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I overthink a lot and it's starting to get in the way of my Social Life
December 8, 2014
9:07 am
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azerius93
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December 8, 2014
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Hey everyone,

I hope this topic finds everyone well. Before I start I would like to apologize if this is in the wrong sub-forum as I wasn't sure where this would be more appropriate. Furthermore I'm also very grateful that a site like this exists in order to help people overcome their problems.

Anyway, I've had a few ups and downs with my social life ever since I was 14 years old, but with the help of conunselling sites like these I managed to overcome some fears and just be myself. As opposed to my former quiet, shy, and socially awkward state, 6 years later I find myself to be a funny, outgoing, but not supremely confident guy.

Despite all this however, there's one massive flaw about myself that has been bugging me for a long time: I am a huge overthinker. Let me just add that the reason I ended up posting here is most likely a result from my overthinking.

I'm a 20 year old enrolled in University studying both Philosophy and Psychology, so that in itself already says a lot about my thoughtful nature. Overthinking is a massive issue with most people, and I am unfortunately a victim of it and want to cut this habit badly.

Overthinking has ruined me in the past before when I had a chance to ask out a girl but took too long thinking about it, resulting in rejection and a 2 year obsession on my end, constantly being fuelled by regret and overthinking.

The sad part is that most of my overthinking is usually pessimistic. I am not a pessimist by nature, but my mind always leads me to think of the 'what if…' scenario when I talk about things.

Let me give you a current example as to how overthinking is @!^&*ing me over yet again with another girl: I'm very close friends with her, but I am, yet again, delaying future possibilites by letting pessimistic overthoughts enter my head. I get jealous when she talks to other guys and not me because I'd think I'm annoying her too much because I like talking to her a lot. I go around thinking, "If I say this now, will I make it brutally obvious that I like her? Will her realizing that I like her result in yet another massive rejection?". I even debate if I should start the conversation or not just to see if Im being annoying or not.

As you can see my thoughts revolve around the fear of rejection, but it is not the prime issue at hand.

It's a lot to explain and can get awfully complicated, but hopefully the information I provided is enough to suffice for a decent discussion. I'm super glad I had the opportunity to vent all of this, and I hope that I can get through with this issue.

Thanks for reading!

December 9, 2014
5:34 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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Overthinking is a sign of our times, particularly if we are involved in studies that require analytical research.  If you truly want a relationship with your girlfriend or with anyone, I think you need to find a way to first find stasis & balance in your own self.  You must learn to find ways to relax & distract your overthinking using your creative forces within yourself.  You must find some time within your hectic day to turn off the noise in your mind.  I do not mean to not think about your goals or have a focus, just find sometime to do perhaps something artistic or physical or perhaps something where you can meditate quietly.  Some blind faith is required & if things still do not get resolved, then perhaps you are not ready for interpersonal relationships yet.  They might actually be counteractive to your healing.  You might need to take a break from your desires for having a GF so that you can find some peace first within yourself.  See if this helps you. It takes time and patience.  Of course it is your choice, but if every time you are hurting yourself and your GF then is it really worth it?  Focus on your studies first and foremost & take time for yourself to have a chance to rest & find your inner quiet.  Think about what makes you feel truly happy & do those things.  All the knowledge in the world & all the social life in the world will not bring your mind peace.  Try to figure out what will because without peace of mind you have quite literally nothing at all. Do not give up on friendships, just see how you feel after your social encounters. 

I do understand how you feel & you are brave to try to explain this, but the solution is inside you & I hope you find it so that you can have peace of mind.

December 17, 2014
10:24 am
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mom of 5
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December 17, 2014
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Good advice Oneday!

January 31, 2015
12:09 am
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Jim95
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Thanks for sharing.

April 23, 2015
1:24 am
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WalterMccoy0590
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Hi azerius! Smile

Thanks for sharing. Cheer up. Laugh

Have a nice day!

December 16, 2015
4:48 am
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drjoeebg
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December 16, 2015
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I found this site where people talk about social issues and I am amazed at what they do for others. https://www.mykomms.com/

August 16, 2016
2:41 am
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EllaJones
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Overthinking is mostly result of free time so try to do something productive.

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