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Juanita
May 23, 2013
8:45 pm
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Juanita
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Hello,
Old timer with update...   So many of you don't know me, but someone requested an update after I posted on another thread.  Been years since I posted about myself and marrital troubles.
Well, since then, I continued in counseling and found a bit of internal strength.  After my father passed away, I divorced my husband.  He never did accept that he did anything wrong or hurtful.  Even after my physician told him I was not clinically depressed, and my depression was due to our marrital troubles, he felt the dr was wrong & that he knew me better than the dr did.  He labeled me as mentally and emotionally ill, as well as emotional high maintenance.  After trying for so long to remain in the marriage with nothing really changing, and no hope of thinks changing in the future, my depression became so deep it was physically affecting me & I could no longer 'fake it' for the kids, I made the decision to divorce him. 
It is going on 2 yrs that I've been divorced.  I think I've encountered every one of my biggest fears since then too, and have had no choice but to face them.  Divorcing him, getting my own place, moving, how all this would affect the children, even had a car accident, and lost my job not all that long ago.  Yet, I am still here, doing pretty well I think, and am most happy to report I have been off the anti-depressants since I divorced him and haven't needed them since... even with all that other stress I've been thru.  I'm even in college part time too trying to get a degree!  Thank God for friends and family.  Didn't really think I'd have help as I have such a small family, and few friends, but help came from surprising places and revealed some new people who cared. 
I am dating a guy, and have been for a bit.  I find I struggle with that on various levels.  After being married for so long, I have to watch myself and how I act in certain circumstances.  Being a girlfriend is different than being a wife, and I have to dial myself back a few notches.   Everything that I knew and could expect from the ex is gone now.  It is all new all over again.  Let's face it, I had married my high school sweetheart, so my experiences were limited in the first place... this is new all over again but tainted with the flavor of a divorce shadow now.  I find I have trust issues or maybe I should call it remaining insecurities in myself.  Just because my ex-husband wanted other women, doesn't mean all men do that.  (I certainly hope not!)  I have to try to trust, but it is hard sometimes. 
What is a girlfriend allowed to expect out of boyfriend?  What should she expect?  As I used to really adore my ex-husband and after all I went thru with him, I'm not sure about 'love' some days.  Does it really exist?  How is it defined?  Am I capable of feeling it deeply again?  Stuff like that.  It is a learning curve for sure.  Additionally, as my oldest child would just as soon I never date ever again, or at least until she is away in college, that adds another level of difficulty.  I do want someone in my life, and hope to remarry someday, but I am taking things slow for both our sakes.
Sometimes I think of my parents' marriage.  It wasn't perfect, but they adored one another and their marriage lasted.  Other times I think of the  song "When A Man Loves A Woman", and wonder what the true answer is.  How does a man in love behave?  How can I trust and know he is in love with me?  How can I trust myself to know when love is right?  Will the shadow of the first marriage hang over me forever?  At this point, some days I feel good, others I still feel cynical.   I mourn the passing of my marriage and miss the security and having a partner to share life with.  I deeply miss not being able to see my kids every day, and hurt at how the divorce has and will continue to affect them.  I do not miss my ex-husband but I miss what we once had, or what I *thought* we had.   Looking back over our years, I saw so many red flags.  How could I not have seen those or addressed them earlier?  This is my concern for now and the future.  Have I learned that ability?  Only time will tell.
So, that is where I'm at currently.  Lots of changes!  I have found I am stronger than I think I am.  With each new challenge, this fact becomes re-instilled and fortified within me.  Don't exactly want any more challenges for a while as I do feel rather cooked thru some days.  At least I have better faith within myself to rise to the occasion, and know that I do have some help out there when I need it.  All things considered, I feel blessed.
I am truly thankful for every one who has helped me through this journey, my friends here included.  If you happen to see this, know you have my thanks.  The people here emotionally supported me during my darkest hours and helped me find my inner strength. 
Juanita
PS:  If I accidently post this a couple of times, it is because I find this new system is not as easy to use as it used to be...  Forgive me if I do!

