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Judgemental People who never let go of things...
December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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How
do you deal with someone who holds a grudge and can not stop
finding out your fault and pointing them out to you all time? I
have someone in my life who acts like a child and constantly tells
me what I do wrong and why she does not like me...I think this has
alot more to do with her than with me, for the things she picks at
are from a very long time ago but she holds onto this anger and
brings things up that are so trivial and stupid... how long must I
suffer here in silence? I let go of my grievances pretty fast, i
always give the benefit of the doubt and am I quick to forgive,
maybe too soon, so why can't someone else do that for me
once???

December 7, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I
guess we teach people how to treat us and we can not ever control
how others think of us or who how they treat us, but our reaction,
to them, yes we can move away from people, we can free ourselves of
people who are toxic....yes.

December 7, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
you asked how to deal with someone who holds grudges and points out
faults? My answer is I don't. I refuse to allow people like that in
my life anymore. You said that you are quick to forgive and wonder
why someone can't do that for you? There are people who do not have
the skills to be in a relationship. There is not anything I can do
about that. All I can do is recognize it, let them go, and
gravitate towards people who I can develop a relationship with
based on equality, intimacy, and balance.

December 8, 2010
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CraigCo
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Judge
not - lest ye be judged. How many Xtians practise that in their
everyday affairs? Too few, me thinks.

December 8, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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thank
you for your input guys:) I think Chrisitans are the worse, then
again I was abused within the religion, so I guess that makes my
view of them kinda of distorted maybe, I have met maybe two or
three christians in my life who were very kind good hearted people
who did not use their religion to hurt me, most did... I hear what
your saying puptent, that to move away from them is the best thing
to do and you know it is...I need to do that, alot more often.
Craig...good to see you again:)

December 8, 2010
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andii
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bfgirl, I think that people who hold grudges are just angry and
insecure people. as distorted as it is, holding grudges makes them
feel powerful. It's the person secure in themselves who lets go.
IMHO

How to deal with
them? I agree with puptent.

Don't.

andii

December 8, 2010
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puptent
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(((craigco))) I have observed the hypocrisy first
hand.

December 8, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
I believe that Jesus came to this Earth with an important message.
I have observed first hand a number of people who replace his
teachings with reality, distort the meaning of words and use it as
a way to lure people so they can use them for sex and money, etc. I
do not judge Jesus coming to earth by these type of
people.

December 8, 2010
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puptent
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(((andii)) thanks for seconding my motion.

December 8, 2010
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puptent
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(((BFG))) brrrr.

December 9, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I
just read a website of a church that a new friend, will she will be
more of an acquiatance now to me, that said the following... Be
agressive to save the "unchurched" and Be bold to help the immature
in Christ. And do good in your community, serve god by serving
man...

Can we say
brainwashing?!

December 9, 2010
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puptent
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The
"agressive" part worries me. Trying to shame people with words like
"immature" sounds like her tactics involve hitting people beneath
the belt. On my path towards recovery I perceive a person like this
as having serious control issues.

December 10, 2010
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Generally, behavior that irritates us in others is pointing out
things in ourselves that need attention. Barefootgirl, maybe these
people are pushing your buttons because of something going on
inside you?

December 10, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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so
you are saying that I am a narcisstic psychopath? LOL!

December 10, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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puptent, I agree, it is all about control issues, wanting to
SAVE people, its very codependent behavior.

December 10, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
if only a persons desire to "save" others would begin with
themselves, and their children and their lives, things they can
control the world might actually be a better place. Whenever you
make "others" a priority and see them as extensions of your desires
that's when things can fall apart. Anyone who sees human beings as
incapable of deciding their own fate and/or incapable of being
responsible for themselves is not thinking very clearly.

December 10, 2010
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puptent
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onlyboringontheoutside, I use the fact that someone is
irritating me as a red flag to move away from their negative energy
towards a more positive light. Sociopaths for example target people
because of what is going on inside of there minds, i.e. the need to
use others as a means to their ends, has nothing to do with the
intended victim.

December 10, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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((((((Puptent!))))))Thank you! This kind of tactic is familiar,
there used to be poster on here who used to use the same
line...worded differently who used to follow someone around
here....its a tactic I certainly do not appreciate.

December 10, 2010
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Puptent...I really appreciate you on here...thanks!

December 10, 2010
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puptent
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BFG,
You are welcome. I think it is best if people could refrain from
making comments on what others share and keep the focus on
themselves.

December 10, 2010
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Of
course not, that's not what I'm saying at all. It's just some
people push our buttons and others don't, even when the behavior is
identical between irritating person #1 and irritating person #2.
It's our choice how we react to it. We can let it get to us, or
move away from it, or just let it fall away from us. Just because
someone offers you their "gifts" does not mean you are obligated to
pick it up and carry it around with you. šŸ™‚

December 11, 2010
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puptent
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OBO,
thank you for the clarification, now I am able to understand where
you are coming from.

December 11, 2010
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Sure,
puptent. One thing I ask of you... if you see me post something
that bugs you and you want to call me on it, please address me,
rather than saying "I wish people would do x y z". Intent can be
lost in writing sometimes, and a general statement like "I wish
people would just..." is vague as to whether you're talking to me
or referring to something or someone else, and when I see comments
like that, I feel nervous about posting again. However, a direct
"OBOTO, your comment affected me as a, b, c, is this really what
you meant?" would tip me off that I need to explain further. And I
will do my best.

December 11, 2010
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puptent
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obo,
truthfully my post was not directed at you it was how I feel in
general about the flow of info. on this site. For safety sake I try
to remind my self to use "I" statements when sharing (I feel; I
believe). I try to refrain from commenting on what others share so
they can experience their own feelings.

December 12, 2010
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onlyboringontheoutside
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Ah,
OK. Thanks for the clarification, puptent. My perspective regarding
flow on the site is a little different from yours. I assume that
when people share on the site and especially when they ask
questions about how to handle certain situations or feelings, that
they are asking for direct feedback, theories, and ideas. As they
say, take what works and leave the rest.

Barefootgirl,
sorry for the temporary diversion of topic. Back to the more
relevant stuff now. šŸ™‚

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