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Libido on the Rise...D dog
December 30, 2005
2:03 am
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D dog
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Hello, all.

H is passed out (literally) in the guest room. He went to look for the cat and never reappeared.

So tonight we played chess and backgammon (this is NOT a joke - we actually did!), had a lovely evening. I had a couple cocktails (I think 4...vodka and grape soda, yum), over the course of, like, 6 hours. Casually sipping while he guzzled water glasses of wine.

As the board games drew to a close, he brought up the fact that yes we've been putting off "talking" (ya know what, I didn't even go there, just thought and observed and waited...), and he said that he just can't stand it when I get that drunk (oh, yes - I was in rare form last night).

I told him that as strong as I have appeared for the past 2 weeks - I just am not, I'm NOT over it, don't know if I ever will be, and that I drink because I'm SCARED, because I know that he doesn't have it together, because I know it will happen again, and I can't deal with being with him.

Threw it out there. Had to.

He made us grilled cheese sandwiches, and, as previously noted, is now unconscious.

I am going to curl up with his drunk ass now like the codep that I am...and just look at him and wonder how I can love someone so much...someone so incredibly imperfect and just as lonely and sad as I am. Maybe even more so.

Found an old compilation CD in my files 2day...it's playing now:

"I bless the rains down in AAAAAFRICA!"

Toto?? Not sure.

Update forthcoming, thank you all, and f**k you, Philmore - you CAN'T be mean to me - the salts are smelling sweet. Love ya.

- D -

December 30, 2005
2:20 am
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Philmore Bowles
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. . . such a delicate flower.

December 30, 2005
2:24 am
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D dog
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And here I was hoping for a Toto joke...sigh.

I will leave you this evening with the words of Klaus Meine...he does know a lot about "lauf" after all:

(Music: Rudolf Schenker; Lyrics: Klaus Meine)

Leaving through the back door
Freezing in the cold
Communication breakdown
Emotional overload
Been through a wall of fire
Now I feel like, the ashes glow

Cars passing on the freeway
My mind is on the run
I keep running from my shadow
I'm not the only one
Somewhere in the distance
Someone's taking flight
Destination unknown
Just fade into the light

There's so much said and done
But after all
The time has come, to leave it all
Behind

If you could see it through my eyes
You'd know I tried to change it all
I've been trying all my life
To stand up every time I fall
If you could see it through my eyes

I feel sadness up my spine
The future on my hands
I'm standing here alone
With open arms again
Tomorrow ain't no stranger
There'll be a lucky star
And love will find it's way
Into someones heart

Too late for tears
No time to be confused
It's just the echo of our
Swan song

If you could see it through my eyes
You'd know I tried to change it all
I've been trying all my life
To stand up every time I fall
If you could see it through my eyes
You'd see that love will always wait
Somewhere out there is my life
A new love that comes my way
If you could see it through my eyes
Through my eyes

What was meant to be forever
Is breaking all apart
What was meant to be forever
Leaves the hole inside my heart
What was meant to be forever
We throw it all away
What was meant to be forever
Was nothing but a game
What was meant to be forever
Is breaking all apart
What was meant to be forever
-----------------------------------------------------

December 30, 2005
2:27 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Toto and The Scorps? No wonder your heart is breaking!

Peace to you my friend. And much Lauf.

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