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I think women are better than men ...
February 26, 2006
3:42 am
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Anonymous
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Think about it. Women tend to stay with loser guys, hoping they'll reform, or just because they long for a relationship so much. They're nurturers, God love them. They'll overlook drug habits, affairs, being emotionally unavailable, etc., in the hope, often vain, that their man will reform.

Guys don't seem so inclined. Guys seem to be more inclined to dump a woman who has an affair, gets a drug habit, etc. than vice versa.

I've seen for myself half a dozen women who were once married to loser guys. They divorced/broke up with them and are still single. Their hearts have been broken so they find it hard to trust again. On the other hand, the guys are still losers but have hooked up with other women and are repeating the same pattern, setting up more women for heartbreak.

I'm talking generalities here. Of course there are exceptions, and we see only the sad cases on this site, and it is mostly the women who share their stories here. But I'll bet my sweet bippy that it's generally true.

That's why I think women are better than men, and we men had better work darn hard to prove ourselves worthy of a good woman. It's about the greatest honor a man can aspire to.

Seeker

February 26, 2006
8:01 am
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sewunique
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Hi Seekerw,

What a lovely post. I thank you as should or others may as well.

These ideas could certainly be turned around into bashing and bragging, but you wrote this with such a complimentary kindness!!!

(I get these "Maxine" jokes from an internet friend all the time. Of late, I delete them before reading them, they can get so boring and tiresome). It is so easy for the opposite gender to say negatives rather than point out the positives as you have eloquently done here.

What a joyous gift!

There are plenty of good, warm hearted, caring men out there, too. Evidenced by the majority of the male gender who happened to post here at AAC!

Thank you Seeker!

Sew

February 26, 2006
9:22 am
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exoticflower
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Seeker, you trying to get a date?

(ok, ok, pick me up at 9:00)
🙂

February 26, 2006
10:02 am
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readyforachange
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well, well...alluding to the other thread regarding ethnicity, etc....

I will reserve my judgment and comments about this post until I find out your gender. If you are male, then I'll consider this a compliment. If you are female, I'll consider it bragging. Either way, you make some good points. 🙂

February 26, 2006
11:48 am
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Rasputin
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Seek -

I think the reason for this is most women tend to mature and grow up quicker than men.

Just have a look:

We women are very much in touch with ourselves, our feelings, progress. We are more articulate, more communicative, big readers of books about spirituality, psychology, arts, literature, music etc.

Men tend to take themselves too seriously and be self-conscious. If they are the macho type, which can be the case in big number of them, then men refuse to be vulnerable, or afraid of being thought of as wimp, or open up or too sensitive. Thus they refuse to admit they have a problem like depression, stress, anxiety. Thus they repress or deny their feelings and put on a mask of being happy and thus can jump from one relationship to another almost immediately. (Of course I'm pretty sure they are so many women who fit in this criteria, so my dear brother males on this site, I am not stereotyping here. This phenomena is widespread and is bi-gender.

If a man reads a book, it is usually a practical book about how to make more $$$$ or become a successful manager or any other stuff that is just very practical and to the point or his physical materialistic side not beyond.

Isn't that true???

~Ras~

February 26, 2006
12:35 pm
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Sew,

Thank you for your considering it such a gift; I'm touched. On My Way told me a little about you. I'm glad our paths crossed.

EF,

Sounds great! 9:00 it is. Let's see, one problem ... I haven't the foggiest what state you're in, or what time zone, or what day. I know what ... I'll just run around at 9:00 tonight calling out "Exotic Flower!" If you happen to hear, let me know. LOL

ready,

I'm a guy. I meant it as a compliment to the max (remember that expression?).

Ras,

I think it's because God just made women better than men naturally, and left it to us men to do some serious work if we want to catch up with them. Women are here to show us men how we ought to be. (I mean this with some grain of salt, of course.)

Seeker

February 26, 2006
1:20 pm
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mj
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Seeker! You are entitled to your opinion.

My opinion is that we are all the same. Good Enough! I would prefer to be an Equal to Any Man!

February 26, 2006
3:32 pm
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Shaney
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HAHAHAH! To the MAX! Yes, not only do I remember it, but I'm thrilled to see someone using it again. It's going back into my vocabulary, for sure.

Thanks for the compliment. But as much as those traits are a blessing, they're also a curse... for obvious reasons. I'm lucky enough to have a good man that appreciates and celebrates those qualities - and actually thanks me for being that way. My opinion, is that if more men tried to match some of that nurturing that comes naturally to women, the rewards would come back to them ten fold. I've seen it in healthy relationships. If both people are giving and understanding, how could you go wrong?

Anyway, nice thread...to the max.

Keep on truckin' (remember that one) :o) - Shaney

February 26, 2006
4:35 pm
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exoticflower
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LOL, seeker, just follow the sound of exoticbaby crying,and me franticly reciting slogans and possitive self talk!