May 24, 2013
3:49 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Juanita,

I don't think I ever wrote with you before, but you sound like a strong person who is trying to face many real challenges.  So far as the dating is concerned, I am the wrong person to get advice from because I do not have a set of guidelines to give you.  I do however understand the pain of a broken marriage & the hurt of not seeing your children everyday because I also went through that for a short while.  My ex husband & I are still amicable friends, but I don't think I could ever think of him in a romantic way again.  I had a few boyfriends and one very odd relationship since my separation & divorce, but honestly I don't think for me at this time in my life that I can manage a love relationship.  I guess the only thing I can offer up as advice, is to be with a man that is emotionally grown up & one that shares in the caring part of the relationship.  That is, you take care of him & he enjoys taking care of you with everything you do together.  Of course as with any relationship, take time to build a foundation of trust & respect & no matter what issues arise, be very honest.

 

One Day

May 30, 2013
8:41 pm
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Thank you One Day,
 
It has been hard.  Going thru all the troubles before the divorce, accepting that there was no hope and getting strength to divorce, then all the stuff afterwards.  I swear I have encountered all of my greatest fears since then.  Right now, my Mom is under going medical testing for problems of her own.  As an only child, this will be another challenge to face as she is older and needs help.  I think in most facets of my 'new' life, I am pretty ok.  Just this romantic relationship business and 'love' seems to give me the most challenge.  Am afraid to trust myself as I made mistakes in the past, worrying about trusting others and reading them correctly, giving up too soon or not knowing when to move on soon enough!  lol, makes the head spin.   Also wonder if I'll ever be able to love as deeply again.  As I have this vale of cynicism or lack of trust around me, I know I cannot do it yet.  One has to trust to be able to love right?   I think so.   So, am I punishing any new potential boyfriend by making him earn trust because of the actions of my ex?  All new balancing grounds I have to juggle and co-mingle.  No, there is no real 'rush' for relationship at this point.  I just know I function and feel better with someone to share my life with, so I do look forward to it again some day.
 
My parents always said the key to a successful marriage was to do everything together.   My ex and I always thought if we divided and conquered, we'd get twice as much done in half the time, so we'd have more 'us' time together.  Obviously OUR theory failed in our situation.  The guy I am dating now, he tends to like to work on his own too, but when we are together, it is great.  I have offered to help him a few times, and tomorrow I am going to go over his place and help him with some stuff.  Hopefully, this will lead to him doing the same, and us having more time together.  If not, well, I'm not sure how much longer this relationship will last.  Only time will tell.  The hard part is the communicating as you mentioned.  Trying to be open and honest without sounding like a nag or feeling confrontational.  Learning how to handle how he deals with communication, and what his style of communicating is.  It is all new all over again.   Taking my time, trying to make sure I do things right.
 
Juanita
 
 

May 31, 2013
3:07 am
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Juanita,

thank you for taking the time to write back.  It's incredible courage for you to want to even try again.  Right now I am quite content on putting my focus on other people & things that I love in my life.  What you are trying to build with your new boyfriend sounds reasonable & wonderful!

 

I hope as you go through the learning part, you build a foundation that is able to endure whatever comes it's way & that for the most part the two of you share many special days filled with laughter and love.

 

One Day

August 17, 2013
7:09 pm
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Update...

 

I have found a job.  Yay!  One stress is now relieved...

 

The guy I am/was dating is now just about gone.  What do I mean by that?  Well, after he basically disappeared for two weeks (only sent me two, very brief text messages over that time - that he was going to be gone a week, then another saying basically the same - gone for another week), I told him I could not handle the separation anymore.  He was always working, and whenever he became stressed, he'd disappear from anywhere from a few days to that couple of weeks.  Got tired of him saying he'd call, and he'd not.  After almost 2 yrs of dating, you'd think he'd ask me to sleep over his house once in a while, or invite me to any of his family gatherings.  He didn't.  He kept saying he didn't want to interfere with my being with my kids, and while that is nice, the every once in a while, planned, special event (such as visiting with his family) would have been nice.  Even on nights when I did not have the kids, and offered to work with him, he would decline my company.  🙁    Thing is, after I tell him I'm done, he wants to try and save the relationship.  We tried this once before and things didn't improve.  This time around, my heart is not re-warming up to him though I wish it would in some ways.  On paper, we have some similar interests, and there are some things I'd like to learn from/try with him... but he's usuaully busy, or tired.  Maybe the relationship would have worked better if we got to the point of living together where I'd see him more, but this seeing one another maybe once a week, or two weeks....  it is not enough, especially without some routine communication inbetween those times...  Communication leads to connection and connection to intimacy for intimacy (for me) is born thru the brain and heart before the hormones.  You (me) need to be best friends before love can happen.  Reliable phone calls, texts or emails are needed to maintain connection, especially if we don't get to see one another often.   I want a communicator, a best friend, someone who wants to be with me, spend time with me - be it working on chores together, or doing something fun.  Perhaps the icing on this 'cake' came when I was feeling sick with the stomach bug and he (over the phone) thought I might be having a heart attack.... he on the other hand was suffering from allergies....  did he come over to ensure my health, or take me to the hospital if the need warranted?  No.  He stayed home and called two days later to see how I was doing.   Mind you, the ex-husband checked on me daily and even brought over some ginger ale and Coke Cola to settle my stomach...   Isn't that terrible when the ex-husband treats you better than the boyfriend trying to win your heart back over?

