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I think my sister is being beaten by her boyfriend
June 16, 2007
6:24 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Just found out.

She's hasn't told anybody so, but there are signs.

I know if I ask her she will lie to me.

My 5 foot three inch tall, 120 pound, smart, funny, talented supermodel little sister.

By a 6 foot three 250 pound mechanic.

No.

No Fucking way.

June 16, 2007
8:36 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im so sorry hunny.

June 20, 2007
1:08 am
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free
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WD

You know ya gotta say something. Our local shelter used to put out a bumper sticker that says "Domestic violence feeds on silence." and in smaller words, "speak out, 1-800-779-SAFE"- the number for the national domestic violence hotline. Well you know my story- when I finally started speaking up, I felt like everybody was trying to SHUT me up. so I wrote a letter and sent it out to every internet link under law enforcement and domestic violence that I could find, including judges at courthouses (doubt THOSE were ever read).

In it I told of my story, of this bumper sticker and how it encouraged me, and closed with "Please stop turning away. My voice is but one, weakening by the day while the threat to my life and that of my children is only escalating. Ya see, Domestic Violence feeds on your silence, too."

It had quite an effect. Kuz the last sentence, wd- it's very true.

be non-judgemental. something like: sis, I have to ask you a question: is your boyfriend abusing you? Kuz there's signs."

Yeah, she'll probably lie. It's not a vicious lie, you know that. It's a denial, a fear of vocalizing it, etc. And then you tell her, wd, that no matter what, no matter where, no matter why, she can always call you, any time of night or day and you will come to her side.

He's gonna try to break any bond between you and her. So keep it tight- keep in contact with her, always non-judgemental, always respectful of him (ugh) and always supportive of her.

In time, wd. She will come to you.

It's the ones who end up with nobody to go to, the ones who feel all alone, well, we know how that usually goes.

free

June 20, 2007
1:29 am
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WD,

I'm very sorry to hear that about your sister.

Though you are somewhat of an expert on the subject of DV, you might still benefit from reading the excellent book "To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women" by Susan Brewster, if you haven't already.

I know you will do everything you can to support your sister, recognizing that you can't rescue her. Please make sure you get support for yourself, too.

Take care.

June 20, 2007
7:29 am
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Zinnie
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WD,

As a survivor yoursel of abuse, you know the unrealistic shame that can be heaped upon you for putting up with the situation.

Can you get together with your sister alone - perhaps for a meal where you can talk to her one on one? Even tell her, that if she denies it that no matter what you will always love her and be there for her.

Perhaps if she feels she has some support in you, it might open the door to her to get out while she still can.

Z.

June 20, 2007
11:32 am
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bevdee
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WD

When my sister was being abused, the signs were her black eyes. Really obvious. The hardest lesson for me was that I couldn't do anything about it.

I feel for you, WD. I know how difficult it is to watch, and how helpless it feels.

June 26, 2007
12:55 am
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free
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hi wd

is anything happening with this?

how you holding up?

free

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