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Let's talk about heroes
January 21, 2006
2:12 am
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Y&R,

I get the hint.

I'm rushing you ... I'll wait till you're ready.

I'll wait forever if that's what it takes.

Take care.

Seeker

January 21, 2006
8:27 pm
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Y&R,

All I meant by my "hint" was to feel free to post any of your favorite Bible verses on my other thread about the Bible.

I feel I had to clarify this, as I'm not sure exactly what you meant in your last post and feel uneasy. I hope I didn't offend you somehow.

Seeker

January 21, 2006
9:19 pm
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No, OH my gosh NO!!!!

You didn't offend me in any way Seek...I have more to type on this subject to you, but If you're here I need you to know that.

No offense taken and the thought that offense was your intention never once crossed my mind.

Ever!

January 21, 2006
11:18 pm
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"Thank goodness! I think one in this world is more than enough, oftentimes too much. lol

You make a very good point -- we don't always know what impressions we make on others, nor do we feel the same way about ourselves as they feel about us. I don't always, or even typically, know how I come across to others. I've posted stuff here I've later regretted posting, but have also posted stuff that hit people more positively than I would have ever suspected.

I'm speaking too much. Why can't I post more concisely like everybody else? I'm still working on that."

Seek, what you write here is real it's almost tangible for me. It reminds me so much of myself. Thank you for trusting me with it; I really appreciate that.

I can relate to all the feelings you describe, especially the self-doubt, the regret and the uneasy feeling that I caused something unpleasant to happen. I can relate to the self-effacing humor...of which, I promise I didn't laugh, even though you are funny.

((((((((((Seek))))))))))

You did nothing inappropriate, wrong or offensive in my eyes. In fact, I've only seen evidence to the contrary on all conunts. I have the utmost respect for you and would like very much to learn and grow in friendship with you.

I'm going to extend to you what I would love to have for myself...It's a gift with no expectations attached OK?

Mid conversation, someone said to me once, "STOP! You don't have to apologize." I almost fainted. LOL. Those were like, the most liberating and beautiful words I had ever heard. I felt so free in their presence. It made me think of all the things I apologize for on a daily basis-in my mind. I said "What?, So, you mean I don't have to apologize for being me or for being in the room or for having an opinion?" They said "NO, I like you."

Have you ever met a person who just accepts you for exactly who you are?

Someone that you can feel at ease in the company of?

Someone who respects your strengths and admires your ability and courage to articulate your weaknesses?

Someone whom you never have to apologize to for just being yourself, or wonder if they are thinking negatively towards you?

Seek, I want to be this friend for you. Just know that I'm here Y&R -a smiley face taking great joy in watching you do your thing!

Again-you didn't offend me. I...uhhhh...I have a habbit of searching for the hidden meaning in things. Started in childhood; a way of surviving in a family that relied heavily upon non-verbal communication styles and passive-aggressive tactics. Searching for hidden meanings, can be productive but it can also be a big hinderance when I imply incorrectly or when there is nothing to imply. As I read over our exchange, it is clear to me that (through no fault of yours) I went searching for the hidden meaning...I'm sorry. I'm working on this. I thought you were trying to tell me something that I just wasn't understanding. I should have just asked you if you were trying to tell me something. Well, we live and we learn.

One of my friendship goals is to always be crystal clear. I will remind myself to always get clarity and ask directly for what I want. To never imply or infer when talking with you. If my post inspires any questions for you, ask me. I'll happily answer them.

This is long winded and random, but from the heart.

No pressure for a response. You mentioned that you don't have a lot of time...Take your time, and If you choose not to respond, I'll understand and like you no less.

At this point, It's all about comfort and ease...not pressure. That's what I consider the foundation of a good friendship.

January 22, 2006
1:41 am
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Y&R,

{No, OH my gosh NO!!!!

You didn't offend me in any way Seek...}

Thank you ever so much for the reassurance. At the time I read your post to which I responded I felt uneasy, it just so happened that four relationships I value were going into an ebb simultaneously, and I had reason to believe that two people I trusted were not being on the level with me. I was an emotional basketcase already. It wasn't anything you said; it was all other things happening to me. Thank you for your concern and for clarifying.

I value our friendship, too. You strike me as a very decent, upright, respectable person -- just the type of person I most want for a friend.

