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Inner Child healing
March 14, 2006
11:42 am
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Anonymous
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guest-i think by making friends with your inner child u set yourself free. i dont really care when i do it. bugs the crud our of my h , so that just makes me really let loose with him soemtimes. 😉 i drive a jeep. i have been known to drive it home in the ditches in the rain with the top down just cause i can......and i love it. i seem to be getting better and better at it lately. mainly because i dont care what people think of me anymore. when u grow up and u lose the kid in u then what fun is life? i mean, really?

March 14, 2006
11:58 am
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guppy, I wish I could be like that! I had a chance to buy a remote control car. I'm 29 now but I still want to play with them. I couldnt think of facing people or watching their faces while me, a grown man plays with a remote control like a 5 year old kid, lol. But when I imagined the world where I was playing and not caring, it was a happy world. I wish I could do it, but right now I cant.. guess gonna have to wait.
Yea I'm sad on the inside because of my abusive childhood. I'm trying to heal up now. I gotta do inner child healing, its not that easy for me to be myself 🙁 sniff. but thanks.

March 14, 2006
12:02 pm
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ok, i dont mean go off the deep end with it. i am still an adult. i work hard and i play hard. i spent sixteen hours sat. cleaning out a room for a friend. then mopped and sealed a stone floor for her. then i hopped on a fourwheeler with one of her teenagers and let loose half the night. in between her h's hound had twelve puppies. one of wich has a r wrote on its belly in perm. marker. (thanks to me) i claimed it. jack is gonna keep it and name it popcorn. why i dont know. but it makes me happy. he claims it will be the best deer dog cause i picked it. ( in truth it prop will run trees cause i picked it;) ) and somewhere in between fourwheeler run i got my friend pc. back on line and jotted line for u all. had dirt on my face, up my nose and and everywhere else. but u know what , i really looked like a troll when i turned over in a ditch full of water later that night. nothin broke. and the boys pulled it out for me. and it was fun. i am forty two years old and act like an immature idiot and i am not apologizing for it. if anything, if u came by, i would prob get u in trouble. in a good way.....

March 14, 2006
12:07 pm
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Well yea I wish I could have fun like that and be more spontaneous! Being spontasnous makes me uncomfortable, I wonder why. Oh well, will work on the inner child and maybe would then be more playful.

March 14, 2006
12:10 pm
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go buy the car!! my stepdad has a speed boat i gave him for xmas one year. they have a big pond twenty feet from front door. he has a ball with it. he actually runs it over turtles floating on the water. I even have a remote control car. i zoom it all over driveway. all my teenagers have one. sometimes we run them in the house and chase the cat. (mean i know) u might be talkin to the wrong person. i am all about play. if u got the car and ran it, you would be surprised at the following u would have. Everbody wishes they could be a kid sometimes. try it and see. the only people to make fun of u would be cruel unhappy people who wouldn't know how to have fun if it fell on them.

March 14, 2006
12:16 pm
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i know how right you are! I'm still stuck :((.. boohoo. I would have bought it actually if it had high ground clearance. It was only 0.4 inches (it was a lamghornghini on http://www.woot.com). Then I'd have bought it but would still have to be contented playing with it in my house so people couldnt see. lol. I'm sorry, I just have this problem with social anxiety. Wish I was more brave and didnt give a hoot. Wouldnt that be wonderful.

March 14, 2006
12:17 pm
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of course, guest, it makes it alot easier to play at first if u can blame it on your kids. i dont know if u have any or not. borrow one. makes for a good cover.;)

i know grown men who put remote airplanes together worth thousands of dollars. takes them months to do it. they take it to the airport and once in a while crash one in a blaze of glory. and they laugh.

March 14, 2006
12:21 pm
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guest-dont apologize to me
u dont owe me a darn thing. play takes practice.
have a good day

March 14, 2006
12:23 pm
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hehe. no I dont have kids, I'm single. I definitely wanna buy an airplane. Gives me an idea hmm. Will see if I can get one cheap. I could get away with that easier than with a R/C car. One day I'll myself a good R/C car too.

March 14, 2006
2:46 pm
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guest-i need to talk to u for a min. here is my history short version. raised by needy alchoholic. married needy alchoholic. most of my codependency issues arrise around a man with a need. sadness....etc. it's not healthy for me. i just got through following this same pattern with another person on here. i stuck it out to the point he was actually making threats towards me to get me to let go. so i am not going to be responding to u after today. these are my issues not yours. hope u understand and i wish u well. i repeat, this is not personal towards u. it's just time for me to grow up .and break a pattern that gets me nowhere but alone in the real world.
with best regards,
guppy

March 14, 2006
2:54 pm
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thats ok, I understand totally. Fight the aloneness in the real world, I also have to work on that. I get you alright. I have issues to. I think you talking about phillybowles or something? I understand that kind of addiction, yup. I have it too sometimes. It keeps me away from doing what I should really be doing - looking for a better job and I havent done anything except chill around as I do every day, hehe. Well, good luck to you and again I understand totally. I hope you are able to stay strong. Its good that you spoke out, thats very good. Stay strong and I will try to do so too.

