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I'm feeling really low...
February 24, 2000
3:45 pm
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almostfedup
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I'm almost fed up of my life. I have thought sometimes suicide, but I'm too scared to follow thru. I think I'm a pretty nice person, but I feel as though I'm trapped. I'm trying to climb out of the sewage, which is my life. Every time I think I'm going to make it I fail. I think I'm slowly killing myself. The punk way out. I have diabetes and I don't take care of myself. I really want to make a change, but as my mind says yes my body isn't listning. I want the consequences in a way. I want people to feel sorry for me. Then I feel like I'm worth someting. I sometimes I feel I don't deserve anything good to happen to me. I feel shocked and uneasy when someone does something for me and expect nothing in return. I have so many issues it would probably take a week to type it all.

I need some counsil.

Liechear

February 24, 2000
6:34 pm
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ar
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wow....sounds like I wrote that myself! All the same feelings, but instead of diabetes, mine is endometriosis. I have basically turned away anything that might help, knowing that I would never have the will or mindset to stick with it anyway. I know EXACTLY how you feel when you say you want people to feel sorry for you. But then eventually that gets old too, you know? I hate the idea of someone having pity on me. I too have thought about suicide off and on since I was 14 years old (long time ago!!), but I guess the thing that stopped me is knowing it would break the hearts of a few very loving family members. It's a very selfish act, and as a person who tends to care more about others than myself, I've never been able to bring myself to do it, even attempt it. When I was about 8 years old, my mother attempted suicide, and I remember every detail of that night like it happened yesterday. I don't ever want people close to me to go through that. I don't know that I can give you much council, but at least you know you're not the only one. Have you ever gone to any type of therapy or counseling? I haven't yet, but finally found the courage to make an appointment. It's a week from tomorrow... hope I can hold it all together until then! Hang in there!

February 24, 2000
7:20 pm
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sm
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To both of you, hang in there. I am a registered nurse and see things like this every day. It may be hard to imagine now but it can get better. If you want to take care of yourself you have to do it. I think it is a great idea to get counseling but you have to really want to do this. You have to want to take care of yourself. For the diabetes, I am telling you now of all the long term consequences, you have to take control. You deserve to treat yourself wonderful. Nobody else is going to take care of you better than yourself, because you are the one who has to live with yourself.

February 26, 2000
12:52 pm
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fed up
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I also feel exactly the same, perhaps we should start a club! ! Well at least we can offer each other support. I was fine until I smashed my knee to bits last year, then I feel that my life might as well have ended. I have been making progress this week, however partly due to the support of these pages. Please see General Support, my post called 'where do i go from here' I think the advise given to me may help both of you. Good luck.

February 26, 2000
8:34 pm
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janes
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Almost fed up- Take the week..type or write your issues up or down. just get them out. Organize them. Which can be worked on easiest. Keep a journal. Make some goals. Read a book. Look at the sun, the stars, the heavens, Look around you at the people..some smile some frown. some are trying to care about you.

You know your disease...blindness, gangrne, loss of limbs, hmmmm...you could spend the rest of your life helping children who have discovered they also have diabetes.

It feels better when people feel sorry for you? THEN you have worth? Your disease makes you special? You are special without it. And is pity what you really want or are you afraid to reach for life?

You sound codependent of something...if you don't like it when someone does someting nice for you ..yet you want them to feel sorry for you?

Start sriting...Post your issues here...we'll read them and you'll get them out of you.

Get going now...you only have the rest of your life ahead of you!!!

March 23, 2000
1:38 pm
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scared
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I have been to a psy but i havent been back.I gusse im scared that it will bring to much from my past.And today in so deppresed and dont know a,, i know is that i fill really bad.I never ask to be born and sure didnt ask for the mother i had.She abused me so much meantaly i dont think i even have a mind that someone eles is driving my brain and not me.One of my friends tries to help me butt most of the time i fill like she's my mother and trys to drive my mind for me.Maybe i will soon take my own mind for a test drive.

April 6, 2000
7:09 pm
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resilient
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Isn't it amazing how so many people can feel so alone. I have been battling with depression almost 11years. Suicide, drugs anorexia, self mutilation, abusive relationships. Been there done that, and I'm back where I started only now its not a secret anymore. I know how you all of you feel, too many issues to deal with, so you just get overwhelmed and want to give up. Giving up is not an option. You made it this far, you can keep going. Just know this, you are not alone. Even though I don't know any of you, Your life matters to me, SO YOU CAN,T SAY NO ONE WOULD CARE IF YOU WERE GONE. You have to hold on ,You have to endure.Everyone has a purpose. Everyone has something inside of them that only they possess. I know that the big dark clouds of pain, fear, anxiety,shame and anger can distort the way you look at the world. But whoever you are, where every you are know that you have a place in this big crazy world and it will get better. Mt 5:3-5

April 13, 2000
10:09 pm
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farter
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dear feeling low
please excuse the name but it is real and you can't get any lower than this! no pun intended. welcome to life we have all been there I too have thought suicide but That is all it's not bad to think it but when you formulate a plan then use it then its bad. As far as the diabetes goes it comes with the territory. I will be praying for God to give you strength to endure! Phil 4:19 My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory" Your need is simply for love My guess is you have suffered from years of abuse and extreme poverty Hold up your head help in His mysterious way is coming soon God Bless you always Mr. Gas

April 17, 2000
5:31 pm
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Ladybug
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Dear Scared I think you need to find a place that you can call your's and no one elses. Go there by yourself. I notice that we all want to run from things that are very unpleasant at one time in our lives. It's natural. I think you did a very good job in being able to write down your thoughts. I hope you will be able to talk to your friend and tell her how you feel when she does something that bothers you.

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