 

With all this knowledge, why am I sad?

August 22, 2013
6:57 pm
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Yep, I'm a fool, or foolish.   Damn man calls and what happens when I hear his voice?   I freaking smile.   Got to break this spell.  We are talking, but I really wish I could just make a definite decision and not let the sound of his voice turn me to mush.

September 20, 2013
1:46 am
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onedaythiswillpass said:

Juanita,

I don't think I ever wrote with you before, but you sound like a strong person who is trying to face many real challenges.  So far as the dating is concerned, I am the wrong person to get advice from because I do not have a set of guidelines to give you.  I do however understand the pain of a broken marriage & the hurt of not seeing your children everyday because I also went through that for a short while.  My ex husband & I are still amicable friends, but I don't think I could ever think of him in a romantic way again.  I had a few boyfriends and one very odd relationship since my separation & divorce, but honestly I don't think for me at this time in my life that I can manage a love relationship.  I guess the only thing I can offer up as advice, is to be with a man that is emotionally grown up & one that shares in the caring part of the relationship.  That is, you take care of him & he enjoys taking care of you with everything you do together.  Of course as with any relationship, take time to build a foundation of trust & respect & no matter what issues arise, be very honest.

 

One Day


Juanita,

 

That was a brilliant post.  Lots of question marks though so not sure where to start.    As we recall, the ex-husband had a LOT of problems and somehow those problems were made out to be YOUR problems.  Which is BS of course.

 

Yep being a GF a bit diff than being a wife.  I had a female buddy long time ago who said "I don't need a husband--I need a maid!"

 

You do have the right to "reasonable expectations" from any friend--especially a male intimate friend.  1) They will relate to you with Respect and Acceptance.   2) They will Make and Keep Agreements with Great Care.  3) They will Aspire to being LOVING towards you.  4) They will take responsibility for their own mental health.  Etcetera.

 

I am so glad to hear from you again.

 

Hugs, WD

September 20, 2013
2:17 am
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What's the latest on your situation Juanita?

October 4, 2013
8:52 pm
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Thank you all for your kind replies....  I has been hard.  Being unhappily married was hard, and being divorced is hard too.  At least I remain off my antidepressants & remain hopeful, so in this aspect being divorced so far is better.

 

WD!  So good to see you!  I've worried about you, and was so happy to see you post again.  Here's a cyber hug for you.  I don't come here often, but I do every once in a while.  Of late, things have been on my mind, and I needed an old familiar place to post...  

 

Yes, my world has completely gone upside down and over again...   within the last 3 yrs my father has passed away, I divorced my spouse, bought a house (a fixer upper), joined college p/t, totalled my car, lost my job, and got a new one in a different field.  

 

