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Is Forgiveness Always Necessary? Ma? Anyone?
August 28, 2009
10:44 am
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It No Longer Matters
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participate on another forum. The discussion was on forgiveness. I made the comment that I have forgiven everyone in my life that I feel has ever hurt or wronged me except for R. I refuse to forgive him. Someone said that if I haven't forgiven him that he was still a part of my life.

Do you think it is necessary to forgive him or can I hold on to the hate and unforgiveness I feel for him for the way he treated me and cheated on me?

Bitsy

August 28, 2009
12:24 pm
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Shaney
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Hi Bitsy -

I've always felt that forgiveness comes in it's own time, and is impossible to force. I also feel that forgiveness is ultimately for the person who has been wronged, not necessarily for the wrong-doer.
Forgiveness equals an inner peace, in my opinion. While not forgiving someone can create a sort of festering sore that never seems to go away. Regardless, forgiveness can't be forced - it comes in time, and in it's own time. It happens when your head and your heart finally agree that it's time to let go.

I had a cheating bf that I stayed with for five years. It was torture. When I finally left him, I had so much resentment and hatred for him that I thought I'd never get over it. I finally did. I started to date and so did he. After some time he called me to sincerely apologize for everything that he had ever done to hurt me. At that point, my heart and head were ready to move on and so I forgave him. It just took time.

Give yourself time to heal as you begin to move forward with your own life. The forgiveness will come eventually. Just my opinion. Best of luck :o)

Shaney

August 28, 2009
12:25 pm
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Shaney
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I just re-read my post and noticed a gross overuse of the word "time." lol

August 28, 2009
12:37 pm
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Thanks for understanding Shaney. My story is similar.

Bitsy

August 28, 2009
8:54 pm
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razor
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Bitsy,

I have heard sooo much on forgiveness....I have always thought it HIGHLY overrated...maybe I should answer you on the other side... I will look for you over there.

August 28, 2009
8:57 pm
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razor
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oopps,
I AM on the other side........I read somewhere once about people that were just starting on the 12 steps and worried about forgiveness......You do what YOU need to do for the moment and let GOD worry about forgiveness.... You can figure that out later.

August 28, 2009
9:33 pm
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razor
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It has been awhile since I have watched the treads so closely on here.... I guess I am having a rough day..

Shaney....I remember you as being one of the first people that responded to me.... I try to look for you but I don't see you on alot.

August 29, 2009
8:34 am
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Thanks razor.

Bitsy

August 29, 2009
3:28 pm
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soofoo
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Hello Razor, I will never forget the support you gave me.

I agree with Shaney on forgiveness. Before you are ready to forgive, I think you can "let go". That is something you can do at any time.

August 29, 2009
3:40 pm
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That is what I think I have done. I have let it go, but I am just not at the forgiveness stage of the journey.

Bitsy

August 29, 2009
8:56 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear Bitsy,

There have been many people in my past who have wounded me terribly. When I have found it impossible to forgive them, I try to lay it at Jesus' feet. I ask Him to give me the grace to forgive and release them and deliberately set my will to do so.

I believe that only Jesus can help us to forgive the unforgiveable, just as He did on this earth, right up until His last breath on that cross. Forgiveness is what separates the true believers from the "wannabees" in my book. It's easy to love those who are good to us, but SOOOOOO hard to forgive those who have mistreated us or our loved ones.

I often contemplate the Lord's Prayer: "...and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." In other words if we are unwilling to forgive and release those who have sinned against US, He is unable to forgive US for our sins against HIM. That's shows how important our willingness to "die to self" and forgive others ranks in the Father's book.

When I cannot (by my own, natural will or ability) forgive someone, I must go to Jesus and ask for His grace and help to do so. And He always comes through for me.

Blessings to you,

- Ma Strong

August 29, 2009
9:12 pm
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Ma, I talked to C today. She went through a Christian Recovery/alcohol treatment program. Her advice was much like yours. I need to pray for the ability to forgive. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. She was very hurt by R as well. Back in 1995 he broke up her marriage with promises to marry her. He never did. She is very helpful to me becasue she knows him. She told me that she had someone else hurt her a lot. She was drunk and was pulled over but the guy who was with her had crystal meth in the trunk. She went to jail for 6 months. She had a lot of anger and hurt towards him but she prayed for the ability to forgive. Ultimately being in that particular jail led her to meet a woman who came to the jail to visit. Her family helps fund the alcohol treatment facility that C went through and now C is working there. So although intellectually I know that forgiveness is for me not for anyone else and emotionally I am not ready to forgive him, I will begin to pray for the ability to forgive.

Peace,

Bitsy

Bitsy

August 31, 2009
4:57 pm
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StronginHim77
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No...forgiving does NOT mean forgetting. It would not be wise to allow a toxic person to take another shot at you. It is perfectly alright to step back and have no further contact with someone who has harmed you. But it is important to release that person from the just consequences they deserve. THAT is true forgiveness.

- Ma Strong

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