About searching for hidden meanings -- I can relate! Many years ago, I was into psychoanalysis and was forever trying to glean people's true motives behind whatever they said. You couldn't say "Hi" to me without me trying to figure out what you really meant, and of course it was always something along the lines like "You only wanted to appear nice" or "You just wanted to impress me" or some other equally dark motive.

About two years after I became a Christian, I suddenly realized that, somewhere along the line, I'd stopped psychoanalyzing people. And it was only then that I realized what a dark habit it was. It was a habit I could break only through the power of God.

I appreciate your latest post very much -- thank you for thanking me for trusting you with what I told you. That means more to me than you realize. A lot more.

I'll write more later about your latest post. By the way, I love the fact that it's such a long post. I seem to be brain dead right now -- I just can't think of anything else to say, but I know I want to say it. Funny, huh?

Take very good care of yourself, my friend.

Seeker

January 22, 2006
3:40 pm
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Y&R,

{I'm going to extend to you what I would love to have for myself...It's a gift with no expectations attached OK? ... Have you ever met a person who just accepts you for exactly who you are? Someone that you can feel at ease in the company of?

... Seek, I want to be this friend for you. Just know that I'm here Y&R -a smiley face taking great joy in watching you do your thing!}

This is one of the kindest things anybody has ever done for me! It brings tears to my eyes. I'm completely speechless. Especially your line "taking great joy in watching you do your thing".

I'm always afraid people aren't going to like me and will just go away. Childhood issues, I suppose. Though you'd never guess it from my posts, I can never think of much to say face-to-face with people and fear they'll abandon me for more lively company. You've just comforted me in the face of one of my deepest fears. Thank you so very much.

{No pressure for a response. You mentioned that you don't have a lot of time...Take your time, and If you choose not to respond, I'll understand and like you no less.}

Again, this brings tears to my eyes. I always feel an obligation to reply in depth to anybody who posts me on this site, lest they lose interest or offend them, and they and go away. To be told I don't have to respond at all, wow! I assure you I WANT to reply to you. You've touched me very deeply. I just don't often know what to say.

I'll write more later as other issues come up and I recover my senses a bit.
In the meantime,

Love, Seek

January 22, 2006
7:29 pm
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Seek,

I can relate times one million...

Gosh, You are a sweetheart aren't you?

This feeling right now of marveling at your post and our similarities is a bit silencing for me also.

I have so much more to say, but I will share them later, and just enjoy the feelings of connection and understanding with you right now.

January 23, 2006
10:28 pm
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Seek!

Where do I start ummm (…making my thinking noises here)?

Firstly, I would really like to say that exchange with you feels so comfortable and nice. I don’t know exactly why yet, but it does. * smile *

Did everything work out between you and you friends?

“I value our friendship, too. You strike me as a very decent, upright, respectable person -- just the type of person I most want for a friend.”

Gosh Seek! I’m flattered…This is a neat description of me and it actually sticks on some days; however, on other days, I’m kind of the polar opposite…Romans 7:15-20. I use to allow “messing up” or “blowing it” to separate me from God. Hours would turn into days, days into months, and I would still be unconfessed and unrepented. Guess part of me thought that Christians who loved Him weren’t capable of disobedience or susceptible to works of the flesh. I’ve since learned that his blood is more powerful and more redemptive that my ability to blow it. There is no sin bigger than his forgiveness... (There is the one “unforgivable sin”, but I respect the Holy Ghost and would purposely blashpeme against it). Learning this has taken a ton of pressure off my shoulders. When I began to understand that, It really deepend my love and gratitude for him. What we do for him in duty will be done…What we do for him in love will be remembered.

I appreciated Psychoanalysis as well, but for a different reason. Even as a kid, I knew there were better ways of relating and dealing than we related and dealt in my family. I’ve always been drawn to learning better ways and networking with the people who knew them… For me, learning the rudiments of Psychoanalysis was about me-the would be physician- learning to heal thyself. (OH! and the would be physician, really enjoyed using $10.00 words at parties, like Reaction formation and Phylogenetic endowment LOL.

I appreciate your latest post very much -- thank you for thanking me for trusting you with what I told you. That means more to me than you realize. A lot more.

Thank you, for thanking me, for thanking you for trusting you with what you told me! I’m certain that did not come out quite right, but it's from the heart. Your feelings are safe with me Seek! Like, Fort Knox safe. And I get the impression that I can trust you with my stuff also.