I do not think MJ that we are equal, rather I think we are created complimentary (not just men and women, either, partner in general--I think there is a type for every type and we need our different strengths and weaknesses). We are all created, then, I think, with a general plan--I don't believe a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicicle, that you can't livw with them or without them, or any of those other cliches. I believe women are taught more in society to neurture and give whilst men are taught more to provide and show their dedication that way. I think it's a mixed bag, but I am indeed a woman who doesn't get to hear things like "women are SOOOO better than men" and I think it's great fun!

February 26, 2006
5:49 pm
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mj

{I would prefer to be an Equal to Any Man!}

Now why would you want to stoop to that level, mj? Why would a major league player want to play in the minors? Why trade a $20 bill for a $10 bill? :o)

In all seriousness, doesn't it seem to you that women are naturally more caring, more giving, more nurturing than men? I honestly can't think of any desireable qualities that men tend to have that women don't.

Shaney,

Remember the expression "groty to the max"? I haven't heard that one since high school.

Keep on truckin' -- I remember that one, too.

{Thanks for the compliment. But as much as those traits are a blessing, they're also a curse... for obvious reasons.}

Aren't they only a curse if they get taken advantage of? If that happens, the fault lies with the other person, not the woman, although the woman seems to bear the brunt of the suffering.

I once tried to nurture a relationship like I think a woman would nurture it if she were in my shoes. When I stopped putting energy into the relationship, so did she. I'd sacrifice for her, but saw little sacrifice, if any, back from her. It drove me absolutely crazy! I don't see how you women do it.

DEAR* exoticflower,

{LOL, seeker, just follow the sound of exoticbaby crying,and me franticly reciting slogans and possitive self talk!}

I heard you last night at the Barnes and Noble cafe, surrounded by self-help books. Your baby seemed unusually bright-eyed ... must have absorbed a lot of self-esteem from hearing your slogans. lol

{I think we are created complimentary}

Excellent way of putting it. I just so hate to see women being taken advantage of.

* DEAR = Distinguished ECCO Award Recipient -- remember that award?

Seeker

February 26, 2006
7:52 pm
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readyforachange
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Ah, yes...to the max.

One of those phrases that I might utter which would elicit a roll of the eyes, and "Mooom!, no one has said that since like 1985!" from my kids!

February 26, 2006
8:05 pm
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Seek,

You are too cute and always the gentleman!

I do, however, feel compelled to point out the flip side here.

Nurturing and dysfunctional are not mutually exclusive behaviors.

For me, overlooking things like his affairs and his drug habbits didn't make me better than anyone...just codependent.

When I find the raw courage and the freedom it requires to dump someone concisely (In a--I'm really not being bad to you, just good to me kind of a way) should I notice the red flags you mention above is when I'll know I'm better.

NOW, There's the future!!!

February 26, 2006
8:25 pm
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mj
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No...I know men that possess all these fine qualities as well. Men and Women both have strengths. Men possess physical strength that the majority of women do not possess. I remember being an installer for a telephone company back in the late 70's and it was very hard back busting work but the pay was Good. Men make more money as a general rule and I would like that equality as well. Men are analytical. They are generally very task driven. They see a job and got at it. I think women and men both possess qualities that balance a relationship. I certainly don't want to see the balance swing to the opposite power struggle in order to find a balance that exists in all healthy things.

February 26, 2006
8:31 pm
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>> For me, overlooking things like his affairs and his drug habbits didn't make me better than anyone...just codependent. << I agree. I think women should be healthy and strong enough to say "I'm not taking this *'king crap anymore" and leave the guy who's messed up, as well as disrespects the woman by being in other affairs. >>They'll overlook drug habits, affairs, being emotionally unavailable<< There are NOT things any healthy women should and would overlook. All women deserve better than drugs, affairs and emotional unavailability. I saw a disconnection between your statement that "women overlook these things" and "men need to work harder". I dont see the link between the two. Maybe you meant that men need to work more on being emotionally connective and give more of the emotional stuff into the relationship because women give a lot already. Now seeker, the big question for you is, why do you think its OK for a woman to take crap like affairs, drugs and emotional unavailability? Does this sort of reflect on yourself in some way? Me, I'm mentally not healthy myself. I've set an appointment for a psyche. I want to love myself all the time and be relaxed around people no matter what.

February 26, 2006
8:32 pm
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ok sorry, the first quote was from YnR and the second was Seeker. Sorry, should have mentioned that.

February 26, 2006
8:35 pm
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As sual, gotta come back and add to my previous posts - seeker, I meant to say "the big question for you to ask _yourself_ is .... "

February 26, 2006
8:58 pm
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Hi Guest,

{Maybe you meant that men need to work more on being emotionally connective and give more of the emotional stuff into the relationship because women give a lot already.}

Yes, that's right! From this site and from women I've known in "real" life, women tend to give and give and give and give emotionally into the relationship until it hurts and they absolutely can't stand it anymore, and then they give and give and give more. Some people might fault them for this tendency, but if their men would only give back in similar levels, the women wouldn't get burnt out and emotionally spent, and their giving would be a joy to them, not a curse.

