heart I wanted the word out. That or I am really tired at 2:30am.

November 26, 2006
6:07 pm
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Hi Kasie,

Sorry I am slow on the uptake here...

Could you please tell the story:

Exactly how did he get your son out of your house?

You went to the bathroom and when you came back your son was gone? He bonked you on the head and tied you up with a bag over your head, and by the time you got away, your son was gone?

See, it's hard for me to work with the situation if I don't know exactly what happened.

Paint me a picture. Show me what happened.

It definitely looks like a DV restraining order situation, though--and those ordersd can give you, among other things, temporoary custody of your child--no money, no lawyers required.

Do NOT let the man into your house again for any reason.

He needs clothes?

Too fucking bad. He does not have belongings in your house any more. "His" belongings are now:

1) Already dropped off somewhere else.

2) Garbage, kindling, firewood, compost, and recycling.

3) Donated to the Salvation army

4) Yours.

No, he does not wait in the car while you gather his things for him.

You need to completely deny all physical access to yourself, your child and your home.

He shows up on your doorstep you dial 911, no questions asked.

November 26, 2006
6:10 pm
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Kasie,

I also agree with mammacinnamon about the gun.

In my opinion, you just aren't ready to handle yourself with a gun yet.

BTW,

Whatever happened with that restraining/protection order?

November 26, 2006
6:12 pm
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Zinnie
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Kasie,

I agree regarding the gun issue as well. Unless you are fully trained with a fire arm? You are your own biggest enemy.

Add to that, you would need to keep your fire arm accessible to feel safe. You can NOT do that with a child in the house.

Z.

November 26, 2006
6:39 pm
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Guns are very dangerous and for advanced users. Specially with kids in the house.

Although if you did have a gun in the house, but NO bullets in the gun or house(heck, the gun could be modified to be un-shootable, too) and he forced his way in and took the gun away from you, then he couldn't shoot you with it, but he WOULD be guilty of assault with a deadly weapon.

If you lived through that, it would be pretty much the end of his posturing.

Just saying.

November 26, 2006
6:41 pm
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But better, I think wouold be to go with what you already have.

He did take the boy out of the house. You are afraid of him. He has given you reason to be.

Isn't there a protection order yet?

November 26, 2006
8:23 pm
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kasie919
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I dont have a gun, never would have one, he would use it on me, ..

Ok, here is what happened...

I get a phone call from my son saying he needed some socks and unnderware, I told him to put his father on the phone, I explained to lucifer we have gone over this over and over, I packed enough clothes for the week, if he cant handle what needs to be done then bring him home, which he did....my son, a mess...

so i figured he wouldnt return....
how wrong i was.....

next thing i know he came back an was bainging on the door, at that time, my cell phone was broke, and i cant afford a regular phone, i had nothing... we argued only a bit, he kept telling my son to get in his truck, i kept begging him to leave, i banged on my neighbors door he refused to answer, .. I kept screaming for lucifer to stop, he didnt, he grabbed my son and tossed him in, then through me down on the ground.....

thats when i walked to the payphone, and the rest is above...

NO WD there supposedly wasnt enough eveidence for domestic violence, and i cant get a restrainging order, that really sucks, i had no bruises on my when he tossed me down, so i had nothing to prove it, at one point i thought about stepping in from of his truck , but thought twice cause i know he would just run me over....

no custody order yet, haven been able to affird an attorney, but i did go to the clerk of courts, i have a ton of paperwork to fill out, copy an file, several things i have to do, but in this state you cannot go to a cudtody hearing with out a lawyer... stupid i think but its the way they have the law....

so now, im very cautious and alert,,
he cant take my son from school, they wont allow it, he goes to a special private school at my church, they most know about the situation i have, and if he does show up they will call me 1st, and yes they can tell him he cannot have my son...that i made sure of when he started there...

Im scared yes, im worried yes... i can be that bitch you say,,but i cant.. i dont have a gun, no weapons, im not a violent person, never was,never will be i guess...

sometimes i just wish.........

Thanks for caring

November 26, 2006
8:34 pm
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Free:

I do all those things you listed normally, I cannot let my son know lucifer is winning, casue hes not...

My cell got broke some how, and i can only recieve calls, i went right away yesterday to get it fixed, i am thinking about changin the number, would that be ok???

I make sure my little man, has everything, if i cannnot, i ask for help....

Im tired, but im not down, im scaired to death, lucifer knows that my son is all i have, he is what i live for, he knows EXACTLY how to hurt me, i know this, so i know i have to get cold, and hard, im trying,

I will let you know if i get to the lawyer tomorrow, im hoping i will have some time this week, i have made some cals to the church seeking assistance, they may help me...

I know I am a good mom, i am a stable person, I have never thought about taking my life, never would, i know how that feels, lucifer knows this as well, he knows hes trying to break me, and make me fail, im gona fight it, but right now, my heart is low...

Im gona be ok

November 26, 2006
8:44 pm
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WD: one other thing...

I left his house, the one we had, he wouldnt let me take anything except what i came in with,

He got the furniture, the table set, the stereo, the tvs, the bedroom stuff, ,, I could care less,

I made sure My son had a bed, he had all his clothes, his tv, his toys, and trains...

I have three chairs in my house, i sleep on the floor again cause my son broke the air bed, but its ok, id rather sleep on the floor then in a house where abuse is a daily ritual..

I have everything that was important, bank records, certificates, pc, tax records, and files he thought id never find, like emails he had of mine to use against me, and i cleaned out the pc, of all the programs he had installed, then i dleted him all together...

Ive made my small, little apartment my home, but i cant seem to unpack everything, i stil have a urge to run, although i know it would get me introuble, i have enough to fight it... i think.....

Thanks again for caring

Kasie

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