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Is a codependant relationship salvagable?
June 19, 2006
7:56 pm
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4freedom
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I have not been happy in my relationship with my wife for some time.
I could never put my finger on why for a long time. I was recently reading through a list of characteristics of a co dependant. Incredibly, I seem to fit the bill. Not all at once I noticed. I slowly developed a bunch of them over time so it seemed less ridiculous, I guess.

I guess it feels good to just get this out there but I also had a question.
Is it possible to stay in a co dependant relationship and have both parties change?

Something is telling me to go but there is something holding me back as though there is a chance. I really don't want to give up on our marriage but this is not the life I envisioned.

Thanks

June 19, 2006
8:31 pm
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4me
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It is possible to stay in a "co-dep. relationship" only if both parties are getting help...since eventually it won't be that type of relationship. You are not alone, though, there are soooooo many of us in your shoes...

June 20, 2006
8:36 pm
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Rasputin
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Yes it is 4F!!! Keep Educating yourself with good books such as "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie. Attend Coda meetings by logging: http://www.coda.rog. Seek couple counseling with your wife.

Keep reading threads here and post!

Blessings, Ras~

June 20, 2006
9:41 pm
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on my way
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hi 4me,
i have seen marriages change for the better, when only one partner changes. generally one partner changes for the better, the other may want what their partner has found to practice, or....the healed codependent partner is not as unhappy, because they learn to not allow circunstances dictate how they feel. i have seen these changes when marital partners are in a spiritually based 12 step group through a church.

best to you both though!

June 21, 2006
3:53 pm
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taj64
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4 Freedom It doesn't look that way to me that you are looking for an excuse. to me, you are seeing that you need to change and that it is a good possibility that if you make some changes that either your marriage could work better or leave the marriage but that you can make a decision based on your self thinking that I need to do something here and make something different. I think you are not completely sure what you want so sometimes in a case like this, don't do anything drastic just yet. Do some work and seek information before you do make the decision. You did not say why you were not happy with your wife. It might help others out there to know and help you further. Are you not getting your emotional needs met?

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