Boyfriend troubles remain.  I beat myself up over it.  Have to learn when it is ok to give up and move on, versus when to keep having hope.  As I remained in an unhappy marriage for so long, and tend not to be a 'quitter', I fear I won't / don't know when to give up on the wrong relationship, and due to my emotional baggage, I fear I won't recognize the "the real thing" when I see it either.   This man I've been dating 2 yrs, still feels just like "dating" as I don't get to see him much (maybe once every 1-2 weeks).  It is not like he is in the military or far away.  He is just too busy.  Thing is, I've broken up with him twice about this already and he keeps coming back.  So, does that mean he really loves me, or am I just a fool?   Saw him last night, and today he called to say he would be working all night (he works from his home 50% of the time).  So, when he didn't answer the phone tonight at 7, I left a message.  Around 9, I was missing him, so I tried again...  No answer again.  Due to the problems I've had in the past reaching him, I got into a sour mood.  Sorry to say, I gave in to temptation and doubt.  I drove by his home at 10:30 pm.  No car in the driveway.   Considering he said he'd be working from home tonight and tomorrow, then going to see his Mom on Sunday, I wonder where the hell he went tonight.  Am trying to keep my cool, and not jump to conclusions, and so await his phone call to see what he says he did tonight.   Will I get a lie or will he admit he went out, and what for?  I get sooooooo frustrated.  Am I being played?  I hate being suspicious.  My ex and his damn want of other women make me wonder if this man is cheating.  His words of "I love you, want a future with you, look forward to when we can move in together, and am willing to work on this relationship" all sound pretty, but when I can't reach him, or he doesn't call back within 24 hrs, well then.... I feel a fool.  Even as I type this, I feel foolish, but when we are together, he & I, I fall for his attention and pretty words, hoping they are real and sincere.  To top it all off??  There is another guy I know who makes it admanantly clear he'd love to date me, and is just waiting for the dating field to clear.   My son wants to see me happy.  My daughter would be happier if I never dated again, or at least until she is away at college.  Me?  I was so lonely for so long in my marriage, I really would love to have a sincere and true happy romantic relationship again.   Dating is hard.  🙁 

October 4, 2013
8:52 pm
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Thank you all for your kind replies....  I has been hard.  Being unhappily married was hard, and being divorced is hard too.  At least I remain off my antidepressants & remain hopeful, so in this aspect being divorced so far is better.

 

WD!  So good to see you!  I've worried about you, and was so happy to see you post again.  Here's a cyber hug for you.  I don't come here often, but I do every once in a while.  Of late, things have been on my mind, and I needed an old familiar place to post...  

 

Yes, my world has completely gone upside down and over again...   within the last 3 yrs my father has passed away, I divorced my spouse, bought a house (a fixer upper), joined college p/t, totalled my car, lost my job, and got a new one in a different field.  

 

Boyfriend troubles remain.  I beat myself up over it.  Have to learn when it is ok to give up and move on, versus when to keep having hope.  As I remained in an unhappy marriage for so long, and tend not to be a 'quitter', I fear I won't / don't know when to give up on the wrong relationship, and due to my emotional baggage, I fear I won't recognize the "the real thing" when I see it either.   This man I've been dating 2 yrs, still feels just like "dating" as I don't get to see him much (maybe once every 1-2 weeks).  It is not like he is in the military or far away.  He is just too busy.  Thing is, I've broken up with him twice about this already and he keeps coming back.  So, does that mean he really loves me, or am I just a fool?   Saw him last night, and today he called to say he would be working all night (he works from his home 50% of the time).  So, when he didn't answer the phone tonight at 7, I left a message.  Around 9, I was missing him, so I tried again...  No answer again.  Due to the problems I've had in the past reaching him, I got into a sour mood.  Sorry to say, I gave in to temptation and doubt.  I drove by his home at 10:30 pm.  No car in the driveway.   Considering he said he'd be working from home tonight and tomorrow, then going to see his Mom on Sunday, I wonder where the hell he went tonight.  Am trying to keep my cool, and not jump to conclusions, and so await his phone call to see what he says he did tonight.   Will I get a lie or will he admit he went out, and what for?  I get sooooooo frustrated.  Am I being played?  I hate being suspicious.  My ex and his damn want of other women make me wonder if this man is cheating.  His words of "I love you, want a future with you, look forward to when we can move in together, and am willing to work on this relationship" all sound pretty, but when I can't reach him, or he doesn't call back within 24 hrs, well then.... I feel a fool.  Even as I type this, I feel foolish, but when we are together, he & I, I fall for his attention and pretty words, hoping they are real and sincere.  To top it all off??  There is another guy I know who makes it admanantly clear he'd love to date me, and is just waiting for the dating field to clear.   My son wants to see me happy.  My daughter would be happier if I never dated again, or at least until she is away at college.  Me?  I was so lonely for so long in my marriage, I really would love to have a sincere and true happy romantic relationship again.   Dating is hard.  🙁 

