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Ma Strong's Corner
April 9, 2008
5:52 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Ma Strong,

The fact that your bills are being paid each month and you are current..means God is surely taking care of your needs today. I am feeling the same way with my new business...seems like the money to pay the bills comes in just in the nick of time. So I dont really worry too much...God has provided finally one way or another.

God bless you for your ministry on this site. We all need words of encouragement.

God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

 

2bHappy

April 9, 2008
6:28 pm
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((((Ma Strong)))

Well, now I have to go and check out cars. I have been a Ford/Lincoln/Mercury person most of my life...I have had other makes of cars...I guess I will have to see what is available in my price range - probably will have to get a 'previously owned' one because of my financial situation at the present time. But I want to get the best one I can get..clean, in good mechanical condition and appearance a few years old...with low mileage..that might keep alot of its trade in value if I want to trade up later one on...when I do have the financing for a NEW one!

This is kind of exciting...this will be the first time that I get one..without someone influencing me or making me second guess myself.

Namaste, Ma Strong
and God Bless!

April 9, 2008
7:48 pm
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(((((Ma)))))

Glad to see you are staying strong, even in all your own struggles. You have been so much help to all of us, thank you.

Autumn

April 9, 2008
8:58 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Hi Ma. I had originally said that I was leaving. I was really frustrated at the time and I think I made a hasty decision and have decided to stay. Thank you Ma for having this thread. I will definitely post here

April 9, 2008
9:06 pm
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HopeSprings
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This is a good idea. Thank you Stronginhim for starting this thread. I'm very happy to see it.

April 9, 2008
10:31 pm
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RW -

I am so glad you decided to stay. You are free to be yourself on this thread and seek "unedited" support and encouragement. Thanks so much for posting.

- Ma

April 9, 2008
10:32 pm
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StronginHim77
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Razor & Autumn -

Gosh, hearing from you both was an unexpected blessing and pleasure. I really do look forward to being able to talk with both of you more and share your struggles, prayerfully.

- Ma

April 9, 2008
11:38 pm
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thumkin
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Ma, I am glad to hear that you are doing ok. I need someone to talk to and I need both a spiritual side and whatever else goes with it. I have been too afraid to talk to my priest because I have recently changed parishes and do not know this priest very well. I am not very outgoing and I find it hard to talk to strangers. If you would be interested in talking to me I have a post on the other side called just at that place.

Thankyou

April 10, 2008
1:20 am
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RW~ I'm glad you didn't leave. People need ya.

free

April 10, 2008
9:43 am
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thumkin -

I have read your posting on Support Side ("Just At That Place") and was deeply moved in my heart by your fear of your exhusband. You are "walking on eggshells" because you are terrified that he will take the children away from you.

First of all, I want you to pick up the phone, call the attorney who handled your divorce and get it straight from the horse's mouth just how badly you would have to screw up, to lose custody of them. You would have to foul up on a MAJOR level for the Court to reverse its decision. Have you been arrested on drug or prostition charges lately? Deliberately denied him Court-ordered visitation rights? Kept them out of school? Denied the children necessary medical treatment? I doubt it. You are FINE. He can't take them from you, dear friend. But I want you to hear it from the mouth of a professional, to help put those terrible fears to rest.

Next, do you have insurance which would cover you for counseling? There are excellent Christian counselors out there, who address our deep needs and struggles from both a secular AND spiritual approach. Google "Christian Counselors" and you will find TONS of them, right in your area. Most accept insurance assignments. Also, many of the larger Christian churches maintain licensed Christian counselors on staff who offer their services at greatly reduced rates for those in need.

I want you to seek out counseling, if at all possible, to learn WHY you are afraid of your exhusband. This goes back to deep childhood issues with one (or both) parents. I highly recommend that you find a Christian counselor, rather than a secular one, because prayerful, spiritual support/hugs and comfort will go further in helping you heal than a limited, secular approach. I have been through BOTH avenues of counseling and found that the secular approach brought me natural understanding, but NO CURE. The Christian psychologist who worked with me used both approaches and helped me find total healing and peace through his Godly counsel, prayer and therapy.

