Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Ma Strong-- Mom contacted me
April 25, 2008
8:54 pm
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ma Strong,

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your friend.

And I read what you wrote about Christian marriage and it sounds like what some Buddhist monks say in marriage ceremonies-- "X love and honor Y more than you do yourself" "Y love and honor X more than you do yourself" I'm leaving out a bunch of descriptors, but you get the point. This instruction isn't about co-dependency, but selfless spiritual love.

Speaking of the opposite-- I'm trying to avoid this, but my mother emailed the following to me today:
Hi Was wondering how you were doing. Have not heard from you in awhile. mom

5 months of No Contact, Ma Strong, and I almost emailed her back automatically to tell her of my husband's surgery today-- he's fine, thank goodness-- I just wish she hadn't emailed me. I don't think I want to answer her. I don't feel too conflicted about that at the moment. This is big. And if and when you have the time, I could use your insight. No hurry. I'm not going to get impulsive. But I do worry a little about her reaction if I maintain NC.

Thanks, MA Strong-- just knowing you're out there is encouraging to me.

Fire

April 27, 2008
11:38 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear through_the_fire -

I responded to you on the Support Threads about this situation with your toxic mother contacting you. To sum up what I posted...

If a blood relative will not respect and honor healthy boundaries in our lives, then we need to step back from that toxic person and enforce the boundaries. Sometimes, this requires initiating (and maintaining) No Contact, other than a polite Christmas/birthday card. Follow me?

At this juncture, you have so much on your hands because of your husband's recuperation process that I would not advise you letting your mother back into life right now. She would simply try to make it "all about her" and you need to rally your strength and focus your energies on yourself and your husband.

This is NOT wrong. This is healthy. I would give it a few weeks, before even CONSIDERING responding to her.

Hugs,

Ma Strong

April 30, 2008
7:59 am
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good Morning Ma Strong,

I posted this on the other side just now. I let her know I'm alive. Period. Here's what I wrote-- feels like a manifesto:

Well, I did send the brief email-- I'm ok. Hope you're well. But that's all I'm willing to do. I don't want to engage further. I didn't send this very brief message out of guilt. I think I had to trust myself to protect myself from any further engagement. And I do trust that I will never be involved with my mother in the same way I was. I don't know what that will look like in the future, nor do I have any hopes or wishes for the relationship. My actions and decisions will be based on what I'm comfortable with and what's good for me. Since she is unable to look out for me, I will.

Fire

April 30, 2008
11:06 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I hope you can hear me APPLAUDING, as I read what you sent to your mother.

KUDOS!!! Well done!!!

- Ma Strong

April 30, 2008
2:59 pm
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ma Strong,

I'm grinning hugely right now. I can hear your applause! :-)))

So, I let her know-- I'm ok.-- and I do hope she's well. And that is that. I didn't give her anything more, nor do I have to.

It seemed humane to let her know something-- but not much (that's key).

Thanks so much, Ma Strong. Your counsel is worth so much.

Fire

May 1, 2008
6:41 am
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ma Strong,

Reading over my email-- maybe it's the English teacher in me-- you do know I only sent her two sentences, right?

I'm fine. Hope you're well.

The rest I was saying to you.

Have a lovely day, Ma Strong! and everyone!

Fire

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
38
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111163
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen, eyeconcepts, junwork52
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information