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Ma Strong....i was wondering.
February 18, 2009
9:51 am
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MsGuided
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Hi Ma!

On the other side something has just stuck with me and I have to ask you directly.

There's been a lot of exploring in the N thread, and it's taught me a lot about my family dynamic.

I thought I was good at spotting N's in the outside world, for years before I even came here, but even that wasn't on a fully concious level ( hadn't read most of the literature). I even examined my own possible tendencies while here.

I don't like talking behind someones back but I feel like I'm missing something, or maybe not.

Do you mind telling me why you think G, our new married poster, is an N? ( for learnings sake) I was startled by your response. It just left me wondering and searching.

I just don't see it.

Thanks if you can give it some time.
Be Well!

February 18, 2009
10:25 am
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lovin life
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hey msg...i wanted to jump in here before ma strong answers to say that, upon reading that thread, i feel the same way ma strong does.

at first i thought maybe it was merely a style of writing...but the more he posts, the more i am convinced of his extreme need to "possess" his wife. granted, this is only anonymous writings...and us codies sometimes tend to diagnose quickly....but i got the same shivers ma did.

just my 2 cents.

lovin

February 18, 2009
10:43 am
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MsGuided
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lovin life. ;0)

Isn't that what most "husbands" want to do?

( Ma, Lets just keep religious debate out of this, out of respect for eachother and since i am agnostic ;0) )

I see this as a dynamic with marital relationships everywhere. A woman is a prize, a possession and some men treat them better than others. Control issues. Some women who are dominent will fight back and use evasive measures, assorted types of revenge.it turns into a power struggle.

Either a gentle steward or a cruel one and everything inbetween.

Lets not forget that women put themselves in this position as adults. We're conditioned to be that way.Submit or be rejected.

I saw him as being jealous ( and where does that emerge from?) reacting to that, and acting as a father figure. At least trying to.

But he is also making an effort to probe why he behaves this way. Taking ownership, and searching for his flaws.He went to a counseler first!
What kind of N does that? A "low grade" one?

I feel "dirty" doing this, but need to know why I don't see it.

February 18, 2009
11:04 am
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lovin life
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even the "jealousness" was off/skewed to me.
what ownership was taken? were there words to that effect? i have to admit, i could only scan the posts as i was feeling like the need for a shower (at work!)

N's can and will run to a counselor...FOR POWER for N SUPPLY. he will use this against her f-o-r-e-v-e-r. i sensed a bit of an undertone of "enjoyment" at this turn of events. why spend so much time delving into her background? shouldn't she be the one to do that...first on her own...then later together with him and counselor?

i have to admit..i am slightly triggered..though my N is a woman. (ha, ha "my" N. like i own her now).

February 18, 2009
11:23 am
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MsGuided
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Right! Good points.

I also felt uneasy when his therapy session turned into probing her behaviour.

It did turn into an adjustment on his part.

But i think the saying "seek to understand, then be understood" has a lot of truth to it. Perhaps this only works when one is balanced in the first place.

Thanks for helping!

February 18, 2009
12:43 pm
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netsirk
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my question would be after reading the thread in question is was that thread read by an outside person or shared with an outside person? (the therapist) I thought there was something against this in the guidelines.

February 18, 2009
12:46 pm
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netsirk
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Well I met with my therapist, who has reviewed my and our postings.

This is th eline that I question as if it was read by an outsider which does go against the guidelines.

February 18, 2009
1:14 pm
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red blonde
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MsG - I am wondering if I might catch flack for this. But here goes, I felt that this person was an 'N' type, when Ma Strong offered an opposing position, more or less, and that person got upset and somewhat attacked Ma or at least attempted to bait Ma by putting Ma down.

Netsirk - you are right. My concern was with that person saying that he pointed or used the site to show that his assessment (or point of view) of the situation with his wife was 'right' or justified - to his therapist.

Ma - I think you were right to back off the thread.

February 18, 2009
2:00 pm
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lovin life
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this is a public site, so he isn't in violation for printing threads or directing his counselor to the site.

lovin

February 18, 2009
2:01 pm
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JudyTenuta
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Is this the thread named CD of the 2 of them Griffon started for support and Stronginhim called Griffon a narcissist? Wow. Why do you want to talk about him in another thread? it does seem like gossiping and back biting.

February 18, 2009
3:21 pm
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lovin life
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that, judy, would be your opinion.