March 14, 2006
3:31 pm
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hey guest -
yet another place to respond to you - lol - no, I am not stalking you.

My BF just turned 33 - and for xmas two years ago - I bought him a traxxas Revo - 4WD nitro powered radio controlled truck - $500 plus big ones.

I was stupid - I was codependent - but the reality was - I wanted him to have something to play with in the mud that didn't cost thousands of dollars to fix up (like his real truck).

Anyway - if you go in a hobby shop - a REAL hobby shop - you do NOT find little kids making the purchases - and more often than not - it's not kids getting the product - it's ADULTS.

Most hobby magazines are for adults - and the REAL vehicles are for adults - kids can't even remotely appreciate what they are worth or how to take care of them (ok, some can - but still)....

point is - these products cost alot - cuz they are geared for adult use - and if you go buy a truck - and take it to a track - you will not be the only adult playing in the field.

In fact - most hobby clubs ARE adults - and I know many guys who have clubs for racing - and our area has four tracks that ADULTS go to race - and when my boyfriend takes his truck out to play - all the adult guys come over to play with him....he has made friends because of it.

Adults need hobbies - just like kids - and there is NO SHAME in wanting "toys" like the kids have.

In fact - I have a "mini" keychain collection - and have a whole box of nostalgic toy keychains - replicas of the toys we grew up with....I love them - and love my teddy bears on my bed - and dolls on the chair....and have no problem going into a build-a-bear store and getting a bear or a new outfit - FOR ME.

I am in the process of rediscovering the playful side of myself - as I became an adult FAR too young in life - and don't know how to play and have fun....but I am trying.

My 35 year old friend was out having fun jumping on the trampoline with his young daughters - and I thought it looked like fun - but worried about what I would look like jumping up there - so didn't....I do understand how you feel! And yet sometimes, I think nothing of skipping down the store aisle - arm in arm with someone, singing "we're off to see the wizard" in a horribly off key voice that I have.....shrug.

March 14, 2006
5:10 pm
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Well I would go to any hobby park but I dont know of any. I guess this can wait. I definitely agree to having a playful side, I sort of have one. I'm not that serious with myself but I want to have all the fun. oh well. this can wait.

March 14, 2006
5:24 pm
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kathygy

On the 13-Mar-06

You said:

"Sometimes I find your writing style to be very confusing."

I try to write as succinctly as possible about very complex issues. If I lack the necessary literary skills to make my points clear at your level that I regret.

And you said:

"Rather than talking from your heart about your own experience you use psychological verbage and talk about the inner child concept abstractly."

I think that you have the 'heart' side of it pretty well covered. Perhaps I provide some necessary cognitive balance.

And you said:

" At least in this thread that is what I am picking up. You sound distant and authoritarian, detached from your feelings, more like a text book than a human being."

If this is a problem for you there is little I can offer to help.

And:

"It tells me nothing about you and makes it hard to relate to you."

Again I don't see this as my problem.

March 14, 2006
5:31 pm
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Hey Tez I'd asked you something in my "Girl" thread about what you said of meeting the other girl's needs, if you could respond to that, thanks! Search Tez there and you'll find it.

March 14, 2006
5:42 pm
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guest_guest

On the 13-Mar-06 about some of my writings you said:

" Do you think its really verbage and abstract ideas? "

No.

That which we cannot understand we often dismiss as "verbage and abstract ideas". It makes us feel better by not having to face up to our own inadequacies. That I clearly understand.

March 14, 2006
6:16 pm
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Hmm. interesting. I'll comment on the Bhudda article about that.

March 14, 2006
6:20 pm
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ya know, i have read so many books that i can pretty much pick one up and read a little and know who the author is.....

just posting in general.

March 16, 2006
12:15 pm
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tez,

its not a problem for me if I don't understand what you are saying. It just makes it harder to interact with you. You sound 'cold' and that pushes me away as does your textbook style of writing.

"If I lack the necessary literary skills to make my points clear at your level that I regret. "

There is nothing wrong with my level. I find this remark very condescending. I am highly educated person with advanced degrees but not in pyschology.

This is your problem if you push people away and people don't understand what you are trying to say.

If you can't talk as a human being then somethings wrong. Prehaps you are hiding behind text book verbage.

"That which we cannot understand we often dismiss as "verbage and abstract ideas". It makes us feel better by not having to face up to our own inadequacies. "

That's nonsense. Who are you to say people who don't understand text book verbage have some form of inadequency?. Maybe, just maybe they haven't earned degrees in psychology. That dosen't make anyone inadequate.

"Perhaps I provide some necessary cognitive balance. "

I have no idea what you are talking about and since you seem uninterested in communication I'm not even going to ask. You just sound like a robot.

guest,

You don't have to remember exact things from your infancy of childhood but you do need to have some feeling of memory about your feelings as an infant of child.

Different things work for different people. I can't say that inner child work would be the answer for everyone. I just know it is for me and for a lot of other people.