I think it's a wonderful, absolutely wonderful, quality women have for giving. Where would the world be without this? If only men would never take it for granted or, worse, take advantage of it.

{Now seeker, the big question for you is, why do you think its OK for a woman to take crap like affairs, drugs and emotional unavailability? Does this sort of reflect on yourself in some way?}

I don't think it's okay. It stinks. But the ideal solution lies in the men shaping up, not in the women cutting the ties. That's the last thing they want to do. Let's not blame the women for not doing it sooner. Let's blame the men for being such jerks. (I'm obviously not speaking about the healthy, nurturing men who are in relationships.)

Yes, this reflects on me. I didn't give my wife what she needed emotionally. I didn't invest myself in our marriage. She finally got burnt out. I drove her to that. I caused her great pain.

I hate myself for doing that to her, and my speaking out is a meager attempt to make amends for my wrongs.

Seeker

February 26, 2006
9:20 pm
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I think it should start with both ends, with women stopping taking the crap and with men stopping giving the crap. Sadly as everything works, men would stop giving crap if women stopped taking it.

Are women equally to blame for taking crap, as men are to blame for giving it? Thats another question. I say because society conditions everyone to behave in their ways, perhaps they are equally to blame. No gender is more to blame. This is just how things have developed. We have to remember that women have been abused for centuries. Its gotten better and it will take more time for everything to heal u pto the level where the crap business isnt there and everyone gives and takes respect equally.

February 27, 2006
9:26 pm
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Guest,

{Sadly as everything works, men would stop giving crap if women stopped taking it.}

There is truth in this. But it's not totally true. If women wouldn't let their guys get away with so much crap, some guys would shape up; however, others would ship out. But at least everybody would spend less time in limbo.

Still, I have a problem with this, guest. It's like saying if people locked up their cars, there wouldn't be so many car thieves. People don't deserve to have their cars stolen just because they didn't lock the doors. Women don't deserve to have their hearts broken just because they don't guard them sufficiently.

A woman shouldn't have to keep her guy in line. She's not his conscience. She's not his mother. She wants to be his sweetheart, doggone it. Who wants to be married to her son?

Seeker

February 27, 2006
10:23 pm
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(adding on to my last post)

And who, guys, wants to be married to his mother? What, no takers?

Then I propose you keep yourselves in line, and don't pawn off the job to your partner.

Seeker

February 27, 2006
10:39 pm
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sdesigns
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Seeker: this title cracked me up...especially coming from a guy. Are you trying to butter us (gals) up? Didn't you say on another thread you couldn't get a date? How could that be?

SD

February 28, 2006
2:43 am
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A correction to the above addition to my previous post (gee, this is getting complicated):

When I said:
"Then I propose you keep yourselves in line, and don't pawn off the job to your partner."

I really meant:
"Then, gentlemen, I propose that we all keep ourselves in line, and help keep each other in line, so that we don't force our women to do the job for us."

February 28, 2006
2:52 am
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sewunique
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Mj,

Your ealier post has hung with me. Perhaps being equal with men such as opportunities in the wrkplace and politics would be what you mean? If so, I agree with you.

However, females are the stronger sex. Women generally live longer than men, this we know is statistically proven.

But did you know that when a woman is under endured stress that studies have shown there are fewer male fetus carried to full term than females born? During 911 there were fewer male births than female births, showing the male gender is less apt to survive the stress.

Sorry; was just surfing the web one day and cannot recall the site in which the studies were done on this.

~Sew~

February 28, 2006
10:37 am
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sew-it is also a fact that when a woman is under undo stress during pregnancy, the male offspring have a higher than normal chance of being gay. something about the woman's immune system kicking in overdrive and attacking the baby's male hormones.

any time a country is at war, the percentage of gay to straight births rises signifigantly.

February 28, 2006
10:59 am
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hi seeker,

>> People don't deserve to have their cars stolen just because they didn't lock the doors. << Thats true, but people have to take responsibility for not locking their doors - that means, not setting boundaries and willing to take abuse. Sure people dont have to be on their guard but they should have be willing to take abuse, be cheated on and bear other bad behaviors. Abused women have to take responsibilty, they have to know that its not right for them to keep on taking abuse. For their end, they need to get healthy to the point where they respect themselves to the point where no one including their partner can disrespect them. In some way, women who take abuse are more endearing to us because they're "flexible". We'd rather be withone who tolerates our crap, than someone who does not because we'd like to be forgiven for our mistakes. Or maybe thats not true. Anyway I have NO idea what I'm saying. I'm having a real sleepy day.

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