Hi I am on...just walked in...

I'm sorry I'm like 2-3 chapters behind in reading my book.

mj - I like your earlier post about accceptance...It's hard to condition myself to think like that.

I read, and say i'm going to remember next time I'm upset or angry and then I don't remember.

GG - You HAVE come a long way...

Oh gg -

I know exactly how you feel. You never want to make waves, always want to keep peace, and then when you say something and someone gets offended and annoyed, it just makes me feel bad.

It's like we can never say what we feel, for fear of disapproval, and hurting someone else...

(((gg)))

I know gg...I don't know either...

gg, please don't be hard on yourself...You do the best you can...

Hey Folks!

Oh how I can relate to this. When I read your posts...tears started to fall down my face.

I saw myself when I was a young girl, tender, romantic, optimistic...and all that beautiful stuff. Yet, not lucky enough to receive love.

Most kids who do are not nurtured or affirmed grow up to lack self-worth and self-confidence. We tend to become people pleasers and think that others are always right and we must be always wrong.

The problem comes if you happen to be around predators...they will see our weak and fragile personality and predate upon us.

GG~ Honey I know where you're coming from. You probably grew up in a home where you were not nurtured and made to feel special. How you feel is quite natural.

When I started my own recovery all these issues came up on the surface and I had to deal with them. In retrospect, whenever I happen to be around abusive people/friends...they usually take advantage of our kind or even too kind nature. To me this is a red flag that triggers me to end up the friendship or eliminate my contact with those folks.

Remmeber whenever someone sets us off..chances are they are either abusors, predators or unhealthy folks. RED Flag to me!

I will get back later!

gg~

Honey there is Nothing wrong with being kind person. In fact it is a GREAT quality!!! However, as they say "More is less."

I used to be like that. And sadly for people with us the problem comes when there is someone bad or abusive around...they usually take advantage of our kind and generous personality.

The best thing you can do hon is to start to draw some boundaries. For instance, when someone takes advantage of you in an incorrect or dishonest manner, you should show your anger or disapproval in a polite but firm way.

The best book that can help you with this is "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud. Since you're married there is also "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Henry Cloud.

The author is very good, even tho I haven't read these 2 books and am pretty sure they are the best for someone who is struggling with boundaries.

Change is possible gg. I can see a lot in myself in you. I used to be like that and still sometimes I feel that I am a laid back person. However, I have 0 tolerance for abuse and abusers. Sometimes I even feel that I am too patient with abuse which is something I really want to change and start to be quicker to be assertive.

{{{GG}}}

Thanks Ras, funny thing here...I have the boundary book and workbook and have recently started reading it.