October 5, 2013
4:50 pm
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Well, I called him this AM to ask if he got his work done last evening.  He said he got some done.  When I asked why he didn't answer the phone @ 7, he said he had gone out to get a burger.  When I asked why he didn't answer the phone when I called at 9 (cuz I missed him so much), he said his allergies were acting up so he went to bed early & he must not have heard the phone.  I told him I was sorry his allergies were acting up, and asked if he slept well thru the night.  He said he did, that he missed me, and then he asked me why I sounded so cute; was I cute?   I told him I sounded cute because I am cute, and that I had tried to call him a couple times because I had missed him so much....  In fact, I missed him so much, I decided to surprise him with a kiss & drove over to his house at 10 to discover his car wasn't home!  Busted him in a big, fat, bold faced lie.   Said goodbye to him and hung up on him.

 

Glad I gave in to my suspicions and checked up on him.  At least now I know he lies to me, and that is enough to call it quits for good.  🙁

October 5, 2013
9:24 pm
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Whenever you define yourself through other people or depend on them to be happy and feel loved then you might be a co-dependent. It would help if you worked through these issues with a therapist before you get involved with another man again. 

As far as this man you talk about is concerned you want a committed, monagamous realtionship and he does not. He behavies like he is dating and isn't ready to settle down and doesn't feel the need to answer to you. You said someone else wants to date you and that might be a good idea right about now. Not everyone is in the position to get pushed into quick involvements and need time to develop feelings for another person. There is no guarantee when a relationship starts where it will all end up. 

Driving by someones home, expecting them to pick up a phone everytime you call and to answer to you is very controlling behavior. Interrogating someone and putting them under survelliance will just turn them off and drive them away. You can't force a person to feel something towards you if they don't.

His behavior is not what you want and you are not the only one for him. When people reach this point it is time for both of them to move on.  

October 6, 2013
6:37 pm
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Believe me, I am not proud that I drove by his home.  It took a lot to make me make that decision.  I do not typically spy or play stalker (for that is partially what I felt like).  However, when push comes to shove and I believe I am being played, I have to protect myself.  How else will I find out?  He certainly wasn't telling the truth.  What I did answered my questions.  Better to know the truth than try to believe what someone says and be kept a fool.  He had spent too many times answering questions with vagueness, and when your gut tells you something is wrong, well, got to check it out.   Checking up on someone every moment is not what I do.  However, when the man doesn't answer his phone every single Friday night, and you are supposed to be committed to one another, that brings questions into your mind.  If I hadn't let my suspicions lead the way this time, I'd have believed he went to bed early (alone and at his own home), and would have remained innocent of the knowledge he was sleeping elsewhere.  I have done nothing vendictive or out of anger.  What I feel is disappointment and a bit of sorrow.  How could I have been so blind and not realized what was going on sooner?   Hell, how long was he playing me?  I can't focus on that.  I believed him.  I had trust in him.  He lied to me.  I knew we had problems to overcome, but I thought they were the issues of being busy, trying to communicate more during those times, and making more efforts to see one another.  Now I know why he is so busy, especially on the weekends... he was elsewhere.  I had questions, suspicions, found out the answer, and can move on now.  Would you, in the same situation, rather remain blind and keep sleeping with the man?  I doubt it.

 

As for being co-dependent?  I don't know.  I don't think I am.  I married my high school sweetheart and was married 20+ years before the divorce, so I am more acquainted with being in a marriage type of relationship than dating.  Will say that I was fine with ex-boyfriend and I each having our own private time, but I did want more together time if he expected the relationship to go further.  Seeing him once every week or two was not enough to be more involved, and after almost 2 years of dating ~ kind of time to do something or go different ways.   I was manogamous, and I expect that out of who I'm seeing.  Now that I have discovered his deception, it is time to move on.  I do not have time for people who seek to deceive me.  I don't think I behaved badly, nor do I expect too much from men.  I protected myself for no one else will.  If there is a man in my life, great.  If not, no worries.  Between kids, home, work, college, and taking care of my Mom and her home too, I'm kind of busy.  Having a romance is nice, but not a necessity.  I'd rather take things nice and slow than to jump into a messy situation.

 

Juanita

October 6, 2013
6:52 pm
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oh, and ps...  I did give him a chance to make a fool out of me.  I did ask him what he did that night.  Not to be mean, but to give him and our relationship a chance.  If he had done something innocent, he'd have told me.  I'd have felt the fool for not trusting him and would have felt bad about my doubts.  The point is, he lied, and I am thankful I caught it. 

