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Kissing Cousins - and then some
September 23, 2013
2:21 pm
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Lost_Soul
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September 23, 2013
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I recently found out that my brother and our first cousin are romantically involved.

To start, both of them have issues with addiction. My cousin is an alcoholic, and my brother is a drug addict (meth and pills) and also an alcoholic, and both have issues with bi-polar disorder, panic attacks, and neither one knows how to live alone. My cousin had came to visit about a month and a half ago, and while visiting her and my brother started to become closer. They bonded through drinking, and at one point during her visit, the two disappeared for almost two days. By the time she went home, her drinking problems and mental state were the worst they had ever been, and she decided to do out-patient therapy and rehab. Her and my brother continued to stay in contact by texting and phone calls. After a few weeks he decided he was going to visit her, but after a few days of being with her, he decided he was going to just stay there permanently.

It should be said that my brother tends to move from woman to woman, staying with whoever he can persuade into letting him live with them while they work and he sits on his a** and does nothing. He's 32 and has never once lived on his own and provided for himself. Before going to stay with my cousin, his ex-wife had kicked him out. He'd been staying with her for free for months, and she'd had enough of him. He'd also worn out his welcome with me and a few other family members as well, so he knew he had no place to go when he came back.

About a week ago, my brother and cousin finally told my mother, aunt, and me that they were in love with each other. They keep asking if it's wrong, and wanting advice, opinions, and support; while at the same time saying they don't care what anyone thinks or says about them.

I gave them my opinion, which is that's it's wrong, vile, and disgusting; incest is never ok (even if they are both concenting adults). I also said that as long as they continue to be involved with each other as they are, they were no longer going to be a part of my life. My cousin had a fit and went on about how families are supposed to stick together, no matter what - but I don't know how our family can stick together when the two of them won't see reason and don't seem to care how their disgusting choices are affecting their family. Both my mother and aunt say that they don't agree with what they're doing, but that they love them no matter what and will always be there for them. To me, that's still almost like condoning it.

My question is this: was I too quick to judge them and the way they see each other, or do I have the right to feel how I do and disown them if it carries on? I'm not entirely sure my brother feels for our cousin the way she feels for him, and that he is merely using her for a place to stay and someone to take care of him so he doesn't have to.

I'm curious what other people's take on this messed up situation is.

September 23, 2013
7:10 pm
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You are entitled to your feelings and have the right to avoid these two if it is causing you to feel emotional distress. You are under no obligation to support their situation in any way.

October 9, 2013
1:50 am
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ShiningLight
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Right, it's their decisions and lives anyway. You maybe blood-related to both of them but it does not guarantee them to accept your judgement. You've warned and advised them already but that's all you can do for now. If they still can't accept the truth then it might be best to consult a counselor/therapist especially that both of them are having susbtance abuse issues.

November 23, 2013
1:36 am
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Edward Fruitman
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There is no way to resolve the issues you are looking right now. If they have bipolar disorders, and not looking to separate, avoid talking to your brother since it may turn them both against you.

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