”I just can't think of anything else to say, but I know I want to say it. Funny, huh?”

Not at all. Think I know exactly what you mean.

This is one of the kindest things anybody has ever done for me! It brings tears to my eyes. I'm completely speechless. Especially your line "taking great joy in watching you do your thing".

Have I mentioned how sweet you are? But, really I did nothing Seek. I offered you unconditional friendship. However, if you’re anything like me…I understand why you feel it’s a big deal. * smile *

I want you to know that you always have the freedom to be completely honest with me about what you're thinking and how you're feeling and I'll know I have that freedom with you as well.

January 24, 2006
2:05 am
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Y&R,

I opened up this last post of yours ... I read and re-read it ... I went into another thread and made a reply to a couple of other folks ... I came back to your post again ... read it again ... and I still can't think of a decent reply! And it's getting late -- 11 PM my time, 1 AM yours -- and I have to get up early tomorrow.

So I'll just have to say Hello again, and thank you again for the awesome gift you gave me. Even better than all those Brownie points!

I will make a more decent reply, if not tomorrow than by the weekend.

Seeker

January 24, 2006
2:09 am
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Y&R,

Oh yes, about the friendships you asked about ... two have since flowed back, one is still ebbed and I no longer care, and the other continues to ebb and flow.

The two I thought were not being on the level with me, are in fact on the level. I had just misread something.

Take care, you awesome friend!

Seeker

January 24, 2006
2:08 pm
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Seek!

Your standing reply is plenty decent to me friend...Needs no change, additions or revisions whatsoever.

It's a perfect reply!

I'm glad you're feeling better about the friendship situaiton which sounds somewhat failiar to me. I'm glad you're not blaming yourself for the one that got away (something, I am still working on, but will master. I believe for each door that closes, another one...swings open. 😉

January 25, 2006
2:30 am
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Hi Y&R,

It just occurred to me that I don't know much about your background. I don't know what you know about me, but I've posted it here and there on other threads: I've been separated from my wife and am undergoing divorce, so am currently in limbo.

Do you mind if I ask you about your own romantic situation?

Seek

January 25, 2006
10:59 pm
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Y&R,

I don't mean to pry in my last post to you, and I hope it didn't sound too abrupt. We've been having some good interchanges and all of a sudden I realized I don't really know much about you; I mean, it's like I do but I don't at the same time. I'm trying to figure out why we jel. Trying to learn more about you as a person.

Please, don't feel obliged to answer. It is a rather personal question, after all.

Seek

January 25, 2006
11:50 pm
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Seek!

Naah, I don't feel treated abruptly or pryed...I appreciate that you want to learn more about me as a person; I'd like to learn about you as well. Questions are good! Feel free to ask whatever you like (I'll feel free to ask as well) and I'll answer to the best of my ability...

My romantic situation? Well, that's non-existent...unless, of course you count the fact that I am a Bride of Christ LOL?

I've been celibate for a couple of years now, because I'm determined to not make any more noise with the wrong guy, you know what I mean? I want to make music with the man that God is preparing for me and preparing me for.

I do remember reading that you are divorced on a different thread. On that same thread, you talked about your vision for your next relationship and the man you aspire to be within it...I remember saying something along the lines of "Seek, that was WOW"

I like to interview all my friends who have experienced marriage. If it's not too personal, what was the best and what is the hardest part of married life?

January 26, 2006
12:24 am
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^that should read pried.

"I'm trying to figure out why we jel"

Chemistry?

January 27, 2006
2:39 am
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Y&R,

The best part of marriage for me was knowing there was always somebody I could rely on, and somebody who was relying on me. Sex was nice, too; but the most important thing was that sense of belonging with somebody.

I miss that sense of belonging most of all. The sex I've found I can do without, though it's rough at times, it's not half as difficult as not feeling connected with a special somebody.

Like you, I've been celibate for the past two years. Amazing coincidence, no?

Seek

January 27, 2006
9:31 am
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Y&R,

{"I'm trying to figure out why we jel"

Chemistry?}

How about physics instead? Or math, history, economics, ... :o)

Take care.

Seek

January 27, 2006
3:56 pm
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Seek!

Whoa, that IS an amazing coincidence; two common years of abstaining!

