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I want to feel better today my husband left me because our financial problems
October 7, 2008
8:09 pm
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coddi
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I have been in a co-dependent relation with this man, we got married two years ago after three of living togehter; we encounter many problems and our relation survived. We have great sex even this week, kiss each other frequently but we are struggling with a lot of debts. He recieved certain amount of money from the company he used to work for and he open a new bank account behind me and now is blaming me for our financial problems because I did not have a steady job. I must said that he had a heart condition and I have to stay at home to take care of him for quite sometime. I am a professional but everytime I went out on a meeting he started calling me over and over. I was not feeling with enthusiasm to go out to work. Now I got tired of his insults and lies and told him to quit and so he left without hesitation. Now I miss him even though I know he is not convenient for me and that I can do better without him, it just hurt so much. I feel fragile and even though I was looking forward for this moment I am afraid that if he comes back I'll get him. Just cant do that I need to let it go..

October 8, 2008
7:34 pm
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Hello Coddi.

From what you have written, I believe that you are suffering from the fear of being alone; that is, loneliness. You know you don't want this guy back, yet you would prefer him to the terrible loneliness that seems to confront you. I am in much the same boat, but I am making great headway after a lot of pain.

Below is a cut and paste from 'The Perfect Mirror' by Dr. Adrian Feldmann M.D. I hope that it is of some help to you.

"We all experience loneliness in varying degrees through­out our lives, and we tend to blame the non-caring attitude of others, or society in general, for our isolation. It is true that external conditions for loneliness exist, but the main cause for the misery of loneliness is the mistaken belief that we cannot be happy without a companion. It is not just any companion we want. In our mind we build an image of the perfectly compatible person who understands us. When we cannot find someone who measures up to our standards, our self-image feels incomplete; afraid to reveal our unhappiness to others, we withdraw into a world of self-doubt. This blocks our capacity to recognise the needs of others, so our mind is less capable of I loving, and companions become even harder to find.

When we were babies, our mothers nourished our bod­ies with milk and our minds with love. We were weaned from our mother's breast but not from her heart, and as we grew older, feeling the need for independence, we separated our­selves from maternal concern. We desired our mother's love, yet felt aversion to the demands she put upon us, and the way in which she made us feel like a child. Many adults even blame their mothers for the difficulty they have in establishing new relationships. They are half right. The real problem is our crav­ing for the love, recognition and appreciation that we used to receive from our mother. This makes us place a subtle psycho­logical demand upon our partner to provide the maternal love we crave, but our pressure has the opposite effect. The more we demand the love of others, the more likely they are to withdraw their affection and distance themselves from us.

Desire for love can elevate us to great heights of happi­ness when we hear the words, 'I love you'; but it can drive us to the depths of despair, even suicide or murder, when some­body says they do not love us anymore. The misery of lone­liness is a deep well of self-pity from which we can only emerge by realising that as we crave love, so do others; and the best thing to do in life is to take upon oneself the role of giver rather than receiver. 1 am not saying we should reject the love of others; my point is that we should free ourselves from our dependency upon love by abandoning self-concern and thinking only of the needs of others.

Paradoxically, giving love without wanting anything in return makes others love, recognise and appreciate us even more. And so the cure for loneliness is to love others without restraint and without demands. It's easy. Just think of what you can do or say to make others happy, and do it. If you find it difficult with adults, you can give love to children. Even young goddesses need to be loved."

October 8, 2008
9:39 pm
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MsGuided
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"Even young goddesses need to be loved"

now that's deep!
Give it Away Give it Away Give it Away now!

October 9, 2008
12:13 am
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coddi
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Thank you Tez, bless you

October 14, 2008
12:41 pm
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Soulsister
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((coddi))

Tez...yes, thank you. I really enjoyed reading that. I can't believe how true it is.

-Soul

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