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In this moment.....
April 14, 2010
11:06 am
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Hepburn
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Taken from: In This Moment Daily Meditation Book. CoDA.

April 14.

In This Moment, I find things I like.

I lift my head, look around, and see a beautiful fuchsia color on the cover of a notebook. I like that. I look out the window and see the bright green in a patch of new spring grass. Wow! I like that. I see my children all cozy and asleep, peaceful and trusting. My Higher Power put these little people and me together in this world. I like that.

Everything else in my life may be total chaos, but I can look up from where I am and know that I am here, and this is who I am meant to be. I like that a lot.

April 15, 2010
11:55 am
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Hepburn
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April 15

In This Moment, I know gratitude.

Negative thinking was my family's trait. Whatever the situation, I could imagine the worst possible outcome. It could be a sunny day, with but a single cloud, and someone in my family would conclude it was going to rain. When called to my boss's office, I always feared I'd be fired.

For awhile after I got into CoDA recovery, my financial situation worsened. My savings were gone. I was unemployed. There was only one more unemployment check. I envisioned myself homeless, sleeping under a highway overpass. At that point, my Higher Power changed my thinking, I began to look for things about which I could be grateful. I find at least three things for which I am grateful everyday. Some of the CoDA Promises started to come true for me. It happened the moment gratitude became part of my daily life.

April 16, 2010
11:07 am
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Hepburn
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April 16

In This Moment, I admit I make mistakes.

I hate making mistakes. I try to do things "right", but when I find myself in a complete rat's nest of my own making, I feel devastated. I used to try to cover up a mistake, deny it, or punish myself for it (before anyone else got a chance). Now, I have a better choice. I practice Step Ten and simply admit it. I made a mistake, but I am still OK. I accept my own imperfection and embrace my humanity. This way "I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past" (Promise Four) and move forward.

April 16, 2010
11:46 am
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crystalwaters
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I love these, Hepburn. Thanks for posting.

April 16, 2010
8:21 pm
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andii
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I'm loving these too!

andii

April 17, 2010
2:27 am
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Hepburn
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You're more then welcome! It's a great little book.

(((crystalwaters))), (((andii)))

April 17, 2010
10:15 am
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Hepburn
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April 17

In This Moment, I choose not to listen.

The committee in my head shouts at me that I'm unworthy, inadequate, not good enough. It's replaying dialogue from the past. The committee is old; it's been there for a LONG time. I think it's time it retired.

I'm replacing it with positive affirmations. I have CoDA's affirmation booklet on my nightstand. Every morning, I open it and randomly choose one. That becomes my mantra for the day. I do this so the committee can't pull a sneak attack.

Today Hepburn's affirmation is: "I easily flow with change. My life is Divinely guided, and I am always going in the best direction." Taken from Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life".

April 18, 2010
1:14 pm
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Hepburn
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April 18

In This Moment, I am present.

I am here. I notice all the gifts around me that the Universe/Higher Power places in my life. I slow down enough to see all the bright colors in my surroundings. I do not judge whether things "should" or "should not" be. When it rains, I let the raindrops fall on my face and experience them fully. When the sun shines, I soak up its rays.

April 19, 2010
1:16 am
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_anonymous
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"Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful"

April 19, 2010
1:24 am
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Hepburn
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Thanks Destiny. That's exactly what I'm doing right now!

April 19, 2010
10:10 pm
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Hepburn
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April 19

In This Moment, I am enough.

I am the sum of all my yesterdays. I am this moment's thoughts, actions, and feelings. I relish being in the moment. I thank my Higher Power for leading me to the CoDA program and showing me a path out of insanity. The love I feel for myself and others fills my heart and my soul. I am enough.

April 20, 2010
12:16 am
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_anonymous
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"However good or bad a situation is it will change"

April 20, 2010
11:32 am
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Hepburn
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April 20

In This Moment, I let go of expectations.

When I was new in the CoDA program, I called my sponsor to complain. She replied with one word: Expectations. She was right. My unrealistic expectations of somebody else's behavior caused turmoil. On some occasions, it was caused by unrealistic expectations of my own behavior. People are who they are and they do what they do. I am not here on earth to be their judge. I'll be OK as long as I expect people to be themselves, not whom I want them to be.

April 20, 2010
6:17 pm
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andii
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Hepburn, perhaps you can help me with this. I expect a great deal from my kids, especially my adult oldest who still lives at home. She is not meeting those expectations and I often fly into orbit. Is this codependent behavior, or just parenting? I have not been able to find the difference.

And these are awesome!

andii

April 20, 2010
6:27 pm
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Hepburn
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Hi andii,

Yeah, I feel your pain! lol I had to kick my son out 5 months ago. He was disrespectful, didn't work or go to school. My gf just kicked her son out too for almost the same reasons.

How old is your daughter? What kind of expectations are you referring to?

I do believe codependent behavior has a wide net. It can encompass every type of relationship.