Please let us know what we can do to help. Can you talk about your parents? Your relationship with them? Usually, it is all connected.
We are here for you.

- Ma Strong

April 10, 2008
11:44 am
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Hi everyone. I have sort of an answered prayer. For a long time my teeth have been bothering me. We are the kind of families that just falls through the cracks as far as insurance goes. We make too much to get insurance through the state but we cant afford to get insurance on our own. So it had been years since I saw the dentist. Well I finally figured out a way to see one. I saw him yesterday. It turns out that I only have one tooth that doesnt need any work, But I do get one pulled today which is good because every time I eat that one hurts. It will cost a pretty penny because it has to be surgically removed but I am so tired of being in pain all the time and when I get more money Im going to save up any birthday money that I get and maybe next month I can get the other tooth that has been hurting pulled. SO its a work in progress. I am just so thankful that I get this one pulled and I have already gotten my x rays done. My mother in law put me on the prayer list at church for my teeth because I was crying through my sunday school lesson and that night I came up with the answer. Ahhh God gave me the answer.

April 10, 2008
12:33 pm
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HopeSprings
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Randonwomen2

Praise God from whom all blessing flow.

April 10, 2008
5:03 pm
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Ma well I am not in counseling right now and everytime I try to get into counseling I feel guilty cuz between work and the girls I never had time to do it. I either had to take time away from work or take time away from the girls.

I know one of the reasons I am so scared of my ex is because I spent 10 years with him, I know how he is. I am usually a pretty smart woman. But I could be wearing a blue shirt and he could convince me it was red. I was always so confused after fighting with him cuz I may have gone into the fight knowing I was right but I would leave the fight not quite sure anymore. So I know how manipulative the man is, the judge doesnt.

Im not a terrible mother. But there are a few things he is going to use. I moved and I took him to the house and showed it to him before I moved but I didnt send him a certified letter like the divorce decree stated I had to. Also for two years I dated a man, the girls loved him like a father, but he committed suicide last year in March. The girls dont know that unles thier dad has told them and they never really saw his bad spells but still.......its there to use against me. One of my daughters is 11 and her dad has another new girlfriend only this one has agreed to marry him. She has a 14 year old daughter that my daughter thinks is really cool. So my 11 year old says she wants to live there. But what she is not doing because she is so young is shes not remembering how mean her dad is. And this is only the 6th girlfriend hes been ready to marry since our divorce. These ladies come and go like the weather. So what happens if she leaves and my girls are there and want to come home??

I know Im rambling. Im sorry. Its just these thoughts keep racing through my head. Anyway, I hired the best custody lawyer in our area. But even after talking to him I still am worried.

I dont mind talking about my parents at all. I love both of my parents very much. I was never abused, at least not physically or sexually, and the emotional abuse I recieved was unintentional. My parents divorced when I was in the middle of 3rd grade. I think I was 8. I dont remember much of my life before the divorce. After the divorce I always felt like if I had been a boy my dad would have loved me more like I thought he did my brothers. But as a grown up I know more now. My dad was and still is not very good at being a dad. But I think its the way he was raised cuz his parents were wierd.

I know he loves me. Last year when Shannon died he called me and he cried. He didnt say more than one sentence and I love you but he was crying and that spoke volumes to me. Cuz I was really kinda shocked that he called at all. Some times I still get mad at him but then I remember who he is and I love him anyway cuz hes my dad.

Were you looking for something specific about my childhood or my parents or my ex?

April 10, 2008
5:41 pm
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thumkin -

1. Send the certified letter now. Better late, than never.

2. You are NOT responsible for a friend's suicide. We have NO WAY of knowing someone is going to do it. This is no reflection on your parenting suitability. If it were, the State would have removed my sons, after my late husband's suicide because his family blamed his death ON ME. Let it go. There is NO liability to you in such a situation.

The Court gave YOU custody. It is not up to your daughter (11) to determine which household is best suited to raise her. The Court has already ruled on it. End of story. This is NOT your daughter's decision; it is YOUR decision, as her mother.