I've heard all this wild speculation about how celibacy is supposed to boost the creativity juices and sharpen the senses and provide intense focus...Garbage in my opinion! I've seen no evidence of this in my own life. Celibacy does provide a sense of accomplishment, from obedience to God.

I concur! Making love was a nice part of being a couple-amazing even the more I learned about him, the more he learned about me, and the deeper in love we fell. Still, at some point, it was no longer enough. Not without the other components of a healthy relationship like mutual respect, trust, good communication, trust and for me…an intensely breathless attraction. My romantic relationships have always had some or half or most of the components of a healthy relationship, never all…I’m holding out for all!!!

Thanks for answering my questions Seek. For a second, I thought, "perhaps the questions are too personal." Then I thought, “too personal is a highly subjective experience; trust him to tell you if something is too personal. So, I did; and I asked you my question; and it is a small victory for me in trusting my feelings and instincts...and taking action instead of just wishing I had.

The best part of being married for you was the relationship interplay of belonging, connecting, and relying upon each other…Beautiful response! Thanks for letting me interview you. I hope to be married someday and books on relationships and marriage can be informative, but I really appreciate the voice of experience.

LOL...

OK I'll answer your question with a question-A multiple choice question to be exact.

Complete the sentence with the best possible choice.

Their strong friendship is no surprise, because even from the begining they had ______________

A. Physics

B. Economics

C. Chemistry

D. MCI

E. History

F. All of the above

February 2, 2006
10:18 pm
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Ok...you've squirmed long enough Seek, The answer was C.

Now a general question for you: Are you feeling stressed friend? Concerned about something? Are you doing ok?

I don't have E.S.P. or anything, but sometimes you can get the feeling that someone is carrying heaviness and needs to talk.

Unfortunately when it comes to that feelling, You can also be wrong-alot lol; I realize that. Don't hesitate to tell me if I am wrong here.

But, if you do want to talk I'm here. If I wanted to talk, I get the feeling that you would be here as well...which is nice because sometimes all I really need is a kind word from a familiar face in order to feel a little better.

SO if you want, go ahead and put your feelings out there...It would be my pleasure to listen...and who knows, it might actually help out a little.

February 3, 2006
1:06 am
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Y&R,

I feel so terrible ... I totally missed seeing this last post of yours from the 27th. I'm sorry. I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you.

Your quiz was good. Actually, I'd guessed D, MCI, thinking that they could talk to each other on their cell phones so easily with the friends and family plan, and come to really become acquainted. It was C (chemistry)? I'd never have guessed... lol.

You're right when you sense a heaviness I'm carrying around. It's late already and I just got home and I'm beat. I can't talk right now, but maybe will later ... I can't find the words to begin ... thanks for offering to listen.

Seek

February 3, 2006
11:17 pm
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"I hope you didn't think I was ignoring you."

Naah, what I actually thought is that the conversaion went someplace you weren't comfortable comfortable following. How's that for open honesty?

Since I wasn't 100% certain, and I have a tendency to fill in the gaps with speculation, I decided to let you tell it to me...took a step to break a pattern here today! Congratulations to me...Looks like my Friday night CODA meetings are paying off.

Also, congratulations to you friend for you excellent use of boundaries here, "It's late already and I just got home and I'm beat. I can't talk right now, but maybe will later." This is really good 'I'm taking care of Seek behavior'. You totally inspire me dude! Since I know we both do the people pleasing, social obligatory thing...I really meant it when I said our friendship should be above that.

My offer to listen stands...

Beginings are strange for me because there is an opportunity to feel nervousness and excitement. If it helps, you don't have to feel nervous.

February 4, 2006
2:06 am
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Y&R,

Thanks. You're a true friend. I never thought of it as me establishing boundaries for myself, as you pointed out. Thanks for boosting me up.

Again I just got back home -- it's 11 PM, and I've been running around since 6:30 AM. Again, I'm beat. But I'll write more over the weekend.

Take care.

Seek

February 5, 2006
3:44 pm
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Y&R,

I just posted something about the heaviness I'm carrying around, on the Support side under "This is tearing me apart". I'd been resisting talking about it. You encouraged me to open up ... thanks.

I'd welcome your comments.

Seek

February 5, 2006
11:24 pm
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Seek,

I did nothing.

So glad I am that you decided to talk about your heaviness...I know it will be helpful for you.

I will simply listen to you tonight and post tomorrow. Keeping you close in prayer Seek.

Have a great night.

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