October 7, 2013
8:54 pm
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Time to work on yourself.

November 23, 2013
1:40 am
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You are more induldging into suspicision Juanita. Avoid it, since this may cause psychological harm to you.

November 26, 2013
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Juanita said:

oh, and ps...  I did give him a chance to make a fool out of me.  I did ask him what he did that night.  Not to be mean, but to give him and our relationship a chance.  If he had done something innocent, he'd have told me.  I'd have felt the fool for not trusting him and would have felt bad about my doubts.  The point is, he lied, and I am thankful I caught it. 


hi Juanita,

 

it has been many a month since I have visited this website....

I read your post here and I just want to say, I'm so glad you trusted your gut and acted on it. That is wise! Your intuition was telling you things didn't add up; you checked it out and learned something valuable.

Never mind labels like "codependent". None of us wants to be a snoop, but when your trust is being betrayed, you need information.

Keep on taking good "kare" of you :o)

 

kisses from kroiks

December 15, 2013
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Well, come to find out, it was a smart move indeed.

 

Another person informed me he had been seeing another woman for over a year!!   We both live in the same town, and she not 10 minutes away from me.   Even though I already broke up with him, my heart is heavy for having been played a fool for so long.   I loved and trusted him, and didn't want to listen to that voice in the back of my head.  That same voice that told me I was being awful to check up on him that day....   

 

I should have trusted my gut and listened sooner.

 

What a fool I was.

December 16, 2013
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Juanita,

as the year closes and we celebrate the holiday's, I hope you find true love with your children, real friends & family.  Romantic love in my opinion is in most cases a Fraud.  You Juanita are not.  Be brave & continue with your school work and career.  Surround yourself with positive people who inspire you to be your best.  Be a good person & a good Mom & a good friend to whomever is good back to you.  Be good, but be guarded.  You have finally come to see that not everyone has a true heart and that many are not so good as you had thought.

 

One Day

October 11, 2014
8:52 pm
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Juanita
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When I was a kid, my parents never hugged or kissed or said "I love you." to one another or to me.  I think I recall the good night kisses until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, then they stopped caused I was getting embarrassed.  Mom always said that we knew Dad loved us because he came home every night and didn't spend his money at the bar, on lottery tickets, or hung out with his friends after work.  Routine was the name of the game.  Dad would come home and read the paper while Mom made dinner.  After that, he'd go downstairs to work on whatever until 8 pm when he'd come up and watch tv with the family.  Quiet, but there.  Always held Mom's hand or had his arm around her shoulders.  I grew up knowing that when I looked for a spouse, I'd want an outwardly affectionate one.  Hugs, kisses, hand holding, vocal "I love you"s daily...    Being there was great, but I wanted more.  

 

Married young, had 2 children, married over 20+ years.  The last 7 were awful sad.  Spouse wanted and advertised for other women.  I felt unloved, unwanted, disrespected.  Been divorced a few years now.  The first boyfriend ended out being a cheater.  Makes me feel like 'why wasn't I enough' for either of these men.    Guess the world has changed and men just aren't happy or satisfied with one woman anymore.  After all, why settle when you can just advertise over the internet for others?

 

Recent talks with my son reminded me he never saw his daddy and I affectionate.  He remembers us fighting and Mom being very very sad. That makes my heart ache.  My children didn't see affectionate parents, and they haven't seen their Mom dating much either.  What kind of role model am I for them to have for positive relationships of their own?  It sucks.  I feel horrible they do not remember affectionate, loving parents.

 

Also, I find I get lonesome.  The man I'm dating lives so far away, it is hard to progress into another level.  To see him once a week would routine, but due to car troubles and him still recovering from surgery, it will be 3 weeks since I last saw him.  It would be nice to be able to see someone more than once a week, have a love of my life, and maybe get married again someday, or at least have a committed, trusted, loyal, faithful relationship....  It just feels so far away sometimes.  Gets sad.  I want a relationship and I want my children to see a good role model of what a healthy loving relationship should be.  Feels reminiscent of being that kid wanting love and affection again.  

October 11, 2014
8:54 pm
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Juanita
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PS, WD if you happen to see this post... you are still remembered my friend.  Take care.

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