February 18, 2009
4:17 pm
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JudyTenuta
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Yes it is my opinion. Like that Griffon is an "N" is Stronginhim's opinion. shes no expert no more than the rest of us, It's no different than if I started a new thread to talk about getting triggered by a thread on this side, saying it was schizotypal. I could be wrong, and it could run someone off. Someone who came to this site for advice and support. Only my opinion, though and I know that doesn't count for much because I mostly watch.... not part of the little groups.

February 18, 2009
4:33 pm
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lovin life
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judy, judy, judy ...

sounds like you might be wanting to talk about who you think is schizotypal. c'mon now you know you want to say it. say it. !!

there are reasons for two sides to this site. but you know this. wink.

be well...stay funny!

February 18, 2009
7:41 pm
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MsGuided
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I don't know why a doctor showed up on that thread. The timing is strange.

But I don't fool myself that this forum isn't watched and studied by many including those who are in psychotherapy fields.

It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there and communicate your inner struggles, and form connections.

I just wanted to know why Ma's reaction was so quick and blunt..I don't see it.

I can see Judy's point...I've seen others post on threads in the past discussing specific peoples behaviours and it made me feel upset also.

Oh well.I put it out there.Better than hiding all the time and pouncing only to critisize.

February 19, 2009
11:04 am
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MsGuided
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((Ma))I just wanted you to know that my purpose in posting this thread was not to challenge or debate right or wrong.

I just wanted your perspective. That's all. If you don't want to post it's ok.Just let it "die".

Thanks. ;0)

February 21, 2009
12:24 am
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CraigCo
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I'd be curious myself as to how she came up with such a harsh diagnosis. I'm not seein it either but, maybe I'm missin sumthin?

February 21, 2009
12:38 am
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tree_hugs_4life
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I see it.

peace

February 21, 2009
12:39 am
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tree_hugs_4life
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And it's not the doctor who showed up. I'd bet my next paycheck.

Again,

peace

February 21, 2009
4:44 am
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Shaney
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I don't think anyone is qualified to diagnose someone after only a few posts in this forum. It seems more like a trigger situation to me. There are still threads I read, that trigger me to react in a certain way. Especially the ones where harsh judgements are made. Maybe that's what happened with M.Strong. I know that when I was dealing with my situation, finding a label and characteristics to attach to the person that I was having trouble with, helped me to deal with their behavior and eventually move on. The label gave my feelings validity, and made me feel not so alone, or crazy. Reading similar situations here, still may rub me the wrong way. I didn't think that G was an N at all when reading his thread. But something in his thread obviously made MStrong feel that he was. Feelings are feelings, whether they're fact or not. She chose not to post any longer on that thread, which was the best decision for her at that time. I don't know. But I do know that I would feel a little wierd if I was G, and I read this thread. I would feel that people were talking about me behind my back. I know that wasn't the intent of this thread, but it could be taken that way. Anyway... toodles.

February 21, 2009
8:41 pm
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sdesigns
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Reading that thread makes me uncomfortable as I don't feel postings should be made with names in it, an actual doctors opinion, etc. It doesn't seem like he is seeking advice but is somehow trying to prove a point, validating himself or whatever. It just seems odd to me.

February 23, 2009
1:40 am
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tree_hugs_4life
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"I would feel that people were talking about me behind my back."

We are. And now so have you.

I don't see the point in stating what "might have have happened with MaStrong" as she can speak for herself. If she chooses to I'm sure she will. Whether or not she thought somebody else like guest is a narcissist has nothing to do with her stating somebody else is. That's a fallacy.

peace

February 23, 2009
8:38 am
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lollipop3
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"Whether or not she thought somebody else like guest is a narcissist has nothing to do with her stating somebody else is."

Do I detect a freudian slip here?

February 23, 2009
12:46 pm
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Shaney
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Funny... Yeah, you may want to get your narcissists straight.

February 23, 2009
2:43 pm
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tree_hugs_4life
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I don't understand what is being said or possibly implied in the last two posts.

What would be the freudian slip and what does "Funny... Yeah, you may want to get your narcissists straight. "

mean?

peace

February 23, 2009
4:34 pm
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lollipop3
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My comment was in reference to you (tree) saying "...somebody else like GUEST is a narcissist....."

Being that Guest has nothing to do with the conversation, I thought perhaps it was a "freudian slip".

Having cleared that up....

Shaney....I agree that no one here has any business "diagnosing" anyone else. Of course those are my words, not yours, but you know what I mean.

How many times has that conversation happened on this forum regarding others thinking they know the answers for everyone else? We are here for support...not to judge and dictate what others should or should not do in their lives.

Peace ~

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