Finally, you definitely have some deep, serious, unresolved issues with your father which have affected your choice in a husband. That is why you gravitated toward an abusive, emotionally unavailable man. Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse in a parent. If you leave this unaddressed, you will CONTINUE to select emotionally unstable/unavailable men for the rest of your life. So, I urge you to seek counseling now, so that you can break free of this pattern by seeking the healing you need and deserve.

Christian counseling will also help you overcome the fear which oppresses and torments you. No one should be living in fear of ANYONE or ANYTHING.

- Ma

April 10, 2008
5:43 pm
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StronginHim77
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thumkin-

P.S. Don't feel guilty about taking time for counseling for yourself. This is making a solid investment in your fitness as a parent, since you don't want that timidity and fear of men to pass along to your daughters. If you remain unhealed, they will inherit the same patterns from you.

- Ma

April 10, 2008
5:52 pm
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thumkin
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Ma that is so what I am afraid of. I dont want them to be like me. Not in that sense anyway. Everything else would be ok because Im not that bad of a person. And Im not trying to make excuses, does anyone know if there are any type of counseling offered on the weekends. I just know the last time I was in counseling my appt. ran over just a few minutes but I was late picking my daughter up and I felt horrible. I have to leave work now or Ill be late again but I have one or two questions for you that involves religon that I will post later tonight.

And Ma, thank you for taking this time with me.

April 10, 2008
6:07 pm
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StronginHim77
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Yes...some counselors will make themselves available during weekends (Saturdays) and evenings. As far as feeling guilty because you are late picking up your daughter? None of us are perfect parents. We are fallible, human and do our best. NEVER beat yourself up because your child had to wait a few minutes. That doesn't mean you don't love and prioritize her. It simply means LIFE HAPPENS and sometimes, we are late. Period.

You don't have to be perfectly, totally available, 110% of the time for your children to feel loved and wanted. If you try and maintain that high a standard of performance, you will constantly beat yourself up with undeserved guilt. Don't go there. Again, this is just one more issue which needs to be addressed in counseling.

I do believe that most of us will unconsciously (through our behaviors, reactions, choices, etc.) pass along to our children -- without WORDS -- those fears and weaknesses which we leave unaddressed and unresolved in our own lives. So, investing in your own, emotional well-being and recovery is investing in your daughters' emotional well-being.

Make the investment. All of you are worth it. Time to break these generational curses and END THEM, so they don't pass down to the next generation.

- Ma

April 10, 2008
6:09 pm
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StronginHim77
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Nearly forgot -

I won't be on untl later tonite, as I run a Women's Support Group every Thursday evening in my home. It starts in less than an hour and runs for about 3 hours.

But I will check whatever you have posted, as soona as I am free.

- Ma

April 10, 2008
6:51 pm
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Ma Strong,

I wish I could draw a heart here.

Because you've got mine.

You're the best.

Thanks for your words, your kindness and for starting this corner.

Fire

April 10, 2008
8:32 pm
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2BHAPPY
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Hi Ma Strong and everyone.

I would just like to make a suggestion. Since this thread is getting so so long..can we just continue to post just like on the other side..except that it will be on this liberation site. We can still direct our thread to any specific question so that Ma Strong can direct herself to that particular question.

Its just an idea to make it easier for everyone in my humble opinion.

 

 

2bHappy

April 10, 2008
8:34 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I think that it would be a good idea that way posts cant get lost in the mix.

April 11, 2008
12:09 am
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thumkin
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That does sound like a good idea so I am going to start a post on this side and I would welcome anyones input.

April 11, 2008
9:15 am
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Sounds great. I will check out all your individual posts and respond to same. It makes sense.

- Ma

April 11, 2008
11:17 am
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I just posted mine its called my random house and anyone is welcome.

April 11, 2008
3:43 pm
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Random house, that is clever....

well Ma, here I am hiding out.
Why do I want to run and hide when I think people are fighting?

Anytime there is a disagreement of any kind I want to run and hide.
This has happened at a few of my meetings also. Do you think this has something to do with being the child of an alkie?? A very angry one?

I learn alot about myself when other people disagree and I realize people are going to but sometimes I don't understand why it scares me so much.
Even here where it is about as safe as its going to get especially when I keep my mouth shut.

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