Hep

April 20, 2010
6:45 pm
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andii
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She's 22. She got laid off December. But is doing nothing. She was going to school but her weight problem became an issue, she had gastric bypass a couple weeks ago. I've picked her up on my insurance and now make her car payment. Total is almost 900 a month and it's killing me. Her boyfriend comes over late at night, she sleeps all day and plays farmville all night. I'm sick of it Hep- I went off on her this morning because she wouldn't get out of bed to take my other child to the bus stop. Said she was took Vicodin and can't drive- that's B.S. People return to work after 2 weeks. She just won't get up unless the sun is going down. I asked her to unload the dishwasher the other day- no, she was in pain. I could go on and on, there's so much more, but bottom line is that I am so sick of this crap- I expect her to stay in school, work part time, and CLEAN UP AFTER HERSELF.

And that's too much for a 22 year old? I don't think so. I just told her but a few minutes ago that I will make the next car payment and it will be the last one forever, no matter what. If the car gets repo'd - bummer.

I gotta be done Hepburn! She's driving me nuts!

andii

April 21, 2010
2:19 am
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Hepburn
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I sympathize andii. She sounds like she's depressed, what with the weight issue and all. Has she done any therapy? My son was the opposite, he wouldn't eat. He wouldn't go to therapy either. He's 20.

Part of my problem was I would threaten, but then not follow through. Gotta follow through. That's the hardest part of tough love. I also found a deadline helpful, but then you have to follow through.

Because I'm a recovering codependent, I see how I enabled my son. I wasn't doing him any favors by bailing him out of, well, life. They have to learn responsibility otherwise you'll be taking care of them for the rest of your life.

I started a thread called "Anyone else having teenager problems". Check it out. There's lots of good advise in it. You'll have to do a "search" for it since it's been quite a few months. Or maybe start your own thread on support side? Dealing with "young adults" is very popular over there! lol I KNOW you'd get good advise AND support.

But to answer your question, at least in my opinion, when you know in your gut that you are being taken advantaged of or you've lost control in your own home and you keep letting it go (in CoDA it's referred to as "staying in a bad or harmful situation too long") then you're being codependent.

(((andii)))

April 21, 2010
2:30 am
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Hepburn
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andii,
I just looked up that old thread. LOTS of great posts on there.

I said he didn't go to therapy, but he did go. It didn't last for to long however.

April 21, 2010
11:18 am
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Hepburn
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April 21

In This Moment, I gain trust.

When I'm scared, upset, or lack clarity about a situation with another person, I remember I am not helpless or alone. I am not a victim. Growing up in a home where healthy conflict resolution was never modeled and where emotional neglect was the norm, I came to doubt that I could take care of myself.

Learning to trust is a process. As I continue to work on myself, I gain more trust that my Higher Power will give me peace, regardless of the circumstances. Today, when I am in turmoil, I stop for a moment and rest in the safe haven of my Higher Power.

April 21, 2010
6:48 pm
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andii
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Thank you Hepburn

andii

April 22, 2010
11:51 am
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Hepburn
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April 22

In This Moment, I choose self-worth.

I remove toxic people, situations, substances, and behaviors from my life. I replace the old messages with new supportive, healthy ones. I develop new behaviors that nurture my growth. I listen to my feelings and use them as a tool and guide. I choose to change because I no longer wish to repeat the same old behaviors. I am learning my lessons. I am growing. I am developing self-worth. I deserve good things in my life and create my own happiness.

April 23, 2010
11:12 am
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Hepburn
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April 23

In This Moment, I stand my ground.

My boundary has been violated. What do I do? It took all the courage I had just to set it. I spent hours reading books, going to support groups to find the courage to state it. I found my power. I spoke my truth. I stated my limit. I trusted my Higher Power.

Now, someone is stomping all over it. Can I stand my ground? This is a test: Can I defend my boundary now that I've set it? Oh yes! With my Higher Power's help I can. This is "walking through the fire." There are gems of wisdom to be found in the ashes.

April 23, 2010
10:51 pm
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andii
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"There are gems of wisdom to be found in the ashes. "

I hope so.

andii

April 24, 2010
12:37 pm
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Hepburn
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April 24

In This Moment, I reach out for help.

I share my feelings and experiences with others. I pick up the phone and call my sponsor or another person in recovery. Someone else may have gone through a similar experience and understand what I'm going through. Often, I do not need advice. I just need to be heard. I am responsible for my own life, but I do not have to do everything alone. When I need someone to be there for me, I ask. I am not alone.

April 25, 2010
12:48 am
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Hepburn
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April 25

In This Moment, I take my inventory.

Lots of times I focus on other people's faults. It's easier than facing my own. Today, I'm taking my own inventory. Often, I find it hard to speak up for myself. I let other people control me. I have put their peace of mind ahead of mine. My peace of mind is important to me. I have to do what's best for me. I have said, "No, thank you." And, "I have other plans." And, "That's not good for me right now." Life is too short to live any other way.

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