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In Heaven...
March 30, 2005
7:17 pm
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Anonymous
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...you discover you don't have a terminal illness, your best friend sticks by you through the worst of times, your boss helps you find a new therapist, a partner who was destined to leave you does so sooner rather than prolonging the agony, and you have the most beautiful grandson you have ever seen, your heart bursting with pride as your son stands firmly by the side of his young girlfriend--something his own father was unable to do...all in less than six month's time.

March 30, 2005
10:28 pm
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sewunique
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May some day we rest in peace there....

March 30, 2005
10:37 pm
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on my way
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Ren'ai, I knew this was you...and the other one, before I even opened them...lol. Funny how we start to recognize each other's personalities after awhile!!

SEW...may we find heaven on earth in the midst of the hell on earth.

March 30, 2005
10:59 pm
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mamacinnamon
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You see the love of God thru those who love you and stand by your side till you pass to Heaven.

March 31, 2005
9:35 am
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sewunique
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Touche' OMW!

March 31, 2005
9:56 am
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on my way
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Sew, yeah well...you know me!
mamac...Sew, please take a look at the bondage thread in support threads for me...new revelation. A little freaky for me.

March 31, 2005
1:04 pm
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mamacinnamon
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OMW: Seems a bit much don't ya think? Definitely beyond my realms of expertiece. hehe

March 31, 2005
1:42 pm
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Hey all!

I've missed you!

I don't realize how much I need this place until I can't get to it for a period of time. It's just been too much for me lately to get here.

I think I'm about to lose my job!

I also think that, for some reason, my grandson is not destined to be with us for very long. Maybe I'm just trying to prepare for the worst but I'm scared to death--not for me, but for how my son and his girlfriend will survive such a thing if it happens.

I already talked to my grandson and told him "I'm not about trying to make you stay here. You endure what you can, and if you need to check out, I understand." He and I have an understanding about this. His mother and father will have a harder time understanding...

I love you all!

Ren'ai

March 31, 2005
7:30 pm
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Ren'ai? What about your grandson? Check-out?

March 31, 2005
10:29 pm
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Anonymous
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My grandson is not going too good. I believe we can make a choice about life or death, even in infancy. So I just let him know that if his little body is too tired and bruised from all that he has been through in his short time here, he has my permission to "transition," ie: die, if he wants to.

He can come back another time...

Love,

Ren'ai

April 4, 2005
1:52 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Ren'ai:

Bless you honey for telling your grandson it's ok to go if he wants. I think that is so important and yet the hardest thing a parent or grandparent would ever have to do.

When my youngest was born she scored a 9 apgar. Three hours later she bottomed and died. They revived her. She spent 11 days in the ICU and I sat by her side ALL the time. They told us she had no chance to live. So, one afternoon, and I cannot remember which day, but one afternoon my hubby and I sat on my bed and we gave her back to God. We told him how much we loved her, but that if it was his will she go back to heaven we could accept it and we would help her go. After, I sat in the ICU and we held her and told her that if she wanted to go it was ok. That we would miss her, but that she would be in heaven and we'd be happy for her. Ya know.... the next day my pastors showed up in the ICU room and the hospital had called them in to be with me when they told me that she was gonna be just fine. She was gonna stay with us. So, 11 years later she is totally normal and even has that preteen mouth. We were so blessed.

I just wanted to share my story with you. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am that you have the stamina to put your grandson first. I do hope and pray for the best for him.

Bless You, Renai

April 5, 2005
8:18 pm
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Thank you, MamaC. Your words mean a lot to me.

I have dealt with a lot of death. Sometimes I think I've dealt with too much death! I have seen peaceful death, fearful death, insecure death, sudden death, you name it...

It is hard to watch someone struggle to live because their loved ones can't let go. If the dying person is too worried about others, they hang on and on and on. It's terrible to watch. So I guess I just learned to be able to give permission.

I'm so glad your daughter is with you, still. I started to write that I hoped my grandson would be here in eleven years but couldn't do it. What I hope is that he is here for as long as is right for him, and that if we, as his family, are not prepared to let him go then I hope we can all dig deep and find the strength to let him so what he needs to do--no matter what!

Love you, MamaC!

Ren'ai

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