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I think I need to start asking myself........
July 22, 2008
9:45 pm
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truthBtold
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not....what would jesus do? But instead....what would a healthy, mentally stable, self-assured person do?

(Have to try and conjure up some kind of healthy role model - even if only imaginary....any one else tried something like this?)

My sense is that I just have to stop caring LESS about others (immediate co-dep reaction) and break that political incorrectness of actually JUDGING people in my life....you know, to ascertain, access and evaluate other people - you know?

What would a healthy person do?

Hmmmmmmm.

July 23, 2008
8:36 am
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they would stop being fareful and give a damn, yes. I struggle through the same. We have to learn to stop being afraid.. thats the only thing/ Afraid of this and that.. all the time.

Healthy people lack that fear. They do what they want to do. I've become better at it I think.. but its still a struggle sometimes.

Like now argh. but now I didnt have good sleep last night so I'm real tired. Taking care of physical needs is important ofcourse.

Um.. what else. Yea. the hard part is figuring out what we wanna do and just BAM, do it. Dont care about anything.

July 23, 2008
8:36 am
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spelling, oops: fearful

July 23, 2008
8:40 am
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So you know, healthy people dont have to worry about how to live life. They're in a habit of very quickly figuring out what they want to do, and then they do it. If they cant do it, then they're able to deal with it and do alternative things. It doesnt make a difference because then they want to do the alternative thing.

Healthy people dont worry about about co-depedence, depression and what not. Its us. We have to think about driving the car. They just do it, they're good at it. We're sort of disabled. But.. we can get better at it. The only thing that keeps us back is the fear. Fear of this and that. Its what our parents taught us, they taught us to be afraid of them and of the world. Thats why its hard to let go of it all. Giving a damn is really just the only choice.

July 23, 2008
11:23 am
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alicenwonderland
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Truth,

I don't think that we have to care less about others, but we have to start caring as much about ourselves as we do about others. If you put as much time, effort, and care into you as you do those around you, how would you feel? In redirecting the focus from them to ourselves, then we automatically stop "over acting" due to our care for others because our energies are redistributed. It's kinda like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons where he and Daffy were dividing something...one for you, one-two for me, one for you, one-two-three for me.

A friend gave me a great image about helping others that has helped me with the overcoming my need to "help" others at the expense of myself. Imagine the other person is struggling in the water. You know they can swim (and they are not drowning) and you cannot. How would you help? You can jump into the water and you both might drown. You can jump in the water and only you drown, or you can sit in the boat and reach out your hand. When we see others in need, we have to stay in the boat because it is our best option for helping keeping us both safe. As codies, we want to jump with both feet even if it means us drowning in the process.

I have been reading 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melodie Beatte. It is one of those "daily thoughts" book that has weekly topics and then a lesson on that topic. Last week's topic was taking a personal inventory. She said something I found very interesting. (I have also heard Tyra Banks use concept.) When we find ourselves judging others a lot, then we should turn the focus inward because we trying very hard not too see what we need to work on. Codies focus all their energies outward so it only makes sense that we are always observing others more than we observe ourselves. We don't think about our strenghts or our flaws. We don't think about ourselves at all.

I agree with Guest that making healthy choices for ourselves can become a learned behavior and that through acknowledging our unhealthy behaviors and learning more healthy alternatives that we can practice until it becomes a habit.

Have a wonderful day!

July 23, 2008
2:23 pm
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free
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Well I think if ya always do what Jesus did you'll be a doormat and a martyr.

We can say no to others in a kind way.

We don't have to base our self-esteem upon how well we rescue others: dying on the cross was Jesus' destiny, it's not yours.

I had to do this too- it takes time but it's so relieving not having everybody else's troubles on your plate.

free

July 24, 2008
10:10 pm
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truthBtold
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guest_guest,

You bring up some really interesting points.

In my looking and studying as to how "healthy folks" respond/react to a certain situation, it just seems to me that they have this uncanny ability to IMMEDIATELY see the situation for what is is...right away....and decide - that (no - not like co-dep who try to beat a horse while it is dead and constantly berate themselves(ourselves) as to JUST WHY THIS IS)....instead - they just QUICKLY and NATURALLY come to a conclusion that perhaps this particular scenerio is heading for a "dead-end" and quietly and quickly REMOVE themselves from it all and simply move on - with what seems to be no more than a few seconds of contemplation.

Co-deps, on the other other hand (myslef included) seem to have a strong tendency to examine, question and evaluate the situation into oblivion....you know?

Alice,

LOVE your example of the drowning in water situation.

Boy, wouldn't it be great if someone could come up with some kind of graphic self-help book along these lines which picture and illustrate such great examples?

free,

You are so right.

About the jesus thing and being a martyr.

I wrote a short (poem?) years ago:

"I have a secret.

Yes, come closer.

Jesus, I believe.....

...would've had ulcers."

Damn shame that most of us have to work SO DAMNED HARD at just trying to level the emotional playing field.

You know?

But - I guess, such is par for the course.

Education is key.

Relaying and expressing that knowledge, advances the human condition in this particular day and age....all things considered....

You know?

(Am I rambling now....or does this actually make sense to anyone?)

Great input from all. Thank you.

July 25, 2008
12:32 am
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>> )....instead - they just QUICKLY and NATURALLY come to a conclusion that perhaps this particular scenerio is heading for a "dead-end" and quietly and quickly REMOVE themselves from it all and simply move on - with what seems to be no more than a few seconds of contemplation.

How do they do this? Its the easiest thing to do, to move on. Its nature to take the path of least resistance. Why is then so hard for us to not take that path? Why do we have to thikn and think, and still not take any action?

Instead of always having us in an easy position, we choose to let ourselves remain in misery for longer. Why?

July 25, 2008
5:10 pm
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typo: its naturAL

Its natural to take the path of least resistance.

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