March 16, 2006
12:18 pm
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tez,

I am referring to what you say on this thread only. maybe it has to do with the topic "inner child healing'.

You sound a little more human in guest's thread.

March 16, 2006
2:05 pm
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This is an interesting thread. Haven't had the time yet to read it, but will.

Tez,

You made an interesting comment (date? no time to search right now).

But it was this:

"This may seem like a moot point. But carers in old age homes say that the emotional memories of childhood, as opposed to contextual memories, are the last to go."

I have worked with the elderly mostly all my career; I am an RN currently working with gerians. I have seen this fear in the elderly. Some with emense (sp.) irrational fear when triggered. Some of it is due to dementia such as Alzheimers or neurological due to a stroke. But, with the memory loss and loss of rational clear thinking, fears do happen.

I recall one woman who was so afrsaid of water she could only have sponge baths, not a shower or bath. She screamed for her life when water was poured upon her no matter how gentle or with explanations given. The terror she had. Was it her Alzheimer's? Was it past abuse? Who kew.

There is a lady today that I keep beside me while doing my med pass. She can be nasty, nasty. She was abusive to her children. How do I know? I hear her remarks. She was abused. I can tell from her remarks just like she would say to her daughter; "wipe that smile off your face, close your mouth, you look like this..." with a demonstration to me. On and on. Her daughter works with abuse and ther law. She apologizes for her mother's actions. Yep, mother was abused and was abusive.

Another tip; this lady hates to be touched without permission. But even with that, I cannot hug her. It "makes me feel like I am choking to death" she says. How sad. She is miserable, but a t times can smile with a twinkle in her eyes.

My point is this. I believe you have a strong point to what you said. So much so, that years ago after seeing these signs in the elderly, I vowed myself to do whatever I could in my own life to learn how to get past these personal fears....before I became old, fragile and perhaps with dementia.

So the counseling and things as this site have been my medium to achieve that goal. I hope I may overcome what fears grip and frive my life and thoughts. If you feel up to the time, check out my thread on Support: Sew Facing Our Fears, or close to that title.

Another item about this. I have not found any articles or research regarding the response of fear in the elderly due to past abuse vesus fear due to dementia. It may be out there and am not aware of it. Would be an interesting thesis paper or research to be done. If you are aware of any such fresearch to suppport your comment, I would be most grateful for you to share it with me.

Unknowingly, you have tweaked an interest for me to do some work on all of this. Thanks for that.

Yes, working on taking care of the inner child is viatally important to our overall well being.

But, can I be Peter Pan and as Tinkerbell the rest of my life? I believe so, when taken in the right context and the appropriate moments!

~Sew~

March 16, 2006
2:13 pm
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Kathy,

What are the basic items wwe need to heal and nurture our inner child? Is it the basic needs of Maslow's law? Which is first you need 3 to survive; food, shelter and love. (I think love is 3rd?)

As we have our basic needs met, we can climb to the next level of the pyramid. If basic needs are not met, we cannot. (Just think of the hurricane victims of Katrina, war, etc.)

If you or anyone has already addressed this, excuse me; I am rushed for time.

Another need is validation and to be heard; communication.

Great thread; I am awaiting the time when I can read all that has been shared here.

Later,

~Sew~

March 16, 2006
3:34 pm
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And Tez, you say John Bradshaw has made the inner child concept too simple, well your Bhudda stuff is too complicated and I get nothing out of it. I dont see anyonw here too who said it was nice. Remember that article a page long, which basically said nothing. I feel atleast Bradshaw would be able to achieve something than compared to Bhudda stuff which seems to be just about "in the air", unless I see something different.

March 17, 2006
12:43 pm
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This is an interesting inner child quiz:

I want to see the movie "Eight below" because its about animals which I like.

One part of me wants to see the movie and it doesnt matter if I watch it with the girl I like, or a japanese male office friend.

Another part of me says I want to watch it with this girl.

Who are these different parts of mine and what's the psychology behind them? Which part should I follow and why?

How can I help to not have the other part of me? I'm having a tough time deciding how to respond to these different parts of mine.

My guts tell me I should go ahead and watch it with the Japanese male friend and enjoy myself that way. Still the 2nd part of me bugs me, which wants to watch it with the girl.

March 17, 2006
1:19 pm
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sew,

the needs of the inner differ at each stage of development from infancy on.

The needs of an infant and a todler or other stage go much deeper and wider than just "basic needs of Maslow's law".

A child needs his/her feelings mirrored to him/her to help validate his her feelings and builf his/her identity.

For example, it is very validating for a mother to say to her child 'I hear you saying you are feeling very angry' without making the feelings wrong and without shaming the child.

An infant needs to feel welcomed into the world and wanted, an infant needs to know that mother is always there for him or her.

A toddler needs to know that if they roam away a little that mother will still be there when they come back.

These are just a few examples but there are a lot more needs. John Bradshaw does an excellent job of laying them out and explaining each need and what happens in adult relationships when a need is not met.

"Homecoming: championing and reclaiming the inner child".

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